He grabbed my wrist and kissed it gently. “I’m so sorry.”
I frowned. “You’re sorry for what? Kissing me?”
“No. For everything. God, the shit you went through because of me. With Jose. My secrets. I gave you a son and wasn’t even there for you during pregnancy. Delivery. Any of it.”
What was going on? We were fine a moment ago, and then it was like a switch had been shut off and Sebastian had made his decision about staying with me or not. He wouldn’t even talk to me about it. He had already made up his mind. “Sebastian, where is this coming from?”
He pushed me off of him and swung his legs to the edge of the bed. “After this shit with Jose, I’m going to give you some time alone.”
My eyes widened. “What? No. You can’t leave me again. Why are you doing this?” I grabbed onto his shoulder.
“Baby, I…I practically stayed up all night thinking…thinking how I could make this better for you.”
“Being here with me, that’s making it better. I need you. Antonio needs you. If this has anything to do with Brett, I’m so sorry. I don’t want him.” I wrapped my arm around Sebastian’s shoulders and clung to him.
“You’re only saying this because I’m here,” he mumbled.
I gasped. “What the hell are you talking about?”
He took a deep breath, like he was bracing himself for my reaction. “If I never showed up, you’d be with Brett and have a normal life.”
I opened and closed my mouth, no words forming on my tongue. My blood boiled through me at what he was saying. “Do you regret coming back into my life?” I whispered.
His head whipped to mine. “God, no. Tori, you’re the fucking best thing that’s ever happened to me. The only good thing. The shit I’ve done because of Jose and stupid decisions I’ve made on my own…God…you don’t want me.” He pointed at himself. “You don’t want this.”
A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed past it. “Sebastian, why are you saying these things?”
“Because I’m not good for you.”
Chapter 20
“Sebastian, that’s not true. Please don’t think that,” I begged. I could no longer control the tears as they leaked down my face. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if he left me again. I needed him. I always needed him.
“Baby, if I never would have forced myself on you…”
“What?” I held up my hands, stopping him. “Whoa, okay, hold on there. You never forced yourself on me. Did someone accuse you?” I couldn’t believe he was thinking that.
Sebastian stiffened. “Brett said some things that got me thinking. Maybe he was right.”
“What the hell did he say?” Fury rose in my belly.
“It doesn’t matter.” He made a move to get up, but I held onto him, placing my leg on his lap.
“Yes, it does. Brett may be my friend, but if he’s being an ass, I’d like to know so I can punch him in the balls.” He was a jealous asshole, and because he couldn’t have me, he’d make it so Sebastian couldn’t have me either? I didn’t fucking think so.
Sebastian’s gaze met mine. “You’d do it too wouldn’t you?”
I nodded. “Yes. Of course. Don’t let Brett’s jealousy ruin what we have. We’ve been through so much, Sebastian…” My voice cracked as fresh tears welled in my eyes. “He has no right saying those things to you.”
He placed a hand on my cheek and leaned in, brushing his lips along mine. “I love you, little one.”
“But…” I whispered.
He pulled back, frowning. “But you deserve better. As much as I don’t like Brett, I can see that he loves you. It’s obvious.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I don’t fucking want him. I want you and only you. I love you, Sebastian.”
His breath hitched.
A weight lifted off of me as I told him how I felt. “I’ve loved you all of this time. Even when I thought you were dead, a part of me had hoped that you weren’t and that you would come back to me. I prayed every day, and each time I looked into our son’s eyes, that you would come back. I need you.” A sob escaped my lips and my vision blurred.
“I brought Jose into your life. If it wasn’t for me—”
I pushed him. “Stop fucking blaming yourself. Jose is a sadistic fuck. His obsession with me has nothing to do with you.”
Sebastian’s features hardened. “It has everything to do with me. If I would have listened to him and done the jobs he wanted, he would have left you alone.”
My eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Are you saying he only came after me to get back at you?”
He sighed, his jaw clenching. “At first, yes. When Jose showed up at Brett’s club, when you met him originally…”
I nodded, motioning for him to go on. I didn’t like where this was going.
“I was trying to get out of the business. I was his enforcer. When people owed him money, I made sure they paid,” Sebastian’s gaze darkened as guilt flashed in his eyes. “And I would do anything to make that happen.”
I swallowed in understanding. “Okay, but that was then…”
“Doesn’t matter. The shit I did…why would you want to be with me?” His back was rigid, and my heart pounded in my chest at the thought of losing him again.
“Because I love you. Not for the shit you did, but for you. You. Your past is your past and mine is mine. We all have our secrets and things we’ve done that we regret, but you said so yourself, you’re out of the business, so that’s kind of like redemption,” I said encouragingly. Running a hand over his tense shoulders, I ignored the fear that had settled into my belly. A part of me was waiting for him to jump up and leave. He was tightly wound, and I was terrified that he would leave me again and never come back.
“I am out of the business now. That’s one thing that Jose is pissed off over, and that’s why I had…disappeared. I was trying to draw him away from you. Make him so mad that he would come after me, but it didn’t work.” His shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand over his shaved head. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Sebastian thought he had forced himself on me all because Brett was feeding him lies and Jose was pissed off over Sebastian not doing jobs for him. When would our relationship be normal?
“So how did you get out? How did you disappear like that?”
“Garrith helped me. The FBI can do shit. Erase people’s lives and stuff. I can’t tell you all of the details, but I can tell you that I’m done with being Jose’s pet.”
“That’s good. So why…”
Sebastian rose from the bed. “I’m going to go…”
I jumped from the bed and wrapped my arms around his waist. “No, you’re not leaving.”
He attempted to pry my arms from him, but I held on tighter. “Little one, stop.”
Ignoring the way my naked body felt pressed up against his and my nipples forming into hard peaks, I held onto him with shaking arms. “No, you only just came back a week ago. I’m not letting you leave me again.”
“I’m just going downstairs,” he said, his voice full of emotion.
I looked up at him. “No, stay with me. Antonio won’t be up for a while. Please.”
He ran a hand over his head, turmoil quickly flashing through his eyes before he grabbed my chin. He crushed his mouth to mine and licked his way between my lips as if he was desperate for me.
I moaned against his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him tightly against me.
His cock hardened in between our pressed bodies.
“Make love to me.” And that’s what it would be. Love, not sex. Something had changed between us over the last five minutes. Guilt radiated off of Sebastian. I was frantic to make him feel better. To ease his pain. I wanted to dive into his body, please him in every way possible. Make love to him until we were both spent and do it all over again for the rest of our lives. I loved him, and there was no one else for me. I would make him see that.
Maybe he did force himself into my l
ife, but I was just as willing to accept him. But the one thing that he did not do was force himself on me. I was just as guilty. I gave him my phone number and address first. Brett could go to hell.
I sighed against Sebastian’s lips. I was drawn to him from the first dark brooding stare he had given me. From the first touch, the first kiss, the first caress. I needed him like I needed air to breathe. Like I needed food to live. He was my heart, my soul, my other half, and I was damned if I was going to let him leave me again. I loved him too much.
I would show him what he meant to me. If words couldn’t describe what I felt for him, I would show him through my body. My actions. I would make love to him, devour his body until our muscles ached, twitching from overuse. It would be hot, intense and everything wonderful that I had grown to love about him.
Sebastian picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing me with a hunger that I’d never felt from him before. He needed me in a way he couldn’t use words to explain.
“God, I want you so bad right now,” he groaned against my lips.
I squeezed my thighs against his hips and rubbed my core over his hard cock. “Let me love you.”
Sebastian moved us to the bed and sat on the edge.
I lowered myself onto him and cried out at the fullness of him. I released his mouth and rained kisses down his jaw, nipping and licking as I went. I dug my fingers into his strong back, holding him as I rode him.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, kneading my ass.
“Shh...” I kissed his neck.
“Baby...oh God, faster,” he demanded.
I lifted myself up and down, stroking him with my core. The dominating Sebastian I had grown to love let me be in control at that very moment. His walls had cracked, letting me in, making love to him how I had wanted to. Every so often his body tensed as if he was trying his hardest not to take over. I had loved the power of his domination, the control he had over my body, but at that point, he needed this from me.
“I...I need...” He shook against me, his fingers digging into the flesh of my ass, bruising me as I rode him through his orgasm. “Oh fuck.”
“Let go for me, baby,” I told him, using his words. Not having a release of my own was satisfying in the way that it was all for him. It made me feel alive knowing that I could do that.
I continued riding him slowly, shivers of pleasure running through me, knowing that I was giving him what he needed.
He squeezed my hips, stopping my movements, and wrapped his arms around me.
I didn’t know how long we stayed in each other’s arms, but my arm’s wouldn’t let go. I was terrified this was good-bye.
***
“So you’re telling me that he’s back? The father of your baby? Who’s been supposedly dead for two years...”
I sighed. “Yes, mom.” Leaning against the counter, I took a sip of my coffee as I watched my mother pace in my small kitchen. I was going to wait to tell her about Sebastian being alive until after this shit with Jose was over, but with her showing up unexpectedly, I had no choice but to tell her.
She stopped pacing and placed her hands on her hips. “Where is he now?”
“Upstairs with Antonio.” After we had sex, Sebastian seemed off. Vulnerable even. After the things he confessed to me and letting me make love to him, I had hoped he wasn’t upset that I wouldn’t let him be in control. I knew he needed it from me. To surrender, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had pushed him too far.
“Do you trust him?” my mother asked, searching my face.
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. I trusted him with my life and our son’s life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Can I meet him?” she asked with that motherly air.
At that point, Sebastian came down the stairs holding Antonio. His face was tight, his body rigid as he came towards us.
My mother turned to him. “You must be Sebastian.”
He nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Please. Call me Susan.” She walked up to him and kissed Antonio on the head. “Do you love my daughter and grandson?”
My cheeks heated at the interrogation.
Sebastian’s gaze flicked to mine and then back to my mother’s. “Yes.”
“You plan on leaving her again?” my mother asked, placing her hands on her hips.
“Mom!” I couldn’t believe her.
Sebastian hesitated, making my stomach drop. He was going to leave again. After Jose was dealt with. Oh God.
Everything I had said to Sebastian didn’t help. He was still going to leave when all was said and done. Anger and nausea rolled through my stomach. Malvado took that moment to scratch the patio door. Thankful for the distraction, I left Sebastian and my mother.
“You’re going to keep him, I assume?” my mother asked as I let him in. He darted to the couch and plopped on it with Rooster joining him.
“Yeah. He’s much safer here,” I told her, sitting beside them on the couch. Running a hand over Malvado’s strong back, tears welled in my eyes. My heart felt heavy and ached with loss even though Sebastian was still there. He was leaving me again, and there was nothing I could do.
Light whispers came from the kitchen, but at that moment, I didn’t care what my mother and Sebastian were chatting about.
Rooster purred as he snuggled into Malvado’s side, and I smiled the sight. Two animals that were the complete opposite of each other instantly becoming friends, trusting the other.
“Baby girl.”
I turned to the sound of my mother’s voice as she came up beside me. “Do you mind if I take Antonio for a couple of days? It would give me some time with my grandson and you some time alone.” With Sebastian went unsaid.
Would it help? Probably not. “Not at all.” I rose from the couch and headed up the stairs with my mother on my heels.
“He loves you, you know,” she told me when we entered Antonio’s room.
“I know, and I love him, but that doesn’t seem to matter,” I mumbled as I packed up an overnight bag for Antonio.
“Patience, Tori,” she said.
I was sick of being patient. Sebastian was lucky that I wasn’t like most women. If I was like Keisha, I would have left him long ago and never looked back. God, what was wrong with me? Was I that desperate?
I sighed and handed her the bag. My mother knew about Jose. Knew about the kidnapping and that he was still out there, but that was it. I had spared her the details, feeling the less she knew, the better.
“The best thing out of this whole mess is our son,” I said, running a hand down Antonio’s cheek.
“I agree. I just want you happy, baby.” My mother kissed my forehead, making tears well in my eyes. “I’m glad we’re getting along better.”
I smiled. “Me too.” I swallowed past the hard lump in my throat and kissed Antonio’s cheek again. “You be good for Grandma.”
He giggled and cooed and snuggled into the crook of my mom’s neck.
“If you need anything, you call me, all right? I know things have been rocky with us over the years, but I love you, Tori.” My mom’s eyes glossed over as she pulled me in for a hug.
I smiled and squeezed her hard. My son was in good hands. This would give Sebastian and I the time to fix this crap between us. “I love you too, Mom.”
***
As Jose sat in his car a block away from Tori’s house, he watched the older woman walk down the sidewalk with his boy. Or a boy that could have been his. Every time he saw him, roiling tore through his gut that he wasn’t the one that got Tori pregnant.
Seeing the older woman leave his cochina’s place raised a hope in him that maybe she was finally in fact alone. No more Sebastian. The thought of him being gone for good made him hard.
When he saw Sebastian about a year ago and realized that he wasn’t dead, he had jumped him. Ah yes, now that was a fight to remember. Jose rubbed his chin, his fingers scraping along his jaw. He smiled at the memory of pounding his fi
st into Sebastian’s, reveling in hearing the bones break. Unfortunately Sebastian fought back. A broken nose, dislocated jaw and a knife to the side later, Jose learned the hard way that the only person he could trust was himself.
Tori’s image popped into his mind, making his dick twitch his pants. To feel his cochina’s body under him again as he fucked her hot cunt had him pressing a little too heavily on the gas. The car jerked forward, narrowly missing a squirrel. He should have hit it.
Since seeing Tori for the very first time a couple of years ago, thanks to his dear friend Sebastian, he’d wanted her. And because Sebastian wanted her, Jose needed her that much more. He was possessed by her. If he couldn’t have her, no one else could. His dick hardened to the point of breaking.
After the last time he saw her and touched her, he found some lowly slut at a bar and fucked her good. He made sure she had black hair and curves to die for so he could fuck her from behind while imagining Tori.
He remembered the whore’s screams as he drove his cock into her tight ass. Jose shivered and then readjusted his pants. Now was not the time to be thinking of that.
The old woman put Antonio in the car and drove away.
Jose pulled out of his spot at the curb and drove slowly down the road, following the car that had his son. He would claim the boy as his own whether Tori liked it or not. That boy would be his, including her.
He looked at the door to Tori’s house and saw Sebastian standing in the doorway looking at him. The windows to Jose’s car were tinted but knowing he was still there and didn’t actually leave made his blood boil.
He watched Sebastian close the door but didn’t get a chance to see Tori. Jose’s puta. When he had first met her, he just wanted her for a good fuck, but now he had to have her forever. He needed her.
“You will be mine, cochina,” he said to no one but himself.
He drove by the feds, laughing that they didn’t know who he was. Jose never kept a car long enough for it to be traced back to him. Since they found his precious vehicle with his pictures, he found another car quickly.
He followed close behind the older woman as she drove down the road to the next set of lights. Tori had lived in an area where houses were few and far between. It should have made catching her easier, but it took him almost two years to find her.
Always Me Page 13