McKoy lets out a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk about it tonight. He keeps screwing things up. I have to give myself some time before I let him back in. I don’t think that I can keep giving him chances. It’s time for me to start dating around and getting on with my life. He can’t get his shit together and I’m not getting any younger. Maybe my parents were right?”
“I will fill you in on all the details, just not tonight.”
I accept that from her even though I don’t want to. Lord knows she has been patient with me.
“Ok McKoy, I’ll shut up for now. I’m here if you need me. Don’t forget I can kick his ass for you if you need me and it would be my pleasure.” We both start laughing. Beau was always a little scared of me. I always have had an independent kick ass attitude. He better watch his ass too because if he keeps hurting my girl he is will be begging for mercy.
McKoy dropped me off and made sure I got in the door. Normally, I leave my door open and let Max out real quick, but there was a truck parked at the next house I haven’t seen before with a man inside it. I didn’t want to take any chances. Shit, with the life I’ve lived, it’s a miracle I don’t walk around with a gun the majority of the time.
I walked in the house to get Max who was waiting patiently. I take him to the backyard so he can do his business. What a night! Between dancing my ass off, having a good time with my besties, I also got to see Cooper and get another kiss from him. The downfall of the night was seeing that prick Russell. I have the feeling that he is up to something. I just pray that he isn’t and showing up is pure coincidence. I hope to God he’s not going to contact Nick and tell him he ran into me tonight. Something tells me I shouldn’t bet on it though. I don’t like seeing people that knew my mother and Nick. It brings back memories of my childhood that I would rather forget. It’s in the past and that is where I want it to stay! I know I have to look on the bright side and stay positive. I return in the house and get my hot tea. Heading to my room, I get in my favorite pajamas and crawl into bed with my snoring hound next to me.
I do one last check on my phone and Cooper had already texted me.
Sweetheart:
“I hope you made it home safe. I can’t stop thinking about you. If you are still up call me. If not, I’ll call you in the morning”
~Ashlynn~
Is this right? Should I call him? I am so confused about what I’m feeling. I just have this is overpowering want for him. He has this honest, sweet way about him that I have never come across. I have been hurt so many times. Maybe my mind will make a decision for me so I won’t have to. I know my heart is already in danger. I can feel it. My mom said when it was true, I would know it. I wonder if this is what she meant? I mean shit! I don’t even know where he lives? He doesn’t even know where I live. Could it be possible I am falling for a man I barely know?
To hell with it, I pick up the phone and called Cooper. He answers the phone and has a husky sound to his voice. It almost leaves me speechless. He tells me he has been thinking of me and was glad I made it home safe. He is talking kind of quiet and I ask him why? Shit is he married? He laughs the most contagious laugh and tells me he lives with his nana. He tells me the story of how she raised him and how he’s temporarily living with her to help take care of her. She is very independent and does not want him there too long. She is spry and doesn’t want anyone looking after her. Cooper was able to convince her to let him stay with her for just a little while. I can’t wait to meet her. She is a Bingo addict and goes three times a day every day! He talks with so much love about her, it makes my heart smile. I haven’t been able to talk about someone like that for a long while and I miss it.
“Listen Cooper, something is bothering me and I wanted to talk to you about it. I just want you to know I am not usually so willing to let a man in my life. In time, you will understand why I am that way, but I wanted you to know. You are someone special to me. I don’t know where this is going, but I just wanted you to know that.”
“Ashlynn, I am truly honored that you are giving me a chance. I feel the same way. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t starting to develop feelings for you. You take my breath away. I hope one day I can prove to you that you can trust me with your life.”
We start talking about lighter things and I feel the tension release. I feel so much better. Honesty is so important to me and to find a man who provides that is once in a lifetime.
“So Ashlynn, what kind of music do you listen to?”
“What do you like?”
“I like anything but country.”
I start cracking up, deep belly laughing. I sounded like a hyena. “I listen to only country.”
He laughs the sexiest laugh. “Oh shit! Well baby, for you I will learn to like country, anything for you. This will be a first for me, but I can guarantee it will not be the only first with you. I have played the drums all my life and really love rock music.”
“If you hate country music so much, how did you know the words to the songs tonight? You were humming along and I heard you sing some of the words. If I remember correctly you even said you loved the song that you asked me to dance to?”
“Nothing gets past you, huh. Okay, so maybe I like a few country songs. I would dance to anything with you though. I didn’t really care what was playing I just wanted to get my body close to yours and to hold you again.”
“Did I tell you, how beautiful you looked tonight? You were the most beautiful woman at the dance hall.”
“Yes Coop, you told me about 100 times, but, I could never get sick of you telling me.”
We started talking about what we wanted out of life. He told me he loved the country and wanted to move as soon as his job would allow it. I told him I loved the country too. I wanted nothing more than to spend my days on my country fields and my nights on my porch watching the sunsets from my porch swing. We didn’t talk of our pasts or our hurts. We did not talk of our parents or exes. We talked about our hobbies, what we wanted in life and our goals. He made me think I could be anything. He was empowering. He said my independence was sexy as hell. I felt like I was lying beside me in my bed. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. I could feel him breathing through the phone. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again.
He told me how much he loved my voice and my smile. He said he would do anything to make sure that smile stayed on my face. He asked if I would consider a date the next night with him. Usually I play a little hard to get, but, that all went out the window. I practically screamed yes. If he had told me to drop my panties, I’m pretty sure I would have. He told me he would pick me up the next night at my house at 7:00. I offered to meet him somewhere and he told me that I clearly did not get the point. He is a gentleman and he would not have that. I was nervous about him seeing my modest home. I guess if we were really going to give this thing a chance, I was going to have to let him see it. He said good night and told me to have sweet dreams of him. I told him I would and fought the strangest feeling to tell him I loved him. I’m not sure why I was feeling this way. This feeling I was having for him was such a strong pull. I could not fight it and why would I? I was quickly reminded of my many heart breaks, not just from boyfriends, but from dad and stepdad- pretty much any man that had entered my life. Why would Cooper be so different? I said a prayer to mom and asked for her to keep pushing me towards the right direction.
Chapter 11
~Cooper~
My nana is an extraordinary woman. She took me in when I was young right after my mom died. I don’t know where I would be without her. She is a part of my heart and I’ve always been unbelievably close to her. She has shown me how to treat a woman and taught me to hold my standards high. She didn’t put up with any crap and there wasn’t a friend of mine around that didn’t know it. She would switch you whether you were her child or not. If you’ve never been switched then you were one lucky kid. There is no pain like when you are getting switched. She even made you go out and find the switch she
used to spank you with. Holy shit, does it hurt. I had only been switched 3 times in my life. If she gave me a certain look, I’d run like hounds of hell were after me.
Nana was married to my grandfather for 64 years before he died. They married very young like all people in the 1940s. They had a fairy tale romance. They met in high school and were inseparable since. She said they knew it was meant to be. She believed that every single person has a person that is made for them and they would know it when they met them. Yes, they had their ups and downs, but, they respected each other. My grandpa knew how to treat a woman. He treated her like gold and she knew it. He died when I was young, so I never got to know him well. My Nana has told me so many stories and shown me so many black and white pictures it feels like I was in the same room when the memories happened. When she talks of my grandpa she smiles and tears up. I want that so badly with the woman made for me. My nana has taught me not to settle for anything less.
I can hear nana telling me “Coop, sweetie, you’ll find her and when you do, she’ll turn your world upside down. You’ll feel feelings you never thought were humanly possible.”
My grandpa was a salesman and worked extremely hard to support his family of 4- her, my mother and her brother. Her brother, my uncle, is someone I am extremely close with. I would kill for him. He’s a retired pilot. Neil was my father figure, best friend and role model. He taught me to work hard for everything I have and to never give up. Neil made me believe that anything and everything is attainable if you put your mind to it, but, you will have to work hard for it. I talk to him a couple times a day every day. He and my Nana are my rocks. They helped make me into the man I am today. I will forever be thankful for the father he didn’t have to be to me. He took me all over the nation growing up and also supported my decision to become a police officer. My Nana did too. She was more nervous about me getting injured. My uncle’s way of thinking was, if he gets hurt he gets hurt doing what he loves. I don’t have a single childhood memory without him in it. My uncle bought a farm after he retired in Taylor which is where I go quite a bit. I try to help him as much as I can and hope one day soon I can move out there and run it with him full time. I want to build my home on the land. I will miss working at the station, but, I know my time is just about there and it’s almost time to move on. I am getting too affected by this line of work. I can’t handle much more emotionally. I knew I’d take it personally, but I didn’t think I would take it to this level.
After two hours of sleep I head into the office to check on the status of the few cases I needed to finish reports on. I am hoping the charges against the perps will hold and they won’t get out of them. I want them off the streets. One particular man – Nick- I want to take down. He is an alcoholic and woman beater. He’s a real scumbag and he is one that I will not quit until I make sure he is off the streets for good. He has had three wives and has beaten every one of them. Every single one finally divorced him, but the last barely got away from him in time. Nothing and I mean nothing, makes me sicker than a man that beats a woman. I take it personal when I can’t save them, just like I couldn’t save my mother from my dad.
I thought about texting Ashlynn and telling her how excited I am about tonight, but that sounds like a total pussy thing to do. Beau would laugh his ass off. My nana would think it was cute, which tells me I probably shouldn’t do it. I don’t want to sound desperate, but, damn this woman, -I can’t get my mind off her. I‘ve only had one other girl that I thought I loved and thought about marrying. What a joke. It wasn’t love. She ran around on me and cheated on me with a douchbag coworker. I’m not getting involved with another woman until I see she is the real deal. I want the whole 10 yards. Hell, Ashlynn is the whole 100 years! Most importantly, I want a grown up. I want someone that wants the same life I want and wants to spend every free moment together. I can’t help, but smile when I think of Ashlynn. Her body in my arms, her smile and her short cute hair. I have got to concentrate so I can get my work done and make some plans for our date. I have this urge to make her mine. I’ve never felt this way. These feelings were so foreign to me.
Beau finally makes it in to work and looks like Hell.
“Hey man, good to see ya this morning. You got pretty drunk last night so I didn’t think you would be in on time.”
Beau responds, “Fuck off Cooper, I’m always on time.”
“Yeah, whatever dude. I do need to know what you know about Ashlynn. How do you know her?”
“I know her from high school. She is McKoy’s best friend. McKoy is the girl I have been in love with for years now and didn’t know it. I keep screwing things up and now I am trying to fix it before it is too late. Anyway, Ashlynn has been through some real fucked up shit. From what I hear, her mom was beat real bad by her stepdad. Ashlynn saw all of it. I don’t think he ever physically touched Ashlynn but she saw everything. When Ashlynn turned 17 and graduated, she got her mom out of there and they moved. She worked and took care of her mom until she could get on her feet. The shit end of the deal is her mom could never leave because she couldn’t support them.”
“Shit Beau. That explains some of the reactions she has had with me. She seems like she hates all men.”
“She only dated a few douche bags in high school. From what I heard, this is only by what McKoy has said, is she has never had a good man in her life. They always dump on her. She is tough as nails but for a good reason. I’m scared of her, that’s for damn sure.”
“Damn, I sensed that. She seems so wonderful to me. She definitely has a cement wall put up, but all this makes sense.”
“Dude, I’m not telling you not to pursue anything with her. She’s hot, but, what I will say is enter with caution. It’s going to be a fucked up ride.”
“Thanks Beau. No telling what will come of it but I have these feelings for her. I guess we’ll see what happens.”
“Hey Beau, one more thing, do you know the step father’s name?”
“No, I don’t. If McKoy ever starts talking to me again I’ll see if I can find out. These girls though will protect each other like the secret service so you better be prepared. McKoy, Grace and Ashlynn have been close since high school. McKoy and Ashlynn even longer. McKoy is the only one that has stood by Ashlynn for as long as I can remember.”
“Ok let me know if you find out. Now I have to just give Ashlynn time to tell me all this. I sure as hell want to know who the fucker is so I can investigate him. Makes me sick someone hurt her.”
This overwhelming urge to drive to her house and just take her in my arms comes over me. I’ll have to wait until she confides in me. It is going to be a long wait for me because the anger I am already feeling to go after the bastard is consuming me.
Chapter 12
~Ashlynn~
I work four days a week at the shelter. I love my job but it is stressing. There are days I come home and re-live so much. I listen to these women’s stories and my childhood comes back to me. I wonder if that will ever stop. I do what I do so I might save other women. If I can help them heal mentally and physically and get them on their feet to safety, I have done my job.
Some days are harder than others and today is one of those days. I had a young mother come in with two little girls. They were all beat up. The boyfriend had picked the young girls up from preschool and the mother was on the way home. He was yelling at the girls when the mom walked up to the door. The door was locked and she couldn’t get in. When she finally got in after screaming and panicking at the door, he had already beat the young girls. The mom lost it and went after him and got the worst of it. She’s a hero. She doesn’t feel like she is, but, she is in every definition of the word. She finally got the nerve to leave when he went to work this morning. He is a lawyer in Waco. The model citizen, but, then he comes home and does this. She had tried to leave before but he was able to convince her to come back. He had never laid a hand on the girls until last night and that was the final draw. She had nowhere to go and that’s why she came
to the shelter.
The second I got the first woman settled in another comes in. She is much worse off. She only had herself, but, she has been beat so badly that she’s almost crippled. She finally got the nerve to leave. She is probably one of the worst cases I have seen ever. Her bruises were everywhere. Half her hair missing from having her hair being pulled out, but she has the most beautiful smile. Her eyes look sad. I’m hoping we can make those happy again. She has hand mark bruises all over her neck. She has a bruise on her temple from a gun barrel. She doesn’t talk, she just nods. She finally told me her name is Crystal. She won’t open up to me more than that. I asked her if she knows who did this to her and she wouldn’t answer me. Not that I am surprised - most don’t.
I got her clean clothes, a shower and a warm meal and tried to get her settled as best I could. I took her to a cot and she layed down. She asked me to stay in the room with her since she hasn’t slept in as long as she can remember. She finally fell asleep and I checked my phone for any texts or messages, nothing there. I sat there drifting off in my thoughts, thinking of how lucky I was to escape when I did. As a child, it was horrible, but, as an adult, I don’t know if I could have fought through it. The lady started to cry and shake after a short time asleep. I tried to wake her but she was turning her body back and forth.
Oh my God, please give me the will to get through this day. Just watching this poor woman breaking down hurt me. I get flashbacks of mom and Nick. I try to picture what he would be like now. It has been eight years. I’m sure he has aged and not gracefully. I might not recognize his looks but his smell, his voice and his presence, I would notice him out of a million people. Everything about him screams abuser. He smelt like a brewery - that stinky BO beer smell. If I walk past anyone and smell it today, I instantly am reminded of him in my face or my mom’s.
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