by J. Darling
He felt himself take a breath, a big breath, a relieving breath, one that sent a tingle flowing across his body as he exhaled. Unable to speak, he looked away, not wanting to be seen, then nodded a small yes.
Going to the closet, she pulled out a huge blanket, spread part of it on the bed, the rest of it lying on the floor, then pulled out numerous pillows, stacking and propping them at the head of the bed.
“Undress, and lie on the blanket on the bed.”
Okaaay. He did. Mmmm, this blanket thingy was nice, super soft, and silky.
She lit a candle, undressed, and climbed into bed with him, drawing the blanket up, an over, and around them both. Sitting at an angle, she reclined against all those pillows. “I want your ear right here,” she said, pointing to the area just below her collarbone and above her breast.
Cuddling in close, he wrapped his arms around her. She tucked the covers in tight, and then put an arm around him, holding him tenderly while gently caressing his head, his ear, and his back, placing gentle kisses here and there.
He could finally breathe. Lying there, breathing, he slowly calmed, soaking in the ambiance. She had a light fragrance to her skin.
“Your earliest memories are of this, being swaddled and held close, being skin to skin. A lot of studies have been done on this, and it’s shown to help stabilize the heart rate and blood pressure, breathing is improved, blood sugar levels elevate, and it simply fosters a sense of contentment. If this helps you, we can do this any time. Listen to my heart beat, and know you’re safe.”
He didn’t know if it was the milk, the pills, the swaddling, or her, but it was all good. He felt like closing his eyes. “Linnie?”
“Hmmm?” she answered, while continuing her nurturing.
“I love you.”
**********
Coming into his office, Doris informed him he had a delivery and needed to sign for a registered document. It was here. Grabbing a pen, he got up from his desk, and went out front. Taking the envelope, he headed to his father’s office. Sitting down, he felt a little shaky.
“That it?” his dad asked.
“It looks like it,” Nate nodded, staring at the envelope.
“Open it then.”
Feeling sick, he handed it to his dad. “You do it.”
Tearing it open, his dad removed the document inside. Scanning it over, he passed it on to Nate. He couldn’t bring himself to look at it. His heart thumped and his palms grew sweaty.
“Go on, look,” his dad said. “You need to see.”
Swallowing hard, Nate looked down. His breath whooshed out of him, and his vision blurred. Mikey was not his. A tremble went through him, and he rubbed his eyes. Finally, it was over, the questions, the confusion, the stress, over.
“Good news, son. It’s as you said. We should celebrate. Why don’t we all get together, meet up at the Bon Ton a little later? Get Linnie, her family, and we’ll all celebrate, have dinner and a few drinks, relax, my treat. What do you think?”
He’d imagined this moment often, thought he’d be jumping for joy, elated beyond belief, but all he felt was the emptiness that followed a letdown, a kind of disappointment for all that had happened. “Yeah, that sounds nice. Thanks. I appreciate it,” he said without much conviction.
“Not a problem, I’m happy to do it. Why don’t you take off a few hours early? Kick back, and relax a little.”
He thought about it. “Where’s mom?”
“At the library, she’s volunteering today.”
Leaning back, Nate took a deep breath. “I’m going to go over and see her, let her know, then head to the farm.”
“Sounds good, let’s meet up about six-thirty or seven?”
“That should work. They’ll be done milking by then, and back in the house. I’ll call if there’s a problem.”
Heading out the door, Nate drove the few blocks to the library. Walking in, he was greeted by Marion. He immediately smiled, remembering a time long ago, when as little kids they teased her by calling her Marion the librarian. She smiled back in greeting.
“Hey, Nate, look at you! You look wonderful. Your Mom is thrilled your home. You looking for her?”
“Yeah, she here?”
“Sure is, she’ll be out in a few minutes. She’s finishing up story time.” The phone rang. Picking it up, she motioned to a closed door.
Walking to the door, Nate could hardly see anything through the thin, narrow window. Stepping back, he leaned against the wall and thought of last night. Linnie, she just knocked him out, knew exactly what he needed, comfort and safety. Hell, he couldn’t have told anyone what he needed, couldn’t recognize his needs through the panic, but she’d been able to. All he could’ve said was he just wanted it to stop. She’d made what was an embarrassing, unmanly situation, normal. Just then the closed door opened, young children and parents began streaming out. Naomi appeared with Mikey in hand. Stopping, she looked his way, then walked towards him.
“I don’t suppose you’re looking for us, are you?” she said, more than asked.
He shook his head no.
“We need to talk,” she said, her voice sharp, “or I’m getting an attorney.”
Pulling out the envelope, he answered her, “He’s not mine, Naomi.”
Looking at him like he was speaking another language, she said, “What?”
“He’s not mine.” Pulling out the document, he handed it to her. As she looked at it, he felt a little pat on his leg. Looking down, he saw Mikey looking up at him innocently.
“Daddy?”
Nate’s heart snapped in two. This was not his child, but he had been for five years. Linnie's words came to him, “He’s a child, innocent in all this. He’s deserving of a mother and a father.” He knelt down, putting an arm around the little guy. “No Mikey, I’m not your daddy, but if I had a little boy, you’d be a nice one to have.”
Mikey nodded his head, not really understanding. “Mommy says I’m a good boy.”
“She’s right, you are a good boy,” he answered, patting his back. Quickly becoming distracted by the children in the play area, Mikey headed that direction.
“Nate?”
Looking up, he saw tears on Naomi’s face. Standing, he looked down, taking the document she held out.
“I’m sorry,” she started. “I don’t know what happened. I thought it was you, because, well, I’d bled a few weeks before. I guess, well, I thought it was my period. I didn’t know that women could still menstruate when first pregnant. I’d gone to prom with Erik, then we went to his house to party, and I had a couple drinks. Some other couples came, so I thought it would be okay. The next thing I know, its morning, and I figured I must’ve had too much to drink and passed out. I worried and wondered, but then I bled and I…well, the next month when I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was from the night you and I were on the couch, and yet, I have no recollection of having had sex either time. I’m sorry for what I’ve done.” She started crying again, then quickly went over and took Mikey by the hand, leaving the library in a rush.
“Oh boy, I better make a few calls, make sure she has people there to help her through this,” his mother said, having heard it all.
He’d always thought he’d yell, holler, and tell Naomi off using every nasty word in the book, but the words wouldn’t come to him. Numb, he walked over to the window, watching as Mikey slipped and Naomi stumbled along the icy walk.
He couldn’t help but think that all he’d felt, the shame, embarrassment, condemnation, guilt, and then some, hadn’t gone away, it’d just shifted from him to Naomi. If he hadn’t experienced what she had, the drugging, the loss of consciousness and time, the uncertainty of what had happened, he didn’t know if he’d have understood it. But he had, and he couldn’t get over the realization that she’d been vulnerable, and taken advantage of, and as a result, was now holding the little hand of the dire consequences of choices made, and would be for the rest of her life.
“Nate, you oka
y?” his mother asked, putting her arm around him, rubbing his back.
“I need a drink. Dad’s treating us all to the Bon Ton tonight to celebrate. Can you call Linnie and let them all know?” Then, without waiting for an answer, he walked out.
Nate was four shots in when Jake sat on the barstool next to him.
“Hey,” Jake said, signaling for a beer.
Nodding in acknowledgement, he took a drink of his beer, and then focused on the TV. They sat in relative silence for some time, before Jake rapped him on the shoulder.
“Pick a table, dining or pool.”
“Neither.”
“Pick,” Jake pushed.
“Patio,” he answered.
Jake nodded. “That works.”
Taking their beers, they headed out the side door and pulled out some chairs, dusted off the snow, and sat looking off in the distance. The sun was out and it felt warm, but the air was cold.
“We should have ice soon,” Jake said, trying to start a conversation.
He nodded.
Silence.
“Bonfire would be good,” Jake continued, trying again.
He nodded.
Silence.
“Been thinking of football playoffs my senior year,” Jake said, then took a swig of his beer.
Well now, that kind of got his attention. Looking over at his friend, he waited for him to continue.
“Coach K.,” Jake chuckled, while shaking his head some, “he whooped ass, just ran us into the ground. He’s still there, you know? Hasn’t changed a bit, still whoopin ass.”
Looking at each other, they couldn’t help but laugh. “Man, I couldn’t wait for football season,” Nate said. “He was such a hard ass, and still, we couldn’t wait to get our names on that list.” Taking a drink of his beer, he smiled, fondly thinking of the past.
“Hey,” Jake said, smacking him on the arm. “Remember, our first tryouts, when the senior guys had us convinced the K stood for killer?” Falling back in their chairs, they both busted out laughing.
“Yeah, and we fell for it hook, line, and sinker. All, ‘Really? No way!’ and then Taz saying, ‘What? You two think the K stands for cute or somethin?’ The whole locker room busted out laughing, only to have Bonds call him an idiot and say, ‘Everyone knows that cute starts with a Q.’ We were all howling, yucking it up, and you and I agreed, from then on, we’d always wear our helmets.” Continuing to laughing, they got lost in the memory. “Those were good times,” Nate reflected after a few minutes.
“Yeah, they were.” Jake reached over and clapped him on the shoulder, giving it a shake.
So much had happened, in such a short amount of time, and Nate couldn’t help but feel old, really, really old. “It feels like it was a billion years ago, not six.”
“Talk to me.”
“I hurt her.”
“As Linnie was as good as gold when I left, I assume you mean Naomi?” Jake fished.
“Yep. I never told you this, but the night of the party, I’d only had one drink. Someone drugged us. I’ve been so angry about this whole damn thing, that I never looked beyond myself. I figured I’d clear my name, and it would be done and over with, but it’s not, not for her. She’s going through it all again, except now she knows she wasn’t passed out drunk. She was drugged, and raped, and the assumption is its Erik, but it could’ve been anybody they’d been with after prom. I couldn’t wait to get out of Iraq, the Army, determined that my days of hurting people were over. I didn’t have to do what I did, I could’ve accepted Mikey as my own, and it would’ve ended there.”
Jake rubbed his neck. “Kind of like the playoffs that year, we won some, but lost the championship. It was a huge let down.”
Nate nodded, finishing his beer. “I always thought this day would be different. I thought I’d get the news and be jumping for joy, elated beyond belief, and here I am, just plain worn out, and less than thrilled with my behavior all around.”
“So now what?” Jake asked.
He shrugged. “What’s done is done. I can’t change one thing that’s happened in the last five years.”
Linnie pulled up. Getting out of her car, she saw them sitting on the patio, and smiled, then headed their way. Sitting back in his chair, he opened his arms for her. She came to him, and he pulled her onto his lap. Snuggling in close, she kissed him full on the lips.
“Hi, hun, I missed you today,” she said, putting an arm around his neck.
Well now, didn’t that just perk a guy up? “You did?”
“Yep,” she said, innocently, “I needed some light bulbs changed.” Her smile reached her eyes.
He grinned at her teasing. “Aha, is that the only reason?”
Thinking about it for a moment, she smiled even more, as she toyed with the collar of his jacket. “Well, there was that jar of pickles I couldn’t get open, and the cobwebs in the corners of the living room I couldn’t reach.” She looked up at him, trying not to laugh, then rubbed her nose to his.
She was too cute. “You know, I don’t know if I should dump you in the snow over there, or give you a swat on the rear for being sassy.”
Batting her lashes at him and biting her bottom lip, she sat contemplating his words, then with a seductive smile, she said, “Can I choose? Because if I can I choo—”
Cutting her off, he knew where she was headed, and wanted to save her any embarrassment. “Jake’s here, remember.”
Then getting back at him for the way he’d acted in front of his mother, she turned into the devil himself, when she pertly shrugged her shoulders and said with a gleam in her eye, “And your point is what?”
He burst out laughing. “Just for that, you’re getting both!” Jumping up, he swung her back and forth a couple times, only to have her squeal, and threaten him bodily harm if he let her go in the snow. Tossing her up in the air, he caught her, bringing her in close. Wrapping her arms and her legs around him, they held on to each other, and kissed one another passionately.
Pulling back, she looked at him and whispered, “I really did miss you today. I heard the news, and about what happened after. You doing alright?”
Nodding, he answered her, “I’m better now that you’re here.”
“Good, I’m glad, but do you think we could go inside? It’s cold out here.”
Giving her fanny a playful squeeze, he whispered, “No worries, love, I promise to warm you up. Let’s get something to drink.” Turning, he carried her inside.
Things were really picking up in the bar. Apparently, Tuesday nights were dart league night, and there was a friendly competition starting between some men and women. Nate carried Linnie over to an open table, and set her on her feet. “I’ll get us something to drink. What would you like?”
Thinking about it while taking off her jacket, she answered, “I think I’d like to try something with rum.”
Staring at her from top to bottom, he noticed her hair and makeup were done to perfection, and that her top was cut way too low for her comfort, so she’d put on another one beneath it. She was wearing form fitting jeans, with those black boots she’d worn at the cabin, and that got him going. She’d left plenty for the imagination in her bid for modesty, and he found it exceedingly sexy that she didn’t feel the need to have everything out on display. “Any particular kind of rum?”
“Ahhh, I’m not sure, how about the spicy kind. I’ve heard it’s good. Just get me whatever, and I’ll try it, see if I like it,” she answered.
Nate’s body reacted at the thought of how she’d taste…sweet, spicy, and hot. Hell, he already knew how she’d respond. Oh boy, he had to slow his roll, or they’d never make it to dinner. Heading to the bar, he waited for service.
“What can I get you?” the young bartender asked.
“Pitcher of beer, and a rum and coke, spiced rum please,” Nate answered, while looking out over the crowd. The bartender stood filling his order. “Busy night for a Tuesday.”
“Yeah, gotta love it when it gets c
old. We offer drink specials for the ladies, which naturally draws in the guys, so it’s like ladies night every night. Have had my sights on one for several weeks now. Evasive little thing, the kind you bring home to mama, but I see she’s here, and by the end of the night, she’ll know I’m into her.”
Nate had to laugh a little, “So you're going to lay on the charm, are you?”
The bartender nodded, “You got it, and then some. Hopefully, I’ll have a bingo.”
Grabbing the pitcher and Linnie’s drink, Nate responded, “Thanks for the drinks. Good luck, hope it works out for you.”
“Hey, thanks man,” the bartender said, putting the tip in a jar. “I’ll need it with this one.”
Returning to the table, Nate found his mom and dad had arrived, as had Linnie’s dad, but she was gone. “Where’d Linnie go?” he asked.
“Oh, Wendy’s here,” his mom explained. “They were short for one of the girl’s teams, so Linnie’s filling in. Jake and the boys are racking up, and waiting for you at the pool table. I’m going to get some popcorn, so I can take Linnie her drink.”
“Thanks,” he said, as he handed it over. Grabbing his glass and pitcher, he headed across the room in the opposite direction.
Several beers, burgers, and billiards later, Wendy came over. “Ahhh, guys, I think Linnie may need some help. That guy, the one that was hitting on her at the pool, has her cornered in back beyond the popcorn machine.”
CHAPTER 14
Dropping their sticks, they were across the bar in a flash, knocking into people, and spilling drinks in the process. Looking to the back of the room, Nate about had a stroke when he saw that Mr. Bartender had Linnie cornered against a wall, with his arms and body blocking her exit. Leaning in towards her, he was saying something in her ear, while Linnie had her head turned from him, and was actively leaning away while pushing him back with her hands.