Answers—real ones—sounded like a pipe dream at this point, but Mom was right. Before Adam, I wouldn’t have been the girl to wait for someone to fix her life. I wasn’t a damsel in distress. I used to be the girl who strapped on armor, stole a horse, and stormed the damn castle herself.
Maybe it was time to remember what that me looked like.
…
I strode through the door like I belonged. Hell, I looked like I belonged—thank goodness for college formals or I wouldn’t have had a dress that fit. And my name was probably on the guest list if anyone was checking. No nameplate for dinner, though.
That was all right. I wouldn’t be staying long enough to eat.
Everyone was already here and the party was in full swing, the hall bedecked in a sea of pale pink, sunshine yellow, and seafoam green that made my head hurt. Balloons and streamers that seemed way too cheap and froufrou for Lacey were everywhere. The decor didn’t matter. I wasn’t here to critique her wedding. Of course, now I was faced with a sea of bodies—too many of whom knew me on sight.
“Jenna!” Clarissa yelled. “Oh my God, I didn’t think you were coming!”
Dodge.
Rob saw me next. “Are you okay? I heard…”
Dodge.
“Does Lacey know you’re here?” Mary tried to pull me into a hug, but I twisted away, worried Adam would find me if I stayed in one spot too long.
Dodge. Dodge. Dodge, dodge, dodge.
I wasn’t here for any of our old classmates. The only person in this crowd that mattered was the asshole standing by the bar at the far end of the hall, nursing a beer.
The idea of confronting him worked a lot better in my head. Largely because my mind hadn’t put him in a suit that looked like it had been tailor-made for him. Ass or not, the man cleaned up in a way that left me remembering the last time we’d cleaned up together.
Which was so wrong I didn’t want to think about it. With a force of will I didn’t know I had, I managed to push past the memory. Somehow, I made it across the hall without losing my nerve.
I slapped the bar. “I’ll have what the coward by pillar number two is having.”
The bartender frowned but passed me a bottle. It slid into my grip as Sutton turned my way, his mouth hanging open. I waited for the inevitable What are you doing here? It never came.
At least not from Sutton.
“Jenna?”
Shit. How did she manage to find me before I got to talk to her brother?
After running the gauntlet of old friends, it was like that moment in the movies where the crowd stands up and says, “You’re going to have to get through me first.” I hoped there weren’t too many me toos coming. And I prayed Adam was off hitting the sauce on the other end of the hall. “Lacey.”
If nothing else, I had to give her props. She made a gorgeous bride—leave it to Lacey to copy Hollywood and have a second outfit for the reception. Pale-pink flowers decorated her deep-brown waves, making her look like a freaking fairy princess in an equally pink dress—though it kind of poofed awkwardly around her waist. Again, not the attention to detail I expected from her. Whatever. Not my party.
“I didn’t expect to see you here.” Her head cocked to the side and her eyes darted toward Sutton. All he did was shake his head. Lovely. The one time I wanted him to ride to my rescue and he’s too busy drinking a beer.
“Don’t worry. I’m not here to ruin your happy day. I just need to talk to your brother for a minute, and he’s been avoiding me.”
Her brows pulled together, and she shot him a glance again. “He’s been what? I told him—”
“Not your problem. I actually ran him off; I just hadn’t expected him to stay gone.” I didn’t want to know if she had a part in screwing things up. That would have been the icing on my single-again cake. “Just…go be happy with Adam or something.”
Lacey grabbed my arm. “He’s not here, Jenna. It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
I jerked away from her. “What?”
“I was never happy with Adam. I screwed up once, and even that night I hadn’t been happy.” She covered her mouth as soon as she said it. Probably a good thing since she’d completely forgotten her lessons in volume control, and the old women sitting at the closest tables turned to gawk.
Lacey tried to grab me again then thought better of it, pressing the hand to her stomach instead. She also lowered her voice. “Once, Jenna. When he visited after his interview. Brian had dumped me a few days earlier, and I’d screwed up the most promising job opportunity I had. Adam took me to the bar to get my mind off it. I got really drunk, and when I woke up, we were naked.” She twisted her head away, but I’d seen the tears shining in her eyes. “It was a mistake and it was never going to come up again. Except…”
My eyes shot to her belly. And the way it didn’t lie quite as flat as it always had. I’d thought it was the dress, but there was no denying the truth now. “Oh shit.”
Lacey blinked, tears clinging to her false eyelashes and threatening to spill and ruin her makeup. “I never wanted to hurt you, but you know how I feel about abortion.” Choice is good; it would still never be my choice. “I didn’t think I could go it alone, and Adam said the baby shouldn’t grow up without a father. But this isn’t my wedding, Jenna. I’m not marrying him. Sutton was right—the baby and I deserve a better future than that. You do, too.”
Adam never would have had the balls to explain any of this to me himself. Had it been anyone except my best friend, I never would have known. He would have just cut and run. “Well, that explains…a lot.”
This was stupid. She’d screwed up her life via one night where Adam took advantage of her trust. Now she had to live with the consequences far longer than I did. I blew out a breath and stepped forward, hugging her. “I forgive you. I’m still not sure we can get to exactly what we had before, but I forgive you.”
She squeezed me hard, and I thought she’d never let go. “I can work with that. I hope you’ll let me try to be your friend again. I promise not to steal my brother from you.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “Not sure that’s an issue anyway.” I gave her one more tight squish for good measure. “Go. Do your party thing. We’ll grab lunch tomorrow, okay?”
Smiling, she nodded and, after another weighty glance at her brother, walked away. I spun on Sutton. “As for you, we need to take this outside.”
“How far outside?”
“What?”
“Sweltering heat or simply not in the reception hall?” His eyes weren’t smoldering with desire or glaring with hostility. They were pretty neutral, but a light danced in them far too brightly for a man who was waiting to get a verbal smackdown.
I scowled. “Whatever. I promised not to ruin the party. I’m holding to that.”
He held out a hand and waited. Like I was going to take it after our last conversation. No way. Not today. I marched from the hall and into the common area of the venue, breathing freely once I was away from the madness. My head was still reeling from Lacey’s announcement—totally not any version of the future she’d had planned for herself.
“Jenna? There’s a quiet area over here where we shouldn’t disturb anyone.” I let him lead the way to a curved staircase with an ornate iron railing.
It was gorgeous. Too romantic for the discussion with Sutton by half. Whatever. “I’m done being that girl.”
“Which girl?”
“The one who lies down and takes whatever the world throws at her. The one who lets men treat her like dirt and then throw her away without explanation. I’m done feeling worthless and helpless and…less.” That felt far too good to get off my chest. Good enough that the scared part of me wanted to call it a day and leave well enough alone.
I wasn’t that girl anymore.
I shook my head at Sutton as tears filled my eyes. The blur obliterated the sinking of his expression, the loss of his barely hidden smile. “You broke my heart when I was sixteen, and then you wa
lked away from me like it was nothing. I get it now. You didn’t know. But it changed me as a person, Sutton. It was the night that made me afraid to take chances. I started playing it safe because of you.
“Then you showed up when my life was at its absolute lowest and dragged me into the light again. You made me live when I didn’t think I could. And damn you to hell, you made me remember a tiny bit of what it was like to be that sixteen-year-old girl. And then you broke my heart again. This time you fed me some bullshit about your past and me deserving happiness. I may have pushed you away, but you still broke my heart.” I clenched my hands into tight fists, digging my nails into my palms, hoping the pain would keep the tears that threatened at bay just a little while longer. “If I deserve happiness… If I deserve better than you, then I also deserve answers and the truth.”
I couldn’t cry. I wouldn’t cry. I was tougher than this moment—no matter how long he was making me stand here. And he did. He made me stand there at least two minutes worth of bleary eyes and thudding heart.
When he finally spoke…well, the guy had some surprises left in him. “You’re right, you do deserve that. Let me start by saying I wanted to take you to my room that night. Had you approached me after—when you were sober—you would have been my girl from then on. I thought you walked away from me, and I didn’t think I had the right to chase you. As for what happened this summer, you’ve never not been that brave, sassy woman to me. We fell right into our old patterns, only now, you weren’t walking away, and I wasn’t passing up a second chance with you.”
“Go you. Hell, go me, too. I guess we both got what we wanted from that party after all.” If this was the best he had to offer, maybe closure wasn’t something I needed.
“No, Jem, at that party I’d have gotten a girl who didn’t know heartache. And you’d have gotten a guy who didn’t know what he wanted from life. Now—this summer—we found each other broken and battered, and somehow we patched each other up. I tried to go it alone—to grow up and be responsible, whatever the hell that means—but all I found was I was more of a mess than I knew. Without you, I’m not whole. I’m more than broken—I’m an idiot. When I’m with you… God, I feel like we can take on the world and win. Like who we were doesn’t matter because together we’re something better.”
I stepped up the stairs, putting distance between me and the words that didn’t make any sense. “If that’s true, why did you say all those things and push me away?”
He followed me, always staying a couple steps below, but not letting me run. “Because I was afraid. From the moment you came back into my life, I was afraid I’d hurt you worse than Adam had. For a while, I forgot. Then when Lacey admitted feeling trapped with Adam, it reminded me of how badly I could mess you up, and it was like someone slapped me in the face with a sledgehammer. I panicked, and I drove the person who means more to me than anything out of my life.”
“You mean I should take solace in knowing you screwed up? Good to know. Thanks.”
When I moved to blindly step around him, I stumbled. Sutton caught me and set me on my feet, keeping a grip on my fingers. “No. You should take solace in the fact that I’m willing to admit when I screw up.”
“What do you mean?”
“I promised I wouldn’t put Lacey ahead of you, then she asked me to keep her pregnancy a secret. It seemed the least I could do considering everything. Only I discovered that lying to you, if only by omission, wasn’t something I could do. It made me look at everything differently, and I didn’t like what I saw in myself. The things you hate most—I let you believe I’d done them all. It was like part of me wanted you to get angry and break things off before I became the man I used to be.” He stared at our clasped hands, and it was only then I realized I hadn’t let go.
“When your dad dropped off my check, it hit me how wrong I was. With you, those things I hated about myself were gone. Beyond that, I hadn’t given you enough credit. You trusted me not to relapse to my Chicago behavior. You trusted me with everything. You’re the other half of me, and I stupidly pushed you until you walked away. I miss you, Jem.”
It was everything I felt about him wrapped up in one conversation. “And if I decide to forgive you for breaking your promise?”
“It bodes well for a future wherein I will keep every promise no matter what.” He raised my hands to his mouth, pressing kisses to each of my knuckles. “That is, if you’re willing to have a screwed-up, reformed womanizer in your future.”
“What are you saying?” Because I wanted to believe him. I was desperate for this all to have been both our worst fears coming to a head and nothing more.
“I’m saying since I’d already destroyed my promise to you, I kept the one to Lacey—mainly because it gave me a little time to plan. She said if she hadn’t told you by the end of the day I was free to say whatever I wanted. I was on my way to your place as soon as this shindig was over.” With his free hand, he pulled a box from his pocket.
Holy shit.
“Don’t get that panicked look in your eye, Jem.” He popped the lid, and inside rested a brilliant platinum chain. “I should have given this to you the night at my house. You asked for it, but I was too damn scared. I’m not anymore. There’s only one thing I want, and she’s standing right here in front of me.” He pulled the chain from the box. At the end dangled a bright-pink key. “Jenna Marie Brandt, if you’re still willing to be that girl in my life, I’m willing to give you the keys to my heart and my home. It’s all yours if you’ll have me.”
This time when I blinked, there was no holding in the tears. Sutton stood there with the stupid, wonderful pink key, staring at me and waiting.
And waiting.
And a little more waiting for good measure.
“Uh…Jenna?”
He was going to make me learn to like the color pink whether I wanted to or not. “Sorry. I figured you deserved at least a little payback for the hell you put me through these last two weeks.” I shrugged.
“Are you saying…?”
“That you’re slow on the uptake? Pretty much.”
The twitch solidified and curled up into the wide, gorgeous smile I loved. “I am. I really, truly am. You might have to spell it out for me.”
Fighting a grin of my own, I sighed. “Fine. Y-E-S, I’ll be your girl again. But no, I’m not moving in with you. I remember someone mentioning baby steps.”
“Definitely. The key is to keep you from breaking any more windows. We’ll save moving in for later.”
“Jeez, pushy much? I promise not to intentionally break more windows.”
I giggled as Sutton wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the step. “No take-backs, on any of it.”
“Well, I reserve the right to bolt if you don’t take me to your room this time and screw me good and proper—prove to me I’m worth more than one night at your place.”
“No screwing. I’m only making love to you from now on.” He set me down and slid the chain over my head, the weight of the key landing solidly between my breasts. It felt weird there, but right at the same time.
“Then it’s off.” I turned to go, and he grabbed me. One second I was stepping toward the door, the next I was in his arms, and he pressed his lips to mine, the heat searing straight to my soul and cauterizing the hole there until it shut tight.
When he finally came up for air, he said, “You’re impossible, exactly like you’ve always been. I love that about you. I love everything about you. But there is no way I’m letting you use my feelings as an excuse to cut and run. So do me a favor?” He lowered his lips to my ear and whispered words meant only for me, “Fall with me.”
My lips twitched into a smile, the sensation so unfamiliar I didn’t recognize it at first. Then I buried my face in his neck. “Forever, and I hope we never land. I love you, too, you crazy man. Now when do we get to ditch this shotgun-wedding-turned-baby-shower?”
“I’m stuck here for a couple hours at least.” His devilish grin made
my heart skip a beat. “There is a limo waiting out front, though. You know, if you’re in a rush. We can hit my place after.”
“Pretty sure we’ve got forever.” I twined my fingers in his and tugged him down the stairs. “However, I’m not the type to pass up an available limo.”
“Since I came to my senses, I started counting all the things I love about you. That would be item number five-thousand-seven-hundred-ninety-two.”
“Damn.” I pulled to a stop and spun, pressing myself against him. “We have a way to go if we’re going to hit six thousand by the end of the night.”
He kissed me, deep and hungry, like there was no way he could get enough. I didn’t want it to end. When he broke the kiss, he whispered, “Five-thousand-seven-hundred-ninety-three…and counting.”
Acknowledgments
Sometimes books just happen, and sometimes an angel flits into your life and says, “You know what you should write?” Thank you, Morgan Maulden, for being my angel and pulling me aside in Vegas last year to talk to me about writing a new adult revenge story. This book never would have come to pass without you.
Huge thank you to Lynn and Danielle for reading the early version of this book and telling me in no uncertain terms to send it—now. I was more nervous about the book than I ever let you know, and your support meant the world to me.
Then my amazing new editor, Allison, scooped it up within hours of me submitting. I kind of wondered if she’d hit a button by mistake, but then she professed her love for the book and the characters, and I almost cried. She helped me tear things apart and build them again, making a much stronger book. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for your faith and patience. I will be forever grateful to you and everyone at Entangled—I cannot imagine a better place to be as an author.
The last thank you is always the most important, and this one goes to my children. It’s been one hell of a rough year for the three of us, but you two have stood up to every challenge and shown me what strength and bravery really mean. Beyond that, you put up with me disappearing onto my laptop for hours on end. “Little and broken, but still good.” Ohana forever. I love you guys.
Fall With Me Page 15