“Give us a chance, Jenny.”
She brushed the tears off her cheeks, moved toward the door. “I already did.”
He had maybe a few seconds before she walked out on him again. A few seconds to find the words that could change the rest of his life. No closing argument he’d ever made before a judge had been so important.
But what could he do? If she’d already made up her mind, what was left to say?
I love you.
The answer seemed obvious, but the words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t do it. Even if it was true, he couldn’t use those words to manipulate her.
All he said was, “You wouldn’t have kissed me the way you just did if this was over.”
She looked up at him, her eyes filled with equal parts sadness and determination. “It has to be over.”
“Why?” He heard the desperation in his voice, but he was beyond caring.
A single tear trembled on the edge of her lashes before it spilled over and tracked slowly down her cheek. “Because if I give you a chance, you’ll break my heart. And I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
Richard had tossed back several more glasses of whiskey after Jenny’s visit before accepting that no amount of alcohol would cleanse the taste of her lips or banish her image from his mind. Then, when he’d finally crawled into bed and slept, he’d dreamed of her. Dreams in which he’d been able to see her but was unable to reach her. Dreams in which he’d been running toward her while she slowly faded away. He didn’t need a psychiatrist to figure out she was lost to him. Not just in his dreams but forever.
When he awoke, he felt as though a jackhammer was pounding into his skull, but even the pain in his head couldn’t make him forget the emptiness in his heart. A long shower and a handful of aspirin did nothing to improve his disposition. Though he wasn’t in the mood to make pleasant conversation, he had no legitimate excuse to cancel the breakfast meeting Helen had set up the night before and he was at her suite by 8 a.m.
“You look like hell,” she said upon opening the door.
Richard moved past her to pour himself a much-needed cup of coffee from the service that had been set up in her sitting area. “I knew I should have gone with the blue tie.”
“It would match the circles under your eyes,” she agreed.
He swallowed a mouthful of hot coffee. “I was up late.”
“Working?”
“What else?”
She refilled her own cup and sat down. “I’m glad I’m not paying you by the hour or we’d be bankrupt already. Not that I believe for a minute that the merger caused you to lose sleep last night.”
“The merger is the only thing that matters right now.” He perused the tray of pastries. It was easier to pretend he was hungry than to face the pity in Helen’s eyes.
When it became obvious to her that he didn’t intend to say anything more, Helen sighed. “I thought we were friends, Richard.”
“We are,” he agreed.
“Then why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”
He selected a cherry Danish he didn’t really want and set it on a plate. “Because I’m a man, and we don’t like to admit our mistakes.”
“Then you’re admitting you made one?”
He nodded. Although whether his biggest mistake was in ever getting involved with Jenny Anderson or letting her walk out of his hotel room last night, he didn’t know. In any event, she’d made it clear that whatever they’d shared was over.
But what choice had he given her? What had he offered other than a few weeks of his life and a good time in his bed? Of course she wanted more. She deserved more.
He didn’t want ties, commitments, obligations—and he definitely didn’t want to fall in love. What was love anyway but a four-letter excuse for hurting those you claimed to care about?
Marilyn had said she loved him, but that hadn’t stopped her from sleeping with another man. Not even parental love was dependable. His father had died and his mother had withdrawn her affection from her elder son. No, he didn’t ever intend to put his heart on the line again.
Jenny was better off with someone who wanted the same things she did. Someone who would put her needs first, who would love her and give her the future and family she wanted. But the thought of her with any other man—exchanging vows with him, making love with him—he couldn’t let himself think about it. The idea of her in any other man’s bed drove him insane.
“Do you think you’ll ever get married again?” he asked, surprising himself as much as Helen with the question that tumbled out of his mouth.
A smile played at the corners of her mouth. “Are you proposing?”
“No,” he said quickly, then winced at the vehemence of the denial.
She laughed. “It’s lucky for you I’m not easily offended.”
Richard decided to keep his mouth shut until his brain started functioning normally again.
“I know there’s been a lot of speculation—public and private—about my marriage to George. But regardless of what anyone says or thinks, I married him because I loved him.
“Maybe I was idealistic,” she admitted. “Maybe even a little naive. But I had hopes and dreams like any young bride when I made my vows.”
She shrugged. “Some of those hopes faded, some of my dreams changed. That happens not just in marriage but in life.
“But to answer your question, yes.” She smiled, a little wistfully. “If I ever fell in love with someone who could believe in my dreams—I would get married again.
“However, I think the real question you need to answer is—would you get married again?”
Richard raked a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t know.”
A month ago, he wouldn’t have had any difficulty answering that question with a resounding no. But a month ago, he didn’t know Jenny. Now, he couldn’t imagine his life without her.
If he had to choose between making a commitment and losing her forever, he would marry her.
But his pride wouldn’t let him ask—not now.
He wanted her to choose him not because he was willing to put a ring on her finger, but because she loved him.
As he loved her.
The realization should have come as a shock, maybe even sent him into something of a panic—instead, the acceptance of his feelings filled him with an unexpected warm contentment.
He was scared, too, but as much as he feared putting his heart on the line and having it rejected as both his mother and his ex-wife had done, he was even more afraid of losing Jenny forever.
Chapter Fourteen
Jenny stopped by the hospital to see Mich and the baby on her way home from work the next day. The visit with her sister-in-law and new niece was a bittersweet reminder of the dreams of a family of her own that continued to elude her. She was on her way out when her brother and Suki were coming in.
John left his elder daughter with her mother and baby sister to follow Jenny outside.
“I heard Brad proposed to you,” he said.
Jenny didn’t bother to ask where he’d heard. Her brother had contacts everywhere in the city. Instead, she nodded.
“Please tell me you’re not going to marry him,” John said.
“I’m not going to marry him.”
He frowned at the immediate response. “Do you mean that or are you just humoring me?”
She smiled. “You don’t have a sense of humor.”
“Not about something like this,” he agreed. “Because I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“I’m old enough to make my own decisions,” she reminded him gently. “And to face the consequences of those decisions.”
He sighed. “I know, but just because you’ve grown up doesn’t mean I can stop wanting to protect you.”
“Old habits die hard?”
“Something like that.”
Despite his general agreement, she could tell he had something specific on his mind. And she was sure she knew what it was.
>
“You found out about TCR, didn’t you?”
His startled glance confirmed she was right—somehow her brother had learned that Brad’s big investment had turned out to be a big dud.
“I didn’t realize you knew about it,” he said.
“I’m not an idiot, John. Don’t you think I wondered why Brad was suddenly so anxious to marry me?”
“I don’t think you’re an idiot,” he assured her. “But I did think that your history with him might have clouded your judgment.”
She just shook her head.
He took her hand, squeezed it affectionately. “I’m glad. You deserve so much better.”
She felt her throat tighten, and she knew she had to change the subject quickly before she embarrassed both of them by breaking into tears.
Before she had a chance, however, John spoke again. “I thought for a while, before Brad came into town, that you and Richard Warren—”
“I don’t want to talk about Richard,” she interrupted.
“I’m sorry,” he said gently. “When I saw the two of you together, the way he looked at you, I got the impression he really cared about you.”
Which was the same way Richard had described his feelings, but her heart ached for love too much to settle for anything less.
“I didn’t get a chance to talk to Suki,” she said in an obvious effort to change the topic of conversation. “How’s she liking her new sister?”
John’s gaze held hers for a long moment before he answered. “I think she’s still undecided at this point. She was excited about the idea of a sister, but I don’t think Keiko is quite what she had in mind.”
“It must be a difficult adjustment for her,” Jenny said. “To go from being an only child to being the older sibling of a baby who’s getting all the attention.”
“Yeah, it is.” He grinned at her.
“As if you remember,” she scoffed.
“I do.” He tugged a strand of her hair playfully. “Actually what I remember most was the way you used to follow me around. Everywhere I went, wanting to do everything I did. It drove me nuts.
“Then you started to grow up, make friends of your own, do your own thing. You hardly paid any attention to me anymore. That’s when I realized how much I missed you.”
“You missed bossing me around,” she teased.
“Yeah, that, too. Although it will take Suki another couple of years to appreciate that benefit of having a little sister.”
Jenny shook her head despairingly, but their discussion about Suki had given her an idea.
“Why don’t I take Suki to the lake for the weekend?” she suggested. “It will give you and Mich some time alone with the baby and give Suki some special attention.”
“Suki would love that,” he agreed.
Jenny was glad she’d suggested coming up to the cabin with her niece. Although she couldn’t help being reminded of her last visit with Richard, she was determined not to dwell on it. This had always been her favorite place, and she wasn’t going to let recent events ruin the enjoyment for her.
After dinner, she and Suki went for a walk in the woods, then they popped some corn and sat in front of the TV to watch one of Suki’s favorite cartoon programs. Jenny loved her niece’s company—she was honest and straightforward and uncomplicated.
“I thought it would be fun to have a sister,” Suki confided, munching on a handful of popcorn. “But Keiko doesn’t do anything except sleep and cry.”
She smiled as she stroked a hand over the little girl’s silky hair. “That’s all you did when you were a baby, too.”
Her niece was obviously skeptical. “Really?”
She nodded. “And then you started to crawl and walk and run. And now there’s nothing you can’t do.”
“I can’t drive a car,” Suki said wisely, reaching into the bowl again. “And I’m not allowed to use Mommy’s scissors unless she’s helping me.”
“That’s a good rule,” Jenny agreed.
Suki was silent for a few minutes, watching the television, before she asked, “Are you going to have a baby, Aunt Jenny?”
The ache she felt inside was getting to be familiar—a bone deep yearning mixed with too much uncertainty. “I hope so,” she said. “Someday.”
Suki nodded. “But you’ve got to get a husband first.”
Not technically, but Jenny didn’t bother to correct the little girl on that. As she’d told Richard, if she was going to bring a baby into the world, she wanted him or her to have a mother and father who loved one another and were committed to raising their child together.
“If you don’t get a husband,” Suki continued, “you could borrow me. I could be your little girl sometimes.”
She hugged the child closer, touched by her niece’s generous heart. “Like we’re doing now?”
“Just like this.” Suki snuggled into her lap, and within a few minutes, she’d closed her eyes.
Jenny waited until the program was over to make sure the she was completely asleep, then lifted her carefully to carry her to bed. She’d just finished tucking the covers around her when she heard a knock.
She hurried to the door before a repeat of the sound could wake her niece. She’d thought it might be one of the distant neighbors, or somebody who’d gotten lost and needed directions to get back to the highway. It never even crossed her mind that it might be Richard.
He brought his hand from behind his back, offering her a tentative smile along with a bunch of wilting daisies.
The flowers completely disarmed her, because they were exactly what she’d once envisioned he would choose if he were to give her flowers. She accepted the bouquet automatically, her throat tightening as she touched a soft white petal. But she couldn’t let Richard know that she weakened so easily, so she continued to stand in the doorway, not inviting him inside. “What are you doing here, Richard?”
“I wanted to apologize for the other night. When you came to my hotel.”
She sighed. “There’s nothing to apologize for,” she told him.
“Then why did you run away?”
“I didn’t run away,” she denied. “I simply came up here to spend some time alone with my niece.”
“I’ve missed you,” he said softly.
She’d barely managed to rebuild some of the walls around her heart, and he was already tearing them down. She wished she were strong enough to turn him away, but she’d missed him, too. She sighed and stepped away from the door. “You can come in for a few minutes.”
He followed her into the family room, sat beside her on the sofa, his body turned so he could look at her. “I’ve been thinking about what you said the other night,” he told her. “About wanting a family of your own.”
“You don’t have to tell me again that you don’t want the same thing,” she told him.
His fingers stroked down her cheek, a gentle caress. “I didn’t think I did,” he admitted. “But I’ve started to realize that wants can change—or maybe it’s the people who come into our lives who make us want different things.”
She felt her heart leap, but forced her voice to remain calm. “What are you saying?”
He was silent for a long minute before he finally said, “I want to help you find your birth mother.”
Okay, that wasn’t quite what she had expected.
“I told you before, I’m not interested in looking for a woman who wasn’t interested in me.”
“How do you know she wasn’t interested?” he challenged.
“She gave me away, didn’t she?”
“And now you’re rejecting her because she rejected you first, and you keep waiting for everyone else to do the same thing.” He shook his head. “Actually, you don’t wait. You leave so that no one can leave you.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? It seems to me that’s exactly what happened with us.”
“Did you come all this way to psychoanalyze me?”
“No, I came all this
way to tell you I love you.”
She stared at him, stunned.
He smiled wryly. “I didn’t expect it, either.”
She pushed herself up from the sofa. “I’m going to have a glass of wine, do you want one?”
He followed her to the kitchen area. “Does that offer mean you’re not going to kick me out tonight?”
She shrugged as she took two glasses from the cupboard. “There’s a spare bedroom.”
He waited patiently while she uncorked the bottle then poured the wine. He accepted the glass she passed to him before asking, “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“My mind is still spinning.”
“Mine, too.” He set his wine down, then pried hers from her fingers and placed it on the counter beside his own. He took her hands, linking their fingers together. “I didn’t think I would ever fall in love again. I know I didn’t want to. But you changed everything for me, and I don’t ever want to be without you again.”
She still didn’t say anything, but he felt her fingers tremble slightly in his grasp. He squeezed them gently before he let her go.
“Give me another chance—give us another chance, Jenny.”
“I haven’t kicked you out,” she said. Then added, “Yet.”
He smiled. “I’m grateful.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it.”
“Of course not.”
He was being agreeable again and smiling that smile that made her knees weak. She wanted more than anything to give him another chance—to give them another chance. It was because she wanted it so much that she forced herself to take a step back.
She’d been on an emotional roller coaster the past few days and didn’t know if she could trust anything she was feeling right now. “I’m too tired to think about this right now. I need to go to bed.”
“Okay.” He reached for her hand as she started to move past him, halting her in her tracks. “But there’s one more thing you need to think about.”
Then he lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.
It was the briefest touch, a test, a taste.
Her Best-Kept Secret Page 17