by Oram, Jean
Jen laughed. Sometimes Blueberry Springs got fooled into thinking they knew someone. It was so easy. Smile, nod, and let them draw their own conclusions. They were going to anyway, so you might as well let them create their own adventure.
“When was the last time you talked to your mom?” Amber asked, leaning close, peering at Jen.
“It’s been awhile.” She gritted her jaw and smoothed a hand over her ponytail. This whole conversation was getting ridiculous. “Look, can we talk about something else?”
“You should talk to them,” Mandy said. “Life’s short. I know it’s not my business, but this is obviously something that time isn’t taking care of for you.”
Jen let out a long, slow breath. These girls wouldn’t understand. Sure, Mandy’s parents had been through a divorce, too, but Mandy had obviously done fine and moved on. They hadn’t used her as a weapon against each other, ripping her to shreds, then discarding her when she refused to play along. And Amber, hell, her mom and dad…well, they’d never even been together, but the man was still in Amber’s life. There was more than enough love to go around that girl several times over.
No, Jen was on her own and always would be. She pushed away from the bar and stood.
“So?” Mandy asked, grabbing Jen by the arm. “The canoe trip? Are you going to tell him he can’t come?”
“Not in your mouth,” Amber said quickly. She tipped her head back in contemplation. “Not the first time. Too intimate. Although pretty good for blackmail.”
“Why’d we even invite you?” Mandy asked, giving her a playful shove. “You’re disgusting.”
“I can’t afford to give him back his deposit,” Jen said. “I used it on advertising, which was obviously a big waste since I’ve apparently burned down the area instead.” Jen looked over at a table where some Blueberry Springs residents were enjoying a drink, relaxed, not appearing to be one bit worried that if the wind turned this place would be burned to a crisp within days. She quickly turned away and dropped her head in her hands. Why had she decided not to run, again? And now she couldn’t. She’d been officially asked by both Rob, the Scott, to not leave town. “When are they going to put out that damn fire, anyway?”
“It takes awhile,” Mandy said.
“Assuming I’m not in jail, and the forest hasn’t been completely destroyed I’m going to have to take him on the trip. There’s no choice.”
The door to Brew Babies opened, bringing with it faded daylight and the scent of burning forest.
“It’s out!” Mary Alice yelled breathlessly, her eyes shining bright. “Jen’s fire is out!”
“What?” Jen popped off her stool and stared at Mary Alice. “It’s what?” She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. She was stuck, waiting for Mary Alice to move. Say something. Anything. Repeat what she thought she’d heard.
Oh, please.
“It’s out!” Mary Alice gripped Jen in a bear hug, heaving her up from her spot on the floor. Something in Mary Alice’s jingling bra poked Jen in the chest as she bounced her up and down.
Jen pushed herself away, gripping Mary Alice’s arm, watching for signs of a bad joke. “Are you for real?”
“As real as the lack of hair on my husband’s head.”
Jen turned to her friends and pulled them into a massive hug as she danced around in a circle, tears streaming down her face. It was out. Blueberry Springs was saved.
“This round is on me!” Jen yelled.
The group let out a whoop and Jen blinked. Shit. She shouldn’t have done that. She was going to need that money for the cost of firefighting if she didn’t find that old truck and the person who had been driving it out at Raspberry Creek Park. And right now, that felt darn near impossible.
CHAPTER 3
Jen glanced over her shoulder and out her open office door, spotting Wally.
“Need me up front?” she asked, turning to face him fully. She paused, half spun around. Rob. Rob standing behind Wally.
Crap on a stick. This couldn’t be good.
She’d enjoyed the past two and a half days of there not being a fire. Of dreaming of a future where she wasn’t clad in orange, hoping someone would bake a file into a cake. Of breathing lighter as the smoke slowly lifted from the town. Of seeing residents return, happy and relieved. Of being able to help people unload their vehicles, reversing the bad memories of loading her own car to escape Ken and the hurt and pain he’d caused. Of welcoming people back. Of relief. Of not having an elephant’s weight of guilt smashing down on her whenever she saw another loaded car leave town. Of not having eighty million ‘what if’s circling through her head. Of actually believing she hadn’t started that fire.
It had been easy to pretend her life was normal and back on track and that everything would be fine without Rob around. But now here he was and all her worries had come along with him. She was up on charges. She was going to spend every penny she had and ever would have between now and retirement paying for an accident.
Wally paused to size up Rob. “Rob needs to see you. Feel free to use my office if you need it.” He gave Rob a sidelong look similar to a father checking out a new suitor visiting his daughter. He sucked on his lower lip, tipping his head back for a full assessment. Rob gave him a quick, uncertain glance.
Jen moved between them, leaving her tiny office, and Wally eased off to tidy up a rack of windbreakers.
“What can I do for you?” Jen asked, noticing charcoal stains on the cuffs of Rob’s jeans, the darkness covering his boots.
She met his smoky eyes and her stomach tightened. What had he found? Was he here to arrest her? Clear her name? Take her up on her offer to go on a hike?
“I need you to take me to the clearing,” he asked at last.
“I don’t think it would be a particularly nice place to camp at the moment,” she said with a chuckle. The laugh faded immediately. Oh. Right. “Um, Saturday?”
So many people had cancelled out of her Saturday hike and picnic to the local waterfall that she’d had to combine it with the upcoming Father’s Day hike, which she would hold the day before Father’s Day. Apparently, people had a thing against hiking close to a forest fire. Which was completely understandable. But even with the fire out, the people she’d called had been hesitant even to reschedule. Maybe it was because of her. Despite her lovely reviews and references from past hikers posted on her website, at the moment she wasn’t exactly anyone’s first pick when it came to choosing a nature guide.
“I’d prefer to go sooner if that’s possible.” He lifted his ball cap and ran a hand through his hair.
“My first day off is Saturday.” If things were as bad as the rumors, she couldn’t afford to take a day off. But personally, she also couldn’t afford to spend a whole day alone with Rob. She’d say stupid things. And do stupid things. Like pet him when she thought he wasn’t looking. If he was going to save her, it might be best that she didn’t try to help.
“The sooner the better. Scott tried to take me there and it…didn’t work out.”
“He got lost, didn’t he?”
Rob gave her a flicker of a smile, his expression still serious. “I’d like to get up there while the evidence is still fresh.”
The smile slid off Jen’s face. “There is no evidence.” She crossed her arms. “Not the kind you’re looking for.”
He quirked his head. “What kind might that be?” He leaned closer, a woodsy scent following him.
“Evidence that I started the fire. Because I didn’t.” She turned in Wally’s direction and hollered, “Wally? Can I get tomorrow off? I’ve got to prove to Mr. Raine that I didn’t start that goddamn fire. He seems to believe I’m the kind of gal who would burn down the homes of innocent little rabbits and squirrels for shits and giggles.”
* * *
Jen shook the tension out of her hands and began sanding the canoe she was repairing with Wally in the back room of the store.
He’d been strangely quiet since Rob left, and she co
uld feel his need to say something building like a storm within the room. She kept her head down, afraid of what she’d see in his eyes if she looked up.
Wally had always understood her. He’d been there when she’d crashed into Blueberry Springs, lost, heartbroken, and scared. Despite saying he didn’t need help in the store, he’d hired her. She hated to think where she’d have ended up if it hadn’t been for Wally. She also hated the idea of putting him in a position where he had to choose between her or the town. The town that had to be feeling a bit peeved at her if everyone truly believed she’d started the fire. What if they felt Wally was harboring an enemy? What if they boycotted his store?
“Okay, that’s enough sanding, I think,” Wally said.
Jen glanced at the canoe. She had gotten slightly carried away roughing up the surface around the canoe’s hole so they could apply a patch. She blew away the dust and Wally worked carefully and quietly, applying layers over the hole.
She couldn’t leave Wally to choose between her and the town. Tomorrow she would go to the clearing with Rob and prove without a doubt that she had not started the fire. Then everything would be solved and Wally wouldn’t have to choose.
Because choosing sucked. Just like thinking your home was safe when it wasn’t. She’d naively thought she was safe and loved as a teen until the day her parents sat her down and told her they were getting a divorce. They hadn’t been ‘together’ in more than two years despite sharing a roof, and they had both been seeing other people. What she thought was her family and her life had been a façade. And so when she turned sixteen, they’d decided Jen was old enough to deal with them splitting up. The big question was: who did she want to live with?
She’d told them an even split. Both.
Her parents had pushed away from the table with pursed lips, and the next thing she knew she was in front of a judge as both parents tried to knock each other down starting with their personalities and ending with their parenting skills. Through it all, they slammed each other without reserve. Slammed traits Jen shared. Everything, split open, guts exposed like a doe on a hunting show.
The judge, unable to get a word out of Jen, sent her to a psychologist. He wanted an answer. The answer. She was old enough to choose. To pick a side. Declare someone the winner.
But in that office she’d discovered something that saved her. She could run. And she did. Straight into the arms of Ken. And then when she’d discovered things about him that made her realize just how much she had been hiding from herself in order to have a home, she’d run away again.
Could she run away this time? Could she somehow find a way to survive? To make sure none of this touched Wally?
She sighed.
When she’d run from Ken and the town she’d grown up in, nobody had come looking for her. She’d been able to vanish, starting anew in Blueberry Springs, and leaving it all behind. But this time it would follow her. Follow her like an angered sea monster with a vendetta. Besides, she couldn’t run away from the people of Blueberry Springs. She’d never forgive herself if she did and she owed it to them to prove she was worthy of their trust.
“Do I seem like the kind of person who would burn down a forest on purpose, Wally?” she asked quietly.
She felt the storm within him reach a crescendo.
“You have to start letting people in, Jen.”
“What?” She straightened, fumbling the heat gun she’d been using to harden the patch Wally had applied.
Wally took the heat gun and directed her to a bike that was already resting in a stand, waiting to have its tire changed.
“It’s time to lean on someone, Jen.”
“Like who?” She watched as he put the tools away before moving on to loosen the bolts on the bike she was standing beside. She helped him, falling into a routine of give and take.
“You never talk about your past.”
“Neither do you.” She knew Wally and his wife were no longer together and that his kids had grown up in Blueberry Springs, but not much beyond that.
“I don’t change the subject when anyone asks.”
Okay, she had to give him that one.
She scratched her neck and glanced over her shoulder toward the wide doorway that led into the store. Maybe a customer had come in and they hadn’t heard them enter. She should go check.
“Don’t run off. There are no customers,” Wally said sternly.
“I wasn’t.” She crossed her arms, then realized she wasn’t helping, and held the chain out of the way so Wally could pull the tire.
“I think the next step in your journey is to let people in,” Wally said.
“What journey?”
Wally continued to work, head bent.
“I let people in,” she said. She hated it when he clammed up and she wanted him to spill everything on his mind. She was like a cat and he was curiosity. He was going to kill her with his games.
Wally glanced at her and she recalled Amber’s shocked expression when she’d discovered Jen hadn’t talked to her parents in years. She sighed in defeat. “Okay, okay, but why can’t anyone understand that I’m better off without them?”
“Without whom?”
“My parents.” She crossed her arms again.
“Why’s that?” His tone conversational, his attention focused on getting the tread off the bicycle rim so he could swap out the split tube for a new one.
“People break promises.” Jen’s voice was hard and full of pain she hadn’t realized was still as deep as ever. “People don’t care how you feel when they rip your life apart. They…they betray you. They make you think they care and you get all wrapped up in loving them and then they sleep with your best friend!”
Wally’s head popped up in surprise.
“And now,” Jen continued in a wobbly voice, “you’re saying I should do something I can’t.” Her voice grew tight with held back tears. “I can’t let people in, Wally. I’m in trouble. Big trouble and it might get really bad.”
Wally’s brow wrinkled, but he remained silent, not coming in for a hug or any of the things she thought he would. Instead, he kept on working, giving her space to sort herself out so she wouldn’t run away.
Wally put the tire back together, fitting it back onto the bike frame. “I found having a social network to be reassuring during difficult times. Lawsuits can be very difficult emotionally, physically even.”
Jen’s body stilled. “What do you mean?”
“A social network can determine whether one makes it out okay.”
“I meant the lawsuit.”
Wally turned away, resting his wrench on the workbench behind him, shoulders drawn.
“Have you been to court?” she asked.
“The divorce wasn’t kind to me, Jen.” He turned to face her. “But people around town supported me. Even people I thought of as only acquaintances. People who were supposed to be on the other side.”
He met Jen’s eye and for some reason she thought of Rob. Wally gave her a small nod as though reading her thoughts. Really? Rob?
He gave another slight nod, a tiny smile tugging the corner of his lips.
It felt as though someone had taken heeled boots to her chest and knocked her a good one.
She couldn’t love Rob!
Love? What did love have to do with it?
She needed to get a grip.
“Am I going to be okay, Wally?” she asked, her voice weak.
“We’re social beings. Our bodies release chemicals when we touch each other. We need contact, Jen. Just like newborns need skin-to-skin contact, adults do, too.”
“I don’t need a boyfriend,” she said darkly. What was it about Blueberry Springs wanting to hook up all the single gals anyway? “Life’s complicated enough as it is.”
“Contact tells our bodies to relax and that we aren’t under attack. Lowers our stress response. Improves our overall physical health.”
“Well, aren’t you Mr. Science today.”
“It�
�s from a book I’ve been reading.”
“I have nature, Wally. I’m fine.” She rattled off a few facts he’d taught her over the years. “It reduces blood pressure, reduces the risk of depression and anxiety, increases your attention span, and many other good things. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Nature isn’t the same as human contact, Jen.” His expression grew serious. “I’m butting into your business because I see you as a daughter.” He paused to let that point hit home, and Jen swiped back sudden tears. “You still have time to straighten out your life and find happiness. Don’t let the past block you into a corner that no longer serves you.”
“I’m happy,” she said, her voice strained from holding back tears.
He gave her shoulder a big squeeze, shooting her a wry half-smile.
“Quit letting your fight or flight response override your higher order brain. In other words, when you feel stressed or cornered, don’t flee. Not this time.” He waited, ensuring she heard him, his eyes kind as he placed his hands on her shoulders, leaning forward to meet her eyes. So strong, comforting, relaxing. “It’s time to make friends with the monsters under your bed. Stop holding people at a distance. That’s no longer protecting you. Let people know your past, your life, your dreams. They can only help you get past all of this.”
Jen sniffed, wishing he’d give her a hug and take the pain away.
“Stay, Jen,” he said gently, giving her shoulders an extra squeeze. “Don’t run away. Let Blueberry Springs be your pack. And don’t let timing get in the way of what you really want.”
“In the way of what?” Her brow pinched in confusion.
He gave her a knowing smile and headed to the front of the store, leaving her wondering what the hell he’d seen when he’d looked deep into her eyes. Because whatever it was, it sounded as though she was in for one heck of a ride.
* * *
Jen rubbed her legs down her thighs and kicked her legs out into the street from her perch on the curb outside her apartment. Rob was due to arrive within minutes, and all she could think of was the glimmer in Wally’s eyes when he’d encouraged her to grab Rob with both hands and thrust herself into his life. Okay, maybe not quite that. But she’d heard the message. Don’t run. Don’t bury her head in the sand and shut everyone out. Let people in.