Watching the couple’s playful banter scraped all the raw and empty places of Drake’s soul. He’d give anything to volley lighthearted quips with Trevor once again.
“I can tell by the expression on your face, Trev needs more than karate lessons this morning.” Tony clapped Drake on the back. “I’ll take him back to my private room and talk to him for a bit.”
“You might need rope and cuffs to get him back there. Just warning you,” Drake scoffed.
“Thankfully I’m creatively adept with both.”
“I appreciate it, brother.”
“Come on,” Mika urged. “I’ve got a bottle of vodka up in my office. Let’s have a shot or two.”
“Jesus,” Tony choked. “It’s not even eleven yet.”
“I don’t think it matters. Does it, Moses?” Mika grinned.
“Not one fucking bit.”
CHAPTER FIVE
“That’s it,” Savannah encouraged. “Keep your back straight and head up.”
“Like this?” Trevor adjusted his stance on the thick-padded mat beneath his feet.
“Perfect. See, now when I come at you like this”—she pivoted and moved her hand as if to slice his throat, and Trevor instinctively blocked the blow—“you do exactly that. I can’t believe how fast you’re retaining all I keep throwing at you. Want to try a little sparring?”
“Yes. I’d love to.”
With a nod, Savannah stepped back and grabbed her water bottle. Trevor’s gaze stretched across the room. The Doms clustered around the bar talking and waiting for their subs. Drake tossed back his head and laughed at something Nick, one of Savannah’s two Masters, had said. Trevor wished he could draw that same jovial reaction from his Master like he used to. His heart ached.
A burst of laughter from the circle of subs to his right grabbed his attention. Wistful longing filled him. He wanted to be with his fellow subs… latch onto that sense of purpose and meaning. Savor the serenity he found in submission, not learning this karate bullshit. But then Trevor guiltily realized Sanna was missing out as well—because of him. The irritation he’d felt in the kitchen that morning crawled back inside his veins.
“Trev?”
Savannah’s voice yanked him back from the throes of caustic rejection. “Let’s do it.”
With a nod and a false reassuring smile, Trevor bowed to his teacher before bouncing into his trained defensive posture. As the pretty, dark-haired woman advanced on him, he blocked her blows with his hands, arms, legs, and feet. With a giggle, Sanna pushed harder, challenging him with moves he’d not yet learned. Trevor did his best to deflect her rapid kicks and quick, calculated strikes, but he couldn’t defend himself against Sanna’s aggression. With her foot, she landed a stinging slap to the back of his leg. The blow wasn’t painful. In fact, the burn had evaporated instantly, yet every cell in his system turned into a blazing-hot fireball.
With a feral roar, Trevor lunged at Sanna, knocking her flat on her back to the mat. Air exploded from her lungs with a grunt, and her eyes grew wide. But Trevor couldn’t process her distress. He was lost in the dark alley, surrounded by his brutal assailants. The rage buzzing in his ears muted the sound of someone shouting his name. Clamoring onto Sanna’s prone body, he pinned her beneath him and raised his fist in the air.
A pair of strong, thick arms bound him and hauled him off the mat. Kicking and cursing, he fought the unknown monster who’d immobilized him. When he couldn’t find freedom, he bent his head and sank his teeth into the arms of his unknown captor.
“Motherfucker!” Drake’s feral bellow sliced through the suffocating panic within him.
“Trevor! Trevor! Look at me,” Tony Delvaggio demanded in a calm, firm voice. “You’re all right. You’re at the club, not in the alley.”
Though Trevor heard the command, he couldn’t comply. He was still wildly fighting to escape the steely arms that bound him.
“Let him go, Drake!” Tony thundered.
Instantly Trevor was released, but his feet were still swinging like baseball bats, and he landed on the floor with a bone-jarring thud. Scrambling to his hands and knees, he sucked in short, choppy breaths as he tried to escape his demons.
“Easy, baby,” Drake softly whispered beside him. “Daddy’s here.”
Latching onto those two magical words, Trevor held tight as his lover pulled him back from the dark corners of his mind. He drew in a deep breath, and the inky terror began to fade, replaced with the reality of what he’d done. He shot a worried look toward Savannah. She was still on the mat, curled up on her side with her knees tucked to her chest. Both her Masters, Nick and Dylan, knelt beside her, brushing their hands through her hair and talking to her in hushed tones.
“Oh, god,” Trevor wailed. “No. Sanna. No. I’m sorry.”
Tears spilled from his eyes and dripped to the floor below him as the ground beneath him began crumbling away.
“Calm down, Trev. She’s fine.” Nick’s sympathetic expression stabbed Trevor deep. “She’s not hurt, just got the wind knocked out of her. Everything is okay.”
While he was relieved that he hadn’t injured the sweet woman, Nick’s assurance did nothing to appease his horror. Everything was not fine. He’d nearly unleashed his fists on her. As he became aware of the Doms and subs now gathered around him, embarrassment and anger warred within. Trevor launched to his feet, aiming to bolt from the club, but Tony quickly stepped forward and blocked his path.
He pinned Trevor with a knowing stare. “There’s no reason to run. You’re among friends here, Trev. Everyone in this room knows what you’ve been through. They understand.”
“Understand?” he scoffed with a sneer. “I don’t even understand what’s happening to me. They sure as hell can’t.”
Trevor couldn’t catch his breath. His chest heaved. Tears and sweat dripped from his face. He couldn’t bear to look at anyone except Tony. Definitely not Drake. He didn’t want to see the level of hurt, disgust, and embarrassment reflecting in his Master’s eyes.
“Easy, now. Let’s you and me find a quiet place to talk.” Tony extended his hand.
Indecision rolled through Trevor. He wanted to go with the man but needed Drake’s permission. Regrettably the courage to ask was buried under the rubble of mortification. Steeling himself for another punch to the gut, Trevor peered over at Drake. He was pale and visibly shaken, but the look of helplessness etched in his face was Trevor’s undoing.
A pitiful sob exploded off his lips as he rushed toward his lover and gripped him tight.
“Don’t cwy, Unk Twebber,” Tristan called from his perch on Julianna’s hip. “Samma a’kay. See? She a’kay. Jus’ no play so ruff ness time.”
“Shhh.” Julianna softly patted her son’s back. “Uncle Trevor knows, baby. He knows.”
As he stepped back from Drake, Trevor’s gut clenched. How much of his fucking meltdown had the little boy witnessed? All of it, no doubt.
“I’ve got to get out of here,” he whispered to no one in particular.
“Yes. Come with me. We’ll go to my private room,” Tony quietly urged.
“Go with him, sweetheart,” Drake whispered. “I’ll be here waiting when you’re ready.”
Trevor slid his gaze to the big man’s arms. The bite mark he’d inflicted was angry, red, and welted. Thank god he hadn’t broken the skin. Still, his stomach churned for what he’d done.
Tony inched in closer and slung an arm around Trevor’s shoulders. All the while, he led him down the long hallway, speaking in a steady, calm tone.
Once inside the private room, he led Trevor to the bed and instructed him to sit. Bending, Tony dragged a couple of bottled waters from the small fridge and handed one to Trev before he took a seat beside him.
Trevor twisted off the plastic top and gulped greedily as his hand shook uncontrollably.
“When did it turn from simply sparring with Savannah into something dark and threatening?” Tony asked.
“When she kicked me,” h
e replied. “It didn’t even hurt, but… all of a sudden, I was back in that fucking alley. Dammit, Tony, when is this shit going to end?”
“When you stop letting it control you,” the shrink replied.
“You keep saying that same shit, over and over. I don’t know how. I’m so fucking tired… mentally… physically. I don’t have the energy to fight this storm anymore.”
“Then don’t. Let it blow through you like a fucking hurricane.”
“What?” Trevor gaped. “Oh, it blows through me. Every fucking night and daytime now too, in case you didn’t notice. I want it to stop!”
“It won’t until you quit trying to shove the trauma deep down inside you. You have to purge this from your system. Lift out each and every piece of the hurt and pain. Examine it. Let it slice into your skin and bleed it out, and then toss it away. Until you do, you’re going to continue sliding into the darkness like you did out there.” Tony thrust his finger toward the door.
“I’ve fucking bled out as much as I can.”
“Physically, and not by your own doing. You have to bleed out the pain you’re still holding on to in a cathartic sense. Purge the mental, spiritual, and emotional parts of your soul.”
Finding the nerve to do what the man suggested would take a lifetime. Along with overwhelming embarrassment, Trevor now felt hopeless, crushed, and furious. He hated feeling weak and out of control. But most of all, he was sick of hurting… himself, Drake, and the people who loved him. If he couldn’t save himself, he could at least save those around him.
“Will you do something for me?”
“Sweet boy, I’ll do anything and everything I can,” Tony assured with a loving smile.
“Help me get away.”
The doctor cocked his head as he studied him intently. “You mean get Drake so he can take you—”
“No.” Trevor interrupted. “I mean help me find someplace to go so I can sort this shit out.”
Tony blinked up at him as if he’d grown a second head. “Are you talking about a mental health facility?”
The fear of being locked up in some asylum gripped him by the balls. “Oh, god no. I’m not that crazy, am I?”
“Hell no. You don’t need to be committed.” Tony waved his hand. Relief slid through Trevor’s body.
“So you’ll help me get away?”
“You mean help you run away?”
Trevor nodded.
“Fuck no! You can’t outrun this, Trev. You’re not a snake who can shed its skin, for shit’s sake. Until you deal with this, no matter where you go or how hard you try to hide, you’ll take this trauma with you.”
“But at least the people I love won’t have to deal with me anymore. I won’t keep hurting them.”
“Oh, really?” Tony challenged with a wry snort. “Drake would curl up and die if you left him. I’ll help you sort this shit, but I refuse to let you destroy the man who loves you more than life itself. Are we clear?”
Trevor hung his head and issued a heavy sigh.
“It won’t be easy or fun, but you have the capacity to work through this. First you have to stop letting those pricks who beat the fuck out of you determine your happiness and your future.”
“Yeah, yeah… you’ve drilled that into my head a million times.”
“Then do something about it so I’ll shut the fuck up,” Tony challenged. A taunting sneer tugged the man’s lips “Or are you too broken to fight to get your life back?”
Trevor launched off the bed. Fury spiked and exploded inside every cell in his body. “I’m not weak!”
“Then prove it. Fight for your happiness.”
“Jesus, Tony. What the hell do you think I’ve been doing?” Trevor barked.
“Oh, boy. Your battle hasn’t even begun yet. You’re still licking your wounds.”
“Great.” Trevor threw his hands up in the air.
Tony was basically confirming that all the shit he’d waded through… put Drake through over the past five months, was for nothing. Dread consumed him, and Trevor fought the urge to throw in the towel, curl up in a ball, and sob.
As if reading his mind, Tony gripped him by the chin. His lips thinned into a tight line. “Do you want to fight or give up?”
“Oh, gee, I don’t know. Wallow in this mountain of misery or be happy?” Trevor replied sarcastically. “Of course I want my life back. I’ve wanted it for months.”
Tony smirked. “Then hike up your big-boy panties, tuck in your nuts, and let’s get ready to rumble.”
Trevor blinked, then threw back his head and laughed.
CHAPTER SIX
Seated at the security table in Mika’s office, Drake kept his eyes on the live feed from Tony’s room. While he’d purposely muted the volume, to honor their doctor/patient privilege, Drake was still reeling after Trevor’s uncharacteristic attack on Savannah. Peering over his shoulder, he glanced at Mika scanning the dungeon near the wide wall of two-way mirrors.
“Is Sanna doing all right?” Drake asked, feeling as if he’d had the life kicked out of him.
“She’s fine, Moses,” Mika reassured. “She’s sitting beside Julianna with the subs now. Nick and Dylan are back at the bar. They’ve let it go. You need to as well.”
Drake scoffed. “I can’t. I’m his Master. I’m responsible for his actions. We both know that.”
“And if he were acting like our normal Trevor, I’d expect you do to something about it. But he’s not. And I don’t. In fact, as far as reprimanding him on behalf of the club, I’d rather you didn’t.” Mika looked pointedly at Drake.
“No. Punishment is the last thing he needs.” He dragged a hand through his close-cropped hair. “I don’t think we’re going to make it through this.”
Mika strolled away from the glass and perched himself on the edge of the desk beside Drake. “You will…somehow. Don’t give up. You saved him once. Hell, you even found a way for him to heal the damage done before you two met.”
“If only it were that easy. I simply found the trigger to help him purge that baggage. The shit that’s got its claws in him now is way fucking different.”
Memories of the night he’d accidently discovered a way for Trevor to expunge the damage done from insults and rejection by family, friends, and mean-spirited strangers fluttered through Drake’s head. He’d been delivering a well-earned punishment and had Trevor poised over his knees, naked. Drake was paddling the piss out of him when, out of the blue, his precious boy began screaming out to every maggot who’d belittled him with hurtful slurs. He’d even denounced his own father, who’d kicked him out for kissing another boy behind the family barn. Trevor had only been sixteen, a child in many respects, when he was cast out to fend for himself.
It broke Drake’s heart in two.
A little voice inside his head said the boy needed this. And the harder he slapped him, the more Trevor bled the puss from his trapped and festering wounds. Drake didn’t stop until his hand stung like a bitch and his sub’s ass was welted purple. But in the end, it brought them closer. Established a deeper, stronger connection than ever before.
A little frown settled between Drake’s brows. The scars that scored Trevor’s soul now couldn’t be spanked from his psyche. He’d sunk so far into the darkness Drake was terrified to unleash his harsh sexual yearnings. No way could he dole out the level of pain Trevor once craved.
That was just another empty facet of their relationship that Drake desperately missed.
Glancing back at the security monitor he saw Trevor’s face racked in pain. Tears ran down his cheeks. Drake’s heart squeezed and sputtered. Tony wore a torn and sad expression as he drew the sobbing man into his arms.
“I’ve got to get down there,” Drake announced urgently.
Standing abruptly, he nearly plowed into Mika, who stood behind him staring at the small screen. “Hang on a sec. Maybe Trev is purging some of his shit right now.”
“You expect me to sit here on my ass while he falls apart? No fu
cking way. He needs me,” Drake snarled. “If that were Julianna, you’d already be out the door, running to help her.”
Mika raised his hands in surrender and grudgingly nodded. “We’ll wait until you two are ready to head back to our place.”
Drake issued a curt nod, then raced out of the room, down the stairs, and into the hallway. Pausing at Tony’s door, he lifted his hand. He wanted to rip it off its hinges and plow into the room like a wild animal and scoop Trevor up in his arms. Save him from himself—again.
Lost in an ocean of helplessness, he cursed the frustration bursting at the seams inside him. He had to reinforce the edges and shove down the emotions roiling within or risk scaring Trevor away to swirl in his vat of darkness.
Motherfucker! The rabid beast inside Drake let out a long, mournful howl.
Sucking in a steadying breath, he closed his eyes and wrangled to center himself, then gently knocked. When Tony didn’t answer, Drake impatiently rapped again.
Finally, the door opened and the doctor peered up at him. “We need a few more—”
“No,” Drake barked.
Pushing his way past Tony, he rushed to the bed. Trevor was all but hyperventilating under his hysterical sobs. Without a word, Drake plucked him off the mattress and cradled him close.
“Shhh, baby. I’ve got you. Daddy’s here,” he murmured.
Biting back a curse, he was weary of saying the same fucking phrase over and over. But they were the only words that calmed his boy. Trevor burrowed his face against Drake’s chest. His sub’s pitiful wails echoed and reverberated against his ribs. Tears burned the backs of his eyes, but he blinked them away.
Tony pinned him with a furious glare. “I’m trying to help him realize that he’s capable of standing on his own two feet.”
“And when he’s ready, he will.” Drake scowled.
Tony’s lips pressed together in a tight, angry line. “We’ll discuss this later. Stay as long as you need to in here. I’m going up to see Mika.”
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