by Chris Colfer
The scene was completely untouched until midnight on the eve of the inspector’s visit. A fifteen-year-old young man stepped over the yellow tape and had a seat in the doorway that led to nowhere. His eyes were baggy, his heart was heavy, and he hunched as if the weight of the world rested on his shoulders. Deep in thought, he gazed through the large hole at the buildings of downtown Willow Crest in the distance.
The young man had hoped that if he returned to the missing bathroom, it might provide answers to the questions haunting him. Unfortunately, all the answers had disappeared with the bathroom.
“Hey, Conner!”
A sixteen-year-old young woman suddenly peeked into the hospital from outside, almost giving Conner a heart attack. She wore a purple beanie and had blonde hair with a streak of pink and blue at the front.
“Bree!” Conner said. “What are you doing here? I thought you were grounded for running away.”
“Oh, I am,” Bree said. “I’m not allowed to leave the house until college. I’ve never seen my parents so furious. As far as they know, I just snuck off to visit family in Connecticut. I can’t imagine how they’d react if they knew we flew to Germany and back.”
“What if you get caught sneaking out?” Conner asked.
“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Bree said. “I’ve been sneaking out of the house since I was eight. I put a wax head on my pillow and leave a cassette playing of someone snoring in case my parents check my bedroom.”
“That’s both impressive and scary,” Conner said.
Bree shrugged. “It’s just like Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said. ‘Well-behaved women seldom make history.’”
She climbed into the hospital, carefully stepping on the remaining floorboards so she didn’t fall into the basement below, and had a seat next to Conner in the doorway.
“You weren’t home, so I figured I’d find you here,” she said.
“I wanted to take one last look at the damage before the inspector starts digging around tomorrow,” he said. “You know, just in case there was something we missed.”
“Any luck finding Alex?”
“Not at all,” Conner said with a sigh. “It’s been a week since she disappeared and we haven’t found a single clue to where she went. My mom and stepdad have looked all over town, but there’s no sign of her. Jack, Red, and Lester are searching the fairy-tale world as we speak, but so far they haven’t returned with anything.”
“It’s so bizarre,” Bree said. “I barely know her, but it seems so out of character for her to run off like that. Has she done anything like this before?”
Conner’s knee-jerk reaction was to defend his sister’s reputation, but the more he thought about it, the more he remembered it wasn’t entirely unlike her to go missing.
“Sort of,” he recalled. “Alex went through this weird phase not too long ago. She would get overwhelmed about something and lose control of her powers. But the circumstances were so different—she was really stressed out and easy to provoke.”
“What was she stressed out about?”
“It was back when we were searching the fairy-tale world for our uncle Lloyd,” he explained. “All her hunches about him were right, but no one wanted to believe her. The Fairy Council thought she was becoming reckless, so they ordered her to stop looking for him. Alex got so upset, she disappeared into a ball of flames, but she resurfaced a couple of days later.”
“Oh,” Bree said. “So maybe it isn’t out of character.”
“Disappearing, maybe, but she’s not the type who abandons her friends in their hour of need,” Conner said. “Things were finally looking up for a change. We had just recruited all the characters from my stories. We were finally ready to fight the Literary Army in the fairy-tale world. So why would she vanish now? It makes no sense.”
“The detective in me wants to believe your uncle had something to do with it, especially if he was the reason behind her previous outbursts,” Bree said. “But Emmerich and I were with him the entire time he was in the Otherworld. Alex never laid eyes on him. If she was provoked, it was by someone else.”
Conner nodded. “And that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.”
Alex’s behavior puzzled them as much as the vanished bathroom puzzled the fire department, and just like the firefighters, they knew they were missing a piece of the story. Unfortunately, there was no specialist they could call to help them solve Alex’s disappearance.
“How are all the characters doing?” Bree asked.
“They’re a little stir-crazy from being cooped up in the commissary,” Conner said. “We have to let them outside for fresh air in shifts so no one around here gets suspicious. Bob has been teaching the Merry Men and the Lost Boys how to play football at the park to burn off some energy. My mom has rewrapped all the mummies with fresh bandages, so the commissary smells a lot better. The Cyborgs have blown every fuse in the hospital from using the outlets too much. The Ziblings have been patrolling downtown at night to get their hero fix, so the city’s crime rate has gone down. And the Starboardia pirates found a television and have been watching I Love Lucy reruns non-stop—it annoys everyone else, but at least it keeps them occupied.”
“I’m glad everyone’s hanging in there,” Bree said. “I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. Being in the Cemetery of the Undead for a couple of hours was surreal enough for me, but you’ve been surrounded by your creations for days. It’s got to feel like a trippy family reunion.”
“Once you’ve seen your elderly grandmother slay a dragon, everything else pales in comparison.” Conner laughed. “Speaking of family reunions, did Cornelia and Emmerich get to Germany safely? It was so kind of her to offer him a ride home.”
“Thankfully,” Bree said. “Cornelia said Emmerich and Frau Himmelsbach were very happy to be reunited. They’re also moving to Australia to get as far away from Neuschwanstein Castle as possible. Wanda and Frenda had been stranded in Bavaria since your uncle Lloyd kidnapped us, so Cornelia picked them up and they flew back to Connecticut yesterday.”
“I was amazed at how well Cornelia handled it all,” Conner said. “Usually people freak out when they learn about other dimensions, but she barely flinched.”
Bree forced a smile and nodded—she hadn’t been completely honest with Conner. He knew Bree was in Connecticut when she learned Emmerich had been kidnapped, he knew Cornelia had generously offered to fly Bree to Germany so they could help Emmerich’s mother look for him, and he knew they happened to be in Neuschwanstein Castle when Uncle Lloyd brought Emmerich back to the Otherworld. However, Conner had been so overwhelmed by Alex’s disappearance, Bree thought it was best to leave out the other details.
She never mentioned why she had gone to visit her family in Connecticut—that she’d discovered they were part of a secret league known as the Sisters Grimm, or their extensive history of tracking portals into the fairy-tale world. Bree hoped a better time would present itself to fill Conner in, but the longer Alex was gone, the more inappropriate it became.
“At Cornelia’s age, there’s not a whole lot that shocks her,” Bree said. “In fact, when you get a minute, I’d love to tell you more about my trip to her—”
Bree was interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming from the hallway behind them. A moment later, Trollbella appeared in the doorway of the missing bathroom. The young troll queen immediately crossed her arms and scowled at the sight of Bree and Conner in the same location.
“Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t keep her away from your man,” Trollbella quipped.
Conner rolled his eyes. “What do you want, Trollbella?”
“I came to let you know that Beansprout, the Frog Mistress, and Plucky McGee have returned,” she said.
“Who?” Bree asked.
“She means that Jack, Red, and Lester are back from the fairy-tale world,” Conner said, and quickly jumped to his feet. “Maybe they know something about Alex! Trollbella, will you let my mom and Bob know? They’
re working a night shift on the third floor.”
“I am not your errand girl, Butterboy,” Trollbella said. “There’ll be no more favors between us until you’re ready to commit.”
“Fine,” Conner said. “Bree, will you please get my mom and Bob—”
“Fine, I’ll fetch my Butter-in-laws,” Trollbella said. “But please stop begging—I hate seeing how vulnerable you’ve become without me.”
Conner and Bree ran down the hall toward the commissary as Trollbella fetched Charlotte and Bob. They found all their friends from Oz, Neverland, the Sherwood Forest, The Land of Stories, and Conner’s short stories “The Adventures of Blimp Boy,” “The Ziblings,” and “Galaxy Queen” huddled around Jack and Red. The only ones who weren’t paying attention to their arrival were the pirates from “Starboardia,” who never looked away from the television.
“Are they still watching that ditzy woman?” Red asked. “The Otherworld may be advanced, but it sure leads to some awful habits.”
“Well?” Conner asked, getting straight to the point. “Did you find my sister?”
Jack slowly shook his head. “No,” he said. “We looked at all the places we thought she would be—the ruins of the Fairy Palace, the Giant’s Castle in the sky, the clock tower of the Charming Palace—but we didn’t find a trace of her.”
The news was so disappointing, Conner had to sit down. If Alex wasn’t in the fairy-tale world, he didn’t know where else to look. His train of thought shifted from thinking of places she might be to worrying she’d never be found.
“I’m sorry you didn’t find Alex, but I’m so glad you’re back,” Goldilocks told Jack as she cradled their newborn son. “It’s a miracle you weren’t spotted, even at Lester’s heights.”
Jack went to his wife’s side and kissed Hero on the forehead. Red gave Goldilocks a large hug from behind, as if the sentiment were meant for her.
“Goldilocks, you’re back on your feet!” Red pointed out. “Is it safe for you to be walking again so soon after giving birth?”
“Red, I had a baby, not a whale,” Goldilocks said. “How is the fairy-tale world? Are the conditions any better?”
“It’s exactly as we left it,” Jack told the room. “The citizens from all the kingdoms are still being held in Swan Lake, if they’re not building monuments to the emperors. The Literary Army is lined up on the lawns of the Northern Palace, but all they do is march all day—as if they’re waiting for something to happen.”
“It sounds like they’re preparing for battle,” Goldilocks said. “They couldn’t be expecting us, could they?”
“I imagine it’s just a scare tactic to keep the citizens from rebelling,” Jack said. “They still haven’t discovered the royal families in the abandoned mine, so I doubt they’ve caught wind of us. How could they?”
“And the others in the mine? Are they still… made of stone?” Goldilocks asked.
“Unfortunately so,” Jack said. “Same goes for the Fairy Council.”
“Oh, it was a terrible sight!” Red said, and shuddered at the thought. “All their faces were frozen in the most unattractive expressions of terror. If someone turns me into stone, I hope they have the decency to tell me something amusing beforehand.”
“What about the creature that did it?” the Tin Woodman asked. “Was there any sign of who or what it is?”
“They wouldn’t be here if they had seen it,” Blubo said, and recalled the terrifying moments he had spent in its presence. “All it took was one glance, and boom! Everyone went stiff as a rock. I wouldn’t be here if my eyes hadn’t been closed.”
Commander Newters gulped fearfully and turned to Conner. “There are creatures that turn others into stone in the Land of Stories?” he asked.
“It didn’t come from the fairy-tale world,” Conner said. “It must have been a character my uncle recruited using the Portal Potion—I just don’t know which story it’s from.”
“Does it have to be from literature?” Beau Rogers asked. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were talking about Medusa from Greek mythology.”
“What’s a Medusa?” Peter Pan asked.
“She’s a horrible monster,” Beau Rogers animatedly replied. “Legend says she has a long, scaly body, fangs, and snakes for hair! Just one gaze into her red eyes will turn you into a statue!”
The Lost Boys covered their eyes, ears, and mouths at the young archaeologist’s frightening description. The Blissworm clapped its tiny hands together, anxious to meet her.
“DON’T WORRY, LADS,” Robin Hood said. “I’VE COURTED MANY A MAIDEN WHO TURNED OUT TO BE FAR WORSE. WITH JUST A FEW VERSES OF A ROMANTIC POEM, SHE WILL BE PUTTY IN MY HANDS.”
The Prince of Thieves didn’t make anyone feel better about the situation, especially Conner. He got to his feet and started pacing around the room. A very difficult decision had to be made, and Conner couldn’t delay it a moment longer.
“We can’t waste any more time,” he said. “Tomorrow we’re going to fight the Literary Army and reclaim the fairy-tale world. I never thought we’d have to do it without my sister, but we can’t let the people suffer any longer.”
“Poor Alex,” Red said. “There have been many times I’ve disappeared for some me time, but I always return after a couple of hours. I hope she’ll resurface in time to help us. She put so much work into recruiting our army—it’d be a shame if she missed the war completely.”
Suddenly, Goldilocks’s face lit up with an idea. Red’s nonsense always had a funny way of putting things into perspective for her.
“Hold your horses,” Goldilocks said.
“Which horses?” the Tin Woodman asked.
“No, it’s a figure of speech,” Goldilocks said, and got back to her point. “We’ve been looking at the Literary Army and at Alex’s disappearance like they’re separate situations, but what if they’re more related than we think? After all, we’re at war—a war Alex is a key player in. It’s very possible someone is using Alex to sabotage us. Perhaps it’s time we stop asking where Alex went and start asking who took her.”
Of all the directions Conner’s mind had gone in the last week, this was a conclusion he’d never come to. His sister was so powerful and strong-minded; it was hard to imagine that someone could abduct her from the hospital without anyone noticing, especially someone from the Literary Army.
“They couldn’t have taken Alex,” Conner said. “Even if the Literary Army knew we existed, they have no way of accessing the Otherworld. Besides, I think one of us would have noticed a card soldier or flying monkey walking around.”
“I didn’t say it was the Literary Army,” Goldilocks said. “In times of conflict, there’s always the enemy you know and the enemy you don’t. The Literary Army may be who we’re up against, but who’s the third party we’re forgetting to consider? Who else would benefit if either of our armies was defeated?”
The whole commissary went quiet as all the characters thought it over. It was highly likely that they were leaving someone out of their equation, but who could it be? Who or what was just as invested in the upcoming war as they were? Who at that very moment was also assembling in secret and forming plans to dominate the fairy-tale world?
The answer hit Bree like a bolt of lightning. The realization made her gasp so loudly, all the characters jumped.
“I know!” she exclaimed. “We’re forgetting about the witches! We know they have access to the Otherworld because one of them kidnapped Emmerich using the portal at Neuschwanstein Castle!”
“I think you’re onto something!” Jack said. “Conner, do you remember the night we followed the Masked Man to the Witches’ Brew? The witches were meeting because they were afraid they’d get blamed for the missing children—they were paranoid a witch hunt was coming. It’s very likely they began plotting to take over the fairy-tale world as a way to protect themselves.”
“Then the Masked Man invaded with the Literary Army,” Goldilocks said. “The witches probably
kidnapped Emmerich so they would have leverage against your uncle, so maybe they plan to use Alex as leverage against us!”
“Of course the witches are up to some vile scheme,” Red said. “I mean, they’re witches—hello! I wouldn’t be surprised if that goat who took Charlie had something to do with it! The Lost Boys and I found the missing children in her basement—Morina probably kidnapped them to purposely stir up paranoia in the witch community so they had a reason to plot a takeover! I bet she’s behind the whole thing!”
Everyone froze and looked at Red in shock. If she was correct, it was a little unsettling how easy it was for her to figure out Morina’s intentions.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Red said. “It takes a conniving genius to know a conniving genius. Obviously, there’s a type of woman Charlie’s attracted to.”
“But how could the witches know we’re planning to defeat the Literary Army? How do they know we’re a threat?” Conner asked.
Bree looked at him like the answer was obvious.
“Conner, they figured out Emmerich was your cousin before you or your uncle did,” she reminded him. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard for a witch to look into a crystal ball and figure out what we’re doing with a bunch of interdimensional beings inside a children’s hospital!”
Unfortunately, it made sense. A witch could easily have crossed into the Otherworld and snuck into the hospital without being detected. They could have used magic to overpower Alex and take her back to the fairy-tale world as a hostage. Conner had prayed for a clear answer all week, but he’d never guessed how much it would complicate matters.
“Let’s lay everything out on the table before we go any further,” he said.
“Which table?” the Tin Woodman asked.
“Also a figure of speech,” Conner said. “Not only do we have to liberate the fairy-tale world from the scariest villains in literature and slay a mythological creature before it turns us all into stone, but we also have to defeat an evil coven of witches before they use my sister against us.”