by J. Darling
Looking for ways to cope, to surrender, to be loved by him and only him, she said between panting breaths, “Nate, I’m sorry, I… can’t talk. I can’t…” choking up, her voice caught and she continued, “bear the thought of you with another.” A small tear slid down her cheek with the admission. Catching it, he kissed the trail it had followed. Turning her face to him, her lips to his ear, she finished, “I love you, I always have. I never stopped loving you.” Finally, freeing herself, she took him in her arms and gave herself to him.
She’d just told him everything he needed to hear. She was his, all his, and he loved her as he never had before. She wanted his shirt off. So, he worked the cuffs, as she finished unbuttoning the front.
“Boots,” she said, kicking her feet trying to remove them.
He yanked them off and tossed them to the floor. Placing an arm under her, he lifted, turning them both over. Sitting with her astride his hips, he began kissing her with fervor. Reaching back, she unfastened her bra. Unencumbered, he nuzzled her, using his lips and tongue in the foray. She moaned, and he loved it. Undoing her skirt, he helped balance her as she removed it.
Continuing his exploits, she demanded more. Increasing the pressure, he nibbled and pulled harder. Fingers in his hair, she held fast, erotic utterings escaping as her head fell back. Holding her to him, he slid a hand along her slender leg. She had on thigh high stockings, and he thought he was going to lose it then and there. Continuing upward, he found a scrap of lace, and couldn’t help but feel she was overdressed. Using his forefinger, he snagged the offending object, snapping its dainty threads, then tossed it aside.
Open to him, he found she was ready, really ready. Taking hold of her, he moved her onto her back and began kissing her on his final ascent, taking time to attend to her most sensitive places. She was breathing hard, moaning and gasping with his ministrations, and yet it was he who didn’t know how much more he could take. She reached to unbutton his pants, frustrated to find a belt.
“Don’t ever wear this again or I’ll use it on you,” she threatened in a whisper.
He chuckled, thrilled with her enthusiasm. Sitting up, he quickly removed his pants as she reached for him, running and swirling her fingers over and around his hips, teasing and taunting with a firm hand. Now he was the one gasping and moaning. Moving towards her, he kissed her hard as her hands and knees enticed him. With a lift and a shift, she held him, all of him, snug and tight.
Groaning long and low, the heated sensation overwhelmed him. She was on fire, and he felt the flames. Sparks of light flashed behind his closed eyes as she moved under him. Kissing his neck and chest, her hands moved along his spine, encouraging him. Breathing hard, he held still, struggling to maintain his control.
“Nate,” she cried, her hands trying to move him, “I need more.”
His body shook, he didn’t want to hurt her.
“Nate, more,” she demanded, as she tried moving under him, scoring his back with her efforts.
He started slow. She wanted none of that.
Lifting herself to his ear, she growled, “Nate, I want more, now!” Then she smacked him on the ass.
Yes, ma’am! Pulled from his reverie, he got in the game. Resting on one forearm, he took hold of her bent knee, and moved it so his efforts were unencumbered. Free to come and go, he went to work. Hot and slippery soft, he wanted more, way more, so he doubled his efforts and then some.
“Yes!” she shouted in triumph, her moans getting louder and higher. “Nate...don’t…stop!”
He didn’t plan on it, he was right there with her, his blood pressure soaring, his breathing a fevered pitch, just a couple more… They both came in a heart pounding, breath screaming rush, which took her further and farther. She actually purred as she stroked him, staking her claim and forever making him hers. It was perfect, it was beautiful, and for him, it was the most sublime.
CHAPTER 9
Kissing his neck and face, she held onto him when he tried to move off her. “Where do you think you’re going?” she whispered in his ear.
“I don’t want to hurt you, love,” he said, giving her a tender kiss on the cheek.
“Am I acting like a woman in pain? Get back here,” she demanded, as she wrapped her legs around him, securing him to her.
He smiled. She was a bossy one, and he was into being bossed by her. Leaning back a little, he rested on his forearms and kissed her reverently.
She purred. “Let’s do that again.”
He laugh. He was on board with that plan. “You liked that, did you?”
“Mmmhmm, but I think your technique was off a little,” she teased. “You’re going to need lots of practice. Don’t worry though, I’ll help.”
Now, he burst out laughing. “Taking one for the team are you?” God he loved her.
“Sure am,” she said, with an innocent nod of the head. “It’s okay though, I’m a team player.”
Smiling widely, loving their easy banter, he said, “You’re naughty, you know that.”
“I know,” she answered seductively, while nuzzling his ear, her hot breath sending an erotic wave across his body making his hair standing on end. “What are you going to do about it, hmmm?”
Oh hell, that got him going. Swallowing with a gulp, his breathing sped up. Answering her, he said, “Spankings, Linnie, spankings.”
“Promises, promises,” she purred, as her arms went around his neck. Kissing him full on, she demanded his attention.
Wrapping an arm around her, he reversed their positions. He wanted full access. After all, how else was he going to make good on that promise.
**********
Picking her up, he carried her into the shower. The water was hot and felt wonderful. There was a chill in the cabin, and he’d had to relight the fire. After washing her thoroughly, he worked on himself. She helped, distressed at what she’d found. Grabbing a towel, he dried her off, and then did himself.
“Come on,” he said. “I have an overwhelming need to feed you.”
“You go, I’ll be there in a minute,” she answered, needing a little time.
He kissed her. “You okay? I didn’t hurt you did I? I don’t want it to hurt.”
Putting her arms around his neck, she looked up at him after placing a kiss over his heart. “You didn’t hurt me, honest. I just want to brush my teeth and put on some pajamas. Don’t worry, okay?”
Wrapping his arms around her, he dropped his forehead to hers. “You’ll tell me though, right? If I’m…”
Putting a finger to his lips, she silenced him. “After the way we’ve spent the last several hours, is there really any doubt in your mind I won’t make my needs known?”
His eyes took on a gleam, and his lips turned in a sexy grin as he remembered. “I love that, you know. I love that you talk to me when we’re together, telling me what you want, what you need. It’s a huge turn on.” Then he started laughing.
“Stop that,” she said, smacking him lightly on the chest, feeling embarrassed. “That’s not funny.” She tried pulling away.
He held her. “Come on, come here. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing at me. I’ve wanted you to talk to me for days, and you wouldn’t, and now I just figured out how to get you to talk. You know what? I’m going to love having conversations with you, sweetheart.” Kissing her neck before letting her go, he gave her a playful swat on the rear. “I’ll go start dinner.”
As she brushed her teeth, she trembled. After dinner, she would insist on doing a full inspection. Head to toe. With the lights on. She needed to see everything. Putting on a nightgown, she turned and headed for the kitchen.
“You’re not eating much, doesn’t it taste good?” he asked.
She pushed some of her food around. “It’s good.”
“Is something wrong then? If I remember correctly, you like what I’ve made.”
Stopping, she looked at him. “Where’d you go when you left and…why not tell anyone?” Feeling the hurt in her stare,
she looked back to her plate.
Putting his silverware down, he answered her, “I left here and went straight to a recruiter office in Minneapolis.”
Nodding, she watched as he took her hand in his.
“I was flexible, and went with whatever specialty would get me on the road and into basic the fastest. Within days, I was on my way to Fort Benning in Georgia, and things just went from there. I crisscrossed the United States going to various training schools and programs. My recruiter was smart. He saw my size and potential, and encouraged me into an option forty contract, which gave me a crack at being a Ranger. It was long, and it was tough, but I did it. I didn’t tell anyone because, well, in the beginning I was ashamed. I felt like I’d let so many people down, and then after, when I saw some time in Afghanistan, I didn’t make contact because I didn’t know if I’d live, and didn’t want to worry anyone more than they already were.”
Reaching over, he lifted her chin so they were looking at each other. “I mean this when I say this. I never stopped loving you either, and the worst part of all my experiences, was leaving you. I thought of you all the time, and you were the only reason I made it through. How about you? What’ve you done in the time we’ve been apart?”
Looking down, she took a bite of food to buy herself some time. Shrugging, she answered, “Not much. I moved to Chicago, got a job, and worked on my nursing degree. I met my very best friend in the whole world, Jules, and I’m trying to get her to come here. I hope to play matchmaker, and get her together with one of my brothers so we can be sisters. I’m sure Jake’s told you the rest.”
He laughed. “Do your brothers know what you have in mind?”
She smiled and shook her head. “No, and don’t you tell them. Any one of them would be lucky to have her.” Leaning over, she took the bite of food he held out to her.
Continuing to feed her, he said, “You’re right, Jake told me what happened. I know I should say I’m sorry, but I can’t say that I am, because I hope to benefit from Purdy’s mistake. Are you doing okay?”
Looking away, she answered. “Yes and no. I thought you were dead. I worried about you for years, and I gave you up for dead because I couldn’t imagine any other way we’d ever be separated. When I saw you the other day, it was with the realization that you’d truly left me. So, no, after everything, I’m not okay, but I’m better, and I’m thankful you made it home.”
Pulling her onto his lap, he wrapped his strong arms around her. “Thank you for telling me how you’re feeling. I’ll try my hardest to somehow make it up to you.”
With dinner over and the dishes done, Linnie took Nate’s hand and lead him into the bedroom, flipping on the light as they went. Jumping up on the bed, she stood. “Clothes off,” she demanded.
Chuckling, he wiggled his eyebrows. “You want the light on? I’m into that.” He started undressing. “You too. You’re looking overdressed.”
“Soon enough. Now, chop, chop, get those clothes off.”
He laughed, and gave her a kiss.
Once done, she looked him over from head to toe with a critical eye, returning to those areas that held her concern. Running her fingers over the puckered areas, feeling the gnarled, toughened skin, she studied him. Sizing up the scars, she used her knowledge to figure out the breadth and depth of the story. He’d taken a direct hit, one that should’ve been mortal, and that he stood there, right now, was an absolute miracle.
Battle torn and self-conscious of his appearance, he’d tried covering his scars, masking them, disguising them with an extremely large tattoo that was nothing short of sensational. Comprised of heavy black bands of random patterns and lines, it curved and flowed along to create an abstract piece of art, and the arm closest to the injury had a full tattooed sleeve on it covering its smaller scars. She was awed by the strength and power of its mystique.
“You about done?” he asked soberly. “It’s just a tattoo.”
“Do you think I’m stupid? Don’t lie to me. You insult us both when you do.”
Taking a deep breath, he did just that. “A bunch of us went out, I got drunk and ended up with a tattoo. So what, no big deal,” he bluffed, putting on his boxer briefs as he looked at her.
“You know,” she said, knowing better, “that story would fly if you had a heart tattooed on your arm that said, ‘I Love Mom.’ You want to try that again.”
Irritated, and clearly not wanting to talk about it, he stood there not saying anything.
“Okay,” she said, kneeling on the bed, staring up at him. “I’ll get the ball rolling then. That’s a tribal tattoo. I’ve seen many while treating patients in the ER. They’re symbolic, and generally indicate a rite of passage, or something significant. It covers half your torso, front and back. It took hours, Nate, hours. You don’t come home with one of those after a one night bender. Am I on the right track? Maybe, you want to give me the rest of the story, hmmm?”
He stood there looking at her with a poker face.
“No? Alright, I’ll continue. It’s been strategically placed to cover scars. Several wounds, that by the grace of God, missed your heart. There’s a thoracotomy scar under your arm, as well as two from where the chest tubes were. You have smaller ones on your front, mid-clavicular, between the second and third intercostal space, where large bore needles were placed in attempt to relieve the pressure in your pleural cavity, because your lung had collapsed and they were trying to get it to expand.
“You most likely developed a tension pneumothorax, and as it affected the right side of your body, three of the five lung lobes were compromised. You became extremely short of breath, coughing, spitting, and wheezing blood. Drowning, in your own blood. Given the critical nature of your injuries and lack of oxygen, you lost consciousness pretty fast waiting for help to arrive, and as you were under attack, it took them time to get to you, and you nearly died. How’d I do?”
Standing next to her on the bed, he stood staring down at her for the longest time, saying nothing. Lifting a hand to her face, he caressed it with his fingers. Taking his hand in hers, she brought his palm to her lips and kissed it as she looked up at him, then placed it over his heart. Standing on the bed, she took him in her arms and held him tight, as she cradled his head to her chest and kissed the top.
“I thought it was the end,” he whispered, while placing his hands on her hips and looking up at her with sorrow in his eyes. “I thought my time had come. I never expected to open my eyes again. I prayed. I prayed and asked God, no—he shook his head briskly—I begged him to please let me see you one more time. I willed myself to live for you. I just couldn’t leave this earth without seeing you one more time. This tattoo, it’s a reminder of what I almost lost that day, and subsequently, what I’ve been given.”
Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him in earnest. She loved this man, more than life itself. Looking at him, she said, “Well, I think there’s only one thing to do.” Tipping her face to the heavens above, she said, “Thank you, God, for your many blessings.”
“Amen,” he added, then continued, “Does it bother you to see it? Should I cover up?”
She gave him a don’t start that shit with me look, and he laughed a little.
“I don’t want to upset you, that’s all,” he explained.
“Nate,” she said, exasperated with his silliness. “Yes, it bothers me, but not for the reasons you think. I love the tattoo. It’s beautiful really, and I find it quite appealing on you. But you were hurt and almost died, that’s what bothers me. As for the pain, the suffering, and the memories of that day, I would take them from you if I could. These,” she said, touching his scars, “don’t diminish you in my eyes. They only make you more of the man you are. There’s no hiding from me, ever.”
Smiling and shaking his head, he looked away. She always made him feel big and strong. Whether it be when she was driving him crazy, or at the tenderest of moments, she always kept his manhood intact. It was why he was so protective of her, he knew that
now. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at her and said, “Thank you.”
Putting a finger to his lips, she quieted him. “Shh, hold me. Please. I…It’s just…” she couldn’t finish.
“Come here,” he said, pulling her down onto the bed. Going over to the wall, he shut off the light, then came back and took her in his arms. “It’s okay, I’m okay.”
They lay there in silence for some time, just holding each other, reassuring each other with kisses and caresses as the desire arose. Turning on her side, Linnie pulled him with her. Lying there in the dark, spooning with him, she took a deep breath and said, “I think I’m ready. You can tell me what happened.”
Startled, he jumped. Lifting his head, he looked at her, then smoothed back her hair and kissed her on the side of the head. “You sure?”
She nodded.
“I can stop if you need me to, just tell me, okay?”
She nodded again.
Kissing her one more time, he started. “You were in the cities looking at colleges with your mom. Jake was up here fishing with your dad. I had worked all day and had just gotten paid, when I ran into some of the senior guys we knew from Frederic. They invited me to a kegger. Having time on my hands, I went. I was on my first beer when Naomi showed up with some other girls. She started making small talk while we sat on the couch, she on one end, I on the other. The next thing I know, I’m waking up. My shirt’s unbuttoned, as was the top button of my jeans. Naomi was passed out on my shoulder. I had no recollection of what had happened, and it freaked me out, several hours had gone by.
“The best I can guess is that our drinks had become mixed up at some point, and someone had put something in hers. When I went to leave, she woke up and asked me to take her home. I did. The next thing I know, she’s pregnant, and I’m supposedly the father. Then her dad started throwing around rape allegations, and I panicked. The shame, the embarrassment, my parents, your parents, you, Jake, Naomi, a baby, I’d screwed up, just made a mess of everything, and I left. I caught a ride into the cities and joined the Army.