by Lora Ann
Even wasn’t exactly known for asking. No, he was more of the commanding type. Ha! He might be a Master but Nik and I suffered from dominating personalities as well. Come to think about it, Nik was softer with Aimee also. There was no denying my brothers were very much in love. Self-deprecation filled me. I had not been so kind to Sofie since she’d come back into my life. Fucking dick was what I had been to a woman who’d not deserved it. Ever. God…if I could kick my own ass, I would. Lacey passed by with a pat to my arm. She warned, “You two better play nice,” on her way out the door.
I chuckled, “She knows us a little too well.”
“Yeah, she does,” E confirmed with a grin.
You’d have to be blind not to notice the mischievous glint he had in his eyes. Ah hell, I didn’t even want to know where his mind just went. Avoiding that topic, I inquired, “So you heard about the gunman?”
“I did,” he nodded. “Some distraught man who’d lost his wife, blaming the doctors and nurses for not being able to save her, right?”
“That’s the story.”
“But you don’t buy it?” he queried.
“It’s not that as much as I think someone else was involved.”
He sat up straighter and motioned for me to sit in the chair next to the bed. I straddled it as I continued, “Someone took Lilly from here and delivered her to Caleb.”
“Fuck a duck. Reynolds had her, too?”
My eyes squeezed shut as the image of Sofie holding her stepdaughter’s body in that house consumed me. Once my shit was somewhat together, I added, “The senator didn’t take her from here. So who did?”
He stroked his chin in thought. “You think the guy who went on a shooting rampage was a diversion.”
“I do.”
“Or one hell of a coincidence,” E added. “I take it you’re working on that hunch.”
“It’s down on the totem pole to be honest. I need a charge that will stick if I’m bringing Caleb down.”
“Aimee’s not enough,” E sighed with resignation.
I shook my head and declared, “No.”
“Clusterfuck one-O-one.”
“Understatement, brother.” I laughed without humor. The weight of this situation finally bearing down on me enough that my head fell forward. So many lives hung in the balance. What if I couldn’t do it? How would I handle letting so many I cared about down?
“Alex?” Even’s voice was full of concern. My face was buried in the crook of my arm. There was nothing I could say to him at the moment. “Look at me dammit,” he demanded.
“Impatient as always,” I muttered under my breath.
“Hell yes, I am,” he replied unapologetically.
I refused to comply. Worn down from the burdens I carried, and ashamed of what I’d done to my family held me in place. I couldn’t face him.
“Listen to me. You’re doing the best you can. And I, for one, am damn proud of you.” His voice crackled with emotion.
My fight to hold back a sob failed miserably. Next thing I knew, my brother’s arms were wrapped around me. Once some modicum of composure returned, I pointed out, “You’re not supposed to be out of that bed.”
“Fuck you,” he answered without heat. “When do I ever take orders well?”
I stood and embraced Even, taking care of both our injuries. Then I eased his ass back into the bed with a stern, “Stay.”
“Damn prick is what you are,” he affirmed.
The need to be childish in that moment rose up. “Takes one to know one.”
“True that,” Nik replied as he entered the room. “What the fuck is going on in here?” he inquired, clapping my good shoulder. E grimaced as he adjusted the sheet across his legs. “Stupid shit. You shouldn’t be up and moving,” Nik rebuked as he fussed over our younger brother.
E retorted, “I’ll show you who the shit is when we hit the mats.”
“Bring it on, little brother,” Nik hedged.
E sobered as his eyes met mine. Instantly I put my hand on his and apologized, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
Nik stated, “Water under the bridge.”
I looked over towards him. “Little more than that, don’t y’think?”
“Nah. I don’t,” E replied with conviction. “You did what you thought was right in order to protect me and mom. Also this bastard,” he motioned towards Nik.
“Watch it,” Nik cautioned Even.
“Point is, E, I should’ve been forthcoming sooner,” I admitted.
“Maybe,” Even responded, “But when would you have done that? The more I thought about it, the more it became clear. By the time I was old enough to discuss it, you had done your best to keep it in the past. I get that.”
Nik chimed in, “I would’ve done the same.”
“That was some heavy shit to go through, Alex.” E swallowed hard. “I’m the one who owes you an apology.”
“Like hell you do,” I declared. “I fucked up. Let me own it.”
“No one’s denying that,” Nik affirmed. “The fact is, you did your best at the time.”
“When you know better, you do better,” E tacked on.
Until that moment, I didn’t think it was possible to love them more. Boy had I been wrong. Pride filled my heart. To have these two men as my brothers was not only a blessing but a great joy. I couldn’t fathom doing life without them. After finding my voice, I confirmed, “It is an honor to have you both as family.”
“Ditto,” Nik acknowledged.
“Fuck yeah,” E added.
For just a minute, in the midst of all the chaos and sadness, we had found solidarity. Lacey burst into the room, “Alex! It’s Sofie. Hurry!”
As I rushed out of the room behind her, I wished that moment with my brothers could’ve lasted longer. Apparently, fate had other plans.
Chapter Nineteen
Sofie
James was going to pay, even if I had to rot in jail for the crime of murder. Would be worth it after I had learned what the son of bitch had done to his own child—my child. Whether she was from my body or not, make no mistake that girl was mine. What kind of sick fuck trained his daughter in sexual pleasure with the sole purpose of becoming a slave? Sure, there were those who entered into things like that of free will. Lilly was not one of them. He’d been preparing her since she was twelve. Made sense when I thought about the timeline, we were in the throes of a nasty divorce then. I wished Lilly had confided in me, yet understood why she didn’t. I’d bet my life he’d threatened her somehow. Motherfucker was going down. There was no excuse for something that heinous. Nothing!
At the police department, they had informed me James was released but had to stay within the vicinity for further questioning. In my haste to get my hands around his pathetic neck, I’d left the piece of evidence that could bring him down in Lilly’s ICU unit. Inside that bag the nurse had handed over, were several letters addressed to me. They had been nestled amongst Lilly’s clothing from both incidents. I could only hope the right person would find them.
Lilly’s words fueled my fire as I drove up to the front of James’ home.
* * *
Dear Sofie,
If you’re reading this then something horrible has happened to me, and I’m unable to tell you face to face. Believe me when I say, I never wanted to keep this from you or hurt you with this information. James made sure I knew if I told you, you would be harmed. I refuse to go into complete detail; however, there are journals in a safe deposit box at Wilson Bank and Trust off Hillshire Rd. The key should be in my dorm room along with the password. Here’s what you need to know now: Judge James Hoffman, my father, is involved with sex slave trade.
Once you were gone from our home, he brought a woman in to train me. He never touched me, only watched. I maintained my virginity because I was worth more innocent. I suppose I sound detached telling you all this, but know it needs to go to the right people. Give it to someone you trust. I fear for your safety now that I’ve told
you this. Many powerful people are involved, so please use extreme caution.
Hurry! Lives are at stake.
I love you.
Lilly
* * *
The letter was burned into my memory. He would pay for this. I withdrew the 38 Special from my purse and walked around back to the side entrance. It was a door that usually remained unlocked because of its obscurity.
Sure enough the door eased opened without opposition. Idiot really should know better. Then again, his arrogance was what I counted on. Yes, ‘pride does come before a fall.’ I, for one, would happily tap dance on the bastard’s grave. As I slinked along the far wall inside, siren wails grew louder, closer. Shit. I better locate James quickly.
While searching upstairs for him, I could hear police downstairs. What I was not prepared for, his body hanging in the closet. My screams were greeted by several officers. With hands shaking so hard, the gun I had dropped to my feet. Hoping beyond hope no one saw me, I kicked it underneath the bed. Someone asked me questions as I was turned away from the carnage. That was when I noticed Alex standing in the doorway. The sight of him was more than I could handle as the room began to fade away.
I was lying on a couch in the family room. Alex was kneeling at my side as he whispered, “Sofie, I’m right here. Don’t be afraid.”
Guilt kept me from making eye contact. If he knew what my intentions had been this night, he’d never forgive me. An EMT was there beside me, along with an officer. I shook my head no, or nodded a yes as questions were asked about how I felt. Whole thing ended when the medic stated, “It would be best if we take you in to be checked out.”
Alex added, “I think that’s a good idea, Sofie.”
Again, I bobbed my head.
The officer said, “I’ll meet you there, Ms. Fields.”
For all intents and purposes, I should feel fantastic that fate had taken care of James for me. Oddly, I felt numb emotionally and physically ill. To emphasize that I began vomiting all over Alex, who never backed away from me. He reached over to clasp my hair in his fist and let me empty the contents of my stomach. Acknowledgment that I didn’t deserve such kindness brought more bile up and out. God, I should be mortified. Yet, I wasn’t. I couldn’t seem to touch on any emotions at all. As if I was only a shell, functioning.
*****
I was transported by ambulance as Alex stayed beside me the entire time. A part of me wished he’d just go away. Another, desperately wanted him to hold and tell me he would never abandon me. But I knew that was me lying to myself. He hadn’t forgiven me for the choice I made all those years ago. He sure wouldn’t find it in his heart to understand my decision concerning James. No, it was best not to feel anything. This way I wouldn’t know if my heart could survive the brokenness. Come to think of it, I seriously doubted it would, which was fine. If I lost Lilly, there would be nothing left anyway. You have Ari, the still small voice in my head reminded. True, but she was Alex’s. Anyone could see that. I really held no place in her life other than the woman who had given her birth. I wanted more—hoped for more. But the bond was there between father and daughter, strong and undeniable. With that acknowledgment I pulled further into myself, fortifying my walls and locking all the doors.
Lacey came to visit me in my room, but once more I refused to speak. It was all for the best. I couldn’t allow myself to get close to any of them. My way of protecting me. Something I had done long ago to survive what I deemed unsurvivable at the time. Funny how life had a way of showing you things could always be worse. At this point, if it were in human form I’d choke the ever-loving shit out of that bitch. I wasn’t completely numb after all. Fury filled every cell in my body, rage became my companion. I hissed, “Lacey, stop. I don’t want to hear another word.”
She blinked at me in rapid succession. “You’re very angry, Sofie.”
“Ya think?”
“Look, I don’t know everything going on.” She spread her arms wide. “But if yelling at me will help you, then by all means go for it.”
I squeezed my eyes tightly, fighting the tears. “Leave. Please,” I tacked on, because let’s face it, Lacey had done nothing wrong and did not deserve my wrath. Bless her heart…she was trying so hard to help me.
She stood and placed her hand on my forearm. “Please don’t do this to yourself, Sofie. You’re only hurting you.”
I shook my head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Her sad smile spoke volumes. “I get it more than you realize. I’m not your enemy.”
I barked out, “No. I’m covering that position all on my own.”
“You don’t have to do this alone. No one is designed to live life by themselves, Sofie. The Lone Wolf doesn’t survive in the wild. And human beings don’t either. Though we like to tell ourselves we can. In the end, it’s just a lie.” With her wise words hanging in the air, she walked out.
Respect filled me for the young woman who had just been here. Lacey’s knowledge was beyond her years, proving wisdom didn’t have a minimum age requirement.
Once the doctor had released me and I had answered all the questions the police had for me, I went to sit with Lilly. A strong hand on my shoulder woke me. “Sofie, you’re exhausted. Please let me take you home,” Alex said softly.
Shame and guilt filled me again. Unable to speak to him, I simply shook my head. He wasn’t accepting it this time and got down on his haunches in front of me. “You’re upset. I feel you, Sofie. I really do. But this has to stop. I need you to talk to me.”
I met his wide eyes and sincerity with venom behind my words. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Alright, you’re pissed off. Fair enough. But don’t you think I deserve to know why?”
“Figure it out, counselor,” I spat out.
With a deep resigned breath, he admitted, “I failed you.”
My heart screamed out, there, he’s confessed. Forgive him and understand his perspective. You need him. My head had other ideas as I gave them free reign. “You did. And I can’t forgive you for it.”
He clasped my hand. “Then we’re at an impasse, kjære. Make no mistake, I’ll fight for you. For us.”
I yanked my hand out of his. “You’ve lost the battle already.”
“We’ll see about that,” he declared, standing up and looking down at me.
I glanced at him briefly and saw something in his eyes that’d never been there before. What that was I couldn’t name, though it was different. Most likely this was my wayward heart wanting to make something out of nothing. Stupid. I was going to say something downright nasty when a couple of nurses entered Lilly’s room, informing me they were going to run the first set of tests on her to check for brain activity.
Avoiding Alex on my way down the hall, I found myself walking aimlessly through the hospital. What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t stay mad forever. Yeah, I was pretty numb otherwise, but eventually emotions would flood. Then what? A plan suddenly began to form. Lilly would pull through this and we’d move overseas to start over. Yes, that would be the best for everyone involved. I’d keep in contact with Ari in the event she’d want to join us. A life with both of my daughters began to enchant, entice, and draw me in. I could picture happiness and laughter. Something I’d yearned for, had been given a taste of and wanted back more than anything. Yes, we could make it work. I didn’t need a man to find joy. Alex isn’t just any man, my heart demanded. There are plenty of other men if I choose to have one in my life again. But there’s only one soul mate. Touché. Yet, I no longer believed in such things. We made our own destiny. And fate was something found in fairy tales, not real life. Should’ve known that would call the two harpies to prove they had something to say about the subject.
Alex was leaning against the wall as I rounded a corner. “Sofie.” He reached towards me but I refused to take his hand. Instead, I pivoted to walk away from him. Alex wasn’t going to take my insolence. “Don’t. Turn. Your. Back. On. Me.”
&
nbsp; Hell, that should not turn me on. Although I’d be lying if I said otherwise. Straightening my spine with resolve, I turned to face him woman to man. “First off…you don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. Capiche? Second, if I wanted to speak with you, I would.” Stepping forward, I began poking his chest. “It’s over. Get that through your thick skull.”
Alex wrapped his large hand around my wrist and hauled me up against his hard, lean body. “No. It’s not.” His mouth slanted over mine, violently.
I accepted all Alex had to give with that kiss. It would, after all, be our last one. There was no denying that angry sex with him was beyond incredible. Yet, I couldn’t let myself succumb. Fortifying my rage, I fired back, “You can’t make me stay any more than you can make me love you.”
He stepped back like I had slapped him—which I sort of did with my words, making me regret them even more. Still, he had to know this could never work. With a sharp intake of breath, he called me out, “The hell you say. What happened to the woman who was trying to convince me that we were meant to be?”
I huffed, “In case you’ve missed something, Mr. Strand, let me enlighten you. Things change. Feelings change. Minds change.” My chin jutted out as I stared him in the eyes. “I’ve changed.”
“BULLSHIT!” he roared.
Time stopped in that moment. What had I just done? The little rhyme from childhood loudly played through my head: ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire…’ All of a sudden I was Queen Buttercup, from The Princess Bride, in her nightmare where the old hag got right up in her face and hissed, “‘Boo! Bow to the Queen of Refuse!’” My own subconscious added, you had true love in your hands and you threw it away. Next thing I knew, it was as if someone had pressed fast forward. Alex was led away by Nik who struggled to hold him back as security began to fire questions at me. Whether it was the stress of the moment or my realization of what my words to Alex implied, I collapsed.