I tried to keep my distance from him. I even tried to give his ring back, but he wouldn’t take it. It wasn’t until a year later that an awkward situation landed me in his arms again. I was having a birthday party, and I decided to give this club a try, not knowing that he was actually one of the owners. I called and left a message regarding my ideas and waited for someone to call me. I got a call later that day and was told to come down. I was shocked when I walked in to make all of the arrangements to find him sitting behind the desk. I almost turned around and walked out.
“Desire, wait! I have something to ask you.”
“What’s that?” I asked, letting the handle of the door loose from my grip.
“Do you ever think about what life would be like if you and I would have stayed together instead of me dealing with Tracy?”
“I think about it all of the time, but it doesn’t matter now that I know she’s your wife.”
“It does matter. You know how I felt about you then and not much has changed.”
“I would find that really hard to believe. When I was just ready to give us a try, you were already with her.”
“I didn’t think that you wanted to be with me,” he said, moving closer to me.
“I wanted you, and I thought that you would have figured it out.”
“I guess I was blind then. My eyes weren’t open, but they are wide open now.” He grabbed my hand, and I tried to resist. I could feel the heat from his body as he moved closer to me. I wanted to turn around and run out of the door, but I couldn’t. I loved this man once, and I knew that it had never died. I had morals, and I knew that it was definitely wrong to yearn for another woman’s husband. I backed away a little when he moved his lips close to mine.
“What are you doing, Dontay?” I quizzed him as I backed up even closer toward the exit.
“I miss you, Desire,” he said, wrapping his arms around me.
“Dontay, this isn’t right. Please don’t,” I said as I continued to weakly try to push him away.
“You know that you can’t resist me. You want me just as bad as I want you.”
“That’s not true, I . . .” I said before his lips touched mine. He stopped me in midsentence. I didn’t want to move forward, but it felt too good to back away anymore. His lips touching mine brought back all of the memories that I tried to put behind me.
He held on to me tight, and I let his initiated motion finish through completely. As he began to rub his hands across my back, I felt myself getting wet down below. He slowly hiked up my miniskirt and pulled my panties down with ease. He hadn’t even touched my throbbing hot spot yet, but I was already nearing an orgasm from the way that he flickered his tongue around my neck. I let out a little moan once his fingers finally made their way to my tunnel. He lifted me up onto the table with his fingers still inserted. He moved his fingers in and out slowly causing my juices to cover his two digits completely. I nibbled on his ear as he continued using his fingers to satisfy me. I was about to burst and tried not to scream as the climax forced me to hold on to him tightly. I could hear voices outside and as the sounds grew closer I lost my focal point.
“Dontay, stop. I think Tracy’s coming,” I said, pushing him away.
“What?”
“I hear her voice. Shit, Dontay, where can I hide?” I said, fumbling to straighten my clothing.
“Go into the men’s room. She won’t come in there,” he said, now realizing that it was in fact her coming close to the door. As she opened the door, he turned and greeted her. I watched from a crack in the bathroom door.
“Hey, baby, what are you doing here?” he said, trying with his foot to cover my thong that was still lying on the floor.
“Tanya and I were going to the mall. I missed you so I just wanted to stop by and tell you.”
“You could have called me on the phone and told me that.”
“Well, I wanted to tell you face to face and, anyway, whose car is that outside?”
“Oh, that’s really why you came in. You saw a car and wanted to check on me. You ain’t slick!”
“No, that’s not what happened, but I would still like to know.”
“Belongs to someone who came here to put down a deposit on a party.”
“Oh, really? Well, where are they? Why is the car still outside? And I can tell it belongs to a female. I’m not stupid, you know,” she said loudly.
“Yeah, it does belong to a female. She came to drop off the money, and her car wouldn’t start. She called some dude to come get her,” he responded with a straight face.
“Really?” she quizzed him, obviously still not convinced. “Well, I’m on my way to the mall. I’ll see you later at home,” she said before kissing him good-bye and heading toward the door.
Dontay followed and locked the door behind her. “You can come out now!” he yelled through the club.
“Damn, Dontay, that shit was too close. This shit cannot go on. Let’s just forget that today ever happened!”
“I can’t forget. I need you, Desire, and that’s some real shit. I’ve fucked with plenty of women but none give me the feeling that you do.”
“Dontay, save it. If you wanted me, you would’ve never lied to me about being married. Look, I have to go. I’m going to forget this, and I would suggest that you do the same!” I quickly walked out of the club and entered my car. I drove away with a nervous feeling in my gut. I knew how I felt about him, and I also knew that there was no way I would ever forget what’d just happened. I was going to attempt to move on with life without him regardless of how difficult that would be. We never realize how difficult temptation is to avoid until we are staring it in the face.
A few weeks following the incident at the club I was doing some shopping at the Gallery shopping mall in downtown Philadelphia. Retail therapy was always something that would make me feel just a little bit better when I wasn’t in the best mood. I’d picked up a few new handbags and a couple pairs of shoes and was on my way to the parking lot when I heard someone call my name. The voice was all too familiar. It was Dontay. I turned back around with a frown and walk toward my car. A good day had just been ruined.
“Look, can we talk?” he asked, slowly driving beside me as I continued to walk.
“Talk about what, Dontay?”
“About us. Listen, I just need a few minutes of your time, and if you never want to talk to me again after that, I will respect your decision.”
I continued walking without speaking. All sorts of thoughts were going through my mind. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but I loved him. I’d never expected things to turn out the way that they had since I believed his every word. I believed him when he told me he loved me and he would make things right. Most people would think I was crazy, and they’d probably be right in that assumption. I was crazy—crazy in love.
“Just follow me to my house,” I said before getting in the car and shutting the door.
He followed me to my house and the few minutes of talking quickly turned into a few minutes of touching followed by a few minutes of fucking. I let my feelings for him take over, and I gave in. I couldn’t resist anymore and though I felt guilty afterward, I wasn’t guilty enough to leave him alone. I knew that he would never be mine, but I imagined it each time we were together.
After he left, I hurried to get dressed and make it to Zanzibar Blue just in time for our girly dinner. It took me three circles around the block to find a parking lot that I was willing to park my BMW in. I wasn’t about to put that shit into a valet lot so that some asshole could put a dent in it. Though I had an okay job, this car was a gift, and I wasn’t ready to pay for any damages, especially ones that I didn’t cause. After comfortably self-parking, I began the two-block walk to the restaurant. I was greeted by the hostess and escorted to the table where my girls Cindy and Gina were waiting.
“Hey, girls, what’s up?” I said before hugging them both. “Damn I thought I was going to be the last one here. Where are Octavia and Shany?
”
“I don’t know. Octavia is probably trying to pry Shany away from that husband of hers,” Cindy said with a chuckle.
“Yeah, they have been spending a lot of time together. I guess they’ve kissed and made up now,” Gina spoke before taking a sip of water.
“Well, I wish they would hurry up, because I’m hungry as hell,” I said, rubbing my growling stomach.
“Those niggas can buy you cars, but they can’t feed your ass, huh?” Cindy said, laughing.
“Fuck you, Cindy! I can get them to buy me anything I want. Don’t get it twisted!” I said, snapping my fingers like the gay skit on In Living Color.
“I’m just playing, girl!” she said, tapping her hands on the table and laughing loudly.
“Hey, ladies, sorry I’m late. My man was all over me and shit!” Shany said as she walked up to the table from behind.
“Where’s Octavia?” Cindy quizzed her.
“Oh she couldn’t make it. Some bullshit about a babysitter. I think she lied to go see that married man she’s been messing around with,” Shany spoke before sitting down.
“So what’s up with you and him? I guess you’ve kissed and made up now huh?” Gina asked, smiling. I sat there burning inside because I was surely not interested in her reply.
“We did. He told me that he hasn’t cheated on me, and I have to believe him. I know that he loves me, and I know that it ain’t a bitch out there who can compare to me. I dropped it, and I promised him that I wouldn’t bring it up again. Then he tore my back out if you know what I mean!” She began laughing at her insinuation of good sex.
I sat there close to vomiting. I knew that I was about to lose it so I quickly excused myself from the table to go to the restroom. I wanted to scream as I stood in front of the mirror. I couldn’t sit and listen to stories of their happiness when I was unhappy in my own life. As bad as it may sound, I was happy when they weren’t. Nobody wants to hear stories about other people being happy when they are miserable.
After I got myself together I returned to the table after about ten minutes with a blank stare on my face. I was hoping that no one would notice since none of them even came and checked to see if I was okay after being away from the table so long.
“What’s wrong with you?” Shany asked, noticing my change in appearance.
“I don’t feel well all of a sudden. I think I’m going to head home and lie down,” I said after grabbing my bag.
“Okay, well, call later and let us know how you feel,” Cindy spoke.
“I will,” I said as I made my way out of the restaurant. I was disgusted. I couldn’t sit at the table with her any longer. I had been friends with Shany for over ten years but, after a while, I felt like she no longer supported me and that changed the way I felt about her completely. There was a time when she was my only friend, but once she got married she forgot all about me. She literally left me out to dry. While I watched her relationship grow I couldn’t help but be envious. That should’ve been my life. That fact made it hard for me to be the great friend I once was. I knew that most people would say that I was wrong, but I didn’t give a damn.
Once I made it home, I immediately called Dontay. I wasn’t happy about the way things left off when I last saw him at the club. I was getting more distressed the longer I sat and thought about it. I’d let it sit on my heart long enough, and it was about time I spoke about it. I dialed his cell phone, and once he answered it, I began to yell immediately.
“I can’t believe you! Why would you do that to me knowing that she was on her way?” I yelled into the receiver.
“First of all, I didn’t know she was coming—and what the fuck is your problem?”
“My problem is the bullshit games that you continue to play. You told me that you loved me, you promised that you wouldn’t hurt me, yet you continue to pull me back in just to be hurt!”
“I never said anything changed. I never said that you and I would be together.”
“Fuck this, Dontay! I thought that things were going to change. I thought that you wanted me to be happy.”
“I do want you to be happy, but you know the dilemma I’m faced with here. I’m not sure what to do, and you aren’t making the decision any easier for me. All I am asking for is a little time.”
“I’m done with this conversation, Dontay, and you. Good-bye!” I said before ending the call. He called me and left at least five messages. How did I get myself into this? I wondered what was going on with me mentally that I continued to fall in love with him. I wanted to be in a real relationship for once in my life, but the drug dealers and other big timers I was attracted to only did me dirty each time. I was tired of being number two. I thought that I would be satisfied with the jump off title, but I was ready to be wifey. I thought that the more time I spent with Dontay the more he would love me and the more likely he would be to leave Tracy’s ass alone.
I lay on the bed for about an hour, sulking in my own misery, when I heard the doorbell ring. I wasn’t quick to answer it, since I figured it was the girls checking to see how I was doing, and I was definitely not in the mood for a get-well session. After about five rings, I was annoyed, so I got up to go answer it. I peeked out of the peephole and noticed Dontay standing there impatiently. What the hell does he want? I thought before answering it. I contemplated leaving him standing there and going back up to bed, but I knew how persistent he was, and I figured that he wouldn’t leave me alone no matter what, and it would be tough to get rid of him.
“What the hell do you want?” I asked through a small crack in the door.
“I want to talk. Open the door, Desire,” Dontay said, trying to push the door open.
“I don’t have anything to say, and I don’t feel really well so I need to get back to bed,” I said, attempting to close the small space between us.
“Look, just give me five minutes. That’s all I’m asking for. I need to explain some things to you.”
I thought about turning him away, but my feelings for him were overriding my anger. As he stood there looking pitiful, I warmed up inside, because my heart still yearned for his attention. “Five minutes, that’s it!” I spoke sternly before loosening my grip on the door to allow him to enter the house.
“Look, I didn’t mean to shut you out earlier, but I was a little upset that you called me yelling. I know that I was wrong to lie to you about her. It’s a lot harder than I thought it was going to be to walk away from her. I know that I should have been honest with you and told you that things between me and her were going okay, but I’m sorry if I led you on.”
“So what does that mean, you don’t want to deal with me anymore?”
“I didn’t say that I didn’t want you. I’m saying that I’m confused. I care for you and her, and it’s hard for me to make a choice.”
“I can’t wait around forever, Dontay. I either need you to be with me or leave me alone so that I can move on with my life.”
“I can’t do that,” he spoke before moving closer to me. I pushed him away trying to avoid any physical contact. I was hurting, and I was still angry about the way that he dragged me along.
“Stop it, Dontay. I know what you are trying to do, and it’s not going to work.” I backed away as I usually did when I was angry with him.
“I need you, Desire,” he said, wrapping his arms around my waist and beginning to caress the small of my back. I tried to stand firm and push him away, but I needed him as much as he claimed he needed me. I felt like the biggest sucker for falling for his tricks, but he had me right where he wanted me. He softly placed a kiss on my lips that sent chills through my body. He pushed his tongue through my lips and began to massage mine with his. It was as if all of my anger was being completely drained from my body and refilled with love.
My body was warm and my feet were tingling. I quickly forgot about Mrs. Tracy as he was my man again, if only for a short time to make love to me. As his hands made their way to my panties, I became excited, anticipating
him touching my wetness. “I’ll never stop wanting you,” he whispered in my ear causing me to exude an overload of lubrication.
After meeting my clit with his soft touch, I moved my hips to initiate a circular motion. This man was all that I could ever ask for, minus the wife. I wanted to feel him inside of me and his fingers caressing me were causing me to hunger for more. “I’m going to make you mine, I promise,” he whispered before lifting me up to place me on the sofa. I unzipped his pants as he continued to finger fuck me with ease. I was moaning loudly, and he was growing harder with each sound I made. I pulled his manhood out and stroked it with a tight grip not ever wanting to let it go. I rubbed his length and begged him to get inside of me. “You want me to fuck you?” he asked in a low tone.
“Yes!” I moaned.
“I don’t believe you. Tell me again,” he instructed while moving his fingers in and out a little faster.
“Yes!” I moaned a second time.
“I still don’t believe you. I need you to make me believe it,” he instructed.
“Fuck me please, Dontay. I need this dick inside of me!” I moaned loudly.
With that he freed his fingers from my extremely juicy tunnel and rammed his stick inside of me. I was in ecstasy as he worked in slow, steady strokes that exuded force. He continued his stroke while sticking his tongue in and out of my mouth. I yelled as I climaxed, and he picked up speed when he noticed my body starting to tremble. He soon turned me over and smacked my ass a few times. I loved it, and when he asked me whose pussy it was, I didn’t hesitate to scream his name. It did belong to him, and he knew that no matter what I would always return to him. I sat there looking into his eyes as he pumped harder trying to satisfy me. Oh, I loved this man, and I whispered it into his ear continuously as he hit my G-spot time and time again. He then removed his length from my wetness and quickly shoved it into my ass. I was used to this since I had learned early on that this was one way to satisfy him. He loved a woman who could take it in the ass and that was one thing that Tracy had yet to tolerate. He always called me his little soldier, because even from the first time he tried it, I always acted as if I enjoyed it. He moved in and out of my ass as I stuck two fingers inside of my tunnel to initiate another orgasm. I was nearing another climax when the telephone started to ring. I was focused on one more nut so I couldn’t have cared less about who was calling. Once the answering machine picked up I tried even harder to ignore it, but Dontay seemed to be slowing down as he heard the answering machine come on. Maybe the sound of the beep made him realize he was making a mistake. Was I the mistake or was his wife? Either way, something made him slow down. After a few more seconds, he stopped and sat down on the sofa before placing his face in his hands. “What the fuck am I doing?” he yelled.
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