by Lizzie Lane
Truth to tell, he had butterflies in his stomach. Nobody else in the village had that effect on him, only Meg. My goodness, he felt like an adolescent youth all over again when she was around. She always looked so fresh, peachy skinned, glossy haired and neatly dressed. He thought about the night he’d had dinner with her. They’d promised each other they would do it again and he was sure they would.
He smoothed his hair before rapping the wrought-iron knocker. Footsteps tapped across the flagstone floor and the door was opened. It wasn’t so much that she looked surprised to see him as a little taken aback, agitated even.
‘Oh! John. It’s you.’
He saw her frown. ‘Have I come at an awkward time?’
‘No. Of course not.’
Her hair swung around her head as she shook it and he wondered at the colour: not just plain gold but light gold with darker streaks. How he longed to run his fingers through that hair and bury his nose in its smell. Perhaps one day he would.
After taking off his helmet in order to duck more easily under the low door lintel, he followed her into the cottage noting how much work she’d done on the old place and remembering how impressed he’d been when he’d first seen it. The walls had been painted and new curtains hung at the window. He was no expert but guessed other things had been renewed and replaced. It certainly looked far cosier than when Miss Lavender had lived here. A cake sat cooling on top of the kitchen range. It smelled good. His stomach rumbled.
Rudy got up from his favourite spot, stretched and greeted John with a cheerful wag of his tail and a quick sniff of his proffered hand.
‘Nice to see you too, old chap,’ John said to him and patted his head. ‘But it’s your mistress I’ve come to see.’
Tea plates clattered lightly and a stiff drawer groaned as she opened it, extracted two knives and closed it again. She turned to face him, her lips smiling and knife held in her right hand.
‘I take it you’d like a piece?’
‘I would indeed.’
She cut a sizeable piece, placed it on a plate and slid it to his side of the table. A little steam still rose from it and made his mouth water. ‘That looks good.’ He bit into the cake and found it moist in texture. ‘Delicious.’
‘You didn’t know I was baking a cake, did you?’
Mouth full of cake, he shook his head.
‘So to what do I owe the pleasure?’
‘It’s about the dog.’
Her smile diminished, though the welcome remained in her eyes.
‘This business with your husband signing over the dog to the air force …’ He looked down at the interior of his helmet. He’d had the words well rehearsed but now, standing here face-to-face, he felt suddenly awkward. She’d fed him cake but was standing at a greater distance than on his last visit. He read it as some kind of portent, a sign of some change in her emotions. He launched into what he’d come to say, the words falling together in logical sequence.
‘I’ve got some great news. As I see it, your husband had no business signing the dog over because it wasn’t his to donate to war service. The dog belonged to Lily. He brought both of them into this country.’
‘So should I still hide him?’
‘I think so. We have to get this man Amble’s agreement that Lily is his rightful owner. He might huff and puff a bit. Eventually he’s got to concede defeat. In the meantime it might be safer if the dog was hidden until it’s all settled.’
‘Thank you. It was very kind of you to look into the matter.’
John felt as though his face had been slapped with a wet kipper. Somehow he’d hoped for Meg to throw her arms around him in gratitude and offer to cook him another dinner to thank him. But she didn’t. Her distracted air was unexpected but he steeled himself to go on.
‘Well. Thought I’d come and tell you my conclusion right away,’ he said fiddling with the chinstrap of his helmet. Better be going now. I’ll see myself out, shall I?’
She nodded. ‘Thank you for coming to tell me,’ she said again.
He turned round to face her and smiled. ‘It was no trouble. I was only doing my duty.’
But I wasn’t just doing my duty, he told himself as he left the cottage behind. I was hoping for you to throw your arms around my neck and tell me how wonderful I am.
Heavy-hearted, he plodded through the village to the school, wondering what had caused the change in Meg’s attitude. He stopped and eyed yet another poster for the village dance. He’d been hoping that they might be a couple by the time this came round. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to ask her if she was still willing to have him accompany her. Hopefully she’d say yes, but meeting up with her today made him doubt himself. She’d seemed just a little off-handed, as though she had something on her mind. Shame, he thought, sighing heavily. He’d thought they were getting along so well.
Meg ran her hand over her forehead and closed her aching eyes. She still found it hard to believe that after four years of marriage and becoming a widow, she was finally expecting a baby. The saddest thing was that the child would never know its father. Ray was gone.
The next saddest thing was that although it was still early days, John Carter had looked a likely candidate to fill the gap left by her husband. He was different to Ray, though in some ways very alike. John had remained a policeman despite the call to arms. He loved the life he lived and, unlike Ray, was not lured by the promise of danger and adventure. Home was most definitely where his heart was.
Would he still want her once she told him her news? Her slim figure was about to expand, and their burgeoning friendship was likely to suffer or at least be put on hold. At some point she would have to tell him, though first on the agenda was a visit to the doctor.
The doctor congratulated her and confirmed that she was indeed about four months pregnant. She left the surgery in a dream, almost colliding with Alice Wickes who was on her way to collect her children from school.
‘You look as though you’ve seen a ghost,’ said Alice. ‘Are you feeling all right?’
Meg looked at her as though she was a stranger. Eventually she said, ‘I’m feeling … I’m feeling …’ Her voice trailed away. Goodness, but her throat was so dry.
‘You can tell me how you’re feeling on the way to school. Come on or we’ll be late. Might earn ourselves a black mark from Miss Pringle if we do that!’ She laughed.
‘Oh my goodness. Yes. School. Though Lily insists she can go and come back by herself. She changes her tune if I’ve got Rudy with me.’
Side by side they headed towards the village school. Although she could feel Alice’s eyes on her, Meg couldn’t immediately voice her amazing news. She was still having trouble digesting it herself, chewing it over before sharing it with somebody else. But Alice was nothing if not persistent.
‘So come on. What is it you’re feeling that’s made you look as though you’ve found a five-pound note you didn’t know you had?’
‘What?’ Stirred back to the fact that this was an ordinary weekday afternoon and that she wasn’t dreaming, Meg burst out laughing. ‘I’m sorry, Alice. I don’t quite know who to tell first, though it might just as well be you.’
‘That sounds as though I’m the last resort,’ said Alice, feigning hurt feelings. ‘Thanks very much. By the way …’
‘What?’
‘Your cheeks have gone pink.’
Meg’s cheeks reddened even further as she stated the best news she’d had in months. ‘I’m pregnant. Four months, the doctor says.’
‘Oh, Meg! You are lucky.’
Meg smiled sadly and her eyes moistened. ‘I wish Ray was here. He’d be over the moon. Four years and nothing. Four months he’s been gone and I find out I’m expecting.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m still finding it hard to take in.’
They came to a stop at the school gates where Alice patted her hand. ‘Meg, I am so pleased for you. Fancy that. Your Ray leaving you a goodbye present.’
‘He couldn’t have chosen better,’
said Meg. ‘Except I wish he could be here. He would have been so excited.’ She could imagine his joy, his infectious laughter and the way he would have told everyone he knew that he was going to be a father. At long last he was going to be a father.
‘When are you going to tell Lily?’
Meg’s fantasy faded away. Ray wasn’t here. He’d never be here again. ‘After I’ve told my mother,’ she replied. ‘I’ll write to her tonight. Then I’ll tell Lily.’
‘Isn’t she on the phone?’
‘Yes, but mine isn’t working properly at the moment. You know how it is. With the war on private phones go down all the time, usually when you need one.’
Alice’s eyes sparkled and her smile was more than cheeky. ‘John Carter’s got a phone. Ask him if you can phone her from there.’
Meg chewed her lip nervously. ‘I’m not sure I should. It is rather private.’
‘And he’s sweet on you,’ Alice added suddenly.
‘Nonsense!’
Alice tore some of the crust from the bread she’d just bought and gave it to her youngest to chew while grinning up at Meg. ‘You’re blushing. Did you think I didn’t notice?’
‘We’re just friends. And anyway, he’ll keep away now I’m expecting.’
‘Why should he? You’re still a widow, Meg.’
‘Don’t say that!’
‘Sorry, I’m sure. But it’s the truth. And you’re attractive. Wish I had your hair. Wish I had your legs too. Look at mine! I’ve got stumpy legs. Ma said I inherited them from her. Comes from the women of our family working in the fields.’
The pall of silence that fell on the pair of them didn’t last for too long. Alice gave her a nudge with her elbow. ‘Go along and ask to use his phone.’
‘I’m not sure. Anyway, I haven’t quite got used to it yet. One moment everything is as it was, then suddenly this happens.’
‘Good job you’re not too far gone or you wouldn’t fit into your new dress, the one you were making for the village dance.’
Meg was shocked. ‘Alice, I can’t possibly go dancing, not when I’m like this.’
Alice looked at her uncomprehending. ‘Why ever not? You’re not too bumpy yet.’
‘Well …’
At that moment the children flooded out of the school, hair awry and clothes dishevelled, their single thought to get away from school and back home as quickly as possible.
‘How come they go to school neat and tidy and come home looking as though they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards?’ Alice asked.
Meg was inclined to agree with her. Shiny-eyed Lily came rushing out, one ribbon trailing from her hair, the other one just about hanging on. ‘Come on, Lily,’ said Meg, offering her hand. ‘I’ve some news for you.’
Lily’s smile vanished. ‘Where’s Rudy? The man hasn’t come for him, has he?’
‘No,’ said Meg, shaking her head vehemently. ‘No. It’s something marvellous that I’ve got to tell you and nothing to do with Rudy. But first we have to call in at the police house on the way home. I need to use the telephone.’
Her eyes met those of Alice Wickes over Lily’s head. ‘He won’t refuse you,’ Alice called out. ‘I guarantee it.’
Meg was thankful for the cool breeze fanning her cheeks as she walked hand in hand with Lily to the police house. The last thing she wanted was John noticing her pink cheeks and thinking perhaps that it might have something to do with him.
‘Why did Rudy stay at home today?’ Lily asked her.
‘Because I had to go to the doctor.’
To her surprise, Lily failed to ask why she’d had to go to the doctor. Of late, Lily had been full of childish curiosity about everything. She glanced at the little girl’s face and saw she was frowning down at her shoes as if she didn’t like the look of them.
‘My daddy used to be a doctor – I think – a professor. It might have been a professor,’ she said softly.
Meg was stunned. Had she heard correctly? She counted to ten and cleared her throat. ‘Are you sure of that?’
She nodded.
‘Can you remember his name?’
Lily looked up at her and Meg was taken aback by the terror-filled look in the little girl’s eyes. ‘Rudy,’ she said, her voice barely above a whisper. ‘Rudy.’
‘And your name? What was your name?’
Lily frowned as though she were thinking very hard. Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. ‘No. No, I don’t remember.’
By the time Meg got to the station house, she was visibly shaking. PC Carter had been looking out of the station window, a cup of tea in hand. Even from this distance he perceived her pale face and alarmed expression. Setting down his cup and saucer, he swiftly opened the door.
‘Meg! Here. Let me help you.’ Cupping her elbow with his hand, he guided her into the police house, aware of the lightness of her arm on his as he swiftly got her to a chair. ‘Has something happened? Can I get you a cup of tea?’
‘Yes,’ Meg replied. She wasn’t one for believing a cup of sweet tea cured everything, but in this instance anything that might help would be gratefully received. Somehow she had to find the right words to explain why the two of them couldn’t risk becoming any closer. Why they had to remain just friends.
John feared the look on her face. He’d never seen such a look in her eyes before. Initially he’d felt a leap of joy when he’d seen her approaching. Now, as he noticed her shaking hand, he felt a bolt of concern shoot through him. He’d do anything for Meg Malin. Absolutely anything, and that included taking on any worry she might have and getting it sorted. He noticed her hand was shaking and instinctively reached for her fingers, holding them in his palm as though they were violets and in danger of being crushed.
‘Is everything all right?’
‘There’s something I have to tell you.’
‘Is it about Rudy? Or Lily?’
Meg lowered her eyes and shook her head. ‘No. Something else.’
‘Can I go out into the garden?’ Lily piped up, seemingly unperturbed now she knew this visit had nothing to do with her or the dog. Only mildly interested in grown-up conversations, she adored the long grass and fruit trees crowded in the police house garden. John said she could, which gave Meg the opportunity to speak to him alone.
‘Nice of you to call on me,’ he said, flashing her a white-toothed smile.
‘I need to speak to my mother in London. I’ve got some very important news I need to tell her. Is it possible I could borrow your telephone?’
John was slightly disappointed that she didn’t entertain a desire to visit him on his own account, but readily agreed that she could use his phone. ‘I’ll pop out and give Lily a hand climbing up the apple tree. I’m pretty certain she’s out there to gather a few windfalls. Be my guest,’ he added, nodding to the phone on his desk.
‘John!’ She touched his arm and he turned immediately. ‘There’s something I must say.’
‘Right.’
‘It’s Lily. Just now she told me that her father was a professor and that his name was Rudy.’
John’s eyebrows arched in surprise. ‘Did she now? What do you think brought that on?’
‘I had to go to the doctor’s this afternoon so I didn’t have the dog with me. She asked me where I’d been and I told her. Somehow it triggered a memory. I thought I should tell you before you go out there.’
He nodded. ‘Leave it with me.’
A gentleman through and through, he didn’t ask her reason for visiting the doctor and, at this moment in time, she didn’t seem quite ready to tell him. Fallen leaves rustled and crackled beneath his boots in the garden, and the air was as spicy as cider. Meg had been to the doctors and he couldn’t help being concerned. He hoped it was something trivial.
Meg’s mother sounded breathless. ‘Is something wrong?’ asked Meg.
‘Dust,’ she said. ‘There’s dust everywhere and Mrs Bush, ungrateful woman as she is, has given her notice. She’s off to
work in an armaments factory. I have to do everything myself.’
Meg’s mother had always had a daily in three days a week to clean her house and had tried persuading Meg to do the same. Meg had insisted that she could manage. Actually she was in two minds: yes, a daily would have helped alleviate her housework load, but Ray wouldn’t agree, citing that as she didn’t have children she had the time to do it herself. Pointing out the truth had hurt, but she had conceded that he was right. After that she’d thrown herself into housework, keeping herself busy and her home clean and ordered.
‘Mother, I’ve got something important to tell you.’
‘You’re moving back to London! There! I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t want to bury yourself in that place. You’re a town girl, not a country mouse …’
‘Mother! I’m not coming back to London. Well, not in the foreseeable future anyway. That’s not why I’m phoning you. I’m pregnant …’
‘Not coming back to London! Expecting? Did I hear you say that you’re in the family way? But how could that possibly be? Ray’s been dead for … what is it? Six months?’
Meg gripped the phone. ‘Four months! It’s four months, mother, since Ray was posted missing, and I’m four months gone. Four months pregnant!’
‘There’s no need to shout and no need to use that word. It’s unladylike.’
Meg barely controlled her anger, gripping the telephone receiver as though she might hit someone with it – more specifically her mother! ‘Well,’ she said determinedly, ‘aren’t you pleased you’re going to be a grandmother?’
‘Of course I am, darling.’ There followed a significant pause. ‘However will you find a nanny out there in the country?’
Meg sucked in her breath. A nanny! ‘So many nannies and other servants have joined up, I doubt I would get one. Still, if I move back to London I won’t need a nanny. Wouldn’t you just love looking after your very first grandchild?’
She could easily imagine the look of horror on her mother’s face as she envisaged sticky fingermarks over her polished mahogany dining table and dirty footprints over her pale green carpet.