by Mia Josephs
And then, what did I do last night? Tried to play it off like nothing happened, and then she fell asleep before we got a chance to talk.
Her breathing was deep and even, and she’d curled up on her side, pulling the small down comforter around her like a cocoon, letting her dark hair spread out behind her. Her short bangs touched her perfect eyebrows, and I just kept staring in a way I wasn’t able to do when she was awake. She was beautiful. And I was officially creepy.
The desire to scoot in behind her on the couch and have my arms wrapped around her as she woke was almost overpowering. I imagined her taking my hands, and pulling my arms around her, bringing us together. Smiling as she laughed and asking me to put on some Lennon. Her smooth lips sliding over mine…
I felt fingertips on my shoulder, and jumped, my heart nearly leaping from my chest. I spun just in time to see Ree clasping her mouth to hold in her laugh.
“Dangit, Ree,” I whispered. “You have to stop sneaking up on me like that.”
“Sorry,” she whispered back.
Marie headed toward the dining room, and I followed, knowing she’d want to talk and trying to figure out how I was going to explain the fact that I’d been staring at Ashley.
“Hmm.” I sighed as I sat down, rubbing my forehead with my fingers until finally running a hand over my hair. I leaned back and slouched in the chair, waiting for Marie to jump in.
When our eyes met Ree’s smile filled her face.
“What?” I whispered, even though I knew she was on the same track as Trevor.
She opened her eyes wide and looked toward Ash asleep on our sofa.
I shook my head. “Don’t think it, Marie. Don’t think it. I know how you are when you get something into your head.”
“But—”
“No buts. She’s ten years younger than I am. She’s just starting a new career. No, she hasn’t finished school to start a career. The last thing she needs is to get involved with someone like me.”
My words cut deeper into me than I wanted them to, because they were all true. And I wasn’t sure what to do with the obvious answer of how I needed to leave her alone when that was the last thing I wanted to do.
“She puts up with Trevor and I okay.” Marie’s stubbornness was coming through in spades this morning.
“Ree…” I closed my eyes having no idea what to say.
“You like her Dad. Admit it.”
Honesty. “I’d be a moron not to like her. She’s smart, sweet, funny, pretty, and easy to be around. But that doesn’t mean that—”
“Nope.” Ree folded her arms. “That’s all I need from you.”
I opened my mouth to protest when Ashley rolled over.
“Morning!” Ree chirped loud enough to be heard across the space.
“Sorry.” Ashley jumped up and started rolling up the blanket.
“Don’t be.” I was frozen to the spot, watching her be so normal in my house. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It is for me. I never sleep in strange places.”
I stood, and started messing around in the kitchen, moving around but accomplishing nothing. “I was just about to whip up some pancakes. Wanna stick around for breakfast?” I wanted her to stay. Wanted to find some time to talk. Excuses to touch her. Check her hand. Feel her skin. Make another moment where our lips could touch. I was turning into a teenage boy.
She finished folding up the blanket and set it on the couch—her eyes never coming close to meeting mine. “I think I’ve intruded enough. I’d better get back. I’m helping with my first trial next week. It’ll take me all weekend to put it together.”
My gut sank when I should have been relieved. I should have smiled at her differently, or made some kind of show that our barely kiss was okay. At least... I thought it was okay.
“Don’t worry.” Marie stepped forward. “I covered you up. I don’t want you to think my dad was watching you sleep like some sort of stalker or something.”
I coughed a few times to Marie’s obvious reference to where I was standing this morning embarrassment running rampant through me.
“Okay.” Ashley looked from me and back to Marie, maybe confused. “Well, thanks for the couch.”
I half leapt into the room where she stood, knowing she was about to leave, and not ready for it. Not ready for her presence in our house to be gone.
“No problem.” I tried to put on a relaxed smile. “And maybe you’ll be able to stick around for pancakes next time.”
Ashley’s head snapped up to look at me. “Do you plan on serenading me to sleep on your couch again?”
I sucked in a breath. “Uh, no, I…”
“You’re off the hook, Brandt.” She smirked. How did she seem to be forever unaffected, when I felt like a bumbling idiot around her?
“Right.” I scratched the back of my neck just to give myself something to do.
“See you.” And just like that she disappeared.
I swung my arms to try and disperse some of the tension from being unable to breathe with her in my house—from the weight of anticipation pouring through me. “Ree? Really?”
She giggled. “Couldn’t help it, Dad.”
“Try.” I laced my fingers together and rested my hands on my head. “I need to run.”
Monday morning Ashley and I ran into each other again on our run, and then planned to run together on Tuesday, and this morning, Friday, had been the fifth day this week. We seemed to have fallen into a rhythm of friends. She didn't bring up the dinner and the kiss, and neither did I. Just like always, when I was away from her, all the ideas that she wasn't a good idea made perfect sense, and then every morning when she smiled at me as we met for our run, I forgot them again. But it didn't seem to matter because either she or I or both of us had done something to stick us firmly in friend territory.
I told her about the classes I taught and the therapy sessions I did, and she talked about her cases and how interesting it was to work with Donetta. That it was harder than she expected. We had some of the same “clients” and then we’d talk music and I could go on for hours once music was a topic. So could she.
And then, every morning, when we got back, I stopped at my house and she ran to hers… It was okay. It was… I didn’t know what it was. I knew I wanted something I felt like I couldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop wanting it, her, and I couldn’t seem to step away, even though I knew I should. Being friends with her should have been enough, but it wasn’t. The more I was around her, the more I wanted to be—selfish or not.
Gabby jogged up behind me on my way to lunch. I’d been disappearing out of the office every chance I got to avoid her. Pathetic, but effective.
“Can I join you?” she asked brightly as she rested a hand on my shoulder.
I stood and stared at her, and she was all wrong. Tried too hard with my kids. Pushed too hard with me. Her hair wasn’t dark and she didn’t have bangs. There was too much makeup on her face, and something just…lacking. There was nothing quiet or mysterious or subtle about Gabby. She’d all but propositioned me, and it’s just not what I wanted. What kind of moron was I that I went running every morning with a girl I couldn’t have? And that now, when faced with someone I could have, I was thinking about my running partner?
“You okay?” Her head cocked to the side.
I heard the distinctive whine of my brother’s Ferrari screech into the parking lot behind me. I’d never loved him more than in that moment. “Fine. Yes. But I have plans today.”
“Right.” She blinked a few times as Cooper’s car halted next to me, and I thought maybe, maybe something had finally gotten through.
I jumped into his car before he had time to give me an invite, gave Gabby a slight wave and said to him, “Get me out of here quick.”
Cooper cackled as he peeled out of the parking lot. “Just tell her you’re not interested you big schmuck.”
I slumped in the seat and ran a hand over my hair. “I don’t think that would work.”
“Then do her already. I bet with that kind of enthusiasm, she’d be great in the sac.” His brows wagged like the twelve year old he sometimes seemed to want to be.
I cringed, which was honestly the last straw needed for me to realize that I wasn’t doing either of us any favors by not telling her how I felt…or didn’t feel.
“Why are you here, Cooper?”
“Because normally I hear from you, and your kids haven’t been by, and you haven’t been by, and I wanted to harass you because I get bored during the day.”
“That’s a terrible tragedy for you,” I said dryly.
My quips never slowed Cooper in the least.
“So. I was thinking we should all go up to the cabins in a week or so? What do you think?”
“Perfect. Absolutely perfect.” Anything to get out of my own head for a few days.
“Problems in paradise?” he teased.
“We know full well there’s nothing paradisiacal about my life. But yeah. I need out of the city for a few days.” I leaned back and rubbed my forehead with my fingertips trying to shove away all the things I shouldn’t be thinking.
“We’ll be up for a couple weeks, leaving Friday. I’d be happy to have the kids up with us, at least for part of the time.” He shrugged. “Jennifer insisted on two nannies for the trip, so we’ll have plenty of help.”
“They’d love it.” And I might love the idea of having Ashley to myself. I just had to get Gabby off my back, and find a way to talk to Ashley about… What?
Really. I’d invited her over. She’d crashed. We’d cooked together. Gone to games together, run together… Sort of kissed. I’d give almost anything to relive that moment—only hopefully with a better ending. It just felt…final. Like since she backed away from that into friendship territory, that was it.
But maybe we could do dinner out. Something simple, but just us. And we could see...
“You’re deep in thought over there.”
“Yeah… And don’t ask because I’m not saying a word. Not yet.” I scratched my two days worth of stubble and stared out the window.
Cooper’s smile filled his face. “You met a girl.”
I thought about Ashley and Trevor’s smile for her and Marie’s enthusiasm for the idea of her. And how Cooper might finally stop giving me crap about not dating. And how I was starting to hate the back and forth my brain was putting me through so I was determined to talk to her. “I think we all met a girl.”
I dropped my keys and bag from work on the counter and jogged back outside before I lost my nerve. It was just Ashley, and just dinner. Without the kids. That was the clincher. The thing that would make this stand out as something different. Something less like friends. After nearly two weeks of friendly chatter in the morning, I wasn't sure how awkward I was about to make things.
I stared at my feet on the sidewalk between our two houses, watching my scuffed brown shoes when small black shoes came into view, and I stopped a half second before running into Ashley.
She looked as shocked as me as we stood there staring at one another in the later afternoon heat.
“I was just going to—”
“Do you have a sec—”
I’d never seen her look so…nervous. Biting her lip and even her eyebrows looked tense. “You first,” I said as I tried not to notice yet another striped tank that didn’t quite reach the top of her cutoffs.
She pulled in a deep breath and closed her eyes. If her nervous energy was different I’d have been worried, but I was kind of getting a kick out of seeing her like this. “So, Amy’s firm. Well, not her firm, but the firm where she’s interning is part of this big fundraiser thing, and if you don’t agree to come with me, I’ll be stuck with whoever she decides to set me up with.” Her words tumbled out of her mouth so fast it took me a moment to realize she was asking me out. “And I know this is probably going to be like when you felt obligated to go to the theater with Gabby because this is dinner and the theater and I’m only giving you two days warning because it’s this Friday, and I’m sorry, and does that sound at all—”
“Perfect.” And not at all like Gabby. “Sounds great, and I’d love to save you from whomever Amy would have picked.” Love to? Tone it down, Brandt. You idiot. You’re going to scare her off.
Her face finally relaxed as my words sunk in. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel obligated or anything.”
“Kids will be with my brother at the house he calls a cabin.” Now my words were tumbling out in a rush. And wait. What if she thought I was implying a lot more than I was by having an empty house? I only meant to say that I wasn’t at all worried about them, and now…
“Oh. Okay.” She took a few steps back, her face completely unreadable, and wasn’t sure if it was her nerves or my stupid remark about love to, or my kids won’t be here, or…
I felt this sudden urge to break the ice. I go for a walk with her or grab ice cream or something so we were just friends and comfortable again. “Wanna—”
“I’m in the middle of stuff now, so we’ll talk and I’ll see you Friday.” She stumbled once as she backed up, her striped tank hugging her perfectly, me completely confused.
“See you.” I gave her a wave as she ran into her house, and then it hit me again. Her age. Her uncertainty. We were worlds away from where we were in our lives. And I suddenly didn’t care at all.
NINE
Ashley
I pulled my black dress heels out of my closet and slid them on just as my phone rang.
Brandt.
“Hello,” I answered, hoping my nervousness didn’t transfer on the phone. What was with me? This was dinner and theater. People did it all the time. It just felt so…adult, and I’d survived asking him, so actually going through with it should be easy. It's just that we kissed, and he'd been very much just a friend, so I kept waiting for him to back out and realize that a date was not the best way to keep us in friend territory.
“Hey…” His voice came out slow, hesitant.
My chest sank. Something happened. He was backing out. He never wanted to go in the first place. I was a big raging idiot for thinking he didn’t see me as a kid.
“I ran into a little problem,” he continued.
“It’s okay.” I blinked back tears, and tried to take a breath in but I was afraid to relax. Relaxing meant a greater chance of me crying. How had this night become such a big deal?
“Ash, I’m just running a little late. I’m so sorry. I have my tux with me. I’ll meet you at the restaurant. Just order me some dinner with fish, and know I’m running as fast as I can. Is that okay?”
I pulled in a long breath and blotted the edges of my eyes because I'd spent way too long with my makeup. What a ridiculous overreaction. “Yeah.Totally fine.”
The line was silent for a moment. “I really wish I was able to pick you up.”
“Oh, no.” I slowly got myself back under control. “It’s not a big deal. I mean I practically begged you and—”
“No, no. Stop,” Brandt said. “I want to do this. It’s the first time I’ve been excited about wearing my tux since I can remember. And it’s almost August.” There was an edge of laughter to his voice that appeased me. I didn’t know if I believed him, but I wanted to believe him, despite how platonic everything between us had been.
“I’ll see you at dinner,” I answered.
“See you then.”
I hung up the phone still unsure of what to expect. If we were heading into maybe relationship territory, or if I was just the neighbor who liked his kids and another obligation who needed a man on her arm for the night.
When I walked into the living room, Kenneth waited by the door looking as nervous as I felt. Unusual for him.
“Well, your tux looks like it was made for you,” I commented as I shuffled through my purse to see what I could fit into my small bag.
“It was.” He shifted his weight onto one leg and put his hands in his pockets.
Of course it
was. He was neat and tidy Kenneth. He’d always worked extra jobs to keep himself in nice clothes—even in high school.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Yep.”
He gave me a polite smile. “You look great, Ashley. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you all dressed up.”
“Thanks.” I was so nervous I couldn’t breathe normally. I kept reminding myself, breathe in, breathe out. My dress was tighter than I’d normally wear, and the deep purple barely reached my knees, and plunged in the back. More than plunged. It was backless, and I had nerves skittering through me making me wonder how much of an idiot I was going to make of myself.
“We ready to go?” Amy walked out of her room looking like a goddess in a black dress that flowed in soft layers to her ankles.
My jaw dropped. “Amy.”
“Think it’ll work?” She breathed in through her teeth with a huge grin.
“Well aren’t I the lucky guy escorting two beautiful women.” Kenneth smiled, holding out his elbows. "Well, at least until we meet up with Michelle."
"Michelle?" I asked.
"Almost as neurotic as Kenneth." Amy smirked. "It should be interesting because he's been stressing about it since he asked her."
"Funny." I bumped him with my elbow, and he responded with a smile.
And then I thought about meeting up with Brandt, and nervousness slid through me again.
Yes. Our evening should definitely be interesting...
The restaurant’s creamy walls, dark wood, and soft, glowing lights couldn’t push my nerves away. I looked over my shoulder every three minutes toward the front door. Salad was done. The jokes about my non-existent date were slowing down. I’m sure everyone was afraid he actually wouldn’t show. I definitely was. I knew none of these people, and the conversation was focused on school and sports and who had hooked up with who at the last Arizona State law student party. All eight of them. It felt like a Marie-level conversation. Not a law student conversation, and then self-consciousness nagged at me as I thought about how this might feel to Brandt, who I’m sure had reservations about my age, just like I had with him.