Releasing his grip, Pat’s arms fell to his sides and he blinked at Javi as if he didn’t understand. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Javi jerked his chin toward the table and Pat got his numb legs to move until he was collapsing in one of the metal chairs. Taking the seat across the table, Javi was keeping his distance. Whatever Ian had said to him was major.
“I fully intended on pushing him out of your life. This kid will get you killed, Pat, and I care about you too much for that, for anyone to put you in the kind of danger you’re in right now. After hearing him…man, I wanted to love you like that, Papi…I mean, Pat. I did love you, you know that, but the way he does, man…”
Pat’s heart was racing, and he felt like he’d pass out if Javi didn’t hurry the conversation along. “Talk to me, Javi.”
“Let me just start at the beginning.”
Chapter Sixteen
The metal chair warmed from how cold it was, the AC cranked in the home. Ian wasn’t comfortable, though, but refused to show it after Pat left the house.
After cutting his eyes away, Javi apologized. “I didn’t want to make you guys fight.”
“That was inevitable. I love that he wants to protect me, but not to the point he keeps things from me or keeps me from things that could be helpful to stop the Grail.”
Still, without looking directly at him, Javier said, “He’s doing that because he cares about you.”
Ian wasn’t stupid, and he hoped Javier Duran wasn’t giving him credit for being stupid. “I know that. And you would know that because you were on the receiving end of that once. Weren’t you?”
Tentatively, those dark eyes moved to his, staring at him for a moment, then lowering in defeat. “I, uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we were once an item, so to speak.”
“You were the one that hurt him.”
That made Javier nervous, shifting in his seat and tapping his flat hands on the table. “I did. Yeah.”
“I don’t plan on doing that. Ever. If you want him back, tough soldier guy or not, I’ll do my best to make you sorry you ever met him.”
For some reason, that released the tension that weighed on the room like a million-gallon tank of water. The floodgates opened and Javi’s shoulders came down from his ears and he laughed in a breath, telling Ian, “I believe you.”
He relaxed too, not totally, but enough. “Good. I do see it, Javier. I see the way you look at him. I don’t blame you. I can’t say as I know why you let him get away.”
Losing his smile once more, Javier nodded, admitting, “I was an asshole, but it wasn’t all that.”
“Start from the beginning. If I’m going to trust you, enough that my life may very well be in your hands soon, I need to know it all. And, I know Pat would never tell me willingly.”
He could tell it was something Javier didn’t want to do. Tell the story, relive it with his words. That was too bad, though, for all the reasons Ian had told him.
Javier glanced up at him, then got up from the table and disappeared into the kitchen, coming back with a cheap bottle of bourbon and two plastic tumblers.
Setting them down, he poured them each four fingers, and Ian nearly smiled at the amount. That meant the story wasn’t easy to tell, and Javier needed the liquid courage.
Once back in his seat, Javier slugged down half his drink as he pushed Ian’s to him. Maybe he wouldn’t start unless Ian had a little of the foul-tasting courage as well.
Ian sipped a little, then a bit more, satisfying Javier for the moment.
“I joined the Army when I was right out of high school. I couldn’t really read well, or do math, and all that, or I’d have joined the Marines. They had harder tests. That made me less confident than I already was when I was in boot camp, but the Army did right by me, at least then, and filled in some of my education like it filled in my skinny body.
“I worked hard for them, maybe because of that. They boosted me, so I was determined to be an asset to them. I worked. I made sniper class as marksman, I could perform hand to hand better than men twice my size, always helped my team come out on top for war games, all that. I was noticed.
“I went to the desert, did my duty. I hated it, the desert, worrying I could die any second, that I’d have to kill any second. At least at first. Then…then we were ambushed and two of the men in my patrol were killed, but the rest of us, I went into autopilot. I took out the sniper, the rebels, got their vehicles blown to pieces and all of it in short order. Again, I was noticed.”
“Noticed? You keep saying that. What does it mean? Do you have a closet full of medals or something?”
“No. I wasn’t recognized, I was noticed. By that I mean that certain people in the Army and beyond, in the darker parts of the government, they saw my potential. One reason I didn’t get medals for my actions is they didn’t want to highlight me. I was to be as obscure as any other grunt.”
Ian thought of the Grail, and how they stayed in the shadows of the power they wielded. Recognition was bad, so much so that his being gay may cause people to notice him more, therefore it was a bad thing. “I understand that part. The Grail insists on the same obscurity.”
He was pointed at and Javier said, “Exactly. If you’re noticed, you can’t get away with things that people that are in the dark can. I did my tour and signed up for more, but my assignment was changed. I never went back to my unit. I was taken to another desert, taught to do other things. I was tortured, but only so I would know how to withstand torture. I was taught new weapons I’d never heard of, technologies that were beyond belief. I was younger than you are, and I thought I had won the lottery.”
“I can imagine. I guess if they didn’t lay out so many of the negative things associated with the Grail, I may have felt the same way.”
“Yeah, I see that in you. That look in your eye, like you’re a little lost, but you’ve seen dark things. Things you never expected.”
Ian looked away, too late to hide it, but it was defensive. He didn’t want this man to see too much in him yet. “Didn’t expect it, yeah, that’s an understatement.”
“Sorry, I’m not great with describing things, or people. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, okay, well, I became a mercenary, for lack of better label. They taught me how to be cold, calculating and uncaring. I had to fight my way back from that, and still retain what I’d been taught. Wasn’t easy, but Pat helped.
“He was just getting his feet wet in the FBI when he and a few other men were assigned to help in some undercover work to take down a very dangerous cartel leader in Turkey. This man wanted to create this revolution in his country, go back after the Greeks, and from there, try to do untold other terrible things, all while being bankrolled by his heroin money. Intel said he had at least two thousand people working for him here, in the US. He was spread all over the world at that point, but he’d been cruising under the radar for so long, he was going to be close to impossible to take down with any kind of stealth.
“They brought in agents from every agency, and they picked some rookies that had a better chance of blending in, as they didn’t have any sort of jacket with the agency they’d recently joined.”
“Like Pat. He…he went undercover with them?”
The thought of it terrified Ian. It was in the past, but it sounded dangerous, and Pat being in danger, it shook him badly.
“Yeah. He and Charlie. Charlie had been in the Marshal service before that, mostly hiding witnesses and transporting the worst of the worst to maximum security facilities. He had no presence anywhere because of that, so he was a perfect choice, already undercover, basically, for five years. Pat was new, and he and Charlie had gone through the FBI academy together, so Charlie was the one to recommend him when they asked who Charlie would like to bring along, if anyone.”
Why Pat hadn’t told him any of that should be obvious to him. He was sure Pat wouldn’t want to recount it, but still, Ian felt like he’d missed such a major part of Pat’s life. “You worked direc
tly with them?”
Nodding slowly, then taking the rest of the bourbon down, Javier’s entire demeanor changed. Like a balloon deflated, his cockiness had disappeared, and his eyes were staring into some far-off abyss. “They put us together to get in with the dock workers. See, Baris Tekin, that was the guy’s name, he sent ships with containers filled with heroin and whatever else he was smuggling and in the return trips, other containers had guns, money, anything he asked for headed back over to him. The custom agents and docks workers, anyone who could have stopped it were paid well to turn a blind eye to the shipments. Being that we were big or tough looking or both, we were sent straight to the docks and given assignments to watch the shipments, who was in on it, all that.”
“If they would have caught you guys, you’d be dead. How could he put himself in that kind of danger?”
Javier then looked at him like he was crazy. “Do you know him at all? That man has more honor and sense of duty than anyone I’ve ever known! He was given an assignment and he wouldn’t have turned it down for danger to himself. And you are one to talk! He’s worried about you, so you get pissed off about it, and you’re in as much or more danger wanting to take down this Grail all by yourself! Shut the fuck up. What does he see in you?”
He could have gotten angry, but that wasn’t his reaction at all. He was rightly put in his place by this man he wanted so badly to detest. “I can say truthfully that I don’t know what he sees in me.”
Laughing sardonically, Javier pointed to him and accused, “That! That right there, that little bit of chivalry or whatever he thinks you have. That humble hero bullshit. That’s him too. You’re fucking perfect for each other.”
It was a nice sentiment that Javier had spit at him, but it wasn’t true. He was nothing compared to Pat, he thought. “Go on with the story.”
“Right, shit, the story. Don’t blame me if it’s hard for you to hear, then. Not only were we in constant danger if we were discovered, but him and me, well, we started messing around. It was fun at first, nothing serious. Back then, Pat didn’t fall for anyone that sucked his dick.”
Ian glared hatefully, all his loathing coming through his eyes, and he wished looks could kill, because Javier Duran would be a hollowed-out corpse right then. “I haven’t sucked his dick, you fuck. I don’t need to suck a dick or let a guy fuck me to get into his heart.”
The fucking cocky grin was back on his regrettably handsome face. “There you go, mijo. Get mad. Get tough. You’ll need to be to get through all this.”
“Is that what all this is? Getting my ire up so you think I’ll toughen up?”
“Your ire? You are a college boy.”
It wasn’t going to work, his prodding, his instigation. Ian knew what he had to do already, how strong he had to be to get through it. “I am. Jealous?”
“Not of that. Pat, now, I know it was my own fault for losing him, but that doesn’t mean I want to see him hurt. Not physically or any other way.”
Ian couldn’t take it anymore, looking at that man, who was handsome in all the ways anyone like Pat would love. He moved until his chair fell in a loud bang on the floor, then he stared for the door, but stopped, knowing he had to continue, or he could have no help with the Grail. Pat just wanted him to hide away, being protected.
He went back to the card table, slamming his hands there on the surface. He wanted to show Javier how wrong he was, that he could take care of himself and never involve Pat, let along get him hurt but that was all a lie.
“I don’t want to need him. I don’t! I didn’t ask for any of this, but I especially didn’t ask to fall for a guy after a few days that is possibly the best person I’ve ever known! Don’t you think I know I don’t deserve him? Don’t you think I already know that he’s too good for me, and for you and for anyone who isn’t perfect like him?”
“Sit down.”
“What?”
Javier’s voice was calm, empathetic as he said, “I just wanted to hear you say it.”
“Say what?”
“That you love him. In that roundabout way, you just did. Now sit and let’s talk.”
He had no energy left to argue, and nothing had been decided, let alone planned. He had no choice but to sit before he fell to the ground, where he picked his chair from, and park his ass in it, staring over and waiting for more jabs.
“See, Ian, I knew I was going to hurt him. Thinking back on it, I broke it off with him when I did because I knew that. I figured the longer it went on, the more I’d hurt him. I know how easy it is. To fall for the guy. He’s good, he’s strong, and damn, the man is a god with his looks.”
Ian slumped as he let himself laugh. “Every gay man’s wet dream, you mean? Yeah, I caught that.”
“Exactly! That body, that squared jaw, fucking eyes, smile that undresses you before you knew your clothes were coming off, man!”
Ian laughed more, and it felt good. “Confident too, but not even a little conceited. That’s like impossible.”
“Not for him though. It’s natural in him. But, that vulnerable side, man, that’s what got me. When I saw that side of him, I was hooked at the same time I knew I could break him, and damn if I wanted to be the guy that broke a man like that. When his heart is in it, it’s in it. It’s in you, Ian, man, hard.”
“So fast? I mean, he even said, people get together in these intense situations, they never know if it’s the drama and excitement that’s doing it, or they actually feel something.”
“He was probably trying to convince himself that’s why we were together. Shit, maybe It was why we were together, but you couldn’t convince me of that. He’s sexy, you know? I don’t get how a guy with that much honor and courage and the whole knight in shining armor bit could be so kinky and fucking sexy.”
Ian held up both hands and pled, “Come on, Javier, I don’t need to hear that.”
“Oh, right, you guys haven’t fucked. It’s that honor thing, huh? He’s watching over you, so it would be against some code or some shit.”
“Yeah, I think so.”
Javier moved his eyes all over Ian, at least what he could see above the table, and purred, “Couldn’t be your looks. You’re hot too, mijo.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Javier. Can we get back to why I was actually here with you?”
“Sure, yeah, so he doesn’t want you to do it. I guess he was waiting until you got out of school or something, but he wants to take you away and hide you out. Even if you want that too, Ian, that ain’t a good idea. They are supposedly better than the CIA or some shit?”
“Yes, supposedly, and I don’t doubt it.”
“Then they’d find you. Maybe not in a day or a week, but eventually they’d find you and before they could, they’d hurt anyone who could possibly know about you or them.”
Back to that, about Pat’s friends, the ones who’d sent him to find Ian in the first place, all of them were in danger because of him.
“Stop that, Ian. It ain’t your fault. People like your dad and those rich fucks, man, they think they own the world. They think the rest of us are expendable. Only they count, only they matter, so the rest of us are on this earth at the pleasure of those bastards.”
It was like he’d met and spent time with his father. “How can we possibly beat people like that?”
“Like you? You mean, how to stop people like you?”
Ian started to get up again, countering, “I’m nothing like that!”
Javier didn’t flinch at his outburst. “Ian, that’s how we beat them. Sure, enough of us regular Joes band together, we can eventually beat them down a few pegs, but to really beat them, it’s going to take one of them, two of them would be better. Shit a whole bunch would be great. Right now, though, it’s just you. Because, my rich, white friend, you are one of them.”
Miserably, he sat again and set his face in his hands, groaning into his palms. “What do I have to do?”
“Play their game, man. Go along or let them think you ar
e. Find out whatever you can about them, their plans, where they might be hiding things, whatever. Get names of the other members. See, one thing to do with these fucks is hit them where it hurts. If we know who they are, that’s the first step.”
“They don’t care about their families, Javier. One test for their continuing loyalty and our beginning loyalty is to make their sons attempt suicide. It could be any of them, no one knows. It’s random.”
“Sure, it is,” he laughed, and for the first time, Ian started to wonder if that was true.
“Do you think they knew?”
“Don’t be naïve, Ian. Your father is some top dog there, right?”
“He’s one of few thirty-third-degree members, yeah.”
“And his son just happened to not get the gun with the real bullet? And the guy who did, is his dad one of the tops too?”
Ian sighed as he answered, “No. No he isn’t. Jesus, could it be rigged? They already know?”
“Would make you feel better, no? That your dad knew it wasn’t you?”
Ian didn’t want to be happy about that. His father was scum in his eyes, but he couldn’t help it. It did make him feel better. “I watch, I learn. I’m basically a spy.”
“Yeah. Double-0-fifty-billion.”
Ian not only laughed at that, he warmed to Javier despite himself. Though, it had to be said. “If you are still in love with him, let me know now.”
Javier lost his smile, but it wasn’t in anger. “Ian, the way I feel about him, I don’t even really know. There’s a lot of love there, and respect, but we didn’t make it when we had the chance. There’d be no way now.”
“Why? Do you have someone else?”
“No, idiot. He does.”
Chapter Seventeen
Pat listened to Javi, and all it did was confuse him more. “He’s pissed at me.”
“Yeah, well, you were lying to him. And you were going to ignore his wishes and put him into hiding without him knowing it.”
33 Degrees of Separation (Legacy) Page 14