by M. N. Forgy
“Why do you always do that!” I growl.
Bending down to pick him up, I run my nails between his pointy gray ears. It’s as if the memory came to remind me of the misery Zane dealt me.
“Did you miss me, Jersey?” I whisper to my bunny. He closes his eyes, enjoying my scratch. He’s so cute. It feels good to know he needs my company.
Putting him back down, I walk out of the room and head into the kitchen. It’s small. Checkered floors, a few counters, and out of date appliances. My country decorating seems to bring it all together though. I love the looks of distressed wood, and my barn wood kitchen table is probably my favorite thing in the house. I got it from some old barn in Texas. Watching Bobby trying to move it in here for me by himself was funny.
Opening the cupboards, I pull out the ingredients to make my favorite food.
French toast.
“Alexa, play me a song,” I say out loud.
She instantly plays “Wait” from Maroon 5. My mom got Alexa for me for last Christmas, and I swear it’s like having a roommate. Wow, that sounds sad. I really need to get out.
Bobbing my head, I dance around the kitchen grabbing a bowl, eggs, milk and doing my thing. Doing anything to push tonight’s events out of my head.
Turning the stove on to warm up the pan, I spin around to grab the Pam and see a dark shadow move across the kitchen.
Screaming, I drop the bowl of ingredients onto the floor and jump backward. Egg yolks and milk splattering with broken glass all over the floor.
Zane sits at my kitchen table like a dark phantom. His black hair tousled like he drove his bike here. His dark hoodie and leather cut completing the package of the Devil himself.
“How did you get in here?” I ask out of breath.
“Key,” he clips. I forgot Bobby told him where the spare was when he got my papers the other day.
Trying to compose myself, I tuck my hair behind my ear, and try and pull my shirt down a little more.
“W-what are you doing here, Zane?”
He rubs his chin and looks down at my bunny sniffing his boot.
“What happened to your face?” he asks. I cross my arms.
“I ran into a door,” I reply sarcastically, gaining me a death glare in return. “Baby and her crew cornered me. I took care of it,” I huff.
He sighs, rubbing his chin with his hand. He seems angry, but I can’t tell if it’s at me or Baby.
“I was thinking, you’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“Let what go?”
“Us, being more than friends.” He looks up, green emerald eyes making me gasp. Changing the subject from my face to something more.
Wow, we’re really doing this. We are finally talking about whatever is going on between us.
“Well, are we?” I cross my arms. “I don’t like mind games, Zane. Why did you do that to me those years ago? Are you with Baby, if so why do you keep looking at me the way you do—”
He stands up abruptly, the chair falling on its back. Closing the gap between us in seconds, he’s in front of my face, the smell of him turning me on. Sucking in a tight breath, I stare back. Even with the age gap between us, he stands taller than me; intimidating as ever.
“Addie, I’ve wanted to be more than friends with you for a very long time. The difference is… I don’t deserve you. You can do better.”
Glaring up at him, my nostrils flare.
“Right, but only if you can have Baby too, right? Ha, I will find someone else and we can just pretend we don’t know each other, Zane.”
In one swift move, his hands are gripping my thighs and throwing me on the counter. Spices and the gallon milk fall to the floor.
“Don’t play with me, Addie!” he grits out, his fierce eyes narrowed in on me.
“Or what Zane? What are you going to do to me?” I taunt, rewarding me with his fingers digging into my thighs. His shoulders rise and fall as he breathes heavily. The silence between us deafening.
“Exactly,” I finally whisper. I knew he wouldn’t do anything to me.
His eyes fall to my lips, and I mine instinctively fall to his in return.
“What if I kiss you?”
My eyes widen. Zane and I have never kissed, but I’ve always wondered how he kissed. Would it be rough, gentle, wet?
“You won’t,” I push.
His eyes flick from my mouth to my eyes.
“I’m afraid if I do…” He stops, and I roll my eyes. See, I knew he wouldn’t do anything.
My head suddenly slams into the cabinet behind me as soft plush lips press against my own. Everything in the room blurs, and my arms wrap around his head, my nails scratching through his soft hair. Years of sexual desire set off explosions like the Fourth of July.
He kisses me passionately. Hard, but there is a possessive tenderness behind it that has me longing for more.
He nips at my bottom lip, demanding entry and swipes his tongue against mine. My toes curl, my panties dampening, and I can’t help but moan. Fuck he can kiss!
His hands slide up my thighs, goosebumps pebbling across my skin from the warm touch.
Yes, this is what I want. I need.
Fingers tickle in between my thighs as he pushes my flannel shirt to the side, and his mouth descends down my neck to my collarbone. His lips so light, reminding me of the sheer curtain that floats in the window, caressing the breeze coming in from the summer. I gasp for air, my heart beating a hundred miles a minute.
Humming, licking my lips and enjoying being Zane’s, I close my eyes.
And see him and Baby.
As if I was just dunked in ice water, I slam my hand against his chest, I shove him back.
Hands against my tender mouth, I glare at him practically panting.
Nearly taking up my whole kitchen he stands there with deranged eyes. His shoulders broad, and arms hanging out to his side as he glares at me.
“No. I won’t be that girl.” I shake my head. My body is screaming at me in hatred, but my heart is practically thanking me for standing up for myself.
“You picked Baby, remember. You are with Baby!” My voice rises, angry that he is with her and trying to bed me.
“No. I didn’t pick her.” He closes his eyes as if my words physically hurt him. “I didn’t want you to throw away your life for me, Addie. I didn’t deserve you then, and I don’t deserve you now.”
My eyes fill with unshed tears. He broke my heart thinking he was doing me a favor? Trying to protect me? I suddenly have no words. I hate him for it but am also surprised at the unselfish act he was able to go through with. But if that is true, that he was just using Baby then why is Baby still around?
“Prove it!” I jump down off the counter and square off with him.
Silence falls between us, and the air thickens. My toes chill from the cold milk spilled on the floor, the smell of him still lingers on my skin.
I want him, but only if that means I can have all of him.
“You’re right. You don’t deserve me, Zane. You can’t give me what I need.” Tears fall down my sore cheek.
“What do you need?” he rasps.
“All of you.” My heart bleeds for him to understand that we either do this, or we don’t.
His shoulders rise with a large inhale, and he rubs his chin.
Sitting there waiting for him to confirm he’ll try, or he won’t he doesn’t tell me either. He turns on his heel and disappears into the living room as quietly as he came in. The sound of my front door slamming behind him.
“Right.” I nod, knowing Zane is not the kind of guy that can be with just one girl. I am no one special just because we have history.
Running my hands through my hair, anger sweeps up my limbs and suffocates me.
Why did I come back?
* * *
Zane
* * *
Smoke slips through my lips and off into the night as I stare at the clubhouse that has become my home. The killing from earlier not doi
ng shit for my nerves anymore. I’m stressed, angry, and fucking horny. I can still smell Addie on my breath, feel her creamy skin against my palms.
She raised her voice, stood up for herself and it both pissed me off and turned me on. I want her, God fucking knows it, but it scares me to be with someone so bright and full of life. What if I snuff out that light I love so much?
Taking another drag, I loll my head back and bellow a cloud of smoke into the still air. She seems clingy as fuck though, but I kind of like that when it comes to her. It means she will only be mine, always by my side and ready to ride.
Things between us is going to either go horribly wrong, or horribly well. Her father and mother would detest me if they knew the vile things I want to do to that voluptuous body of hers.
Either way, Baby has to go. She laid her hands on Addie, and that is a red fucking line in my book.
Tossing my joint into the night, I stomp across the lot and shove the doors to the club open. Piper and Delilah sit at the bar piss drunk and laughing about who the fuck knows. I don’t pay them any mind and head down the hall. Passing door after door, I know Baby is in my room even though I’ve told her not to make herself at home when I’m not here.
Opening my bedroom door, Baby is asleep on my bed as I expected. Her cheek red from the altercation from earlier reminding me why I’m here in the first place.
My jaw clenches as I stare at her.
The moonlight spills through the window cascading down her small creamy thighs, and my nostrils flare. I can’t even feel a lick of lust for her knowing she hurt Addie. I shove her leg, and she flings over slapping me away, her eyes at half-mast from sleeping.
“I’m sleeping, fuck off,” she groans.
“Get your shit and get out.” My tone not a hint friendly. She stills, her forehead wrinkled, and eyes squinted as she looks up at me.
“What? No!” She pulls at the blankets trying to cover herself back up.
“No? I wasn’t asking, Baby!” I pull the blanket off her and she kicks me in the stomach, pushing me a few feet back. “What the fuck, Baby?” I hold my stomach where she jabbed me with red painted toes. She’s always had a temper. I’ve lost count of how many times she punched or thrown something at me in the midst of one of her tantrums.
“Have you lost your mind? I’m not going anywhere!” she yells hysterically, her eyes filled with tears. Closing the space between us, she throws a fist at me, and I catch it seconds before it collides with my face. I didn’t want it to end like this, but she’s leaving me no choice but to be an asshole.
My hand still on her wrist, I grab her by the hair and pull her up out of my bed. She screams, clawing at my hand to let go, I know as soon as I do, she’ll be punching me like a punching bag. Wearing one of my shirts, her breasts spill from the V-neck, her legs wildly kicking everywhere showing her black silk panties.
“Stop fighting me!” I grit, trying to miss her swinging feet.
Stomping out of my room, I drag her into the hall by her wrist.
She scratches my arm and I let go, allowing her to fall to the floor in a heap of legs and arms.
“What the fuck is your problem!” she cries, backing up to the wall like an innocent animal. She’s not innocent, don’t let her damsel in distress antics fool you. She’s vile, and I’ve looked past her mean girl tactics for far too long. It’s not attractive, nor wanted in this club. We are family, and she knows nothing about that.
Crouching down, I get in her face making sure she’s paying attention.
“I told you when we met, Baby. One, we are not a thing. Two, never hurt my family,” I remind her.
“I didn’t,” she lies.
Tilting my head to the side, I glare at her like the liar she is. My hair sweeping into my eyes as I stare her down.
“And Addie?” I whisper, and her eyes flare with acknowledgment. Yeah, she ganged up on Addie and that was the last straw of this… whatever this is.
“I never stood a chance against her, did I?” Her eyes well up, her chin trembling.
I stand, exhaling.
“We were just having fun, I told you that time and time again. You’re the one that kept trying to fix me, kept lying to yourself that we were more.” Anger vibrates my voice when I think about how she would try and drag me out with her friends, buy me clothes, and tell me to smile more often.
“You have her fucking nickname tattooed on your back, Zane!” she screams, and my back flares as if I just got the ink dabbed into my skin yesterday. Nobody has ever said anything to me about the tattoo, as only Baby knows who the name belongs to.
“Yeah, I do,” I mutter.
Standing up, I grab her wrist and pull her down the hall, she scrambles to her feet and follows. Her fingers trying to pry mine off, and cussing me the whole way.
“Zane, what are you doing?” Delilah’s voice cracks with concern.
“Zane?” Piper looks at me confused from the bar as I drag a half-naked Baby out of the club.
Shoving Baby out of the doors of the club, she nearly falls on her ass. I don’t feel sorry for her. She’s a bully, I’ve seen her chase girls out of this club and now it’s her turn.
“Don’t come back,” I warn her, my finger pointing right at her.
“Where am I supposed to go?” She throws her hands outwards, tears streaming down her face.
“Not my problem.” I shrug.
* * *
Grabbing the door, I shut and lock it. Turning around to find Piper looking at me with wide eyes.
“Have you lost your mind?” Piper barks.
“Have you seen Addie’s face?” I raise a brow.
Piper and Delilah freeze, giving each other a side-eye.
“Baby and her crew attacked her tonight. I’m done with that bitch.” I give them enough details, they should be grateful they get any. I don’t need to explain myself.
Pushing past them I head into the kitchen, the silver appliances reflecting the lights above. My dad sits there, eating chocolate ice cream with a spoon acting completely oblivious to anything that just happened.
“What did I tell you?” he huffs, his eyes boring into the chocolate as if he looking away might cause it to melt. I don’t respond because he’s told me a lot of shit over the years. I can’t keep up.
Slowly his head turns, and blue eyes make me still.
“To appear normal, and having Baby as your girlfriend was normal Zane.”
I scoff. “I didn’t love her.” Love, what a fickle word. Besides, what does having an angry bitch by your side do for normalcy?
“What’s love got to do with anything? It’s the appearance, son!”
Tongue on the roof of my mouth I lift my chin at my him.
“Is that what Mom, Delilah, and I are, a cover-up?”
He stands, his face angry. I hit a nerve but what does he expect. All this talk about appearing normal, acting like you have feelings even if you don’t can only zero back to him. The man himself.
“No. I got lucky and found someone who understood me, Zane.”
“Right.” I nod, my eyes never leaving his. “Well, I’m not going to pretend to play house with someone who doesn’t respect me. I’ll try my luck finding me a bitch that’s down with my lifestyle,” I growl in reply. God can only save Baby from me slitting her annoying throat for so long. It’s best she’s gone. Leaning forward, I grab the tub of chocolate ice cream off the table ready to head to my room for the night.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, Zane,” Dad warns, and a little voice in my head tries to tell me to listen but I just can’t. If I pretend to be something I’m not any longer I’m going to snap.
“Dangerous is something I play very well,” I mutter, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth before stepping out of the kitchen. The cool chocolate nearly makes me sigh and brings back memories of when Dad and I would sit in front of the TV and eat a whole tub when I was a kid.
Piper and Delilah aren’t at the bar anymore, they’re o
utside both screaming at a hysterical Baby. Piper shoves Baby, and Delilah jumps in the middle of it trying to break up a cat fight in the midst.
* * *
Hopefully Baby just leaves. Fuck, we weren’t even a thing and I kept trying to tell everyone that. Knowing Piper and Delilah, they probably led her on, telling her stupid shit like they’d never seen me do this or that before she was in my life.
If they did, it was a façade. I never changed.
Angry with the day’s events I head down the hall to my room and slam the door shut. Setting the ice cream on the nightstand, I peer over my shoulder at the mirror behind me. The reflection of my large tattoo claiming most of my back glaring back at me. Flames rip up my back and suddenly feel real, as if my back actually caught fire. Names of those I care most about tattooed within the fire.
The name Sunny right in the middle.
Or Addie as everyone else calls her. Only I call her Sunny.
Sometimes I wonder where I would be if there never was a drive-by.
If I would be normal.
4
Addie
Two Days Later
Sitting on the patio of the Lancaster Diner, I people watch waiting for Piper and Delilah to show up. They’ve been blowing up my phone to have lunch and catch up since I got back from Texas. I guess I put it off because I felt like they were connected to Zane. It’s not their fault Zane and I have some unspoken bond that even we can’t figure out.
* * *
No, don’t think of Zane. It’s a girl’s day, think girl’s day. The huge umbrellas in the center of the tables cast off the shade, but not the heat. The smell of food and the ocean blending into a scent you can only get here on the coast. Birds chirp just beyond the railing squawking for some thrown bread and I realize just how much I missed my hometown. I’m glad I was able to take an hour lunch break today. Hopefully Miss Louve doesn’t screw up lunch duty too badly. Thinking of school my mind shifts to Mr. Thad. The whole situation is really starting to bother me. I feel screwed if I do something, or if I don’t.