He pointed to the books on and around my nightstand. “Think you got enough books there, sweetheart?”
I just smiled and felt no shame. I threw my hands up like who me?
There are stacks of books on my floor around both of my night stands. Yes, I have a weakness for romance novels, but you can’t blame me. It was the only romance I’ve had and it was safe. I kept any man that attempted to get to know me at arm’s length.
Which makes me think even more about Cooper. Here I am asking a man to stay the night with me by just following my instinct. I excused myself to my bathroom to do my nightly routine and come out in my panties and a tank top. I felt so comfortable with Cooper and it’s as if he has been in my bed a million times. He is in his blue jeans and no shirt. He has his shoes off and his hat on backwards. Damn, Cooper gets better and better every damn time I see him. I think I might jump him…… God…….. Hold it together Ashlynn. It doesn’t help that I can see his hard on through his jeans.
I crawled over him to get to my side of the bed and gently grazed right over him. He moans. I could’ve easily walked around to the other side of the bed but this was more fun. Taking off my tank top I straddled him and kissed him. I started to grind my hips to feel his hardness through his jeans. We both moaned and I decide that was my okay to go ahead. I unbuttoned his pants and he wiggled out of them with my assistance. He threw them to the floor.
“Ashlynn you feel so good. I want you so bad right now more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”
We continued touching and rubbing on each other. We didn’t stop kissing the entire time. His body felt so good next to my body. His body was hard where it should be and every bit man. I don’t think I have felt a real man and Cooper is ALL man.
“Ashlynn, let’s not take this too far tonight. I want to do this right.”
As much as I hated it and wanted to listen to my body over my mind, I know he was right. I want to do this right too.
I turned to my side and he did the same. He pushed my hair out of my eyes and started to run his thumb along my face.
“Cooper, can you promise me something?”
“Sure Ashlynn, anything, anytime.”
“Promise me you’ll always be honest with me no matter what.”
“I promise sweetheart”
“I promise too Cooper.”
He kissed my nose then my lips. I rolled over and turned off the lamp and then he snuggled in behind me. I said a silent prayer thanking God for Cooper. I felt so happy right then and I couldn’t remember the last time I felt joy in my heart instead of achiness from pain.
Chapter 14
~Ashlynn~
The morning came way too soon. I woke up in the exact position we went to bed in. I prayed I didn’t snore like a freight train. I had to have him up by 6 am so he could be at work in time. It would take him longer to get to work from Taylor. He is just as gorgeous in the morning with his sleepy eyes. I rolled over and kissed him softly on the lips and told him it was time to get up. He just moans a light grunt. Sexy as hell! Like any woman would do, I took a glance and notice his morning welcome. I smiled to myself, one day soon. I let out a girly giggle.
Seriously Ashlynn, you have seen a hard on before. Grow up.
I went to the kitchen to get him some coffee before his trip in town. He walked in the kitchen about 10 minutes later and kissed me on my shoulder.
“Ashlynn, I want to see you again really soon. Last night was wonderful. I won’t lie I wanted to be in you just as bad as beside you, but I want us to do this right. I have too much respect for you and want to treat you right. You deserve that and nothing less. You know that right?”
“Yeah Cooper, I just have never had a man show me that. You’re a first for me. I have to work the next four days, so, it will have to be after that. When I work I am usually there pretty late, but, please call me. I love hearing your voice.”
“Okay baby, I’ll call you and we can figure it all out.”
Cooper left and I immediately felt the emptiness in the house. Shit, I am becoming so attached to him. I am fairly certain when he held me last night I fell in love with him. He is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last every night. Lord help me.
ღ
~Ashlynn~
My work never gets easier. I love it but I also know after a bad day I return to the shelter wondering why I’m doing it. McKoy and Grace think I am crazy for wanting to go through this every day. Hell, many days I feel the same way. I grew up in a horrible circumstance and most people think I would want to put it all behind me. Yes, I do, but when I started college, I knew without hesitation this is what I wanted to do. Why? I want others to see that you can make it through it. I was a kid in the situation. I saw it happen to my mother. I saw the way he abused her physically and mentally. My mother was a survivor. She survived it and I survived it. I may have had to pull my mom out when I was of age, but she mentally survived it. She went on to live a life and she rose above it and I did too. I want other women to see they can survive too. This is real life survivorship and not just a statistic. When my heart spoke to me, I listened. I went to school and got my degree so I could help these women and their children. I see woman coming in with nothing but a bag of clothes and a few priceless possessions. They are bruised and beat up sometimes beyond physical repair. I listen to story, after story, after story. I cry with them and I hold their hands. I share my story when they ask and I am strong for them when they have no one else. I let them see the inner strength that they have. It may take a while since it is a healing process, but we get there. The mind and heart need time to heal, but they do. I’m proof. Me and my mom were stuck in a situation and there was nothing she could do. There was no way out. I want these women to know there is always a way out. I want them to feel empowered. These women are scared. I want to show them there is a life out there worth living.
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~Cooper~
I knew growing up I wanted to be a police officer and knew I wanted to wear the badge. I wanted to help protect people and rescue them when they needed me. I wanted to be that one person they could count on. I was a survivor. I grew up with a drug addict of a father and my mother died when I was young. He used to beat my mother bloody. I will never get the images out of my mind of my mother laying there covered in blood and me begging for him to get off her. It was usually over me, money, or drugs. I saw my mother as a strong woman but when my father put his hands on her, the fear in her eyes and the frightened person she became, scared me. I was too small to protect her, but, it didn’t keep me from trying. I would cry and scream but nothing ever stopped him when he turned into that monster. It was pure drugs, pure evil, pure meanness. When he was sober, he was fine, but, that was a rare occurrence. The drugs did this to him, not that that was a viable excuse to me. I wanted to protect women and children that had to go through this. I wanted to be the one to stand up for them when they couldn’t. I was going to be strong for them because I was not strong enough for my mother. I knew it would be a struggle everyday to see this over and over and over again. I would see things I would not be able to forget or even worse see things I couldn’t fix. I knew this going in but it didn’t make it hurt any less. If I could help just one family get away from this, if I could defend one mom and one child and get them into safety, I would have succeeded.
The department assigned me to a task force to stop the domestic violence in Austin, Texas. The inner city was tough, but to my surprise the worst abuse was in the nicest of areas by the nicest of men. The men that led the life of a privileged citizen, a model citizen. These model citizens were some of the worst abusers. They would beat their wives to oblivion. I would see these men around our community, even serve on committees of the most prestigious events and then they would go home and beat the hell out of their spouses. Obviously as a police officer, I served any calls I was sent to, but my main focus was domestic abuse.
After the few years I have served, the cases sickene
d me. I am to the point when I can sense the feeling that someone has been beat. Things normally do not match up and the women will lie to try to protect the very man that beat her to near death. I was called out to the calls and I saw all the damage their bodies took. The women that I saw, I can’t even put into words how badly my heart hurt for them. I’m sure you’ve seen the headlines on the news at night but the most disturbing are not on the news. They happen every day. It would take up the whole news hour. My job in these cases is to press charges against the abuser as is a lot of cases where the women can’t and don’t. I have to hope I can arrest the offender and the victim won’t dismiss it. Hell, my mom didn’t even once press charges against my father. She was too scared. She knew if she did that he would beat her more when he got home.
Chapter 15
Four days later
~Ashlynn~
Cooper picked me up and we drove into town to a restaurant I’d never been to off the lake. The weather was perfect and the sun was beating down just right, not too hot, not too cold. He ordered me an iced tea and himself the same with lime. We have only had dinner twice but he already knows what I like and he remembers. It’s the small things in life. We ordered our dinner and ate some bread with honey butter as we waited.
Cooper is almost too good to be true. From his looks, to his smell, his sweet heart, to his intelligence, and his humor. As we sat waiting for our food he started to tell me some funny stories about some of the things that have happened at his job. He was telling me about one particular call he received that him and Beau responded to the call. It was a man peeking in on a group of college girls windows. “I cocked my gun and held it up to him and told him to freeze. The dumb ass actually turned around looked at me and told me to be quiet that I was being too loud.” We both laughed. I can only imagine the crazy things he sees on his calls. He told me about some calls that were so stupid they should have been on dumbest criminal videos. I loved his laugh and his smile. The corners of his mouth curve just perfectly with his white teeth showing. When we are together he pays 100 percent attention to me. He doesn’t pay attention to any other women or anything going on around us. I’m his focus and he makes me feel like I am his world. I’ve never been given someone’s undivided attention. It feels amazing and to know I’m getting Cooper’s makes me feel like screaming from a mountain top.
The sun started to set and we stared off into the distance watching it over the lake. It was so peaceful. I’ve had another wonderful date with Cooper and he is becoming a fixture to my everyday life. He grabbed my hand and walked me to the end of the deck. We’re standing looking over the lake staring at the water and the sunset. Cooper is staring at me and he tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. I can feel his breath next to my ear. Everything he does turns me on.
“This sunset is so beautiful, Cooper. Thank you for bringing me here.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off me. “What I am staring at is far more beautiful. I could care a less about the sunset.”
Cooper grabbed my hand and got really serious just then. “Ashlynn, I want to tell you how I feel. I am the type of guy that puts it all out there. It’s just me for better or for worse. I really want you in my life. I am falling for you sweetheart. I’m risking putting my heart out there and hope to God you don’t break it. My brain is having to tell my heart to slow down.”
Be still my heart. Did he just tell me he was falling for me?
“Cooper I would never hurt you. I am falling for you too. I am trying to slow it down, but so far, nothing has worked. You have charmed me in all the ways I could only hope. You make me feel so cherished when I am with you, something I’ve never felt.”
“Let’s get out of here. There’s somewhere I want to take you.”
He leaned in and kissed me softly and I wrapped my hands around his neck to pull him closer. Then, Cooper took my hand and led me back to the table.
We paid and headed to the car. He drove with ease and we keep the windows down to feel the breeze. It’s a perfect summer night. I love the sound of his car and it was lulling me to sleep. He has a black Mustang. His only consistent love in his life other than his endearing grandmother and uncle. I found myself fighting to stay awake as it had been such a long day. My life has always been on high alert and when I am with Cooper, I can finally let my guard down. I know he will protect me. I know for a fact, my heart has fallen for Cooper. It’s his for the taking. I just pray to the Heavens he doesn’t crush it.
~Ashlynn~
We drove in Cooper’s car for about 20 minutes, and we pulled up to land that was as far as the eye can see. He shined his headlights towards the land so I could get a better look. I saw the stars, the moon, trees on both edges of the fencing, the grass that was up to my knees, and hay bales. I can see a barn in the distance that has seen better days. Cooper turned and smiled at me.
“This is the part of my uncle’s land I am going to build my home on. I am going to build a home inside that old barn and refinish it. It is nothing special, but I love it. It is what I have dreamed of all my life.”
“I love it Cooper! I can’t really tell much since it is dark, but if you love it, I am sure I would. It’s peaceful out here.”
Cooper walked me over to the fence right by a tree and started pointing to different areas and telling me what he wanted there. “Right there is the barn I want to redo and turn it into a house with wooden ceilings inside. I want my workshop there. There I want a gazebo and I want to build a swing under that so you can sit under it and look up at the stars.”
“Wow, Cooper. You have thought this through. You’re a planner, huh?”
“Yeah, I am. I’ve wanted this for as long as I can remember. When I talk about it, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. What do you think of this Ashlynn? Would you want to live out here?”
“Of course I would. I don’t even have to think about it. I’d love to help build it.”
He was leaning against a tree and pulled me to him. He kissed me under the stars, and I put my arms up to his chest. Oh, this man.
“Would you want to go horseback riding under the stars, or through the fields with me one day?”
“Hell yes, baby I would love it.”
“Well, don’t get too excited yet. I don’t have any horses yet. I would have to keep them on one side of the property since we grow hay on that side way over yonder.”
“Oh my god, did you just say yonder?” I started laughing. It was the cutest thing.
“Yes I said yonder, I can say all kinds of country bumpkin things if it gets you to laugh like that. It’s incredibly sexy. Your eyes are even laughing.”
Umm yes please. He walked me back over to his car and I got in. To live on land like this would be a dream come true. The serenity of it all is certainly something I have dreamed about all my life. Some girls hate the tall grass and country fields. I just wanted to roll around in them! I could lounge on a blanket and look at the sky and clouds for hours.
Cooper pulled up to my house and walked me in to make sure I got in safe. He kissed me on the porch and told me to sleep tight. It was another memorable night.
”Ashlynn, let’s do dinner soon. I’m swamped with work so I'll be pretty busy. I know I am going to miss you like crazy, but I’ll call you.”
“Sounds good Cooper. We can start thinking about what we can do. I’m sure I’ll be busy too.”
He kissed me a sweet quick kiss, and we told each other bye.
My screen door slammed and I saw Max waiting for his food. “Well Max, you might not be the only man I can trust after all.”
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~Cooper~
This woman means more to me that any woman I’ve ever met. I want her to let go and fall into me. To let me catch her and let me prove I’m not going to let her fall. Hell, I won’t even let her stumble. I have never met someone that I love so much. I want to protect her with every single breath I take. I want to run my fingers through her hair, down her back, feel her curves and kno
w that I’m her man. I’ll spend the rest of my life showing her everyday she is worthy and worship her. She is the strongest woman I have ever met. I want to remove all her pain and fill her with nothing but happy thoughts and memories. I want to be with her until my dying day. I’m not a praying man but the good man above is getting used to my voice. He created this woman for me. I knew it from the first moment I saw her. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.
~Ashlynn~
I told Cooper that I was falling for him. I also told him I would be honest with him. I need to tell him everything about my mother and me growing up so he understands me. I know there are going to be times he is going to have to be patient with me and knowing my past will help more than hurt. I just pray he doesn’t run for the hills when he finds out. I’m having flashbacks and nightmares again a couple times a week. Every time a woman comes in with similar bruises, I am thinking about how my mom looked after she was beat. Now, I have to dismiss myself and step away from the patient because I am speechless.
Chapter 16
~Ashlynn~
Age 13
My mom went with Nick today to work. She didn’t always, but sometimes she went to help him with anything he might need help with. They got home usually around 6:45. I don’t like the days she works with him because I miss her being home when I get home. It’s the only time we are “normal”. Nick pulled up and mom wasn’t in the car with him.
“Uhh Sir, where is mom? Didn’t she work with you today?”
“Yep she did.” He opened a beer as he put a 12 pack in the fridge.
“And where is she, sir?”
“She would not keep her mouth shut on the way home telling me to slow down, so, I threw her out of the car. Don’t worry, it wasn’t too far from home. I was just trying to prove a point. Stupid bitch has a problem remembering where her place is. Maybe after she walks home she will remember to keep her mouth shut.”
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