by Lilly James
I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head. “She’s had more than two chances! I can’t believe you’re letting her come home after everything you said. You got yourself clean, Dad. You did it for you this time. You’re better now. She’ll bring you down like she always does. Please, don’t do this.” I was almost begging him because the thought of my mother coming home was so painful, it brought on tons of anxiety. Being around my dad also did the same, but I tried to deal with it, as I wanted a relationship with him at that point. I also craved a relationship with my mum once. But now she could do a run and jump for all I cared.
“Evey, you have your own life now. What do I have? I’m a lonely old man who has nothing. Aren’t I allowed to be happy?”
He thought I had a life? He thought I was happy? That I wasn’t alone? I heaved out a shaky breath and counted to ten. There was no point in trying to reason with him. He never listened. Broken promises, lies, and deceit. That was what I got from both my parents, and I always would. If others lied to me, if they deceived me, they would never have another chance with me, so why I always gave chances to my parents was something I could never grasp.
“You want to stay for some food?” he asked, trying to cheer me up.
“You’re cooking?” My tone had more than a bit of surprise.
“Yes. Chicken curry for lunch. Want some?”
I looked into his hopeful amber eyes that were bloodshot and tired and gave in. “Sure, why not,” I said, dropping my bag off my shoulder.
“Thanks, kid. I’m happy you came, Evey. You know how happy it makes me when I get to spend time with my only daughter.”
“I know, Dad. I’m glad I came too.”
He wandered off into the kitchen, and I sagged down onto the ripped and stained sofa in the bare living room. There were no photographs up of any of the family, or me. While we did have some when I was younger, in pretty glass frames, they were always smashed. Being at home made me extremely anxious, but I had to try and grin and bear it for my dad.
***
“Evelyn Lizzie Banks, what the hell were you playing at last night?” Steph raged at me like a crazed buffoon as soon as I stepped over the threshold.
“Steph, calm down. I can explain.”
She threw her hands up in the air, swearing and ranting. Her hair was a mess, her mascara was down her face, and she was still in her pyjamas. “Explain? You were fucked off your fucking face, and you think you can explain that?”
I couldn’t get a word in. Steph was dramatic at the best of times, so in the end I had to shout over her and agree I was in the wrong before she let me speak. “Okay, Steph. You’re right. I can’t explain. I had a drink and it got out of hand. There is no explanation. But I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
Her bereaved expression made me feel helpless as she sank onto the sofa and planted her face in her palms. “Evey, I can’t go through this with you again. Just when I think you’re getting better, you go and do something like this. What about our trust? Your promises?” She started to get leery as she reflected on that difficult time in both our lives. “I helped you, Evey, for weeks when you were sweating out, shaking, fighting me, cursing me, and all for a fucking drink. I made you go cold turkey. That was me! It was me who had to watch my best friend go down the path of destruction, and it was also me who helped you get your life back on track, and now you go and pull a stunt like this?”
I refrained from rolling my eyes. Steph was a Libra and allowed all her emotions to pour out. She was sensitive, cried a lot, and always felt she needed reassurance. I was an Aquarius. I held things together as a front, kept my emotions in, and hardly ever cried, or if I did, I would never allow someone to see.
I sat next to Steph cautiously and took her hand into my lap. “Look, it wasn’t like before. I didn’t drink to block anything out. I was having fun and stupidly got carried away. That’s all.”
She sniffed pitifully. “So you’re not going back to that place? Because I can’t go back there with you, Evey.”
“No, I just slipped. I’m sorry. But I promise it won’t happen again.” I wouldn’t tell her the real reason for my intoxication. I hated that I was lying. Lies are what kill people, but sometimes they helped to protect the ones you cared for.
“I knew I shouldn’t have let you go. You can’t put yourself in social situations that involve alcohol anymore. Alex should have known better.”
“Alex was great. Don’t blame him.”
She sighed deeply as she rose to her feet. Needing to leave the conversation at a rest, I changed the subject.
“I went to see my dad today,” I told her gingerly.
“Oh?” She stopped outside her bedroom door. “How did it go?”
I shrugged causally, glancing down to where my smartphone bleeped on the sofa. “The usual. He cooked for me.” I smirked at her astounded expression. “Said my mum’s coming home,” I added on a murmur.
Her body stiffened. “What? He’s taking her back?”
“Yep, said she’s a…”
“Changed woman?” Steph finished off my sentence, exasperated. “He’s crazy. You’re better off without them, Evey.”
I knew that. But telling me my parents—my mother in particular—were bad news and that I should cut them out of my life for good was easier said than done.
I wandered into my bedroom, sprawled across my bed with my legs up, and opened my text messages. One was from Alex, asking me if he could take me to the cinema to make up for the previous night. It was just like him. Taking the blame for something he didn’t do. I really didn’t want to go, but I also didn’t want to say no and let him down. After all, the night was ruined because of me. Thinking about it brought back the memory of Parks. The way he demanded to taste me. The way he did taste me. My body had been subjected to feelings and sensations I hadn’t discovered until last night. The way he looked at me afterwards particularly stuck in my mind. It was almost like he sensed my vulnerability and could see through my walls. Even though I didn’t want to become transparent to him, I did a stupid thing like letting him hold me. I never let anyone hold me, even for a moment after an intimate act. But I knew Parks was not the man for me. He was dynamite, waiting for someone like me to light his fuse. And when he exploded, I would be the one left wounded. He didn’t realise I was already wounded, already damaged. That being said, I was rebuilding, and I couldn’t allow him to break me back down into broken pieces. I knew what I felt for Alex was diminutive, but he was safe. He wouldn’t hurt me. He wouldn’t tell me what to do, argue, or shout. He would be good for me. But I inevitably hurt everything that was good for me, and I really didn’t want to do that to him.
I texted him back, saying it was a good idea, then read my other text. My heart sank as soon as I did. It was from Parks again.
Wade: I need to see you, Evelyn. I can’t get you off my mind. Call me.
I closed my eyes on a deep breath and replied.
Me: I have a date tonight, besides, I don’t want to see you again. Leave me alone.
Wade: A date with whom?
Me: Alex.
I didn’t get a reply from him after that. I could imagine if he had the strength of the Incredible Hulk he would have squashed his phone into tiny pieces in his palm.
I didn’t bother getting changed for the cinema. I just tidied my ponytail up and met Alex outside my flat. He was dressed in old jeans that were frayed at the bottoms, trainers, and a blue jumper that brought out his blue eyes. I climbed into the taxi he booked, wondering why he didn’t bring his car.
“I thought we’d head to the Odeon in Leicester Square. That cool?”
“Sure.”
We didn’t talk much on the way. Alex gave me the lowdown on the football scores that day, even though I wasn’t remotely interested, but at least it avoided the discussion about the previous night’s antics.
When we got inside the cinema, we bought our tickets and waited in line for popcorn, where we got talking to some of
Alex’s friends that were going to watch the same film. They all nudged Alex at the sight of me, winking and eying me up like men do. Alex’s face glowed like a beacon at their ribbing, but I left them talking about more football and glanced around yawning and most of all, trying to ignore Alex’s attempts to hold my hand. Then I saw him, and my face dropped, my smile fading. No. It wasn’t happening. There was no way he could have known where I was. My heart rate quickened as my gaze ran down his sex-god body graced with dark blue jeans, a dark blue jumper, and brown shoes. Casual and oh so hot. He looked bored to death as he yawned and lifted up his cuff to check his watch.
It was almost like he felt my presence from across the room as I spotted him. He momentarily glanced up from his watch and caught my wide-eyed gaze. I didn’t look down; instead, I glared at him. This was in no way a coincidence.
I watched horrified as he worked his way through the crowd towards me and quickly turned my attention back to Alex. “So is this film any good?” I asked to distract him and myself. But it didn’t come out confidently. I knew from looking into Alex’s eyes as he was about to answer that Parks was standing behind me. I turned hesitantly and saw him posing as casual as they come.
“Evelyn, I spotted you from across the room. I wondered how you were feeling after last night.”
I knew he wasn’t referring to my drunkenness but to him tasting me. I narrowed my eyes at him, silently begging him not to do it. “I have a vicious headache, actually. You know, the ones that never seem to fuck off.”
“Wait. I have paracetamol in my wallet if you want one?” Alex butted in.
I shook my head, exasperated at how stupid Alex could be sometimes, and placed my hand on his arm.
“You know what, my headache seems to have gotten worse. Do you mind if I leave?”
He frowned, but it soon softened. “You want me to take you home?”
I was too quick to shake my head. “No, you go watch the film with your mates. I’ll be fine.” I didn’t give him time to react, but knowing Alex, he would have preferred a night with old mates anyway.
“Evelyn, wait. I’ll take you home.”
I screamed, infuriated by Parks’s stalker tendencies. “You knew I’d be here, didn’t you? Because I’m sure a man like you has no desire to come to the cinema.”
His smirk was unapologetic. “Maybe.”
I didn’t ask him how. I was too enraged. I spun on my flats and bolted through the lobby of the cinema with Parks marching beside me.
After getting outside, I quickly noticed the familiar Jaguar parked at the kerb with the driver waiting by the car door, but I carried on marching until Parks yanked my elbow.
“Evelyn, you’re coming with me.”
“Let me go.” I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong and wouldn’t release me.
“I won’t ever let go. You’re mine.” Before I knew it I was being picked up and practically hurled onto the leather seats without choice. “Drive until I say so, Cleaver.”
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Parks? This is kidnapping.” I was raging, and more so when he laughed, half-amused, half-angry.
“If kidnapping is what I have to do to get you to be with me and keep you away from Alex, then that’s what I’ll do. And you’re back to calling me Parks now? I seem to remember you calling me Wade clearly last night as I made you come in my mouth. Now put your seat belt on.”
I should have been shocked by the abrupt, straightforward way he talked about sex, but I wasn’t. It suited him. Like everything about him annoyingly suited him. I groaned my objection whilst flopping back into the seat, nauseated. “You are relentless. Like a child who holds on to someone’s leg and won’t let go.”
He answered straight-out and deadpan. “I can hold on to your leg if you want.”
I meant to turn and punch the smug prick, but it made me laugh. Really laugh. And Parks sat back and watched me, looking highly entertained until I couldn’t laugh anymore.
“That’s a special sound.” He smiled warmly, his eyes affectionate. “You should do it more often.”
I cleared my throat and turned to gaze out the window. “I would if there was something to be happy about,” I muttered under my breath.
I heard his soft sigh. When he spoke, his tone was sincere, and that’s what I couldn’t get a grasp on. His sincerity. “You’re a woman with a broken smile, Evelyn. I just wish I knew why.”
I scoffed, offending myself. “You don’t want to know about me.”
He tenderly placed a hand on my knee. “You’re wrong. I do want to know about you. Everything.”
“Why?” I was at a loss. “You have no business with me, Parks. No one does.”
He didn’t reply, and his pause made me turn my head. I watched his green eyes as they tried looking through the shield that guarded me. While he watched me, I studied his tanned, sculptured face. His full pink lips. That unruly dark hair. I already knew he was beautiful. Utterly flawless. And that made me uneasy. I glanced away, uncertain of my feelings, but Parks gently took hold of my chin and tilted it towards him.
“Don’t look away from me. Do you realise how beautiful you are to me?” He stroked my cheek tenderly, leaned over, and cautiously pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me delicately, moving at a slow, compassionate pace whilst caressing my cheek. I kept my hands by my sides but kissed him back whilst I dug my fingers into the leather upholstery. I wanted to touch him, but I denied myself the sensation. Instead, I forfeited and allowed myself to massage my tongue against the heavenly licks he was gifting me. When he pulled away, he kissed my lips once more and sighed deeply before pressing his forehead against mine. “You’re simply stunning. Please don’t make me stay away from you.”
I closed my eyes. “Why do you want me to stay?”
He caressed the sides of my face with his palms. “Apart from your beauty, and from how much I desire you, I’m still trying to figure that out. The same as I’m still figuring you out.”
I scoffed at his comments and pulled my face out of his hold. “You will never work me out. No one does. No one gets me.”
“Let me get you,” he pleaded softly.
I shook my head firmly. “No.”
“Why?”
“Can’t you just take no for an answer?” He was making me snappy and irritable, and it made him smirk. He loved my attitude.
“Do you speak to everybody like this?”
“No, just people who fuck me off.”
He shifted in the seat, but I refused to look at him. “I fuck you off because I ignite something in you that you want left untouched.”
Yes, that halted my reaction a little. But he wasn’t right, was he?
“That’s not true,” I told him, turning my attention to the window, watching the streetlamps disappear as we drove past.
He groaned. “Cleaver, pull over and leave us.”
I looked around quickly and realised we were at a deserted car park, and I had no idea where Cleaver was going to go.
“Why are you making him—?”
I didn’t have time to finish. As soon as Cleaver closed the door, Parks swiftly unclasped my seat belt, took hold of my ankles, and pulled me down so I was lying beneath him. His mouth crashed into mine fiercely, and his tongue ravaged mine whilst he pressed his hard, hot body against me. His steel erection dug into my thigh, which only spurred on my lustful thoughts—thoughts of having his hard length inside of me. He turned me on in every sense, making me delirious with arousal, erasing all rational thoughts.
He was about to rip my jumper off, so I automatically panicked and pulled it back down over my stomach. “I can’t do this,” I breathed against his lips, hating myself for moaning under his sliding hands whilst telling him no.
He pushed me back down breathlessly. “Yes, you can. We both need this.”
Whether that was true or not, I still couldn’t do it. Not in the back of a car. Those days were gone. I wasn’t a cheap slut; neither would I be made to fe
el like one.
He went for my jeans, and I continued to decline. “Not here, not now.”
He pulled away from me, his gaze drifting over my body before he knelt up, looking distraught. “What the fuck am I doing? Forgive me.” He cursed to himself and quickly climbed off me, then opened the car door and let himself out before slamming it shut, leaving me sitting alone, confused, and a little out of sorts. My emotionless mind was running wild, capturing feelings I’d learned to block out. Parks was slowly trying to destroy my barricade. He was trying to break down that defence I had built, and I hoped I was strong enough to keep myself from caving in.
Sitting in anxious silence, I wondered why he got out. Why he was so furious with himself.
After what seemed hours, Parks came back into the car along with Cleaver. I couldn’t look at him when the car started up, and neither did he look at me. He seemed cold and aloof. He wasn’t approachable, and his body was turned away from mine. I continued to stare out into the black night as the car drove towards my home. When it stopped, Parks jumped out. I knew he was walking around to my side. He opened door and stood aside to let me pass, but he didn’t look my way.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I skirted him, not entirely sure what I was thankful for.
“For what, exactly?” His tone lacked affection.
I lifted my eyes from gazing at the floor, stared at his impassive features, and shrugged. “The lift home, I guess.”
“The lift home…?” he repeated slowly, narrowing his eyes. After a deep pause, he sighed harshly and turned away from me. Without giving me a second glance, he ducked into the car and closed the door. I stood in the road and watched the Jaguar drive away, feeling surprisingly empty.
Heading to my front door, I heard the sound of a woman’s stilettoes clipping their way up the street. I causally turned my head to take a look as I dug inside my bag for my keys. There was nobody around, and the sound immediately stopped. I stared down the quiet street, waiting for someone to pass, but they never came. I shook myself after a creepy feeling came over me and unlocked the front door. I was hoping for a quiet flat, but Steph was on one sofa with Mathew, and Alex was on the other. All eyes shot to me when I entered.