by Lena North
He didn’t.
“I have my share in a nice little matching pill box, so I’ll just hold on to them until I find someone who needs them.”
“You do that,” I said.
“Perhaps Biff would want a few.”
Biff?
As in; my dad?
Eek!
Chapter Twenty-three
Hibiscus de Chamontelette-Brown
I woke up before the alarm which was a massive surprise, mostly since it probably was the first time that had happened. I lay there in stunned amazement and wondered if I was becoming an actual adult.
Then I heard the rattle of small pebbles on my window and grinned.
Nope. Not a grownup. And neither was my grandmother, it seemed.
Grandma Hazel and I went to see Genie and have breakfast. Or, since I refused to partake of anything at Ms. Decateur’s home, it was the other way around, and we stopped for pancakes before entering a house where I’d been held captive just a few days before.
“I’m so sorry,” Genie said, and squeezed my hand in a way that likely was supposed to be reassuring, but mostly hurt.
“You didn’t kidnap me,” I murmured and pulled my hand away from her death grip. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I designed the kitchen.”
I blinked.
“Could have asked them to install bigger cabinets, and I would have…”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, but she just kept talking.
“… if I’d known someone with your booty would be locked into one of them.”
Huh. Slightly insulting but not entirely incorrect.
“Okay,” I said, lacking anything more eloquent to add. “Will you go with us to see the Grand Wizard?”
“If we go before ten o’clock. I have an appointment at eleven that I can’t miss.”
“What are you doing?” Grandma Hazel asked. “If you need me to come with you, I’d be happy to –”
“Yes, please,” Genie said immediately. “I’m nervous.”
Her night in the laundry room had apparently not been as easy on her as she’d told my dad.
“I’ll be there for you,” Grandma said and patted Genie’s hand.
“Thank you, Hazel. You can help me place it.”
Place what?
“Place what?” Grandma echoed my thoughts.
“The strawberry.”
Huh?
“Str –”
“I’m thinking left.”
“Left what?” I asked, and I really shouldn’t have.
“Butt cheek.”
I closed my eyes.
“I’m getting a tattoo,” Genie clarified. “It’s my first, and I wanted a beetroot, but Josito can only do strawberries and skulls.” She smiled happily and added, “I didn’t want a skull.”
Hoo-kay. Next topic.
Crap. There was no topic available in my mind because my brain had stuck on the visual of a not fully clothed Genie Decateur, old as dirt and skinny-saggy everywhere.
With a strawberry tattooed on her left butt cheek.
“How exciting,” Grandma Hazel squealed. “I could do a skull.”
No. No, no, no. Yikes. Jesus. Whatever.
“Let’s go and see the Grand Wizard right away,” I blurted out.
“Not a good idea,” my backpack said.
I turned slowly and glared at it.
“Lulu?” I asked.
“What?” she snapped. “I wasn’t going to stay in a house with millions of werewolves. And I have to protect you.”
“From what?” I asked exasperatedly.
“Yourself.”
Cute but completely unnecessary.
“We are leaving, and we are leaving right now,” I declared haughtily. “I’m calling everyone from the car to see if they want to join us.”
***
Dad didn’t pick up. Joel did, and he brought Elsa, and since Elsa was there, Pen ambled up to us while we waited for Jackson and Rafael.
“Shit,” I muttered when I saw Grandpa Hunter next to Jackson in the Nowhere PD vehicle he was driving. Then I saw Rafael’s sleek, black Porsche where Silenus somehow had squeezed himself in, and added, “Double-shit.”
“Kitty, perhaps we should wait,” Jackson said.
“Or perhaps we should go now,” I retorted calmly, hoisted Lulu up on my shoulder and walked toward the entrance of what Grandma had assured me were the wizard’s headquarters.
They wouldn’t let us enter.
I glared at the pale, thin individual who had been a man less than two weeks and hence was an incredibly junior wizard. He swallowed, which made his Adam’s apple bob unattractively, and I gathered up all my abilities. My witch blended with my wolf and to my surprise, I felt taller and somehow… regal.
“Tell Grand Wizard Blaïse that Hibiscus de Chamontelette-Brown requests an immediate audience to discuss topics of utmost importance to him,” I said with so much haughty power in my voice the young man shrunk back and picked up his phone without further ado. “Jeez,” I muttered. “He could have just let us in.”
“Pretty impressive, Kitty,” Joel murmured in my ear. “Pretty damned impressive.”
Before I could grin at him, the doors swung open, and we marched inside.
I kept my abilities flowing, and since I was surrounded by a group of others with various skills, the air crackled with power as we walked across a courtyard and into a big room. At the other end of the room stood a tall man, flanked by four men in wizard’s clothes. Lulu hissed softly, jumped off my shoulder and disappeared.
I kept walking until I was a few steps away from the men.
They stared in silence at me.
I figured this was normal within wizard-circles, so I stared back at them. Their long shirts and wide pants looked rather silly but also comfortable. I decided to sneak one of the Az’ sets into my bag next time I visited Mom. He had a blue one that was pretty, and it would look great with my hair. Or else I’d get the green one which matched my eyes.
The tall man suddenly coughed.
“Blaïse,” I murmured and tilted my head in a way I’d seen royals do in costume dramas on the TV.
“Hibiscus de Chamontelette-Brown,” he drawled.
“That is my name,” I informed him and chastised myself silently because, duh. That had been a pretty stupid thing to say, so I added, “As you know.”
“Where are you from?” the man asked.
“Nowhere.”
He raised a brow, and I raised one of mine.
“Are you sassing me, young lady?” he asked coolly.
“I sass you not,” I replied and raised my other brow, which felt less regal and more idiotically surprised, so I lowered it quickly again.
“Hm,” Blaïse retorted.
“I have news best suited for your ears only,” I declared magnanimously. “It concerns one of your…” I made a brief pause and tried frantically to recall the hierarchies among the wizards. “Underlings,” I finished the sentence and wondered if that even was an actual word.
Perhaps I should have said minions instead? Or nothing at all?
“One of my underlings,” Blaïse said slowly.
“Hm,” I said, which was what he’d murmured earlier so I figured it would be an okay thing to say.
“Walk with me Hibiscus de Chamontelette-Brown,” he said and made an impressively authoritative sweep of his hand. “I know your mother.”
“Fuchsia,” I murmured as if he didn’t know.
I hoped he didn’t know she was currently Fucksia.
He stumbled slightly, but then we walked away from the others. He took me into a covered hallway which I could have sworn I’d seen in one of the Lord of the Rings movies, and I explained what we’d learned about Malachï.
“I’m surprised,” he said when I was done.
“I can imagine. It was a considerable surprise to my friends and me too,” I said, thinking that; wow.
I totally sounded like a grownup.
>
“Do you have proof?”
“Unequivocally,” I murmured, and wondered if I should tell him about Joel’s findings, me being kidnapped and the statements Jackson had collected.
I also hoped I got the meaning of the word right. The Az had used it, so it seemed like something a wizard would enjoy hearing.
“What would you expect from me?”
What? Was the man stupid, or something?
“He should stop extorting the businesses,” I stated. “Let go of Genie Decateur,” I added and smirked. “Stripping Malachï of his powers for the next century would be a very nice bonus.”
“He is engaged to your sister,” Blaïse said.
“Half-sister,” I corrected him. “I’m sure my parents and sisters would agree that such a man is not… fitting into our family.”
I was actually not that sure, but it had sounded good, and I totally did not want that douche showing up at Christmas dinners and the likes. Eating Thanksgiving turkey whilst watching a bobbing sweep of orange hair would totally destroy my appetite.
“And in exchange, you will not bring this to the High Grand Wizard?” Blaïse prompted.
Huh? There was a High Grand Wizard? Like an über-wizard?
“I will not bring it further, but I will not lie in case I’m questioned,” I countered.
He stopped and looked at me.
I looked back at him.
He was quite handsome if one liked longhaired, older men with goatees.
It had never been my thing, but pre-Pen, Elsa would have been all over this man.
He grinned suddenly, and yeah. Elsa would have been salivating. I swallowed and wondered if I might not be on the verge of drooling just a little myself, actually.
“We have a deal,” he said, gray eyes soft with humor. Then he waved his hand imperiously, and added, “It’s done.”
I faint scream echoed in the distance, and my brows went up.
“Holy Mo –” I didn’t think holy moly was noble enough, so I amended my statement to “Mother,” and added for clarification, “Of Nature.”
There, I thought. Mothers and nature. That was what Nim witches were all about, wasn’t it? The skin around Blaïse’s eyes crinkled slightly, and then he led me back to where the others were waiting.
“It has been a quite surprising pleasure, Miss de Chamontelette-Brown,” Blaïse said and indicated that the doors to the courtyard should be opened which I assumed meant the audience was over.
“The pleasure was all mine, Mr…”
I had no clue what the darned man was called, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Under the circumstances, I think you should call me Blay,” he said.
Uh, what?
No, this I should not do. Mostly because I would not be able to do it with a straight face.
“I’m Kitty,” I murmured.
Then I tilted my head in that regal nod again and walked away.
The others followed, and no one said a word until we were standing on the sidewalk outside the brown double doors again. I quickly explained what we’d talked about, what Blaïse had agreed to and they stared at me.
“You do know he’s a mind reader, right?” Grandma Hazel wheezed out.
A mind –
Well shit.
A faint echo of laughter echoed from inside the house, and I turned to look back through the doors. Were they laughing at me? Probably, I decided, and couldn’t blame them. I would have laughed at me too.
In the courtyard, a small, turquoise shape suddenly swept through the air, and I blinked a few times, wondering if it indeed was what I thought it was.
A lovebird.
“I need peanuts,” I exclaimed. “Don’t close the door,” I ordered the guard-wizard-man-boy and he froze. “Does anyone have any peanuts?” I whispered frantically. “Or olives. Chips. Snacks. Now. Now. Now –”
“I have these,” Grandpa said and put a few in my hand.
“Thanks,” I murmured and walked back into the courtyard.
Then I stretched my hand out and started whistling Oh Susanna. A door opened and Blaïse, again flanked by several men, was watching me from it. I ignored them and kept up the snappy tune. I only knew the first line but didn’t let that deter me and repeated it insistently.
When the bird turned midair and aimed for me, I knew that it was indeed the missing Peanut. The lovebird was turquoise as his owner had specified and had the black face she’d described. I saw this clearly when he landed on my hand and started nibbling on the small blue pills I was holding out toward him.
This meant that I was unfortunately also holding the pills out toward the Grand Wizard of Portland and what possibly was the entire universe.
Oh, God. My goddamned grandfather had given me –
I tried to close my hand, but Peanut had apparently liked the taste, so he started pecking my fingers with a surprisingly sharp beak.
“Ow,” I squealed. “Stupid goddamned animal,” I snarled and stepped back, swiping at the bird to get him to stop attacking me.
Then it occurred to me that this was not an exemplary Nim-witch behavior, and my eyes turned to the group of wizards. Before I could figure out what to say, a black streak flew through the air.
“Let’s get out of here,” Lulu murmured, and she did this around Peanut who was held firmly in her mouth.
That seemed like an excellent idea, under the circumstances, so I turned toward the stunned wizards.
“I wish you a thoroughly enjoyable day,” I declared and tried to walk out of their headquarters in a dignified manner befitting the place.
But I mostly ran.
Well, shit, that had not gone exactly as planned, although unless Lulu was hungry, I’d managed to capture Peanut.
Lulu waited with the others, and this time, I didn’t stop the young man from closing the doors.
“Don’t eat him,” I snapped at my familiar and gently pulled the bird out of her mouth.
“I’m a vegetarian,” Lulu murmured.
I almost dropped the bird but managed to tuck him into my backpack and pull the zipper. He flapped around a bit but seemed to settle down almost immediately.
“Really?” I asked.
“Totally,” she said. “Except for mice. I eat mice. I actually don’t eat much else because I love mice.”
“So, you’re really a micetarian?”
“Yes!”
“Okay.”
Chapter Twenty-four
Believe you me
I was going on another date.
I’d lost track of whose turn it was, but after a flurry of messages back and forth, Rafael informed me that it was Jackson’s turn. They had also decided that since Rafael had taken me to Bubba’s, then Jackson would too. Rafael might join us later.
I stared at my phone and wondered what would happen if I simply didn’t show up.
Would Jackson and Rafael go on a date without me?
Then I had lunch with my father who couldn’t seem to stop laughing.
I thought he’d be upset that I had gone to see Blaïse without him, but the Grand Wizard had called Dad approximatively four seconds after the double doors were shut and had laughed so hard he dropped his phone.
Twice.
And I was apparently invited back for another audience whenever I felt like going.
Mom had called Dad too, and she had been less amused, a circumstance Dad shared with a rather unattractive relish.
My sisters had all left messages on my phone. Poppy was inconsolable, but the others were covertly gleeful in a way I thought was about as attractive as the sneer on my father’s face. I sent a group message to them saying that hooker-extortionists were not my favorite people, which got me a dozen replies that I ignored.
When Dad had gotten himself under control, he leaned back and sighed.
“Only you, Kitty.”
“We got what we wanted, didn’t we?” I asked.
“We sure did,” Dad said calmly, but his mouth twitche
d as he added, “I sass you not? Salivating? Really?”
Goddamned mindreading wizards.
To change the topic, I quickly informed Dad about my date with Jackson.
Dad promptly retorted that he knew about it, my grandparents were unavailable, and Pentagon would be the chaperone.
The enormous, hairy unicorn had apparently overheard Dad and Jackson and offered to be of service. I tried to convince Dad that either of my grandparents would be infinitely preferable to a yeti-looking man my own age, but my efforts were in vain.
Grandma Hazel was apparently spending time with Genie, which I assumed meant Grandma had gotten herself a tattoo.
Grandpa Hunter had a club meeting
After some high-pitched questions from me, I discovered that Pen and Dad had bonded over their admiration of Elsa. This had been further enhanced by Pen declaring that he wanted to get married, was on the market for a house, and preferably one that needed some work because he was a carpenter and also a plumber who liked to put up tiles.
Elsa had been there to hear Pen’s announcement and shared that she did not want to marry him, something Dad told me with a chuckle was merely a minor, “Lover’s spat.”
I informed him that they weren’t lovers, and if they were to spit, then Elsa still held the record from Saint Honoria of the Immaculate Transformation High School. By two and a half yards to the runner-up.
That shut him up and we finished lunch in a highly satisfying silence.
Then I returned Peanut to his grateful, tearful and according to her, also blissful owner. I collected the reward and went to Tiaso’s for a completely uneventful shift, but the unexciting evening made me a little bit nervous.
It felt like the calm before the storm.
I wasn’t wrong.
The second Jackson and I walked into Bubba’s, a shitstorm did indeed erupt, starting with Melissa Moose who descended upon us, crying hysterically and doing it on Jack’s shoulder whilst trying to lick his left earlobe. It took both Bubba and Parker to pry her strong arms off Jackson, and then he had to lean on the bar to catch his breath.
Loosey Moosey wrapped herself around Parker instead, and the look on his face would have been hilarious if he’d been able to actually breathe.
Then Pentagon stepped in and murmured something which made Melissa faint, and we were free to walk over and claim a table in a corner.