“I have no idea. We haven’t heard anything yet.”
“Did she say what Dahlia got?”
“No. But there was a sandwich bag under Dahlia’s shoulder. Katie said it didn’t smell like anything, so it couldn’t have been laundry soap or cleaner.”
Payton leaned back in his seat, folding his hands on his head.
Oh no.
Oh God no.
The sandwich bag.
White stuff.
Payton groaned. “Oh, Dad. I…I’m so sorry. That stuff Dahlia ate…it was Lily’s. I…I forgot to chuck it out when she was over the other night.”
He leaned as far forward as his seatbelt would allow, clutching his stomach.
Liam nodded. “I figured it out. Your ‘friend’ from the other night. Like I told you. Plus, Katie overheard part of your conversation before Lily left. We put two and two together.”
Payton sat up, wiping his nose on his sleeve. It was all his fault. Dahlia was only six-years old. An innocent bystander. And Lily seemed to love them so much. The whole thing would kill everyone.
“Is she going to be okay?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
Liam moved his right hand from the steering wheel and gripped Payton’s knee. “They pumped her stomach, but she’s unconscious. She’s in the ICU. She’s strong…like her mother.”
For some reason, that didn’t make him feel better.
He’d never feel better again.
* * *
The two men met Katie outside of the ICU. She seemed like she’d aged in the last day. She was pale, tired, and unkempt. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen. She sat, leaning forward in a chair outside of the room, her forehead resting on her folded arms.
Payton hated hospitals with a passion. He’d had too many bad experiences in them. Plus, they always smelled of sterile cleaners trying to mask the smell of sickness and…death.
The closer they got to Katie, the faster his heart raced. A part of him wanted to just turn around, run away as fast as his legs would go. But the bigger part of him kept him moving forward.
To give his support.
Or to pay the piper.
It was a long walk down the hall. Everything came down on him at once. He thought of Lily and her problems, the sense of responsibility for Dahlia being in the state she was in, his grandparents’ situation…mom…
Everything seemed to move in slow motion the closer he got to Katie. For some reason, the hall seemed much longer than it should have been. Kinda like in the movies when people dread something they have to face. Liam put his strong hand on Payton’s shoulder. A silent way of saying, ‘I’m here. Everything will be okay.’
His gut ached.
Katie looked up at the room Dahlia was in, then down towards him and Liam. She stood up, rubbing her thighs with her palms. She walked towards them, tears spilling down her cheeks.
Payton braced himself for a slap or a punch to the gut. Instead, she hugged him, in the tackle sort of way Dahlia always had done, and sobbed. Until then, he’d avoided her ‘motherness.’
Her hugs.
Her kindness.
Right then, he didn’t shy away from the embrace. He enveloped her in his long arms, his eyes burning with tears, whispering, “I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.”
She pulled herself away, moving her hands up to his shoulders, gripping tightly. “That’s enough of that, you hear? It’s nobody’s fault. Not even your friend’s. We know what you tried to do. This isn’t a time for blame, anyway. Our energy needs to go to helping Dahlia get through this. Okay?”
He nodded.
“Well?” Liam asked. “Any word?”
Katie shook her head, wiping her eyes and nose on a Kleenex. “No. The doctor has been in there for a while. She still won’t wake up.”
Liam pulled her into her chest, stroking her hair. Payton shoved his hands into his pocket, wringing them.
He was instantly filled with emotional rage. With himself for not throwing out the stupid baggie right away, or flushing it or something! What was he thinking? He was angry with Lily for bringing that junk over in the first place. And he couldn’t help but think if she hadn’t come there in the first place, none of that would have happened. Dahlia wouldn’t be sick or…dying. She’d be out there running around just being a kid.
“Can…can I go see her?” Payton asked.
Katie turned to him. “I think that would be a wonderful idea. She loves you so much. Maybe she’ll hear your voice and, hopefully, wake up.”
Liam guided Katie’s head back into his chest.
“You go on in,” he whispered. “I’m taking Katie downstairs for a bit of a break.”
Payton nodded. He drew in a deep breath then blew it out…slowly.
I can do this.
For my little sister.
His heart pounded as he slowly walked into the room. He was greeted with beeps, bleeps and blips from the heart and breathing monitoring equipment. The only light in the room came from the dim light over the nurses’ supply cupboard by the door. There was a shallow breathing sound, not much different than Darth Vader’s.
She isn’t even breathing on her own.
He closed his eyes, trying to repress tears. Dahlia wouldn’t want to see her big brother crying.
Chewing the inside of his lip, Payton watched his little sister for a few seconds. She looked so tiny. Her toes tented the blankets half-way down the bed. Tubes were shoved in her nose and her mouth. Small, round suction-cup looking things were stuck to her head and chest. She also had an IV in one arm and some sort of pulse monitor clipped to her index finger on her other hand. Payton could barely see Dahlia’s tiny face under all the tubes and wires.
His chest tightened.
He moved slowly to her bed, tiptoeing in time to the machine helping her to breathe.
He shuddered.
There was a metal chair shoved up to the side of the bed. He figured Katie must have been sitting there for the last few hours. He lowered himself into the chair, staring at Dahlia’s angelic face.
Her chest rose and fell in time with the plunger in the breathing machine forcing oxygen into her body. Her hair was matted to her head and damp with sweat or puke, he couldn’t tell which.
She looked so pale…so frail. He brushed her hair from her forehead, then touched her cheek. She was so cold. He pulled her blanket up, picked up her tiny hand, enveloping it between his own, and pressed it to his chest.
A nurse appeared by his side, checking her vitals. “How is our little patient?”
“I…I don’t know.”
She continued her job in silence, then said, “Don’t give up hope. Miracles happen. And if you mean as much to her, as she obviously means to you, she’ll pull through. She seems strong.”
He paused. “She is.”
The nurse gave his back a rub, then disappeared from the room.
In the orchestra of hospital equipment, he focused on Dahlia again. “I’m so sorry, Dally,” he whispered. “I should have protected you. I forgot how curious you are. I forgot…” He trailed off, closing his eyes. Tears flooded his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He leaned back in the chair still holding Dahlia’s hand. She didn’t move. He had to do something…anything. But what?
He stood up, rummaging through his kangaroo pocket, and pulled out his MP3 player.
“Here, I have something for you.”
Music. Music always helps…
He weaved in and out among the tubes and wires, and put the ear buds into her ears. Then he said, “This is some music I’ll be using for the concert. You’re gonna be there too, you hear me? Right up there in the front row. I think you’ll like this. It’s Mozart and some of me playing the piano. Remember you asking me if you could come watch me play? Now you can. I just need you to be there. Stay with me.”
Payton turned on the player. As he stroked Dahlia’s hair, a memory crashed into his mind.
One time when he’d been sick in the hospital
with a raging fever, doctors weren’t sure if he’d even pull through, his mom brought in a ghetto blaster and played Mozart. He’d fallen in and out of consciousness, but always heard the music.
It saved him.
Stay with me.
He wiped tears from his eyes, kissed her forehead, then pulled his hood up and shuffled out of the room.
When he met back up with his parents, they looked like someone had beaten them up.
“What’s going on?” Payton asked.
Katie was crying so hard she couldn’t answer. She hugged Liam, touched Payton’s chest and went back into Dahlia’s room. Payton looked back at his father, his eyes questioning.
Liam swallowed hard. “Doctor was just here. Said the next few hours are critical. If Dahlia doesn’t wake up soon, they aren’t sure she will. They can’t even tell whether the drugs have, or will, cause permanent brain damage.”
Payton’s mouth hung open. “So, what are we supposed to do? Just sit here and wait?”
“That’s all we can do,” Liam said, rubbing his crew cut. “That, and pray.”
“I…I need some air,” Payton said. “I’ll be back.”
Liam nodded, then went into Dahlia’s room.
Payton went out to the small park beside the hospital. He found a bench set up right under a huge oak tree facing the front doors of the hospital. The tree reminded him of the one in his grandparents’ backyard that he used to go to when he felt sad or hurt or…angry. He pulled his legs up, shoving his heels up to his butt, then rested his forehead on his knees.
He was so overwhelmed he was dizzy. He tried desperately to understand why everything around him was happening when things were supposed to get better.
Why?
He wanted to yell, scream and curse God for making it all happen. He wanted to stand on the bench and shake his fist at the sky, but knew it wouldn’t make any difference. It wasn’t God’s fault.
It was his.
All. His. Fault.
Suddenly, he felt something vibrating against his side. His cell phone, which he’d turned off before going into the hospital, but left on vibrate, was going crazy.
He scrambled to find it in his pocket. He didn’t recognize the number on the call display, but figured anyone else who’d be calling him would have been with him, or in class.
He pushed the ‘Accept Call’ button.
“Hello?”
No response.
“Is anyone there?”
Still no reply.
“Lily? Lily? Is that you?”
No answer.
He heard a noise on the other end. Usually when one of those solicitor people called you they answered after your voice kicked things in. It was different.
Was that breathing?
“Hello? Anyone there?”
The breathing sound got louder, heavier. Then a muffled voice answered. “I’m sorry, Payton.”
It was Lily, but she sounded awful. Her voice was slurred and she struggled to get the words out.
Oh no.
“Where are you? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day!”
She started crying. “Forgive me. I’m not strong enough anymore.”
His pulse raced. He stood up and sped-walked to the hospital steps.
“Where are you, Lily?”
She coughed. “Dad wants to send me to rehab again, but I just can’t do it again…it hurts too much…everything hurts too much.”
Payton didn’t like where the conversation was headed.
More coughing, then gagging flooded his ear.
“Where are you? Tell me right now!” he screamed into the phone, his voice cracking. He didn’t care at that moment what people walking by him thought.
“You were such a good friend to me. More than a friend. Sorry I messed things up…” she said. “No matter what, know that I…I loved you…”
There were rustles, a choking sound then…silence.
Oh crap.
Crap, crap, crap, crap!
Payton paced around the hospital steps trying to figure out what to do. Did he storm-troop her house? Call an ambulance, since he was already at the hospital? Beat the crap out of her dealer again?
I can’t lose someone else that loves me. And…that I love.
Liam grabbed his shoulder, startling him. “What’s wrong? Something happen?”
“Is Dahlia okay?” Payton asked.
Liam shook his head. “No change.”
Payton sighed deeply. “Dad, I need to ask you for a favor. Can you take me somewhere? Right now? Please? It’s an emergency.”
Liam seemed to search Payton’s face, then pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Let’s go.”
The two men ran to the truck.
Payton grabbed his cell phone, noticing that it was about to die and made one last call while he could.
“Hello?” a male voice answered.
“Mr. Joplin? This is Payton,” he spoke faster than he thought was humanly possible and still be understood.
“Oh, yes, Payton!” Mr. Joplin said. “I think she’s around here somewhere…”
“Sir, there’s no time,” Payton interrupted. “You need to go find her. I think she’s in trouble.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m sorry, Sir, but there’s no time to explain. My phone is about to crash. Please…please go check on her. She just called me and doesn’t sound too good. I’m worried.”
“Son, what’s happening? What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry to be abrupt, Sir, but if you don’t check on her right now, I’m scared something seriously wrong will happen. Please!”
“Okay. I’m going downstairs right now I’ll—”
Right then, Payton’s phone died. He threw it on the floor.
C’mon, Lily, he thought.
Not two in one day.
Fifteen
Lily’s house was a twenty-minute drive from the hospital. They seemed to hit every red light on the way. At every stop, Liam tapped his index fingers on the steering wheel, while Payton picked at the dry skin around his thumbnails.
By the time they got to Lily’s house, there was an ambulance parked on the front lawn, its cherry red lights flashing, casting an eerie red glow on the house. There was an ambulance on the front street, and Payton also spotted two cop cars. One on the street, and another in the driveway.
Liam pulled up behind the cop car on the street. Payton swung his door open and jumped out, not even waiting for Liam to put the truck into park first. He sprinted across the lawn. When he got close to the front door, a police officer stuck his arm out, blocking him from entering the house.
“You a relative?” the officer asked curtly.
Payton shook his head. “I’m…a friend. A close one. Her only one. Please. I need to see her.”
Liam came up behind them. “Alan, it’s okay. He knows the girl. Maybe he can…do something.”
There were bonuses with having a military father working so closely with RCMP and city police.
“Sorry, Major MacGregor,” the officer said, moving his arm. “Not sure what can be done, but go check with the officer and emergency guys downstairs. Here, I’ll radio them inside and let them know you’re coming.” The officer turned to Payton, and said, “And just be prepared for the worst, okay? It’s not pretty.”
Payton nodded, then walked through the door. There were people everywhere in the tiny bungalow. A few mumbled into walkie-talkies, others wrote details on pads of paper. His face twitched with irritation at the coldness of the entire scene. It seemed too…procedural.
No.
He seemed to move in slow motion, just like in the hospital with Dahlia. All the voices, noises and flashes of light blended together into one nauseating blur. It was all too…familiar.
He looked down the hall, but no one was down there. Then he heard a lot of noise from the basement, so he went around the corner to the basement door, and started going down.
He hadn’t
gone down in the basement before. It was an open, but finished basement with a laundry area, rec room area and a bathroom. And at the far corner of the area, there was a small room. An icy cold wave sloshed into his stomach when he saw an ambulance attendant talking to a female cop and a silver-haired man, whose eyes were red and swollen, outside of the room.
Lily’s father.
Payton didn’t want to go there. He tried forcing his body to turn around. But a strong gravitational force pulled him closer to the room.
The door was painted black with a sign reading, ‘Lily’s Space: Knock.’
His heart pounded in his ears. His jaw clenched so tightly, he felt the tendons sticking out in his neck.
“Mr. Joplin?” he said barely whispering. “Where’s Lily? Did you find her?”
The officer looked up at him over her glasses. “Payton? They radioed us. Is this who called you, Sir?”
Mr. Joplin nodded, tears flooding his eyes. “Yes, thank God. He was very close to her.”
Was?
“Did you find her?” Payton said again, annoyed that no one seemed to acknowledge him the first time.
The officer helped Mr. Joplin into sitting into a chair beside the room, then approached Payton. She was pretty small for a police officer. Maybe the size of Katie. Her blondish hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she had a pencil stuffed into it. She folded her arms over her chest and gave him a weak smile.
“I’m Officer Phillips, Payton. Are you Lily’s friend?”
Payton chewed on the inside of his top lip, and nodded.
Okay…okay…she didn’t use Lily’s name in the past tense.
That has to be good, right?
Officer Phillips nodded too. “Do you know her very well?”
He rolled his eyes. “Yes. More than most others do. Well enough. Look, can someone please just tell me where she is and what’s going on?”
“We aren’t sure exactly what happened here, but it looks like she overdosed on drugs. Heroin. Now, because we don’t know whether this was intentional or accidental, the police had to be called in too. That’s why we’re here with the emergency attendants.”
Heroin…suicide…oh, Lily.
Payton sniffed, folding his arms across his chest. “Look, I’m not a kid, okay? Please stop talking to me like a five-year-old. I asked you where she is and all you’re doing is asking me questions. Why won’t you just tell me what’s going on? Where is Lily?”
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