by Lindy Dale
*****
At The Lederhosen that night, Bob was the first one I approached. He was the one who’d introduced us; so to speak, he had to know a bit of background he’d never told. We were standing in the servery. It was a quiet evening and I was tidying up.
“Bob, out of curiosity, why did you give Sam a job? He knows absolutely nothing about working in a pub and in the whole time he was here, I didn’t see him do a specific task of any kind.”
“I never gave him a job.”
“Then how come he worked here?”
“He didn’t exactly work here.” Bob was being very evasive. Sam had obviously paid him off too.
“Of course, he worked here,” I replied. “I mean, I know he didn’t do much but he was here all the time.” I was not a total idiot, even if I did microwave my own fingers.
“He owns the pub. He didn’t want me to tell anyone. He wanted to be treated like one of the staff.”
There were many things I knew. But now I also knew the truth. Sam was rich and he was my employer’s Godson. He’d coerced many people into pretending he wasn’t and for some reason, despite the clues; I hadn’t managed to spot it. He was a liar. And he was also a coward. This time, it was over. If he ever showed his face again, that is.
24
A couple of days before my scheduled departure, Bob and Adele organised a send off in the function room at The Lederhosen. Together, they’d managed to scramble together the people I loved most in the entire world. Everyone was there, everyone except the one person I most wanted to see. And that was only because I wanted to tear him limb from limb. Sam was a lying, cheating bastard and if I ever saw him again I had every intention of punching him in the nose when I told him so. After all, he had pots of money. It wouldn’t mean a thing to him to have to get it reconstructed. At the end of the evening, feeling rather emotional, I made a speech, thanking everyone for their support and friendship and hoping not to see them soon. Laughter rang through the crowd but it sounded hollow. They were laughing at the joke, not the meaning of it. It was nice that so many people didn’t want me to go but it didn’t make it any easier.
Later, when everyone had gone, Johnny and I sat on the steps outside the pub waiting for the cab to arrive to take us home. Even though we lived in opposite directions, he’d been eager to share a ride. It was pointless waiting for separate taxis. They were few and far between in Perth. Besides, after our somewhat shaky start, we’d become good friends. I loved Johnny in a weird sort of way.
“Have fun tonight?” he asked.
I nodded, and leant my head against his shoulder. He was a nice man. Such a pity he couldn’t find a girl. “I didn’t think I would, but I did. Thanks for helping to clean up. You didn’t have to.”
I turned my head, looking up into his Leonardo eyes; grateful for the friendship he’d shown me recently. If it hadn’t been for his constant phone calls to check my progress, I don’t know what I would have done. I was so mad with Sam, so hurt. It was only Johnny who’d managed to stop me from buying the gold handbag charm from the online Pandora shop. I’d been about to click ‘buy’ when he’d called. Talked me down. Priced at seven hundred and sixty dollars I would have regretted it the moment I put it on the bracelet.
“Pleasure, my little dove,” he said, giving my thigh a friendly squeeze. A smile played on his lips. “Anything for you.”
It was then that I noticed, he was gazing at me and not in his usual brotherly way. Something was hidden beneath those blue eyes. Tentative, he slid his arm around my shoulder and increased the pressure of his hand into a hug that lasted a second too long to be classified as one between friends. It felt nice. And vaguely sexual. Not sleazy at all. It made me tingle. Not a Sam type of tingle but that sexual tingle all the same.
As he held me, I remembered how gorgeous I’d thought he was that first night I met him, before he’d tried to relieve me of my clothing. Johnny was hot, he’d always been that way, but I’d been so blinded by Sam I’d pushed my initial attraction to him to the back of my mind.
“Millie?”
“Yes?”
“If there hadn’t been Sam—do you, I mean would you have?” He was stammering, unable to form the words. My brain was in no mood to decipher his ramblings but surely he didn’t mean? Oh God. Shit. I blinked up at him waiting for him to finish. I thought about how nice he’d been about the trophy, the flirting in the toilet, how he said he loved me all the time. I’d thought he was being friendly. Oh God. This wasn’t Johnny being nice. Johnny wanted to—
Oh God.
I sucked a breath in. No. His hand was curved against my face. It was making me feel things I knew I shouldn’t be feeling. Wasn’t I meant to be in love with Sam?
“Could you have ever been with me?” he blurted. His face was filled with deep emotion, something I had never thought him capable of. I was taken aback.
Pulling away, I sat straight. He was nothing like the man I’d first encountered. He was deeply sexy. It wasn’t the Leo looks or the money or the job. There was something intrinsically erotic in his voice. “Not at first, no, but now, I think you’re a very nice man.”
He scrunched closer. His ribs melded against mine. His voice was deeper and huskier than I had ever heard it. It was intoxicating. I could feel it drawing me towards him. Hunger burnt in his eyes, that same hunger I used to see in Sam’s. Urgency tinged his voice. Longing. “Thank you, but you didn’t answer my question.”
My head grew fuzzier. Alcohol fuddled my brain. I couldn’t think as his lips moved in. What was I meant to say? I knew what he was offering.
“I...um...I...”
Oh shit. What did it matter? Sam was gone. He’d left me. He was never coming back. In fact, he’d cheated on me with That-Slut-Courtney and then stood before me and declared he’d never stoop so low as to do what Simmo had done. Why shouldn’t I give Johnny what he’d been wanting all along? He was there. He wanted me. His hands were pulling me to him. His lips were almost touching mine. His body was hot against me.
“Take me to your place,” I whispered. “Now.”
Inside me, a little voice added, before I change my mind.
*****
There was no need for light. The moon was streaming her silvery beams through the full-length windows and onto Johnny’s blonde head. I stood in the semi-darkness watching as he unbuttoned his shirt and stepped toward me, revealing the kind of body most women could only dream about touching. The margaritas were not the cause of this illusion. He was beautiful but I’d been so blinded by Sam I’d never seen it.
“Sam doesn’t want me,” I sighed sadly. “He did unspeakable things with That-Slut-Courtney while I was in the toilets with you on the night of the Ball. I saw it on his Facebook page. And he’s rich, Johnny. Really fucking rich. But he didn’t think it was important enough to share that with me. Everyone warned me and I wouldn’t listen. I am officially a statistic.”
“Shhh.” Johnny placed a finger to my lips. “Don’t think about that. Think about this.”
Lowering his hands, he grabbed the hem of my top, pulling it swiftly over my head in one movement and tossing it to the floor. Then he slid his fingers along my spine, flicking the clasp of my bra undone and slowly slipping it from my shoulders. His hands slid down to cup my breasts, and I began to quiver. He didn’t speak again. He didn’t kiss me. But his eyes made love to me with every move. They penetrated me until I was breathless with desire.
Gently, he ran his hands along my sides and falling to his knees, pulled my jeans and knickers from my body until I stood before him. Naked. His fingers chased the length of my legs, and gently massaged my butt. Their tips burnt my skin in an ardent fire as I looked down at his face. His eyes that never left mine. I thought I’d explode as he put his mouth to my body. He stood again, quickly bending to scoop me bodily to the bed where he lay me down. He stepped out of his pants and moved to lie beside me. Still, he hadn’t kissed me or commented beyond the first minute. But his eyes were
on mine and beneath my hand I could feel his heart pounding, I could feel the heat of his erection pressing into my thigh and I wanted him. I truly wanted him.
“Yes.”
It was a whisper, a mere breath against his cheek but it was all he needed to solidify in his mind that it wasn’t only him who wanted this. There was a need in me. The hole that Sam had made in my heart needed to be filled. He moved. He spread my legs with his knee and lay on top of me, guiding himself into me. He thrust and I felt the weight of emotions from the past weeks leave my body and I cried out, causing him to thrust again and again, deeper, harder. On and on, the rhythmical pounding, the searing sensations that ebbed and lulled and finally peaked. The feeling was intense, beyond compare, and it wasn’t until he stopped that I realised I was crying.
“Millie?” he whispered, concerned. “Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”
“No, no,” I reassured him. “I’m okay.” It was just that my heart was breaking all over again.
Abruptly, he rolled away and sat up beside me, pushing his fingers through his hair. He looked out the door of the bedroom and into the darkened hallway. “Shit. I knew this would happen. I was crap, wasn’t I? I tried so hard to please you. Fuck.”
“It’s not that, at all. You were fabulous, believe me, you were, but I… I just...” How could I explain the emotions that were swirling inside me, the memory of Sam that seemed to want to haunt me?
He flopped back down on his stomach, examining my face to see if I was speaking truthfully. His finger pushed the tear away from the corner of my eye and he replaced with a kiss. “But you won’t ever love me?”
Sadly, I shook my head. He was beautiful but every time he kissed me, no matter how wonderful it felt, all I could feel was Sam’s lips. “I don’t think so, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t great. One day you’ll find a beautiful girl and make her so happy.”
His mouth twisted, his face suddenly playful. “So I’m a revenge fuck?”
“Guess so.”
“Well, if that’s the way it has to be I’d better make it a good one, eh?” he grinned. “Now get over here on top of me, woman, and I’ll give you something to remember.”
That was the Johnny I knew.
25
Home alone and counting the hours with my half-packed suitcases for company, I wondered at the curious turn my life had taken. Sam was out, Johnny was waiting in the wings and Adele was revelling in her new role as full time mummy. Having been unable to find what she termed ‘a suitable replacement’ for me, she’d lurched herself into hands on motherhood with the precision she did everything else. It was amusing to watch her cutting the twins’ food into even pieces and even more so, to see how many ridiculous activities had gone by the wayside now that she was driving them around.
At the sound of the doorbell, I padded down the stairs and into the hall. Expecting it to be Johnny, who’d offered to sit on my suitcase for me, I dragged the huge timber door open.
“Hi Mill’.”
It was Sam. He was standing on the step with an odd mixture of forlorn and smug on his face.
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Sure that I was about to pass out from the shock and too scared to look into his eyes in case he saw the guilt which had suddenly reared it’s ugly head and was jumping up and down in my throat, I kept my eyes on the floor. “Hi.”
He stepped up to the doorway. “Can I come in?”
There was no kiss. His eyes were unreadable as he strode around me and into the hallway. What the hell did he want? The lying, cheating bastard. Anger at his audacity raced through my body, chasing the guilt into its corner. Ignoring him, I headed back up the stairs towards my room.
“I’ve a lot of packing to do,” I threw over my shoulder. “If you want to talk, you’ll have to follow.”
Sam’s steps behind me were broad, two at a time, and in an instant he was beside me, walking along the landing of the first floor. I could smell his vanilla musk in my nostrils. I breathed it deeply and stopped at the door of my room. Then I faced him. He was the same, exactly the same. His shoulders appeared broader and his arms slightly more tanned than before but his face, chiselled and handsome, held the same deep green eyes that had glinted at me the first time he’d asked me out. The right side of his cheek dimpled into a hesitant grin and I studied it, wanting not to want him the way I did.
“Why are you here, Sam?” I asked, opening the door to my sitting room and going inside.
“I came to see you.”
Turning my back, I headed to the kitchenette. I used to think it was so cool how I had my own house within a house. Over time, I’d become blasé about it. “Well, that’s obvious. But why now? It’s been a month, no, more I think.” I opened the door to the fridge and took out a bottle of white wine. I motioned the bottle towards him sharply.
“Yes, please.”
I poured two glasses.
Coming forward, he took the glass from my hand. Our fingers touched. I felt the electrical pulse of desire that time without him had not dampened. I also felt another twinge of guilt. All this time, I had professed to love him and yet as soon as his back was turned I’d run off with his best mate.
“I heard you were leaving. I came to say... I came to say...” Suddenly, he seemed bashful. It wasn’t like him at all. I wasn’t going to have it. This was no time to be lost for words.
“If you think you can waltz in here, Sam Brockton—Where’ve you been, why didn’t you answer my calls?” I took up my glass and drained it, refilling quickly and carrying it to the bedroom where my half filled suitcases sat open on the floor. Somehow, packing had been the hardest of the tasks I’d had to do. It was almost as if I hadn’t wanted to pack. To leave. Watching him standing there, I saw a muscle twitch on the side of his mouth. Please don’t smile again. Please don’t.
Putting the glass on the chest of drawers, I walked over to the bed. I gazed at the assortment of clothes, ready to be packed. Blue shorts, floral bikini, pink thongs. Glitter sandals? Beach towel, three sarongs, string bag and big hat. Nothing Sam had ever seen me wear. The real me. I picked up a t-shirt and began to fold. Anything to put some space between us.
Sam came into the doorway. “I was away. I had stuff to do. I couldn’t answer you. I’m sorry.”
I stopped, t-shirt mid-air. “That’s bullshit, Sam. You were trying to make me suffer because I told you to fuck off. You’re a liar and you know it.” Angrily, I flung the t-shirt at his head. He ducked, trying not to grin at my foolish attempt to hurt him. Bending to retrieve it, he walked further into the room and placed it on the pile on the side of the bed. “I know you were hurting, but I was going through a tough time too.”
A tough time? What? Had he run out of beer?
“Yes. I saw your Facebook page. And I heard about your millions of dollars. It must have been so tough trying to figure out how you were going to keep hiding all that money from me. But I suppose you didn’t care. Not if you were fucking That-Slut-Courtney at the same time. You never cared.”
Placing his glass on the dresser, Sam stepped closer and took the clothes from my hands. He placed them back on the bed and faced me squarely. “That’s not true. You know I love you.”
“As if, Sam. I saw the photos.” I glared at him, challenging him to disagree. I knew what he’d got up to when I wasn’t around. He hadn’t changed. The only difference was he had tonnes of money to help him hide his secrets.
Sam stopped. I could see he was searching his mind, probably for some lame excuse, the bastard. “The photos of her in the green dress with her hair out?”
I stepped aggressively toward him. Damn the distance. I poked him in the chest with my finger. It hurt but I didn’t care. “Yes, the ones taken the night of the Ball. She was wearing that dress. God knows what else you would have done if I’d stayed in the toilets any longer. Is that why you sent half the reserves team to dance with me?”
He grinned at that, the bastard. “I thought it’d make yo
u happy ‘cause I don’t like dancing much.”
“Stop taking the piss, Sam. I‘ve had it up to here. While I was on the dance floor or off helping your mate or whatever, you were hooking up with Courtney, so don’t tell me you’ve changed.”
As if to prove my point, I stepped as far away as I could in one step, moving to the wardrobe and taking some more clothes off hangers. I tossed them towards the bed. I had no idea what I was doing; I just wanted him to leave. At least I thought I did.
“Mill’.”
“You lied to me. And you made other people lie to me. You bribed Paige to lie, for God’s sake.”
“I had a reason.”
“I don’t give a shit about your reasons. Leave me alone. I don’t want you.”
But he didn’t, I could feel his presence filling the space. He was behind me, in front of me, everywhere. His hand spun me to him; his body crushed me against the mirror of the door. My breath stopped. I thought I was going to faint.
“You are so infuriating,” he seethed, his face close to mine. “Those photos were taken ages before I started going out with you. All you had to do was look at the date. It was at the awards night. Courtney always wears green; you know that. I’ve told her a thousand times not to fucking tag me in her stupid little photo-shopped pictures but she does it all the same. It’s not even me. It’s my head on Simmo’s body.”
His hands skittered along my arm. His breath was hot against my cheek. “It was this joke thing. All the boys have similar photos on their pages.”
I didn’t want to believe it was true. If it was true? Oh shit.
“I can show you if you don’t believe me.” His voice was gravelly. It rasped against my skin making me tingle, the way I liked it. “Why would I want her, when I could have you?”
“Then why did you leave me?” Obstinate, I tilted my chin to his face. My lips were so close I could have kissed him but this was the final test. He had no excuse for his silence. Leaving me in that kind of limbo had been unfair.