by Lora Ann
“It’ll be okay, Rach. Hang on.”
She gasped, “Hurts.”
“I know, baby. I know,” I cried out.
I grabbed my cell and placed the 911 call. After I disconnected the call, I vowed, “I love you so much, Rachel. Just a few more minutes and help will be here.”
She groped for her belly, and my hand went right there with hers. I could feel the baby kicking. Rachel’s gaze became glassy and unfocused as she squeezed my fingers. “I…l-love…y…”
She never did finish her declaration. Her breath shuddered and then nothing.
I howled, “NOOOOOOO!!!”
I shot straight up in bed, yelling at the top of my lungs. Aimee stared at me, not sure what to do or say. She jumped off the bed as fast as possible. And I left the room like a bat out of hell.
Shit! How could I possibly think my life would go on normally? Happiness and falling in love were not options. Lest I forgot that, the night terrors would always remind me. As if Rachel was staking her claim from the hereafter. Though I knew that wasn’t fair to Rachel. She would never haunt me. No, this was all on me.
I was so full of darkness that light couldn’t reach me.
Now, Aimee just had a taste of it. She didn’t deserve to be saddled with a bastard like me. But God help me, I still wanted her with every ounce of my being. And didn’t that just make me the world’s biggest asshole. For I knew, sooner or later, I would have her: heart, mind, body and soul. Even though the fact remained I couldn’t give them back in return. But it would not stop me from taking.
What the fuck?!
I cranked the shower on as hot as I could stand it and stood under the spray to wash off the cold sweat left behind from the nightmare. I braced myself against the wall and willed myself not to cry. I would not give into tears, ever again. That’d been a lesson learned in the joint. I ran my hand over the brand that lay on the side of my neck just under my hair line. One of the many reasons I wore my hair long. Although there were no regrets for joining LD—hell, if I hadn’t I would be dead—because the affiliation helped me make my first million. Still, what got to me the most was how I had ever ended up in prison in the first place. Dear God, if there were a way to turn back time, I never would’ve driven up that mountain road during a snowstorm. But I was young and thought we were invincible. Never once, did I stop to think about the danger we were in that fateful night. I ran my hands through my wet hair and tugged it harshly, as I fought in vain to erase the worst night of my life.
Warm, small hands came to rest on my shoulders. “Wanna talk about it?”
There were no words, so I shook my head once. Everything inside me wanted to bury my head in the cradle of her neck and release all these emotions that were rearing up on me like a tsunami. Again, I was struck by how much she’d come to mean to me in such a short time. Although I was a wreck, my blood still heated at her nearness. Her touch. She was a balm to my torn soul. As I resisted with all my might, I barked, “Leave.” And hoped like hell she’d heed my warning. At the same time, I wished she wouldn’t go. Fuck! If I didn’t push her away now, I wasn’t sure I ever could.
She inhaled sharply. “I don’t think you really want me to.” As she stroked along my back, she wrapped her arms around my waist. “I think you’re hurting, but you don’t want me to see just how much.” She moved around my body and stood in front of me. Next, she rested her hands on my chest and began to trace the tattoo over my heart.
My breathing hitched as I stilled her hand and trapped it against my pec. “Don’t,” I warned.
With anguish in her eyes, she replied, “You can’t keep locking away your grief, Nik. Living like this is going to kill you.” First, I tried to push her away. But she fought me. Instead, I reached up to place her hands on either side of my face and tilted my head down towards hers. She whispered, “Let. It. Go.”
I closed my eyes tightly and barely strangled out, “I can’t.”
She encouraged, “Sure you can. I’m right here, I promise.”
I meant to shove her back—to run from the pain like I always had—but when I looked into those amazing eyes and saw the compassion, along with understanding, I finally gave in. Once I lowered my head to her shoulder, I let out a sob. And that broke the dam I’d had in place all these years. I actually crumbled from the weight and hit my knees, dragging her with me to the shower floor. While she held me tightly against her body, I buried my head between her breasts and cried until there were no more tears left.
After the onslaught was finished, she shut off the water and wrapped a towel around me. My feet were heavy, yet somehow we made it to the bed. She stripped off the drenched robe and climbed in beside me. I fell asleep cradled in her warm embrace. And I knew, I had just found my anchor.
The knowledge that emotions like this were a calling card for disaster should’ve made me fight the feelings off. Yet, I just couldn’t do it. As much as I wanted to deny it, she was becoming important to me. Necessary. I very well may not deserve a moment of peace. But damn it all, for this moment in time, I was going to revel in it. Tomorrow, I’d put back on the mask and be the cold-hearted dickhead I was notorious for. But for tonight, I would pretend I was whole. All was well in my heart. In my soul. And I was capable of giving her all of me. Pipedream. Possibly. Yet even the worst of us deserves a reprieve every now and then, right? Keep telling yourself that.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Aimee
Awakened by the cold, I groped for the mountainous male body that had been next to me. Nada. Where could he have gone? I found one of his t-shirts lying on the floor. Once I donned it, I began to search for Nik. As I roamed the halls of the penthouse, I heard the haunting strains of that song once more. Dear Lord, was this his song to Rachel? I backed away silently and left him alone with his grief. I wondered if one ever got over losing their spouse. Probably not. I mean, was I over the loss of my cousin? Definitely, no. So the question was, could I live in the shadow of her memory? For a good man like Nik, yes, I could. I didn’t live in Neverland and was fully aware I couldn’t ever take her place. Yet surely he was capable of loving another. Not the same way. I wouldn’t want that for him or myself. For the hundredth time, the little voice in my head asked, “What makes you think a woman like you deserves love?” I didn’t. But the fact remained, I wanted it.
Since going back to my room seemed the wiser choice, I crawled back in bed and curled under the covers, letting sleep have its way with me. Unfortunately, I didn’t rest well. Haunted by images of a gorgeous woman I could never even hope living up to. It was odd; my vision of Rachel looked an awful lot like me. As I tossed and turned, my thoughts were: I need to find a picture of her. Also, I yearned for the whole story of that fateful night. Maybe, if I understood what was caught in Nik’s memories, I could help ease them.
*****
Later that morning, distinct male voices could be heard. As I sat up and hung my legs over the edge of the bed, the argument escalated. There was no way to decipher the exact words; however, I recognized my name more than once. Crap, just what I didn’t need. I figured a shower would help wash away my worries.
Afterwards, I searched for something to wear and made my way into the kitchen. My stomach growled loudly to make itself known. As I rounded the corner, Nik sat at the breakfast bar with a cup of coffee in hand.
“That smells heavenly. Is there any more?”
“Sure, have a seat. I’ll get it for you.” He stood and walked over to the pot resting on the countertop.
“I am capable of pouring myself a cup.”
He shrugged. “I want to.”
I shook my head. “Okay.”
He asked, “Cream? Sugar?”
“Both, please,” I replied.
Once he handed me the coffee, I took a sip and then said, “Thank you.”
“No problem.” He sauntered back to the barstool and sat facing me. “We should talk about last night.”
Uh-oh. Never a good sign when someone
said that. “We don’t have to.”
He raised a brow. “I think we do.”
I sighed, “Look. I don’t expect anything.” Now his other eyebrow shot up. So I explained, “Am I attracted to you? That’s a no-brainer. Do I want a physical relationship with you?”
He held his hand up to stop me. “We both know it’ll happen. That’s not what I was talking about.”
We did? ‘Cause I had no idea he was willing to have sex with me till a moment ago. “Hold on. We will?”
He fleered, “Never said I was happy about it. But let’s face it; I want you as much as you want me.”
He couldn’t have made me feel more like a whore if he’d tried. I huffed, “Nice to know you think so damn highly of me.”
He snorted, “Don’t start, Aimee. I haven’t the time or the patience to put up with a temper tantrum.”
“I beg your pardon?” My brows furrowed as my eyes narrowed. Cocky SOB.
“Enough,” he commanded. While I fought the urge to slap his rugged, handsome face, he continued, “I’m leaving in the next hour or so. The episode last night will not be repeated.”
Was he trying to convince himself or me of that? “I’m sorry you feel that way. I, for one, thought it was kind of nice to see the more human side of you.”
He held my gaze intently. “If you think I’ll lose my grip again, you’re sorely mistaken. Besides, I’m not human. I’ve told you before I’m a cold-hearted bastard.”
My eyebrows reached my hairline. “Really? Last time I checked, ‘a cold-hearted bastard’ didn’t rescue a whore in distress.” I stood and placed my hands on my hips. “They don’t give a rat’s ass that some wealthy, powerful douchebag wants to harm her.” Then, I got right in his face. “And they damn well don’t offer marriage as a way to protect her.”
He sneered, “Believe what you want. I’ll meet you in Missouri the night before our wedding.” His last statement sounded like he had a doctor’s appointment he didn’t want to keep.
FML. How had it come to this? “No,” I whispered.
He grabbed me by the shoulders. “What’d you just say?”
I looked up into his furious eyes. “You heard me.”
He held on firmly, but he didn’t hurt me. “Aimee,” he warned. “We’re getting married next week. What’s your problem?”
I lifted my chin and snarled, “You.”
“Come again?”
I spat out, “You are my problem.”
He leaned over me. “That’s beside the point.”
“Like hell it is,” I growled.
Low and dark, he rumbled, “It’s happening one way or the other.”
I squared my shoulders and held firm. “Not if I don’t want it to.”
“This isn’t a matter of want to. It’s the only way to keep Reynolds at bay.”
“So, what about Caleb?” I asked indignantly.
His eyes widened as his nostrils flared. “He wants to harm you, you stubborn woman. Matter of fact, I’ve no doubts he wants to kill you.”
Now that shocked me. While I admit Caleb was one scary-ass bastard, never had murder crossed my mind. Oh, I knew he wanted to cause serious pain, but not end my life. “Why do you think that?”
“Honey, I know the look a man gets when he has homicide on the brain. Trust me, if he gets his hands on you again, you won’t walk away.”
My shoulders slumped from that little piece of information. But it didn’t change anything. “I’m not marrying a man that doesn’t respect me.”
He hauled me into his massive chest. “Who said I didn’t appreciate you?”
“Uh…hello, you just did,” I said frankly.
He shook his head. “You baffle the hell outta me. I never said that. Nor will I ever say such a thing.” He blew out a breath. “Any woman who could stand her ground in the face of disaster deserves not just my admiration, but everyone else’s as well.”
You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. I inhaled deeply, which brought my breasts in direct contact with his pectorals. And wouldn’t you know, the action brought on a wave of lust—my nipples hardening instantly. I wanted him with a ferocious desire. His pupils dilated as his breathing hitched. Oh, yeah. He felt it, too. “I still can’t marry you,” I choked out.
“Yes, you can,” he claimed as he nuzzled my neck.
“I…” Unable to complete my thought, I mewled. What was it about him that made me weak in the knees?
He suckled the sensitive spot below my ear and then susurrated, “Say it.”
There was no denying this man anything. I submitted, “I’ll marry you.”
“Good girl,” he crooned as he fisted my hair and yanked my head back, all the while ravaging my throat.
Lost to his ministrations, I arched my hips into him and purred, “Take me, Nik.”
He growled, “Hell, yes,” and lifted me onto the bar.
We began to tear at each other’s clothing. There was no foreplay. Not a trace of gentleness between us. And I was fully aware he was going to fuck me hard. That knowledge made my juices flow. He grabbed a condom from the drawer beside us and rolled it onto his sizeable member. As he positioned himself at the opening of my core, he groaned, “Ready?”
“Please,” I begged.
In one furious thrust, he buried himself inside me. Never had I felt so completely taken, and, oddly enough, I reveled in it. Only wanting more—all he could give me. I commanded, “Harder. Oh yeah, like that. Faster, Nik.”
He moaned, “Bossy little thing, aren’t you?” Then proceeded to show me just who was in charge.
He was magnificent.
Raw.
Primal.
My nails marked his back as I came, screaming his name. He followed with a sexy grunt and leaned into me heavily. While we tried to catch our breath, he murmured, “You are amazing, little one.”
I jolted at the endearment as another deep, raspy voice echoed in my mind. I could’ve sworn they were one in the same. “So are you,” I complimented.
With an expression of reluctance, he pulled out of my heat. I mourned the loss of him instantaneously. He grabbed a towel and gently cleaned me before he removed the condom and took care of himself. Such a sweet gesture. I watched as he pulled his slacks back into place and remembered him saying he had to leave town. He was definitely dressed in business attire. As if he read my mind, he answered, “I have some business to take care of in Chicago. I’ll meet you in Missouri.”
I bit my lip, wondering if he went to Chicago often. Aware he was in a hurry, I decided to ask at another time. I smiled, “Alright. I’ll make the flight arrangements for Renée and myself.”
He graced me with a half-smile. “Silly, girl. My jet will be available tomorrow for your use.”
“Oh,” I gasped. “Guess that’d make more sense.”
He playfully tousled my hair. “I’ll see you soon.”
“It’s a date,” I grinned as he turned and left the kitchen.
*****
Afterwards, I put myself to rights. I decided to call and check on my best friend, knowing she’d been released from the hospital yesterday. So once she was ready to travel, we could leave for my hometown to prepare for my wedding. OMG! I was actually doing this.
Shortly after Nik had departed for the Windy City, Renée showed up. Squee! Once all the excitement was down to a low roar, we hugged again and then sat down on the sectional in the living room to chat. Oh, how I had missed my BFF. She looked good, all things considered. Though there was one thing I wished she wasn’t so attuned to. “Spill it. Was he any good?”
Geez. How did she do that? “Yes.”
“I knew it. You can just tell when a boy’s got swag.”
Holy crap. As if I would tell her all that had happened between Nik and me. Weird for a prostitute to be embarrassed, but it is what it is. My face heated as I nodded.
“Girl, you got nothin’ to be ashamed of. I can’t believe it took this long to tap that.” She shook her head i
n disbelief. “I’d have been all over him from the moment I set eyes on that man.”
I had to laugh. “Never said I didn’t fantasize. Just wanted to wait for the right time, you know?”
She chortled, “Aims. I’ll be the first to admit you were never cut out for the business.”
Boy, did she call that correctly. But then, she knew the ins and outs of why I decided to sell my body for profit. With those thoughts came a deep sense of melancholy. Not that I’d do anything different, just wish the situation had never come up. The one saving grace, my daddy was healthy now. Thank you, God.
Renée snapped me out of me reverie. “Yoo-hoo, you there?” She waved her hand in front of my face.
Man, I must’ve really been out of it. I offered her a half-smile and explained, “Sorry. My mind’s in other places right now.”
She playfully smacked my shoulder. “Would you please get your head in the game?” She reached over and lifted my hair up off my neck. “Yeah, I think an up-do will be perfect.”
I shook my head slightly. “Seriously? ‘Cause I was thinking down and curly.”
“That’d be pretty, too.” She shrugged one shoulder. “Not like you won’t be breathtaking—whatever you decide will be spectacular.” She chuckled at my embarrassment. “Always humble. I’m a firm believer in, you got it flaunt it.”
I threw my head back and laughed from deep in my belly. No matter what, she could make me feel better. I spontaneously hugged her, hard. “I love you. You know that, right?”
She pulled back to wipe a tear from her cheek. “That’s enough with the mushy crap.” Then she stroked the side of my face. “I love you, too. Now, have you picked out a dress?”
I bit my lip as I nodded. “It’s online.”