by Oram, Jean
“It wasn’t me.”
“I know!”
“Then what the hell is your problem?” She stood, facing him, arms crossed.
“I bring you home and there’s Moe in your house for the umpteenth time, making me feel like an interloper. You date this guy Ken for six years but just run away at the drop of a hat. You don’t even talk to your parents. How can I trust a woman who runs away from the most important people in her life? What’s going to stop you from doing it to me?”
He stepped closer, and she backed up a step. “You always push me away as soon as we get close. What the hell am I supposed to think? I felt used, Jen. And I don’t take pleasure in feeling that way.”
“Of course I pushed you away. I was scared. Scared I’d hurt you. Scared you wouldn’t like me. Scared that I was just a girl in the Blueberry Springs port to keep you happy while you did your job. I was scared you’d do something dumb and lose your job. And you did.” She blinked back tears. “I was scared of how much I feel for you.”
She pushed down the iron butterflies clanging in her stomach and ignored Rob’s clenched jaw, continuing on, “If I was using you, I wouldn’t be here. I would have skipped off into the sunset. And if I was going to run away, I would have already hit the pavement. You are worth fighting for, Rob. Don’t you see that? Don’t you see that I’m unable to contain myself around you? That I love you?”
Oh, shit. She wasn’t supposed to admit that.
She stood, frozen in place.
The steel in his eyes softened slightly, letting in blue.
“I don’t think you realize how much you’ve changed me, Rob. The old Jen wouldn’t have come here. She would have run off before she lost this battle. She would have fled. But I’m here, because you are important to me. And I’m so sorry for what happened with your job. I didn’t mean for that to happen, and if there had been a way to avoid it, I would have. You have to believe me. You have to trust me. You have to let me in.”
She watched him, felt as though he was slipping away, closing up his walls.
“Please don’t tell me I pegged you wrong, Rob. Please.”
CHAPTER 13
She still couldn’t believe she’d judged Rob so terribly incorrectly. Two nights ago she’d sat outside the hall, in the cool of the evening air, listening to the muffled beats of the wedding band, waiting. Giving him a chance to pull his head on straight and come after her. Instead she’d spent forty minutes with the mosquitoes and turning down offers of cigarettes.
But at least she’d tried. She’d tried to let him in. It wasn’t her fault he wasn’t ready. And Rob, even though he couldn’t seem to make friends with the monsters under his bed, had shown her just how much she had become friends with her own. She had everything, everything except Rob.
But she’d truly believed he would be able to deal with tough emotions and tougher situations. For heaven’s sakes, he’d been flirting with the primary suspect. You’d think a man like that could handle having a crush and work through a few mishaps.
Although she supposed he’d done her a favor, helping her figure that out before her heart was completely and utterly invested. Still, it was going to take her a long time to convince herself that leaving Rob was the thing to do.
She sighed and peddled her mountain bike up the last hill into Blueberry Springs. Her legs throbbed and her shirt stuck to her back from the hard ride. She paused pedalling, letting her bike glide toward the U-drive moving trailer backed up to the pretty little yellow house, it’s sold sign swinging in the light breeze. Someone new was moving into Blueberry Springs. Into her dream home.
She froze and stopped her bike. There was something very familiar about the person hauling boxes.
A breeze kicked up, rifling her athletic shirt.
“Jen!” Moe turned, arms out, a big smile washed across his face. He put an arm around her shoulder and said in a loud voice, “Guess who’s moving to Blueberry Springs and is our new forest ranger?”
She peered around Moe.
Son. Of. A. Bitch.
He had to be kidding. The universe had to be kidding.
It was one thing to let a man walk away. It was another thing entirely to have him move in a block away and be someone she’d have to work with from time to time due to her excursion business.
Rob popped out of the moving trailer. He faltered for a second, embarrassment and something unidentifiable washing over his expression as he spotted her.
“Hey,” he said, unable to meet her eye, shuffling to add his load to the stack of boxes on his new porch.
Moe headed down the sidewalk, calling over his shoulder as he shot Jen a grin. “Let me know if you need more help, Rob. Got a date with Amy so I gotta run. Jen can help you out.” He flashed her a thumbs up, and she wished she had something to throw at him. Something hard. With a good chucking ability. Like a boomerang. Or a rock. Maybe a grenade launcher.
Jen, propped on her bike, her right leg working as a kickstand, fought the temptation to keep moving. To let things stay awkward between her and Rob. But she couldn’t. Blueberry Springs was too small, and being cold to him would only close the remaining doors between them. Plus, him moving here made her curious about what was going on in that cute head of his.
“Why are you here?” she asked as Rob drew near, tentatively edging closer.
He adjusted his Where’s the Fire? hat and licked his lips. Swallowed hard. Then she noticed his shirt. The one she designed.
What did it mean? Was it a sign? And if so, a sign of what?
She flicked the brakes on her bike, avoiding his eyes.
“I was planning my future around you,” he said.
Jen glanced up. This was interesting news.
“I freaked out,” he said, holding his hands out as if in apology. “I caught myself thinking about you all the time. Wondering if I could do a job where I wasn’t driving around the country all the time. Live in one spot. I’d been craving something less nomadic and, when I met you, it hit me full force. I wasn’t happy being in my job any longer. I needed a home. And you and Blueberry Springs…it felt right.” He pulled in a sharp breath as though catching himself saying too much.
Jen kept her attention on a nearby rose bush, unable to meet his eyes and see what might be hiding in them. Love? Fear? Hope?
“I’m not asking you to do anything.” He placed his hands over hers on the handlebars. “What you said at Dina’s wedding was a wake-up slap. I’d been freaking out because I didn’t feel ready. I was scared and you were so…you. I’d resolve not to get involved, and then I’d see you and I’d get swept away all over again. It was easier to think of you as manipulating me when the second fire started and I realized just how much I wanted you to be innocent.” He gave her an apologetic glance. “I just kept thinking, what if you were the pyromaniac starting all those fires and I overlooked something because I liked you? What if I wanted you to be not guilty so bad that I misread evidence? And then, right then…in the middle of all my doubts…” He shook his head, his voice thick. “I got demoted and put on probation, and it was just easier to blame you.”
She struggled to listen, to not block him out. To allow him the opportunity to come clean about not trusting her and to deny to herself how much that hurt. This was why she’d run away from Ken. She didn’t want to hear any of this. It was like having your heart on a merry-go-round, only there was absolutely nothing merry about it. If things were over between them, then let it be over. No need to go over things and hash out every pain and bump. Poke every bruise to see how much it hurt. She squirmed, avoided Rob’s gaze, wishing he’d take his hands off her handlebars again so she could peddle on.
He rubbed her thumbs, his hands warm. “I wanted to move slowly, and be sure. I didn’t want to get hurt, and I kept finding all these discrepancies and I’d doubt myself. Doubt you. After that weekend, I went after any excuse to believe you weren’t who I thought you were. My old insecurities came swelling up and I lost it. I’m sorry, Jen
.” He lifted his hat, pushing his hand through his hair. “I don’t expect you to understand, but I wanted you to know that this was about me. Not you. You’re a strong woman. Amazing. And nothing gets to you. You just joke around and brush things off as if it’s nothing.”
Jen let out a lightly amused snort. This guy had serious perception problems if he believed that was true.
He let go of the handlebars to swoop a hand under his hat again. “Jesus, Jen. I even took this job. I never do spontaneous stuff like that.” He held his thumb and index finger a fly’s span apart. “I came this close to turning it down, but by then I knew this job was what I really wanted. Jobs like this don’t come along every week. A part of me whispered that if I was closer to you, then maybe I could get over my crap and maybe, just maybe, allow myself to have something really good.” He paused, his eyes on her. “Could you give me a chance?”
Jen inhaled. There was so much fear of rejection in those gray-blue eyes. She wanted to grab his face, pull him close, and kiss the worries away. But she couldn’t.
She couldn’t just jump in like all was merry. Not yet. Because what if he prematurely landed the plane again the next time their relationship hit turbulence? She couldn’t handle that. Not if she was in deeper than him and if she let him in, she’d be deeper than a hard rock miner in a matter of days.
Jen blinked back tears, pulling her chin from his grip.
“It wouldn’t have cost you anything to trust me.”
He gripped her chin again, looking her dead in the eye. “I love you, Jen. I want to be with you. Badly. And because of that, I got scared. I’ve never felt like this with anyone.”
Everything she wanted to hear.
She looked up. His lips were only inches from hers. If she moved closer she’d kiss His Holy Major Hotness. Claim him as hers.
But part of her didn’t want to give in that easily, needed space to breathe and think. The other part of her was like a bunch of kids that had just been told they were heading to Disneyland.
“Let’s take it day by day, okay?” she said, backing her bike away before she got swept off to sea without a raft.
* * *
Jen strolled through the meadow, her hand gripped in Rob’s. They’d spent the afternoon hiking in silence, no contact other than their hands pinned together. She did owe him a hike after all.
But did she trust him not to hurt her? To be open with her and to not back away?
She was still figuring that out. They’d ignored each other for a couple of days after their chat outside his new house. But for the past three days they’d gone on mini dates, slowly getting to know each other a little more. Learning to trust. Revealing their pasts. Their foibles.
Rob turned to smile as he pointed out a squirrel skittering across their meadow path. It reminded her of one of those scenes in a movie where there was no sound, the air misty and full of fluttering dandelion fuzz as the sun rose in the sky. She shook her head and smiled. It was as though her head had been doused in a flood of hormones and she was stuck in a sticky sweet romance.
But she didn’t mind. Not at all. Even though it was as though all the years her biological clock hadn’t ticked were making up time now—in super high speed.
She was supposed to be an independent, non-lonely woman who didn’t need a man to complete her life. To give her a reason to be. But she found the more she hung out with Rob, the more she imagined a life together. Maybe it was a side effect of letting him in—it led to waiting to let him in more and more.
Rob turned again, pointing out the flowers that were starting to open in the early morning sun. She swore her heart just about fell over itself. He was a nature nerd. If she swooned any harder she’d fall over sideways and crush the wildflowers he was pointing at.
They padded quietly along the wood chip path, protected by tall trees on either side as they hiked beyond the meadow and up a short hill to a gazebo that overlooked the meadow in one direction and the crystallize water of Blueberry Lake in the other.
Hiking up the hill, side by side, Rob said, “That meadow makes me think of The Sound of Music.”
“Totally. Me, too.” She could see it. The way the long grass was waving in the wind—other than the dirt race track, of course. That kind of spoiled the effect.
“All you need is a girl twirling and singing.”
“Oh, well. In that case, on the way down I’ll run ahead and sing for you.”
Rob laughed and paused at the top of the hill. “Wow. What a view.”
“And I’m not even wearing a dress.” Jen did a small curtsey.
“This is the icing on the cake.” He locked his gaze on hers. “The sweet, sweet icing.”
Jen climbed a boulder to look out toward the lake, Rob joining her, his arm slung around her waist. He smiled, the happiness softening his features, relaxing him, making his eyes crinkle.
Focused on the view, Rob said, “This view, right here.”
“I know, right? And it’s such a nicer, cleaner hike that the last one we went on together.”
He let out a chuckle that was rich and loose. The right side of his lips curved into a smile and, in the process, hooked her heart.
“Do you trust me?” She tilted her head to the side.
He nodded.
“Believe everything I tell you?” Her lips quirked into an amused half-smile.
“Even if you tell me this haircut looks good on me.” He lifted his hat to reveal a poor haircut. “Got it trimmed up last night.”
She let out a laugh. It looked as though a kindergartener’d had a go at his shaggy hair with safety scissors.
He plunked his hat back on with a sheepish grin.
“There’s no lying about that haircut,” she said.
“I think I was moving too fast.”
“You were moving when you got your hair cut?” She let out a giggle. “No wonder.”
He pulled her closer by her waist, snuggling them together, hip to hip. “No, I mean…with you. With us.”
“I think we both were.”
He gave her a shy look.
“I know the timing has been off and there is no reason to rush on things.” He tipped his head closer, his voice lowering as he took her free hand. “But Blueberry Springs has brought me closer to so many things I want to be close to.”
“And?”
“I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.”
Jen tipped her head back and laughed. Despite her heart’s conditioning to be wary of skittish men and shaky romances, it had already gone its own way and forgiven him long before she’d even ridden her bike away from him on his moving day. Hell, it had even slipped a little further in love with him. How crazy was that?
“Hm. I don’t know…are you going to stalk me if I don’t say yes?” She trailed a finger down his chest. “Have you calling me up to breathe all heavy in my ear?”
He leaned closer, a playful twinkle in his eyes. “Peering through your window shades?”
“In my bedroom wearing my underwear?”
He gave her a sly smile. “I’d prefer to see you standing in your underwear.”
She laughed and pulled him close. “I know it feels as though things are moving fast, but it also feels right. Scary, it’s so right.” Her heart ticked out a rapid beat.
“I think so, too.” He hugged her against his chest, stroking her hair.
“I thought I’d lost you.”
His eyes crinkled as he smiled. “I thought I never had you.”
She let out a little laugh. Why did he have to be so damn sexy?
He leaned down and gently kissed her mouth. He pulled back, resting his forehead against hers, an affectionate gleam in his eyes.
In her heart there was hope. Hope that hadn’t been there for a very long time.
* * *
Jen closed the register and smiled at her customer. “So, what are you up to this evening? Need someone to hike with you to a nice, secluded waterfall?” She winked at Rob and he too
k the new lifejacket from her, gripping her hand so he could pull her across the counter. He tipped her chin up and kissed her lips.
“Hmm. Would this be a private tour?”
“I like to give my most promising clients exclusive access to all Blueberry Springs has to offer. Ensure they are fully satisfied.”
Rob’s eyes darkened to lusty pools, and he pulled her closer, kissing her like there was no tomorrow. He pulled her across the counter and called out to Wally, who was working in his office as he pulled Jen into his arms. “Jen’s leaving early, Wally!”
“Right-o!” Wally called without leaving his office. “I’ll close up in a few! See you tomorrow, Jen!”
“Thanks, Wally!”
Trying not to giggle as Rob carried her out the store and up the stairs to her apartment, she nuzzled his neck, gripping his earlobe between her teeth.
He let out a moan, just about losing her on the stairs as he picked up his pace.
The past two weeks had been busy with Rob moving to his new hometown of Blueberry Springs, starting a new job, and exploring every inch of Jen’s body. But then, she’d been busy, too. She’d let him past her heart’s borders, and it had been easier than she would have guessed. The moments when she thought she couldn’t let him in any further, he surprised her, deeking her out and slipping in further. Beyond barriers she didn’t even know she had.
His Holy Major Hotness.
He shut the apartment door behind them with a foot, gripped the bottom of her T-shirt and, in one fluid move, added it to the shoes he’d just kicked off.
“Remind me to thank Scott,” Jen said with a grin, running her hands up Rob’s tight chest.
Rob stopped moving. “What?”
She pulled her body against his, her body charged with all that he was promising. “For giving up on trying to be a forest ranger.”
Rob hoisted her over his shoulder and headed to her bedroom, giving her ass a slap. “Remember, Jen, only you can prevent forest fires.”
She laughed as he tossed her on the bed, stripping off his jeans. She followed suit with her own.