Until September

by Brenda Jernigan

  “Not at all.” She kissed his chin. “Thank you for showing me what love could be like.”

  This was the damnest conversation he’d ever had. Hell, he normally didn’t talk at all. He just got up and left So why did he find the need to explain himself? The only answer he came up with was that he didn’t want to hurt Claire. After making love to her, he felt like he had a part of her and in a way he did ... she had given him something special. Something no one else could ever have given him.

  He kissed her gently and then he deepened the kiss briefly, until he realized that he wanted her just as badly now as he had before. Nope, that was wrong—he wanted her more now than he had before.

  Pulling away, Billy wondered what to say as she looked at him with such dreamy eyes. “We should be going,” he finally said.

  “Before we do,” Claire said. “Let’s not question what has happened between us. Life is so short. I could have stopped you, and I didn’t. I don’t want you to feel guilty.”

  “What’s done is done,” Billy said and moved away from her. He pulled up his trousers. Why was this woman agreeing with him so damn irritating? “What if I wanted to marry you? Does that mean I have no say so?”

  She started to get up. “Turn your back, please.”

  “For heaven’s sake, why?”

  “Because I ask you to,” Claire said.

  Grudgingly, Billy did as she requested. He could hear her slipping on her clothing.

  Then she spoke. “You just told me more than five minutes ago that you were not the marrying kind.”

  “That’s right,” Billy admitted, then found that he wasn’t happy to be right as he turned back around.

  She threw her hands out to the side and ask, “So what do you want, Billy West?”

  Billy raked a hand through his hair and then looked at her. Damned if he knew what he wanted, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. “Get your horse.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  And so their morning started.

  What had been the most wonderful, exhilarating experience of Claire’s life faded to dull gray as the sun began to rise. Had she made a mistake? Only time would tell.

  She watched Billy’s rigid back as he broke camp, and she wondered if last night had been only a dream. The only thing she knew was that taking the chance of making love to Billy West hadn’t provided the answers she’d wanted. After making love to Billy, she’d thought that she wouldn’t think about him in that way anymore... he would be out of her system.

  However, after experiencing the wonderful pleasure of love and seeing a tender side of Billy she hadn’t known existed, she wanted so much more.

  Claire didn’t bother to say another word to him. After a series of one-syllable answers, she’d finally understood. He didn’t want to talk to her this morning, even if she did want to talk to him.

  She dressed and saddled her brown horse. She paused to rub Spot’s muzzle and whisper in her ear, “Your master is very ornery, but then I guess you already know that”

  Finally they were under way. Claire followed behind Billy, wondering if he knew where they were going. Far be it from her to ask.

  She studied the land, noticing how brown and dry the countryside seemed. The green grass or pretty trees were found only in patches. It made her miss her green pastures back home.

  About midday she could see a river up ahead, and the land began to change from mottled brown to a rich, verdant green. She decided to break Billy’s stony silence because she was tired of staring at his stiff back. She kneed her horse into a trot and rode up beside Billy. “What’s that?” she asked, pointing to the river.

  “It’s the Missouri,” Billy said. “We should be in Independence shortly.”

  “Good,” Claire said. “At least you know where you’re going now.”

  He frowned. “I knew where I was going all along. I just didn’t know where I was for a while.”

  Claire smiled at that. Sure sounded like lost to her. “I need to finish my article and mail it to my editor,” she said, though she doubted he cared one way or another.

  Billy grunted his reply.

  So much for conversation, Claire thought She couldn’t figure out why he was acting so grumpy. She couldn’t seem to make him happy no matter what she did. Hadn’t she agreed with him that she didn’t want marriage? Maybe he had been disappointed with her last night, and he didn’t know how to tell her. However he hadn’t seemed disappointed at the time, but then she hadn’t had any experience in that area, so she had nothing to compare it with. Billy had her totally confused. She had tried to puzzle it out so much that her head hurt and she was no closer to knowing than she’d been when she started. She needed to get her mind on something else, and planning out her article seemed as good a way to distract herself as anything.

  Shifting in the saddle, she tried to find a comfortable position. That was getting hard to do because she was so sore, and that brought her mind right back to what had happened last night How did she feel about last night?

  She considered the question for a moment, and just the thought of the passion they’d shared made her body grow warm. All right, she’d admit that it had been wonderful. There was no other way to describe making love to Billy. She liked the way he held her, and when he’d kissed her—well, she liked everything. She knew she should have regrets, but she didn’t

  And the worst part was, she wanted more. It was rather like tasting candy... One piece just wasn’t enough. She almost laughed at herself.

  She was hopeless.

  Smiling, she watched the object of her affection who was once again riding in front of her, his back straight, the sun bringing out the red in the ends of his brown hair which hung beneath his Stetson. Claire sighed. He was so hard to figure out and even more difficult to get close to. However, she was glad that she had chosen Billy. Ann would be proud of her for taking a chance and getting to know him.

  Billy didn’t pretend to be anything other than what he was... a cowboy. And who would have thought that type of man would have appealed to her. Definitely not her mother, who would have chosen a businessman, someone like David, and now Claire knew Exactly what kind of man David really was.

  During the noon hours, they rode along the wide Missouri River. Billy might have gotten them to the river, but they still had a long way to go before they reached civilization. “Why does the river look so brown?” Claire asked.

  “The Missouri is too thick to swim in and not quite thick enough to walk on,” Billy said with a hint of a smile. “By daylight, the broad current is repulsive looking, like flowing brick-colored mud.”

  Claire nodded. “I think I have to agree with your description. It does look disgusting.”

  Some time past noon, the town of Independence appeared in the distance, and Claire breathed a sigh of relief. She was very tired. She had ridden horses all her life, but never hour upon hour and, she also realized, her last year of staying indoors had cost her a great deal of strength. But she would never complain. She didn’t want Billy to think of her as some helpless female.

  They rode slowly into town, and the first thing Claire noticed was that this town was bigger than some of the others she’d seen. There were no large brick buildings as there were in New York, only wooden, sun-washed buildings constructed on both sides of the street with wooden walkways in front of most of the buildings. The streets were dirt, with hitching posts in front of each building for the animals.

  It was a bustling little town full of buckboards and covered wagons. Independence was the starting point for many wagon trains heading West, so there were twice as many wagons as there were people, or so it seemed.

  Little puffs of dirt scattered from their horse’s hooves as they trotted down what Claire assumed was Main Street. There were no well-dressed men and women, only people dressed in crude work clothes. Everything seemed to be clothed in varying shades of brown.

  As they passed the last building, which was trimmed in fading red paint, Claire
glanced up to see two women dressed in what appeared to be their underclothing. She gasped and looked quickly away.

  Billy hadn’t been paying attention to the surroundings. He was intent on their destination. He was about to turn down a side street when he heard Claire gasp. He swung around in his saddle and looked at her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Those women back there were in their unmentionables,” Claire said, looking appalled.

  “Don’t mind them. They’re just the local whores,” Billy said, then pulled his mount to a stop in front of a large black gate. He didn’t say anything more as he slid from his horse and stood in front of the gate.

  Claire wondered why they had stopped here. The gate was in the middle of a long brown wall that seemed to be encasing something. She looked through the black bars and saw a water fountain with a very large live oak in the center of the yard. There were buildings around the yard, the doors of the rooms left half open and Apparently unoccupied. The yard was scattered with rubbish and leaves. It appeared that no one had lived there for a long time. There was also a bigger building that resembled a church. But there was no cross, so she wasn’t sure.

  “This isn’t the hotel, is it?” Claire finally asked. She hadn’t expected fine hotels like back home, but she was hoping for something decent. “This place looks deserted.”

  “It is,” Billy said in an odd-sounding voice. He sighed and then remounted his horse. He looked at Claire. “This is the parsonage where I used to live with the other children.”

  “I see,” Claire said quietly. She could see that revisiting the place had upset Billy. “It appears that it once was very lovely. Was that big building a church?”

  “Yeah, that was where Father Brown preached. He was a nice man, and he was good to me,” Billy said. Then he looked earnestly at Claire. “You know, I didn’t think that seeing this place would have any effect on me. I always swore up and down that I hated it here, but now...”

  “But what?” Claire prompted. It was evident that Billy needed to talk.

  “But now I realize that this really was a home. It looks so much smaller than I remember, though,” he said absently. “It was a place where I was safe and had a bed to sleep in. And I had some good times here,” he said in a very low voice.

  Billy sounded so sad that Claire reached over and touched his arm. “Sometimes we don’t appreciate things when we have them. It’s only after we lose them that we realize how much they meant to us. And it probably looks smaller because you were younger at the time so everything looked big to you then. I imagine you have a lot of memories of this place both good and bad. That’s something that no one can take away from you. Memories last a lifetime.”

  “Guess you’re right,” Billy agreed as his eyes met hers.

  Claire gave him a reassuring smile and then he surprised her by leaning over and kissing her. The kiss was so soft that it felt like butterfly wings barely touching her lips. Then he straightened and she glimpsed a heart-rending tenderness in his gaze before he masked his feelings again.

  For just a moment, he’d shared a part of himself with her, something Claire sensed he never did with others. She wanted to sigh at the tender moment, but she could see that die moment was over and Billy’s no-nonsense personality was back in its place, leaving her to wonder if he’d always regret kissing her.

  He reined his horse around and started down the alley without saying another word. Claire wanted to scream. How could he be so tender one minute and a stranger the next? The very next time he wanted to kiss her, she was going to tell him no. “Where are we going now?” she asked.

  “I thought maybe you’d like to sleep in a hotel tonight and have a hot bath.”

  She nudged her horse forward and trotted up beside him. “I cannot deny that I’m looking forward to a warm bath to ease my aching body. However, I did enjoy last night and sleeping under the stars. It was very special.”

  Billy turned to her and to her surprise said, “I did, too.”

  Well, at least it was something, she mused. But she still wasn’t going to let him kiss her again, no matter what.

  Billy left Claire at the hotel while he went to the stage office to see what had happened to Fredrick, Ute, and Willie.

  Claire had said that she needed to finish her article for Harper’s, so she could get it in the mail by this afternoon, and then she was going to take a hot bath.

  Billy figured he’d buy them some new duds and clean up before dinner. For now, he needed to check in at Holladay’s Stage office, so Ben would know they were alive.

  He walked into the small building which was half the size of the office in Denver. Billy had never made this run, so he didn’t know the people who worked here.

  A tall, thin man with spectacles perched on the tip end of his nose looked over his glasses as Billy approached the counter. “May I help you, sir?”

  “I’m Billy West. I work for the stage line.”

  “Ah, Mr. West.” The man nodded. “Nice to meet you. I’m Too Tall Sam,” he said. Then he stood and moved to the counter to extend his hand to Billy. “You can call me Sam.”

  “I can see where you got your name,” Billy said. The man had to bend over to look through the window at Billy.

  After they shook hands, Sam returned to his desk and sat down. “Mr. Holladay will be relieved that you have arrived. I assume you have his niece?”

  “Yes, I have her,” Billy replied.

  “Good.” Sam nodded then leaned back in his chair. “We have received a telegram every day from Mr. Holladay wanting to know if you had shown up.”

  “I’m going to send him a telegram as soon as I leave here,” Billy said, leaning on the counter and looking over for something to write on. “Do you know if Fredrick and his party made it safely to Denver?”

  “Yep. Him and that funny talking woman arrived in Denver day before yesterday.”

  “And the child?”

  “Yep. I remember a little one. He had an odd looking dog with him. The dog didn’t move much.”

  Billy smiled. "That would be Floppy.”

  “Name suits ’im. Everything on that dog flops.”

  Billy snatched a sheet of paper and started writing out his telegram. “I guess we need to book passage on the next stage,” Billy said when he finished.

  Sam started laughing. “Mr. Holladay is sending in a special coach for his niece. He dispatched it yesterday, so I guess he reckoned you’d find her. Said he wanted something special for her.”

  Billy raised his brow. “And did Ben happen to say anything about me?”

  Too Tall Sam gave Billy a sly smile. “Said if you didn’t bring his niece home safely, he’d personally nail your hide to the nearest tree.”

  Billy chuckled. “Well, as long as he wasn’t angry.” He turned to leave. “Where was the stage coming from?”

  “Not sure, but it wasn’t Denver, ’cause the telegram said to expect it tomorrow.”

  “I guess we’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Billy said. “Do you know who the driver will be?”

  “Didn’t get that kind of information. But as you know, all the drivers are good.”

  “Ben wouldn’t have it any other way,” Billy said as he shut the door behind him.

  He stopped by the telegraph office and then made his way back to the hotel. A hot bath was going to feel mighty good to him. After he bathed, they could mail Claire’s letter and have a nice dinner.

  When he walked past the Emporium, he remembered that Claire could use a fresh dress since all her clothing had been sent ahead. He turned into Mr. Gardner’s Dry Goods store. He could remember coming in here when he was little and begging for a stick of candy.

  The bell over the door jingled as it always had, and Mrs. Gardner looked up from where she was working behind the counter. She didn’t recognize Billy as she greeted him, and he wasn’t about to bring up the past. He’d be in here the rest of the day answering questions. Instead he simply described Claire to Mrs. Gardner, and she h
elped him pick out a new frock and hat. He let her pick out the underthings. Since he was in a buying mood, Billy splurged and bought himself a red shirt, and then he wondered why. He wasn’t much on clothes.

  Back at The Brown Hotel, Billy knocked on Claire’s door. His room was next to hers ... a safe distance to protect her reputation.

  “Who is it?” came the feminine voice from the other side.

  “Billy.”

  She opened the door wrapped in nothing but a sheet. Her hair had been pinned up and little wisps of damp hair hung down on her bare shoulders. Her dewy skin looked creamy and inviting, so much so he couldn’t remember why he’d come to her room.

  When he didn’t move, Claire said, “Come in so I can shut the door. I’m not decent.”

  No shit! It was like inviting the lion into the den.

  He moved like a puppet as she pulled on his hand, his eyes burning holes in her. “Sweetheart, that is an understatement”

  “I’ve just gotten out of the bath water, and I couldn’t bring myself to put on that dingy dress just yet”

  Billy finally snapped out of his stupor. “I hope that you wouldn’t answer the door like that for just anybody.”

  She gave him a disgusted look. “Of course I wouldn’t. If you remember, I asked who was there first”

  “Thank God for small miracles.”

  “Quit looking at me like I’ve committed a crime. I grew up around three brothers so I’m not very modest Besides, after last night...”

  She blushed. He liked it when she smiled and blushed.

  “Would you like to take advantage of the hip tub they have set up in the small alcove? The water is still very warm, and I have an extra bucket of hot water beside it” Claire pointed.

  “That does sound inviting, but maybe I should just go to the bathhouse,” Billy said as he shifted the brown paper bundle in his arms.

  Claire took a step closer. “Billy West Are you afraid of me?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said with a grin.

  Claire laughed. “That’s what I thought. What’s in that package under your arm?”