The other humans egged him on by clapping and whistling.
Zola’s eyes widened with delight and arousal at the sight of Chad’s naked and lean upper body. She licked her dark brown lips wantonly with her long, pink tongue.
“Wooo … wooo … wooo … weee,” she bleated quietly to herself.
Beneath her right big foot there was a twig of a tree. Snap went the twig beneath her clumsy big foot.
She looked down at her stupid big foot and cursed quietly, “Smet!” She slapped her hairy hand to her mouth and wanted to squeal with joy. She had spoken her first word and it had to be a cuss word. This was her favorite word and she always sniggered when she heard it. To all Bigfoot smet was used to describe something unpleasant from smells to feelings.
Zola was alarmed to see and hear sounds of distress coming from the humans. Had she given herself away? She was desperate for them to stay and not run off.
The red-haired smaller female pointed in Zola’s direction and spoke, “Did any of you hear that? Something’s out there! Something’s moving about over there.”
Zola sensed amusement rather than terror from that human.
“Don’t be such a wus, Sammi-Jo … it’s just Duane-o up to his usual tricks,” Boo said. He drank some happy juice.
Zola perked up at hearing Doowane’s name spoken by her plaything. Doowane was her only human friend. She thought he was going to join them as she could smell his distinct stink.
As Duane hid behind a fir tree and watched Beau and his friends he was assaulted with his own image direct from Zola’s messed up thoughts. Did she want to play with me, he thought? He had the distinct image of Zola wanting to kiss him. This was getting weird. In his confusion, Duane assumed Zola was looking for him. Perhaps he had drunk too much beer — though if he remembered correctly he’d only drunk the one brew.
Then it occurred to him he should be leaving, but something told him he should stay. He glanced at his wrist where there was no wrist-watch. Darn, he needed to be on his way if he was gonna do what he’d planned on doing that night — which was to get up to some mischief.
Zola perked up even more when her sharp vision focused on the tiny pictures displayed on the strange box held by Soozie. She was so inquisitive.
Her chosen mate, the gorgeous blond Boo, pointed to the heavens in a scary way.
“Shit no … it’s those aliens come to take us. Hey assholes … it’s my old man you want, not me,” he shouted out, laughing. He grabbed Sammi-Jo and kissed her. They rolled in a clinch on the grass.
Chad grabbed Soozie and kissed her.
Behind a tree, Zola looked up to see nothing but the stars. She frowned for a moment. Were these humans waiting for the bright lights to take them away? If so they were certainly in the right place, marked by the Big X.
She went rigid as something caught her keen eyesight. Another Bigfoot was lurking on the other side of the picnic area. She sniffed the air wafting from that direction and frowned. Doowane was playing hide-and-seek. She jiggled with excitement at the thought of playing with Doowane, but sighed as his odor rapidly diminished in strength with the sound of his Bigfoot feet fading away into the woods.
Zola knew what she should do now, when the humans were close by who might get a glimpse of a Bigfoot. She knew she must leave quickly. Hide. But Zola often didn’t do as she was told to do by her tribe. She accepted being considered a baby. But at almost two hundred moons old, Zola was ready for anything nature threw at her. Perhaps she had grown up too fast, and without a mate which made her impatient.
So she did the only thing Zola knew what to do in these situations — she got over-excited. She wanted to stay and watch the teenagers. In fact, she wanted to join in the fun. She warned herself not to tread on anything that might give her presence away.
Zola’s blond plaything took a long gulp of happy juice. She licked her lips as her nostrils detected the distinct smell of happy juice. Oh how she loved the stuff with its strange taste and after-effects, but had only managed to drink what had been left behind by humans and it was never enough. She ached all over to join in their fun, for Zola sensed that these humans were a lot like her.
Zola cocked her head as Soozie started to shake the picture-box in her hand as if frightened.
Chad squealed in terror, “Oooooh, it’s Bigfoot. Hey Duane, you asshole … you out there … Duane!”
Sammi-Jo stared right at Zola with a terrified look — genuine fear.
That was it, the final berry. She didn’t want to frighten them. Zola emerged from the woods and entered the light surrounding the campfire.
The humans looked expectantly at Zola.
Chad chuckled, “Duane you dumbass … you gave us a good scare.” Grabbing Zola’s calloused hand, he dragged her down to sit with them. He offered Zola a beer.
Zola couldn’t fumble the ring pull so she bit into the can and chugged the whole lot down in one gulp with froth spraying in her face.
“Nice one Duane.” Chad tossed the Bigfoot another beer. “Do that again, dumbass.”
Zola watched Boo playfully punch Sammi-Jo in the shoulder. “See … nothing to fret over … it’s just dumbass Duane-o.”
Zola’s big eyes rounded as she looked at the delectably gorgeous, blond Boo. Her heart fluttered then raced wildly. She giggled, “Fsfsfsfsfsfsfs!”
Soozie filmed Zola up close and personal. “You in there, Duane?” Soozie frowned. “Duane?” She poked Zola in the chest and touched her boobs. Real boobs! She turned to Chad, “Um … I don’t think this is Duane, Chad … we’ve got a real live Bigfoot here.” She excitedly filmed the Bigfoot with trembling hands.
Zola cocked her head to one side and grinned, revealing her big yellow teeth. She belched a ripper.
“Me Zola!” Zola squealed as the words came so natural to her. At last she could express her feelings and thoughts. She was so happy she sprang to her big feet and did a go-go style sixties jig. “Zola boogie … Bigfoot boogie.” She skipped and boogied around the campfire, squealing and snorting. “Me Bigfoot made for walkin’.”
“She sure don’t sound like Duane,” Chad declared.
Zola slumped next to Boo and gave him her best wuv-me look with her big eyes. She batted her eyelids.
“I think she’s got a thing for you, Beau,” Sammi-Jo said with a giggle.
Beau kissed Zola’s snout, “Hey gorgeous … wanna fool around?” He sniffed her body and coughed.
Zola’s eyes rounded and she mewled pathetically. She knew she had a strong body odor and needed a good dowsing.
Sammi-Jo stopped kissing Chad and looked perplexed at Zola. She touched Zola’s arm and felt the rippling muscles. “Hey guys, I think Soozie’s right … she’s a real Bigfoot … Chad we’ll be sooooo famous … and rich from that million dollar reward.”
The moment went sour when Zola let rip another belch.
Sammi-Jo fell backwards, gagging on the stink breath. “That’s so gross … you pig.”
Making matters worse, Zola squeezed off a powerful fart as Boo stumbled to his feet. Some of the fart fumes ignited as they drifted across the fire. A sheet of flames erupted.
Soozie coughed, “That’s so fifty smells of poop!”
“Gotta drain the lizard,” Boo said wandering off towards the X trees.
The toxic fumes were too much for Soozie, Chad and Sammi-Jo and they passed out.
Zola lovingly watched Boo near the Big X. “Smet!” She jumped to her feet, dashed after him and hid behind a tree. Her chosen one stopped beneath the Big X. His smell aroused her.
With almost unbearable excitement, she stared at him peeing. She saw the steady flow of his pee on the ground and against the tree. The smell of his manly essence and muskiness aroused her to breaking point.
She swished her hips suggestively, cooing, “Woooo … wooooo … woooooo.”
Zola walked toward her unsuspecting plaything, placing her big feet carefully on the ground. She stopped behind a nearby tree and watched him. Zola
breathed heavily with lust. She licked her lips.
An owl screeched, as if to alert Beau, but he was a little too happy on the juice to heed the warning of the wise old owl. He belched.
“Hey, guys, no way that’s a real Bigfoot … they gotta be at least seven feet tall,” Beau shouted out, continuing to drain the lizard as he spoke.
Zola thought he was calling to her and sighed on hearing her chosen plaything’s voice. She sniffed the night air then sniffed her own pungent odor. Her very hairy, excessively damp armpits were the culprits.
“Smet!” Smelling like a raccoon’s behind was not the way to woooo-wooooo her Boo. She needed a good dowsing in the magic waters if she was going to attract her pretty boy.
“Woooooo … wooooooo,” she called her plaintive mating call excitedly into the night.
The unfamiliar calling sound — which was so loud, it seemed to be inches from his ear — which it actually was, suddenly warned Beau he was not alone.
Beau whirled around, spraying pee everywhere, to see the Bigfoot watching him up close and personal. “Want some?” He peed all over the Bigfoot’s big feet.
Zola jumped back as his warm liquid doused her feet. Her twitching snout liked the aroma a lot. She stepped forward and touched Boo’s shoulder.
“Me Zola.” She mewled, “Woooo … woooo … woooo.”
Beau reacted as he could only react in this situation, “Had enough?” He shook himself dry and zipped up. “Who the hell is in there?” He poked and prodded Zola all over. “Annie? Heidi?”
Zola giggled and chuckled at being tickled so playfully. “Fsfsfsfsfsfsfssfsfsfsfs!”
Beau frowned and then laughed. “Okay Annie, I know it’s you.” He frowned some more as it couldn’t be Annie. She was real stacked.
Before he could cry out, Zola’s big hairy hand, pink and calloused, came up to his face and covered his mouth, stifling his scream.
Zola was so excited she let out her mating call, “Wooooo … weeeee … woooooo.” She was alerted by the sounds of her plaything’s friends recovering from her blow out.
“Hey Beau, stop pissing about,” Chad called out.
Zola watched as the humans looked wide-eyed in her direction. They pointed directly at the Big X where Boo had only moments before taken a leak. As all eyes were focused on her, Zola decided to remain still with a hand across her wuvly Boo’s mouth. The dense woods and the dark of night was her ally. She knew they couldn’t see her.
“I’m scared Chad. Something’s not right. Maybe we should go home.” Sammi-Jo stared into the now scary woods, shivering.
“Nah, let’s stay,” Chad said.
“Weeee … woooo … weeeee … wooooo,” Zola bleated, now a little sad at frightening the humans. Her sharp hearing homed in on their voices.
“Shit, did you hear that?” Chad exclaimed. “What if that Bigfoot was one of those aliens who keep abducting Beau’s old man … maybe they’ve come for Beau?” Chad looked up to the sky and at the pair of pines that had grown askew creating a perfect X. “Beau says those aliens are up to some weird shit and they use the twin pines as their marker.” He shrugged seeing nothing unusual. “There’s nothing out there Sammi-Jo.”
“It’s just gotta be a real Bigfoot,” Sammi-Jo whimpered. She grabbed hold of Chad’s bare arm and shivered with fright. “Maybe it’ll come back and have its way with us.”
Chad pushed Sammi-Jo away, laughing, “Or maybe it wants to eat us.”
Sammi-Jo swallowed nervously. “Do you suppose it knows how to cook?”
“Yeah probably, I wonder what I’d taste like cooked up in a big pot with some garlic, oregano, salt to taste and vegetables?” He chuckled. “Very nutritious I should imagine.”
Soozie wrinkled her nose. “Don’t be such a disgusting lame-brain, Chad.”
“I can sense it’s watching us,” Sammi-Jo said, looking fearfully into the woods.
Soozie directed the camcorder to the spot where Beau had gone to take a leak. “It’s only Beau pissing around as usual.” She frowned. “But that Bigfoot seemed so real, and it was female too, so it couldn’t have been Duane.”
Chad laughed. “No way, man, that ain’t no Bigfoot, just someone looking for kinky sex.” Chad grinned, “Like me … want some?”
Soozie gave Chad an old-fashioned look that said he was such a dumbass and not getting any.
Chad looked befuddled, “What I say now?”
Sammi-Jo jumped to her feet and looked frantically into the dark woods. “Beau … you there?” she shouted, “Beau … you asshole!” She turned to Chad, “Well, go take a look.”
Zola listened to the humans calling out. It occurred to her they were calling out for her plaything. Now she was in real trouble.
Under her watchful gaze Chad walked directly towards her still calling for Boo. Zola wanted Boo for herself and connected Chad’s intent with stealing him away from her. She gripped Boo tighter as he attempted to get free and let rip an excited fart. His eyes rolled up into their sockets and he went limp.
Zola swiftly lifted him before he collapsed and slung him over her shoulder, fireman-style.
A moment later, Boo threw up down Zola’s back. A moment after that Boo passed out again. Zola didn’t mind him throwing up down her back. She was excited and eager to take him back to her lair to play with. But a voice inside her told her she was doing wrong. Alas, she was too young to take heed of her conscience, as all young Bigfoot were apt to do. She just knew she wanted Boo to be her special plaything.
As Duane hastened along the forest path, footloose and fancy free, he almost smashed into a tree as Zola’s intense feelings exploded in his brain. She was humming that sixties tune — “These Bigfoot are Made For Walkin’” and was as a happy as a bee in a field of poppies. He could glimpse brief flashing images of what she looked at but she was so happy all he got was a kaleidoscope of bright colors. What the devil was she up to? Oh well, never mind. Best get back to the cabin and get into character.
Chapter 3
Polly & Wally Doodle’s Big Surprise.
LATER THAT NIGHT, much, much later that night, Phantom Bigfoot with rucksack slung over his shoulder and Teena, a Bigfoot Babe, skipped hand-in-hand through the forest close to town.
Phantom Bigfoot chuckled with delight as he sensed MB following them. Duane didn’t care for it amused him that his friend was about to witness his third prank first hand.
Although MB had been chosen by The Elders, Duane had not found the courage to convert him to the ways of the forest. So without the wondrous effects of the Jooobaaa altering MB, Duane had to be content with fleeting glimpses of his friend’s thoughts when MB was thinking about him. And that’s exactly what MB was doing at that moment.
For a couple of miles MB had painstakingly followed two Bigfoot through the forest toward Big Beaver. The small ex-logging town had for a long time been a thriving tourist trap for those searching for Bigfoot. And MB was no different, but as the local crypto-zoologist he had yet to discover the big secret. And for some locals there seemed to be endless opportunities to create havoc during the tourist season with imaginative practical jokes. And suspect numero uno was Duane. Numero dos was also on his mind. Who could the other Bigfoot be — Annie or perhaps her twin sister, Heidi?
MB kept well back as they approached the northern edge of the township, where nestled the Doodle’s small ranch-style house made of rough cut timber and river stones. The house was silent and as dark as the night. Huh, MB thought — the Doodles were probably tucked up in bed.
MB ducked down as both Bigfoot emerged from the forest, edging the property. They paused and listened for danger signs. A curtain of dark clouds parted to release the moon, briefly illuminating both Bigfoot as they skipped across the lawn and entered the house by the unlocked back door.
It never ceased to amaze MB just how dumb Beaverites were. He crept up to the kitchen window and peered in through the parted drapes. It was too dark to make anything out. MB slipped on his night-vis
ion goggles and watched.
The smaller of the Bigfoot opened a refrigerator with large hairy hands and rifled through it, tossing food all over the kitchen floor. The Bigfoot turned and grinned as it removed a donut like a ring on its finger.
The larger Bigfoot grinned back, licking its mouth. MB noticed boobs on the larger Bigfoot and she was well-muscled. Both Bigfoot left the kitchen out of sight of MB. Damn it! He had no choice as his intrepid reporter’s inquisitiveness got the better of him. Like a thief in the night, he opened the door and quietly entered the house. Motionless in the kitchen, he spied both Bigfoot meander down the hallway. He figured they were looking for the bathroom and he knew the Doodles had a bathroom on the ground floor and the door to said bathroom was open.
The sound of floorboards creaking overhead caused MB to panic. The Doodles must have been woken by the Bigfoot intruders. What else could he do but leave, before he was caught in their homestead. He hurried over to the back door and exited, leaving the door wide open in his haste.
MB made straight for the woods and stood there behind a tree watching the house through his night vision goggles. He sighed wishing he could see what mischief Phantom Bigfoot was getting up to.
Phantom Bigfoot turned to face his audience and waved and then continued with what he was doing.
An overly-excited Polly and Wally stood in the open doorway of their bathroom staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the weird scene before them. They were so amazed neither Doodle had the foresight to switch on the light. Enough moonlight cascaded through the window to show one Bigfoot scrubbing the lower regions of another in the double shower cubicle. Clumps of fur clung to the shower cubicle sides and the floor was a disgusting, gooey dark mess.
Claws of Doom Page 35