“Have you heard anything from Reed lately?” Trevor’s voice quivered.
Dammit, he was sliding into the darkness faster than Drake could haul him out. Mika’s lawyer, Reed Landes, who was prosecuting on Trevor’s behalf, had requested the trial to be postponed—twice. The judge had granted the extensions but warned the attorney not to ask for a third.
“We’ve still got a couple weeks, baby. Let it go for now, okay?”
“I can’t. I’m not ready to face those guys. Especially the one with the black eyes—the one named Robinson.”
“He can’t hurt you. None of them can,” Drake reminded. “Ever.”
“I know. You haven’t left my side, and I’m grateful. But like I told you earlier, I need to learn how to take care of myself. I want you as my partner, not my kinky bodyguard.” He absently twisted the ends of his hair. “I’m thinking about cutting this off. Would you be upset?”
“What? Your hair?” Drake blanched. He’d be more than upset. He’d be pissed to the gills.
“Yeah.” Trevor nodded.
“Why?”
“If it were short, they wouldn’t have mistaken me for a girl. Wearing it like other men, I might not be beaten so badly next time.”
Next time? He was already preparing himself for another assault. Son of a bitch.
Drake raked a hand over the stubble on his face. If he had a crystal ball, he’d promise no more beatings. Unfortunately, he couldn’t guarantee the rest of their lives would be free from violence. If cutting off his hair gave Trevor a sense of security, he’d allow it, but he wouldn’t like it.
“I can tell by the look on your face you’re not crazy about the idea,” Trevor mumbled.
“I’m not. But I’m not in love with your hair. I’m in love with you. If this is something you feel you need to do in order to help heal, I’ll… Let me know when you want to see the barber.”
Trevor exhaled a bitter sigh.
“What?” Drake barked. “You asked. I’m allowing it. How can that possibly piss you off?”
“Because you’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Acting like a sub.”
Drake choked. “I’m what?”
“Never mind,” Trevor groused with a wave of his hand.
“No. Speak your piece, boy,” Drake demanded as he pulled into Mika’s driveway.
“It’ll just turn into a big, nasty fight. I don’t want that. Not after what we shared earlier. Besides, we’re here.” He jerked his head toward their friends’ massive mansion.
“And we’re going to sit right here until you explain your comment.” Drake pinned him with an angry glare, shoved the car into gear, and cut the engine.
CHAPTER NINE
Trevor closed his eyes and dragged in an irritated breath. If he’d kept his mouth shut, he could have avoided this confrontation. He was beginning to wonder if biting his tongue was even in his DNA. His mouth got him a red ass more often than not. But he enjoyed Drake’s pleasures far more than his punishments even if they did tend to center his submission. His heart sank. He’d enjoyed a taste of that long-awaited peace earlier in Tony’s room, but he’d destroyed that little slice of serenity with his sassy mouth.
He could feel the fury rolling off Drake in hot, potent waves. He was waiting for Trevor to say something. Time to bring out the backhoe and try to keep from digging himself in deeper.
“I know you love my hair, and allowing me to cut it off is another example of you not putting your foot down. I want to be under your thumb again.”
“I’m not less of a Dom if cutting your hair off makes you feel more secure.”
“I don’t even know what’s going to make me feel more secure.”
“Then why the fuck do you want to cut off your hair?” Drake thundered exasperatedly.
“It’s not about my hair,” Trevor yelled. “It’s about you letting me make all the decisions. I don’t want to be the Dominant. That’s your job.”
“So you’re what…testing my Dominance, you little bitch?”
“Sort of,” Trevor confessed sheepishly.
“I can’t fucking win.” Drake choked out a half laugh, half cry, as if he’d lost his mind, then slammed a fist against the steering wheel. Trevor flinched but quickly reached up and wrapped his hand around the man’s broad knuckles.
“Back at the club, you drowned me in your power…your command. Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited for that? I didn’t only lose myself that night in the alley, but I lost you, too.” Trevor watched as Drake’s frown deepened. Sadness filled his eyes.
“I don’t know what you want from me anymore,” he mumbled. “How many hoops do I need to jump through until you come back to me?”
“None. We’re both afraid, but afraid of different things. You’re scared to push me too hard. I’m scared that I’m never going to be the same.” Trevor struggled to align his feelings. “It’s like my flesh has been scrubbed raw. Every emotion is exposed. The slightest mental bump sets me soaring into a terrifying place I can’t crawl out of. Worst of all, I can’t control it. When I’m in the darkness, I just want to run and hide. The sex we shared earlier was spectacular, but I want to take more of your pain. Whip me. Cane me. Make me bleed. You’ve always helped me find my center that way. Why won’t you do that now?”
“Because you’ve suffered enough.”
“Oh, come on, Moses,” Trevor drawled.
If the conversation weren’t so fucking eviscerating, he would have laughed at the look on Drake’s face when he called him by his given name.
“We both know the pain you give me is out of love, not hate.”
“But it’s still pain.” Drake dragged a hand over his face.
“Yes. But it’s the kind I crave. The kind that heals me. When you lance me open, all the toxic shit inside me drains away.”
“This is more than insults and slurs.” He exhaled heavily. “Tell me something. How come you didn’t suffer like you are now when I first brought you here from Alabama? Before I even introduced you to the lifestyle. Do you blame me for not going with you to get the fucking ice that night?”
Trevor gasped, shocked that he could even think such a thing. “No. Oh, god. No, Daddy. No. You’ve been blaming yourself, haven’t you?”
The guilty flicker in Drake’s eyes was all the answer he needed. Trevor unbuckled his seat belt and crawled across the seat and squeezed onto his lap. Cupping Drake’s cheeks, he locked his gaze on the man’s tormented expression. “What happened wasn’t your fault, Daddy. I don’t blame you for anything.”
“What’s different now? I mean…we’ve grown so much closer. Our love is better, more solid. I would think it should be…Jesus, I want to say easier this time, but nothing you’ve gone through has been easy, baby.”
“No. It hasn’t.” Trevor grew silent, wondering how to explain it all. “The first time, our relationship was new. Every day was exciting, and I’d never been so in love with someone like I was with you.”
“Was?” Drake’s nostrils flared. Anxiety suffused his tone.
Trevor sent him a tender smile. “Am in love with you. Still. Always will be. Forever and ever.” He felt some of the tension drain from the man’s body and continued. “I didn’t have time to focus on what happened to me in Alabama, I was too caught up in learning about you. Experiencing this amazing love we share. It’s not that my life with you is lacking now. It’s just that the shiny new penny I found is still amazing and wonderful, but…”
“The honeymoon is over and we’re not all new and shiny anymore?” He quirked a brow.
“Exactly, but my love for you hasn’t lost its polish. It’s just…different. Remember when we went white-water rafting?” Drake nodded. “In the beginning I was holding on tight while we rode the rolling waves. My heart was pounding ninety to nothing. It was the most thrilling ride of my life. But you and I…our relationship isn’t like those rapids anymore. We’ve been paddling down the stream of life in
smooth, calm waters. Well, until that night when we were both unexpectedly shoved over a mile-high waterfall.”
Drake nodded in understanding. “And we’re far from dry land, bobbing up and down in this never-ending churning water.”
Trevor softly nodded.
“So you think if I cuff you to the cross and open you up, it’ll be the life preserver that will save us?”
He shrugged. “Can’t hurt to try.”
“Yes. It. Can,” Drake stated emphatically. “I’m already full of guilt, boy. If I do double damage to your soul…”
“I have a safe word, Daddy. I can use it,” he reminded.
“Can you? You never have before.”
“Because you’ve never given me anything I can’t take.”
“I’m not worried about you taking physical pain. I know damn good and well how much you can tolerate. It’s the mental aspect that concerns me. And to make it perfectly clear, I’m not submitting to you, boy. I’m doing my job as your Master and trying to care for your emotional well-being. You want the truth? No. I don’t want you to cut your hair, but if that’s what it’ll take to give you some fucking peace of mind, then do it. Shave your damn head if it will stop the nightmares and bring you back to me.” The muscles in his body tensed. His voice had grown thick with emotion.
Trevor threw his arms around Drake and buried his face in his neck. His throat constricted when the man clutched him in a vicious bear hug.
“I’m sorry for starting a fight. I’m grasping at straws… I don’t want to cut off my hair.”
“We’re both grasping, my boy,” Drake softly whispered. “The only thing I am sure of is my love for you, but don’t ever mistake that as weakness again. Is that clear?”
He bit back a sob and nodded. “Maybe I need tough love, Master.”
Drake issued a soft chuckle. “I can arrange that.” Gripping him by the hair, he pulled his head back and claimed his mouth with a rough kiss. “I’ll give you everything you want and need, my love. Don’t doubt that for a second.”
A chill raced up Trevor’s spine. He leaned in for another kiss, but Drake jerked him away with a brutal tug of his hair. “When you beg.”
“Can I have another kiss, Master. Please?” he asked in a breathless plea.
“That and more,” Drake growled before taking his mouth in even hotter demand.
As his tongue plunged deep inside Trevor’s mouth, he whimpered softly and surrendered.
A light tap at the driver’s-side window cut the kiss short. Julianna bent, clutched the collar of her coat around her neck, and peered inside with a little smirk. Though an unusual warm front had melted the snow and the sun was bright and warm, there was still a bite in the winter air.
Drake opened the car door. “Is everything all right?”
“Uh-huh, but you two probably should come inside to suck face.” She darted a clandestine glance to her left. “That or I could charge the neighbor’s creepy gardener admission to watch. He loves to watch. He watches me all the time like he’s peeling off my clothes in his head. I get a whole different kind of pervy vibe off that dude. He freaks me out.”
He and Drake turned to scope out the creepy guy. Julianna wasn’t exaggerating one bit. The man’s gaze was homed in on her ass, and a lecherous twinkle danced in his lifeless eyes. As he zeroed in on her backside, the guy licked his lips as if imagining her taste. The hair on the back of Trevor’s neck stood on end. The need to protect her amped up and kicked him in the gut.
Trevor bolted from the car and hurried to Julianna’s side. Possessively slipping his arm around her waist, he bent in close to her ear. “Have you told Mika about this perv?”
“No. He’s never done anything other than stare, so I just ignore him.” She waved her hand as if it were no big deal, but he saw the flicker of anxiety in her eyes. “Oh, Tristan’s upstairs waiting for you to tuck him in. You don’t mind, do you?”
His bestie changed the subject way too fast. Trevor worried for her safety. The protective flicker in Drake’s eyes said he was bothered as well.
“I’d love to. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll read him a story together.”
As Drake stepped out of the car, he and Trevor shared a shrewd glance. While he kept Julianna busy, his Master would inform Mika about the creepy gardener.
“Sure. Oh, wait. I need to fix lunch.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll have a couple of pizzas delivered,” Drake assured.
“Oh, my god. You mean I don’t have to cook? You really do love me, don’t you?” Julianna giggled.
“With all my heart, girl.” Drake nodded solemnly.
Rising up on her tiptoes, she smooched him on the cheek before the three hurried into the house and out of the chilly wind.
Inside Tristan’s room, the little guy was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. Even when Trevor crawled into the tiny toddler bed and curled up on his side, the boy simply stuck his thumb in his mouth and snuggled in close.
“I don’t think he’ll make it through an s-t-o-r-y,” Julianna grinned.
“I don’t think either of us will.” Trevor yawned. “I’m going to close my eyes for a minute. I’ll be down soon.”
As he softly stroked the baby’s silky soft hair, pride and joy swelled in Julianna’s eyes. The longing to have a child of his own slammed him full force, and a pang of envy pierced his heart. The notion of fatherhood hadn’t slashed through his mind for months. The few times he’d broached the subject of adoption with Drake, the man had shut him down. But here, with Tristan sleeping peacefully beside him, Trevor indulged his fantasy of being a dad. As Julianna tiptoed out of the room, he closed his eyes, pressed a soft kiss on the toddler’s head, and drank in his sweet innocence.
CHAPTER TEN
“Where’s Trev?” Drake asked when Julianna entered the family room to join him and Mika.
“He climbed in bed with Tristan and they both fell asleep.”
“Good. Then you and I can take a little trip to the dungeon so you can explain why you didn’t tell me that Wilson’s gardener has been raping you with his eyes,” Mika growled.
The glare she pinned on Drake was meant to flash-fry him. He sent her an intimidating scowl. “I’ve trained you better than to keep secrets from your Master.”
There wasn’t an ounce of remorse in her posture or expression, only anger. “He hasn’t harassed me. I told you the guy hasn’t even spoken to me.”
“He makes you uncomfortable. That’s something I need to know,” Mika spat.
“Seriously?” she squeaked. “Tell you what? That he looks at me? For crying out loud, Master, he’s harm—”
“Slave!” Mika roared. “Not another word. Take your sassy mouth to the dungeon. Strip. Kneel. Wait. In that order.”
Fire shot out of her furious green eyes before she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room. Drake bit back a laugh. When he was Julianna’s protector, he’d been on the receiving end of her fiery temper more times than he could count.
“Why did I ever fall in love with a redhead?” Mika muttered.
Drake chuckled. “Because she’s destined to keep you on your toes, old man.”
“Who are you calling old?” his pal scoffed. “I’m younger than you.”
“By a couple centuries, or so it feels like these days.” Drake shook his head. “You go deal with your mouthy hellion. I’m going to go keep an eye on Trevor to make sure he doesn’t have a nightmare and scare Tristan.”
“I’d rather go outside and grab that gardener by the throat, tie him to the cross, and teach him a lesson about coveting my sub.”
Drake arched a brow of concern. “Maybe you should let Julianna stew a bit and work on getting yourself under control.”
“She’s fine. I’m fine, but the gardener?” Mika left his question to hang in the air.
“I know a good tattoo artist who can help with that.” Drake smirked.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Mika chuckled. “I
f Tristan wakes up or if you need help with Trev, just bang on the dungeon door.”
“Will do.” A grin crawled over his face. “Give Julianna my love.”
“I’ll be giving her a nice big ball gag first,” Mika grumbled. “Then I’m going to teach her that her bossy, Dominant attitude will no longer be tolerated. After that, we’ll get down to the pervert next door. We might be a while.”
“No worries. Trev and I will handle your baby while you handle your girl.”
“Thanks, man. Don’t hold lunch… or dinner.” Mika grinned.
“That’s one hell of a long punishment,” Drake snorted.
“Oh, it’s not going to be all punishment, brother. I aim to have my girl floating on air by the time we’re done.”
As he watched Mika stride from the room, Drake stood and quietly climbed the stairs. Standing in the doorway of Tristan’s room, he couldn’t help but smile. Trevor lay on his side, with his legs drawn up, snuggling the sleeping boy. The look on his lover’s face was achingly serene. If only there were a way it could remain there, permanently, they could both start living again.
Quietly, he tiptoed across the room and eased into the rocking chair and waited for Trevor’s night terror to come. Rocking and watching for any signs of distress, Drake’s eyes grew heavy. It wasn’t long before he, too, drifted off.
He woke with a jolt, and his eyes flew open wide when something touched his knee. Tristan stood between his legs, sleepy-eyed, with his thumb firmly planted in his mouth. Trevor still lay curled in a ball, snoring.
As the toddler wiggled in closer, he pulled out his thumb. “Wock me, Unk Dwake?”
The little boy’s pleading gaze melted Drake’s heart. Without a word, he plucked the toddler onto his lap. As Tristan wrapped his tiny arms around Drake’s neck and melted against his chest, a sense of warmth and peace flowed through him. Rocking, he rubbed circles over the little boy’s back. Out of the blue, Drake was blindsided by the desire to hold a child of his own.
Where the hell did that come from? He tensed, taken aback by the bizarre thought.
Suddenly, his mind flashed with the memory of Trevor’s laughter and the wide, happy smile that spread across his beautiful face whenever he held Tristan.
Bound To Surrender BN Page 7