Focus

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “I’m not used to the temperature yet.”

  “What, a few months down south ruined you?”

  “I’m not ruined.”

  He looked at me. “No, you’re not.”

  I glanced out the window and watched the wintery landscape. It must have recently snowed, because a fresh layer of white coated the grass and trees. “Why are you really here?”

  “I already told you. I needed to see you.”

  “Why? There’s nothing left to talk about.”

  “Of course there is. We need to talk about us.” He picked up my left hand in his.

  “There is no us—”

  “There’s an us.” He squeezed my hand, and I tried to pull it away.

  “Nice ring. You’ve never been a ring person.” His grip on my hand tightened.

  I wasn’t going to lie. Honesty was probably my only way to get through to Toby. “It’s from Levi.”

  He stiffened. “I’m going to hope you’re wearing it on your left hand because it doesn’t fit on your right.”

  “Toby…”

  “No. Don’t say another word. This is unbelievable.” I could almost feel the anger rolling off him. “What are you doing, Allie? You barely know the guy. If you wanted an engagement ring, I would have given you one. Hell, I’d still give you one.” He glanced over at me.

  I looked out the window.

  “No response? No explanation?”

  “What do you want me to say?” I finally tugged my hand free. It felt cold.

  He shook his head. “This is such a big mistake.”

  “It’s none of your business.”

  He slammed his hands on the wheel. “Like hell it’s none of my business! What happened to us, Allie? We were so happy, and you ended it out of nowhere. Then you leave town and decide to shack up with some random guy. Now you think you’re marrying him?”

  “Excuse me? First of all, I am not ‘shacking up’ with anyone. I live in a dorm. Secondly, I don’t have to justify my decision to break up with you. We weren’t right, and if you’d just think about it, you’d agree.”

  “I’m never going to agree.”

  “There are plenty of other girls out there. I’m sure you’ve found some at Princeton.” I crossed my arms.

  “Are you asking whether I hooked up with anyone this semester?”

  “No. I really don’t care. You can sleep with anyone you want.”

  “Like you mean that. I know you care.”

  “I don’t.”

  “I’ll tell you anyway. I’ve slept with girls—plenty of them.”

  “Lovely. Thanks for sharing.” I turned away.

  He put a hand on my leg, and I looked back at him. “But none of them were you. I only want you.”

  I pushed Toby’s hand off my leg. “You’ll find someone, and when you do, you’ll realize I made the right decision. You’ll know what it really feels like to be in love.” My thoughts went to Levi. I missed him already.

  “Why are you rushing into marriage? It isn’t like you.”

  “I’m not discussing this with you.”

  “You’re not happy. I can see it on your face.”

  “I am happy!” I couldn’t explain what was really upsetting me.

  “No, you’re not. And if you’d just give me the chance, I can remind you what it’s like to feel happy. And, contrary to what you said, I do know what it’s really like to be in love.”

  “I can’t handle this.”

  “Hiding from me isn’t going to help. When are you supposed to get married anyway?”

  “This summer.” At least that’s what Levi’s dad thought.

  He shifted, pulling his jacket off. “What does your mom think?”

  Out of habit, I helped him pull his arm free. He always got hot driving and needed to take his coat off. “She doesn’t know.”

  “You plan on getting married in a few months and your mom doesn’t know? You tell your mom everything. That should tell you something.”

  “We’re almost there. Have you said everything you needed to say?” I tried to sound nonchalant, but our conversation shook me up. Being near Toby brought up too many feelings, too many questions. I didn’t need any more doubts.

  “I haven’t come close.”

  I sighed. “What else is there?”

  “I think you should transfer to Princeton. You still have your spot.”

  “I’m not transferring.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I like Tulane, and I’m not starting over again.”

  “It won’t be starting completely over. I’m there. I’ll introduce you to my friends.”

  “And all the girls you slept with?” I couldn’t resist. I didn’t appreciate him forcing images of him with other girls on me. I may have been over him, but I didn’t want to think of him that way.

  “I actually made you jealous, didn’t I?”

  “No. Just grossed out. I don’t need to know about your man whore ways.” I already spent enough time with Jared.

  “What if I told you I lied, and I didn’t actually sleep with anyone else?”

  “I wouldn’t care.”

  “Well, I lied.”

  “Why?”

  “I wanted to make you jealous.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “You are so weird.”

  “Not weird, desperate.” He took my hand again. “Please, Allie. Give me another chance? If you’d only seen what a mess I’ve been.”

  “Toby, you have to move on.”

  “I can’t. You didn’t give me any closure.”

  “Closure? I told you it was over. What other closure do you want?” I didn’t like rubbing salt in his wounds, but he needed to wake up and accept it.

  “One more night. Just one more night. I need a chance to say goodbye for real.”

  I choked. “Are you insane?”

  “No. I think it might help both of us.”

  “And how would that help me?”

  “You’d know for sure you were making the right decision.”

  I freed my hand again. “You really are insane.”

  “No, just hear me out. If you let me make love to you one more time, and you really don’t feel anything, then you’ll know you made the right choice. But if you do feel something…then I’d be saving you from making a big mistake.” Toby stepped on the brakes as we hit stop-dead traffic.

  “Ugh.”

  “So what do you say? It doesn’t have to be tonight…any night you want.”

  “I have to be on a reality TV show or something. Someone’s pranking me, right?”

  He laughed. “No. I told you I’m desperate. I had to try.”

  “I’ve made up my mind, Toby.”

  “Break ups aren’t fair. Why does only one person have power? We both agreed to start dating. Why do you get to make the decision to end it? Shouldn’t it be a joint decision too?”

  “Relationships aren’t a democracy. Not everyone gets an equal vote.”

  “I take it you’re rejecting my offer.”

  “Even if we pretended for a second that I wanted to sleep with you, which I don’t, I have a boyfriend.”

  “A boyfriend you didn’t bring home with you. A boyfriend your mom doesn’t know you plan to marry. Tell me, why didn’t you bring him home? Why bring the roommate?”

  I hated that he asked. I didn’t want him to ask. “It’s none of your business.”

  He groaned. “That can’t be your answer to everything.”

  “It is.” We were still in stopped traffic. I noticed Andrew’s car two ahead of ours. Without really thinking, I undid my seatbelt. “I gave you your half hour.” I opened the door.

  “Allie. Are you nuts?”

  I didn’t answer. I knocked on Hailey’s window and Andrew unlocked the door. He turned and smiled at me as I slipped in. “Decided to join us?”

  “Well, after Toby asked me to have sex, I wasn’t interested in sitting in traffic with him.”

  Hailey laughe
d. “Seriously?”

  “Completely.”

  “You really do attract the cocky bastards, don’t you?”

  “Unfortunately.” A knock on my window startled me. Toby peered in with a scowl on his face.

  I couldn’t believe he’d just leave his car sitting there.

  He motioned for me to open my window.

  I shook my head.

  Thankfully, the traffic started to move, and Toby ran back to his car.

  “Unbelievable.”

  “It’s kind of like old times.” Andrew looked at me in the rearview mirror. “You guys used to have some pretty crazy fights.”

  “See, just another reason it’s good we broke up.”

  “You and Levi fight a lot too.” Hailey turned to look at me. “Maybe it’s just your thing.”

  “Maybe.” I grumbled.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Mom ran out of the house before I’d even unbuckled. I opened my door, impressed by the exterior of the condo. It was a step up from where we usually stayed. We’d spent quite a few weeks skiing in Vermont when I was growing up, but it had been several years since I’d been back.

  “Allie!” The tears spilling down Mom’s face reminded me that this had been the longest we’d ever been apart.

  “Hi, Mom.” I let her pull me out, holding on to her like she might disappear if I let go.

  After hugging Mom for a full minute, I finally remembered I wasn’t alone. “Mom, this is Hailey.”

  Hailey smiled, holding out her hand.

  Mom ignored her hand and hugged her instead. “Hi, Hailey. It’s wonderful to meet such a good friend of Allie’s. I’m glad you could join us.”

  “Thanks for having me.” Hailey smiled. “Wow, you two look so alike.” She looked between Mom and me.

  “They definitely do.” That’s when I noticed the man behind Mom. “Hi, Allie. It’s great to see you.”

  I wasn’t sure if I’d ever met Andrew’s dad before. “Hi, Steven.” I needed to use his name and stop thinking of him as Andrew’s dad. I held out a hand to shake his, but he hugged me instead. It felt awkward but I went with it.

  “Hi, Diane. It’s lovely to see you again.” Toby hugged my very surprised mother.

  “Toby? What are you doing here?” She was asking him but looking at me.

  I shrugged and rolled my eyes.

  “I thought I’d surprise Allie.”

  “Oh. I bet she was surprised.” Mom gave me a sidelong glance.

  Toby seemed to have just noticed Steven. “Hi, I’m not sure if we’ve actually been introduced before. I’m Toby Henderson.”

  “Hi, Toby. It’s nice to see you.” He turned to his son. “Andrew, you didn’t mention that you and Toby were in touch again.”

  Andrew sighed. He was probably getting tired of the accusations. “We’re not. He was at the airport when I got there.”

  Steven looked toward Toby, waiting for an explanation.

  “I missed Allie so much. I already knew we’d made a mistake when we broke up, and I hoped I could talk some sense into her.”

  I put a hand on my hip and stared him down “Are you done trying to talk sense into me?”

  “No. Not by a long shot.”

  “I’m going to get my stuff out of your car. Then you can go.”

  “Allie!” Mom snapped at me. Of course, she’d call me out on being rude. I wonder what she’d think if she knew what he’d suggested in the car.

  Mom turned to Toby. “Where are you staying?”

  “I haven’t found a place yet. I think everything’s booked. The only thing on my mind when I left was seeing Allie.” He reached over and grabbed my hand. I shrugged him off.

  “You drove up here today? What time did you leave?” Steven asked.

  “About three-thirty this morning.”

  “Oh boy. You’re welcome to stay with us, Toby. We have plenty of room.” Steven looked at Toby sympathetically. “Now that’s what I call dedication.” He turned his attention back to me. “Maybe you should give him a chance.”

  Was Mom’s boyfriend, who didn’t know me from a hole in the wall, trying to give me dating advice?

  “That’s really generous of you. I’d love to stay.” He smiled at me. “I’ll go get our stuff, babe.”

  Did he really think he could call me that again? I tried not to grimace. He went over to his car and returned a minute later with both of our bags.

  Andrew already had Hailey’s bag. He wasn’t going to let her beat him to the punch again. I had a feeling watching the two of them would be entertaining.

  Steven led the way into the house and Mom held back and put an arm around me. “How are you holding up?” she asked quietly.

  “I’m surviving.”

  Steven walked into the main room. A couple of comfortable looking couches and chairs surrounded a large fireplace that wasn’t currently lit. A kitchen was off to one side and there were two small hallways. Mom removed her arm and waited with Steven in the kitchen. The rest of us followed Andrew down the second hallway. He stopped in front of one of the two doorways.

  “I guess you’re staying with me, Toby.” He gestured into a room with a set of bunk beds.

  “We’re next door?” Hailey asked.

  “Yup. Diane figured you guys would rather share a queen than have bunk beds.”

  “She was right.” I walked into our room and tossed my purse and coat on the dresser.

  Hailey did the same. “This is nice.”

  ***

  “Tell me everything.” Mom put an arm around my shoulder as we curled up with blankets on a couch in front of the fire. Hailey decided to take a nap while the guys went to the store to pick up some food for dinner. I was relieved when Toby accepted Steven’s offer to go. I needed time with Mom.

  “About…” I knew exactly what she meant, but I wasn’t ready to face it yet.

  “Let’s start with the ring.” She picked up my hand, taking a closer look at the ruby ring.

  “Yeah, the ring.”

  “It’s from Levi, isn’t it?”

  I wasn’t going to lie. I’d never been good at lying to my mother. “Yes.”

  “When were you going to tell me?”

  “It’s not what you think…” I leaned back against the couch.

  “Then explain it.”

  If only I could. “It’s complicated.”

  “Complicated, huh? Okay, let’s start simple. Are you and Levi engaged?” She put a hand on my arm.

  I dared to glance at her. “Kind of.”

  “Come on, Allie, be straight with me. How can you be ‘kind of’ engaged?”

  I wanted to spill it all out. “It means we are, but I’m not sure if I want it.”

  Those words must have had some magical quality, because her tough exterior melted and she pulled me into her arms. “Oh, honey.”

  I let her hold me, loving the comforting feel of her and the familiar scent of her perfume.

  “This is because of your father and me, isn’t it?”

  I looked up at her. “What?”

  “We didn’t give you a positive view of marriage, and I spent your entire childhood telling you how big a mistake it is to get married young. But if you love Levi—”

  “This isn’t about you and Dad.” I wasn’t letting her blame herself for any of this.

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes.” At least I could answer that honestly.

  She smiled. “Well, that’s a start. You’re young. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. I just don’t want you making a decision based on what happened to me.”

  “I’m not.” I looked her right in the eye.

  “If you weren’t sure, why’d you take the ring?” She asked it quietly, like she was afraid of upsetting me.

  “I didn’t have a choice.” I whispered it, not sure whether I wanted her to hear.

  She pursed her lips, and I knew she was choosing her words carefully. “Because you were afraid you’d lose Levi
otherwise?”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “I had no idea he was so serious about your relationship.” She rubbed my back the way she always did when I was upset. “Does he make you happy?”

  I shrugged. “Most of the time.”

  She laughed. “Fair enough.”

  “I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re an adult. I knew you had strong feelings for him when you decided to stay in New Orleans. You tried to tell me it wasn’t about him, but obviously I was right.”

  I nodded.

  “Did you invite him to come here with you?”

  “No. He wanted to, but I needed space to think, you know?”

  “I know. I’ll try not to push you too much, sweetie, but I just want you to do the best thing for yourself. When I visited you this summer, I tried to encourage you to take chances, but don’t confuse that with turning your back on who you are.”

  “I won’t.” I didn’t know if I could keep my word, but I’d try.

  “We’re home,” Steven called from the front hallway.

  “Coming.” Mom patted my leg before getting up. “You’ll be okay no matter what you decide.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Where’s Hailey?” Andrew asked, coming to sit down next to me on the couch.

  “Sleeping.”

  He looked over his shoulder, probably making sure she wasn’t suddenly coming out of our room. “Is she single?”

  I laughed. “Yes, but don’t get your hopes up.”

  “Why not?”

  I decided to be nice. “Because we’re only here for a week.”

  He visibly relaxed. “It’s a whole week.”

  “If you say so.”

  His expression grew serious. “Are you really engaged?”

  I nodded. “Toby told you?”

  “Yeah. My dad asked why he didn’t just give you more space.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  Andrew didn’t respond right away. Then he cleared his throat. “Why are you engaged? Don’t you think you’re too young? This just doesn’t seem like you.”

  I turned toward him. “Since when do you know anything about me?”

  “We’ve gone to school together forever.”

  “Until this year.”

  “And you’ve changed that much in a few months?”

  “Does this conversation have a purpose?” I didn’t want to start a fight, but I didn’t know how much more I could take.