Always Me

by Walker, Jo-Anna

  “I’m not. I just…”

  “You think I want him still, and you’re worried that I’ll leave you for him.”

  He lifted his head and kissed me softly on the lips, but he didn’t respond. He didn’t have to. I could see the concern and fear in his dark eyes. Eyes that had captivated me from the very beginning.

  “Even when you were gone. I couldn’t get you out of my system. I could feel you out there. Somewhere.” Tears welled in my eyes.

  He gripped my arm and kissed my forehead. “Do you know how hard it was for me to stay away?”

  I closed my eyes. “I…I can’t imagine.”

  He sighed. “It was adorable how you tried to play hard to get though,” he said a moment later.

  “Yeah, well, you make it hard for a girl to have any kind of self-control,” I told him, gripping his shirt in my hands.

  “Brett should learn to keep his hands to himself,” Sebastian placed his hands on my shoulders, digging his fingers into my flesh. He pinned me to the wall and kissed the spot under my ear.

  A shiver ran down my spine at the soft kiss. “Sebastian, it’s not his fault. If he would have known…if either of us would have known, we wouldn’t have been together. I would have been with you.”

  “Did he touch you like I touch you?” he asked, breathing hard against my neck.

  “Are you listening to anything I’m saying?” I asked. I lifted my chin as he trailed kisses along my jaw.

  “Oh, I’m listening, Tori. Did he make you wet with just a kiss? Did you think of me while he had his hands on you?” he asked, biting my chin.

  I bit back a whimper and squirmed against his hold. “Would that make you feel better? Does it make you hard to know that I thought of you every time Brett touched me? That every single fucking dream I had was about you? You were dead and you still controlled me.”

  He lifted his head, his dark eyes filling with lust. “You invaded my thoughts and dreams. Every time I touched myself, I thought of you, Tori.”

  My breath left me in a whoosh. Images of him touching himself rained full force in my head, making my knees quake. “I…I kept hold of our time together. Remembering the touches, kisses…”

  “Did you like it when Brett touched you?” he asked through gritted teeth.

  I pulled him against me. “You weren’t around to have any say in the matter, so who cares if I liked it or not?”

  Sebastian tensed against me. “I told you, I didn’t have a fucking choice.”

  “You always have a choice, Sebastian. Isn’t that what you told me years ago?” I threw back at him. I tried shoving out of his grip, but he held on tighter.

  “Who’s picking the fight now?” He placed a kiss on my chin.

  “Stop.” I pushed him again. “You’re distracting me. I’m trying to be mad at you.”

  He chuckled and grabbed my jaw, crashing his mouth to mine, his tongue roughly shoved in between my lips.

  I pushed him one last time and released myself from his grip, but I couldn’t help the small smile tugging at my lips. “Stop. I’m still trying to be mad at you.”

  He grabbed hold of my wrists and held them behind my back, pushing me with his pelvis against the wall. The feel of his erection pressing into me sent shivers through my body. “You’re mad at me?” he asked, licking my bottom lip.

  “Yes. You’re being an asshole,” I whispered. Even though he pissed me off, I couldn’t stay mad at him for long. I wasn’t sure what that had said about me but trying to be mad at the guy was exhausting.

  He ground his hips against me and pushed a knee in between my legs. “I’m only an asshole when it comes to protecting you, little one.”

  I looked up at him and frowned. “Don’t leave me then, and we won’t have this issue.”

  He gripped my shoulders and sucked on my lip. “Tori...”

  I moaned, ignoring the way my stomach cringed when he didn’t say he would stay. Right now, I just wanted him to make me feel good. I was still rattled from the earlier events of Jose showing up at my house.

  “I don’t think I could handle it if you did,” I said quietly.

  He paused, running his thumb up and down the side of my neck. “You’re stronger than you think, baby.”

  I took a deep breath. “I...I don’t agree.”

  “You are. You’re the strongest fucking person I know.” He licked his way into my mouth and groaned. He lifted me and carried me up the stairs, heading to my bedroom.

  Just as he was about to put me on my bed, I released his mouth and gasped, clinging to his neck.

  “No…I need…shower…please,” I said in between breaths, fresh tears filling my eyes. There was no way I wanted the filth of Jose on my bed. Not where I slept. Not where Sebastian and I had made love.

  “Okay. Shhh…” Sebastian’s big body was tense as he took me into the bathroom. “I need you to stand for me.”

  I shook my head. “No. Don’t let me go. Please,” I begged.

  The water turned on and a moment later, hot water spread over my skin, soaking my clothes. The scorching liquid helped ease some of the filth I felt.

  Sebastian lifted my head from his shoulder. He was still in his jeans and T-shirt, but they clung to him as the water rained over us. As soon as our eyes met, his gaze darkened, his jaw clenching.

  My heart beat hard. I licked my lips and winced, remembering my lip was split. I had a pounding headache, but nothing felt broken, unless I included my nerves.

  Sebastian lifted his hand and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

  Fresh tears welled in my eyes. “You…you didn’t know…”

  “This is my fucking fault. If I…” He stopped, guilt flashing in his dark eyes.

  I frowned. “What?”

  “I should have killed him when I had the chance,” he snarled. Cold shivers ran down my spine at his words.

  Hugging my arms around his neck, I wrapped myself around him. “Just hold me. Please. I need…I need the feel of him off of me.”

  A deep growl came from the back of Sebastian’s throat. “I should have been there. I should have stopped it.”

  Lifting my head, I looked into his eyes. “Listen to me when I tell you, it’s not your fault.”

  His gaze searched my face, flinching every time they landed on my bruises and split lip. He sighed but didn’t respond, guilt still coating his features.

  I rose to my feet and stripped. I turned off the shower head and ran the water, filling the tub.

  I felt Sebastian rise behind me and step out of the tub and a moment later, rejoining me. “Sit,” he said firmly.

  Sitting in between his legs, I cradled my head in my hands.

  You will be mine, cochina.

  I cried out and grabbed the soap and facecloth, rubbing them together. I needed him off of me. Out of my head. Off of my skin.

  “Baby,” Sebastian wrapped his arms around me.

  Ignoring him, I scrubbed my arms, my chest; everywhere Jose had touched me, leaving my skin raw and red.

  “Hey, stop,” Sebastian tried grabbing my wrists but I pulled away from him.

  My skin tingled from my frantic washing, my vision blurring. “Get him off of me. I need…I… “

  “Tori. Stop,” Sebastian demanded. He grabbed my wrists, making me drop the washcloth and soap. Holding me tightly, he held me against him as sobs took over my body.

  Chapter 19

  After my breakdown in the bathroom, I threw on sweatpants and Sebastian’s sweatshirt. I lifted it to my nose and inhaled, the scent of soap and man invading my nostrils. Needing to erase the putrid smell of alcohol and stale cigarettes from my memory, I held it to my nose a while longer.

  I watched Sebastian get dressed, noticing that he had a black bag that he kept his clothes in. Not seeing it before made me wonder if Garrith had brought it over for him.

  Sebastian caught me staring at him and walked over to me. He placed a soft kiss on my lips and hugged me tight agai
nst him. “I like seeing my clothes on you.”

  I smiled.

  He pulled away, cupping my cheek. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m all right.” I placed a hand on his and kissed his palm. “Are you?”

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re tense. I can feel the anger coming off of you.”

  His black eyes darkened. “Another man had his hands on you. A man that I used to work with. I was friends with him. He raised me. He touched you. Of course I’m fucking angry.”

  “He raised—”

  Hugging me to him, he wrapped his arms around me. “Tori, I…” His voice trailed off. “We’ll talk about that later. Right now, you need sleep.”

  “Sebastian?” I started shivering. My blood turned cold at the feel of Jose’s hands on me.

  Sebastian wrapped his arms around me and lifted me, carrying me to the bed. He pulled the covers over us both and held me tight against him. “I love you, little one,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re safe now.”

  ***

  The next morning, I left Sebastian in bed and took a bath. My sleep was somewhat peaceful, but if I had been alone, nightmares definitely would have wracked my mind. I leaned back in the tub and closed my eyes, my body finally relaxing.

  The tiny hairs on my skin stood on end, and I opened my eyes to see Sebastian standing in the door way.

  A look of concern flashed in his eyes and I smiled.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded and sat up. “Join me?”

  He pulled off his pants and slid into the tub behind me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

  His big body was tense, and I ran a hand over his knee, squeezing it reassuringly.

  “Are you sure that you’re okay?” Sebastian dunked the cloth back in the water and ran it up my arm to the back of my neck.

  “I’m getting there.” I leaned forward and arched like a cat as the warm water dripped down my back.

  Moving softly over my skin, the cloth flowed like waves over my body. It moved over my shoulder blades to my other arm and down, back up and to my chest. My skin tingled at the light touches.

  I rested my head against Sebastian’s shoulder as he ran the cloth over my breast, lightly grazing my nipple.

  Small sparks shot to my groin as he paid extra attention to the nipple that Jose had bit. I didn’t tell Sebastian what Jose had done, but I didn’t need to. He saw the marks on my body and my face.

  Forcing those memories to the back of my mind, I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of Sebastian’s hands on me.

  The cloth ran down my stomach and up my thigh, lightly brushing over my mound in passing. My body woke, needing him, wanting him to erase my nightmares. “Sebastian.”

  He kissed my shoulder, letting go of the cloth, and placed his hand on my inner thigh. His breath hitched as he ran a finger over my scar.

  I looked up at him and saw inner turmoil swim across his features. I cupped his cheek and ran a thumb over his bottom lip. “It’s not as bad as it was,” I reassured him.

  His eyes flicked to mine. I bit back a gasp as rage and fury danced in his eyes.

  Without responding, he grabbed the back of my neck and crashed his lips to mine. He licked his way between my lips. Sebastian sucked and pulled at my tongue, a deep groan rumbling from his chest.

  I straddled his lap, lowering myself onto his cock. “Sebastian,” I breathed against his lips.

  He grunted, placing his other hand on my hip, digging his fingers in my flesh. He released my mouth, trailing kisses down my jaw.

  I rode him hard and fast, water splashing out the sides of the tub.

  He covered my mouth with his, our tongues fighting. Our actions were desperate, fast and needy, and even though it was quick, I felt better, stronger. He pounded into me with an urgency I felt deep in my bones.

  “Oh God,” I cried out, wrapping my arms around his thick neck.

  “Faster,” he husked.

  I did as he demanded. My muscles burned, feet cramping up at being stuck between him and the tub. The pain flew through me like electricity. Knowing we couldn’t get enough of each other sent shivers down my back.

  “Sebastian.” I shuddered as an orgasm brewed from my core.

  “That’s it, baby.” He lifted and dropped me, repeating those movements, sending ripples of ecstasy through my soul. “God, you feel good.”

  Biting my bottom lip, I leaned my head back, arching as I continued to ride him. “Sebastian. Please.”

  “Come for me.” He reached down between us and flicked my clit.

  I gasped as the burning need erupted through me, but it hovered. It was’ like the events from earlier were stopping me from having an orgasm. I tensed around him, unable to relax.

  “Forget it. Forget what happened,” Sebastian commanded, pushing his thumb against the hardening nub.

  “I can’t,” I cried out in frustration.

  Sebastian slowed his movements and grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into his deep eyes. “Yes, you can. Think about me. That’s it. Nothing else.”

  Tears welled in my eyes. “I was so scared.”

  “I know, baby. I’m here. Let me love you. Let me erase those memories,” he said soothingly.

  I nodded, moving my hips back and forth. “Please make me forget.”

  Rubbing my clit with his thumb, he squeezed my ass, helping me ride his hard cock. “Let go for me.”

  As I leaned against his chest, my breathing came out in short gasps

  “Come for me. Now.” He pinched my clit between his thumb and finger, making the orgasm explode from my core.

  Biting his shoulder to muffle my cries of pleasure, I clenched around him as he thrust into me.

  “Fuck.” He shook and quaked under me, having his own release.

  Our chests rose and fell, both of us sated. “Thank you,” I said a moment later and rested my head against his chest, running a finger over the barbell in his nipple.

  Sebastian ran his hands down my back and held me tightly against him. “You never have to thank me, baby.”

  ***

  After our bath, we crawled back into bed, both mentally drained from the events from the day before.

  I chewed my inner cheek. A question had been bouncing around in my head for the past couple of days, and not really knowing when to ask, I decided to just come out and say it. “What did you do for the two years you were gone?” I asked Sebastian quietly. I watched as he trailed a finger lightly over my hip.

  “I moved around a lot and watched...” His finger stopped and then continued running circles over my naked skin.

  “Watched what?” I asked.

  His gaze flicked up to mine. “You.”

  My heart stuttered. “You watched me? When?”

  “Often.” Was all he said.

  “Sebastian, are you telling me that all of this time you’ve been watching me?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  He didn’t reply.

  I huffed and rose from the bed. I stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I took deep breaths.

  He didn’t come after me that time, letting me stew over what he had said.

  I opened the door and glared at him. “When did you first watch me?”

  Sebastian placed his hands under his head and sighed.

  I tried not to stare as the white sheet hung low on his hips. Averting my eyes from the hard contours of his body, I took a deep, cleansing breath.

  “I started watching you to protect you. To make sure you were safe from Jose.” He turned his head to me. “When Malvado showed up, I knew that asshole had slipped out from under me.”

  “So have you been watching me all of this time? For two years, you’ve actually been near me?” The thought that he had been close by set my nerves at ease.

  He didn’t answer.

  “Is that why you showed up? Because Jose let Malvado loose into my yard?” I asked.

  “Yes. I wan
ted to show up during the day, but that didn’t work out so well.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  He sighed and shifted nervously. “Maybe it was dumb, but I kept thinking over romantic scenarios in my head.”

  My heart swelled at the thoughtful gesture. “That’s not dumb.”

  “I was going to show up at your door with flowers, but then I saw a car in your driveway and I...” He looked away and sat up, leaning against the headboard of my bed.

  “And you what?”

  His gaze met mine as I neared the bed. “I chickened out like a pussy. I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

  My stomached tightened, remembering how terrified I was that he was Jose or some random intruder that would hurt Antonio and me.

  I crawled onto the bed and knelt, sitting on my haunches. “So coming here when I was by myself was a better idea?”

  Sebastian ran a hand down his face. “Yeah well, I didn’t think it all through.”

  I smiled lightly. “I think if you showed up here when everyone else was here, it would have been overwhelming, so thank you.”

  “Showing up here late at night probably wasn’t any better for you, and I’m so fucking sorry for that.” He leaned forward and grabbed my hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.

  “It wouldn’t make sense for you to come back into my life any other way.” I let him pull me beside him, wrapping my arm over his chest.

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  I rested my head against his chest and traced a finger around the barbell in his nipple. “You remember pulling me into the alley after we first met.”

  “Yeah.” His voice sounded gruff. “Of course I remember that. I was an ass—”

  “Well, I’m just saying that it makes sense for you to come to me this time practically the same way.”

  “I fucking scared you both times, and it makes sense to you?” he bit out.

  I lifted my head and placed a hand on his cheek. “Sebastian, do I look like I’m complaining? Since the first time you kissed me, I was yours. Probably even before that.”