by Andrea Wolfe
"I feel like a bitch about it," she said. "Like I don't have the right to control her life like that. I mean, it's not like I'm opposed to hooking up; I just hate how it feels when it happens this way. I don't get to see her that often, so I don't like it when she disappears. And the whole thing with Jack was just bad luck, I guess. Arielle didn't know about him."
I felt bad for her. It was clear that she was conflicted about her position, and unable to quell her emotions. "I'm sorry," I said. "She's really a free spirit sometimes."
"Not sometimes. All of the time, you mean," Amy added with a smile.
"Yeah. I definitely had to get used to it. She's always loyal, though."
"I know. That's why I feel so bad about this. I still love her. I'm closer to her than anyone else in my family."
Suddenly it hit me that Arielle had the key to Catherine's apartment. "Dammit," I muttered, groaning. "She's got the key to your mom's place." I felt a brief, fluttering wave of rage that killed my previously warm mood. All of my stuff was there, including my bed, which I desperately needed soon.
Amy shrugged. "See? This is what I'm talking about. If the hookups didn't inconvenience anyone else, it would be fine." She smiled. "You can stay on my couch. I'd be happy to have you. It's a comfortable couch, actually. I do have an extra key to my mom's place, but it's currently buried in my closet."
"Awesome," I said. "That's fine. I don't really have a choice. I'll take whatever I can get."
"Don't sweat it," she said.
Amy was such a great person, but it was obvious with her, unlike Arielle.
Once you dug deeper, it was clear that Arielle would basically die for you given the right situation. But if you initially turned away, disgusted by her brashness and aloofness, you'd never see it.
Even though I hated to say that Amy was basically obligated to give me a place to stay, she didn't seem hesitant at all. She wanted to help out.
"Thanks so much for taking us out tonight," I muttered, sipping my water slowly. "Sorry that Arielle did... well, what Arielle does."
"It was my pleasure. And it's not like we can stop her, can we? If she gets drunk enough, she'll basically do anything short of murder."
I laughed. "Yeah."
Amy looked at her cell phone. "Well, shit, it's almost four. Do you wanna get going? I'm ready to crash."
"Of course," I said.
She took care of the check and refused my money. Everyone's constant hospitality was actually starting to wear on me.
We walked out together into the lobby, approaching the elevators. "This is the highest meal I've eaten," I announced. "Fortieth floor."
Amy smiled, but said nothing. It was late, and fatigue was beginning to cripple our interactions. She pressed the button and we waited.
A few seconds later, there was a ding, and suddenly the door to my right opened. A group of raucous guys were inside the elevator, goofing around and laughing. They sounded like they were from the United States, and didn't seem to notice us at all.
And then, as they started filing into the lobby, I recognized one of them. I did a double-take, exaggerated and obvious. Was I really so drunk and tired that I was seeing things? I did a triple-take.
Then a quadruple-take—always the same.
Time slowed to the point that it wasn't moving at all. And then I heard one of them say his name, and all of the doubt in my mind vanished. I felt like I was going to faint.
I wanted to hide behind Amy, but that wasn't possible because he already saw me.
It was Jesse Evans.
"Hey, are you coming?" Amy asked as she started into the elevator.
"Naomi Miller? Is that... you?"
It had been almost five years since I last saw him, and I assumed I would never see him again. His stubble was thicker and less patchy now, lightly covering his strong jaw line. His light brown hair was trimmed short, yet still perfectly messy somehow. His hazel eyes burned me like hot acid. Beneath a blue thrift store sports jacket was a tight black t-shirt, and a pair of optimally tight jeans.
His muscles were still taut like they used to be, and I could see the hard curves of his biceps and forearms. He looked kind of like a rock star—in an almost nerdy and professional way.
His lips curled into that familiar grin I knew so well from my youth. I felt comforted, felt at home, felt aroused, oddly enough.
He had become the sexiest man on earth for some reason I couldn't even begin to comprehend. The feeling spilled through every pore, every cell of my body turgid and overloaded, about to explode from the pure sex that had flooded my circulatory system.
My heart seemed to stop. Even though I could feel it thudding, it seemed fruitless. I was dead inside.
"Jesse," I gasped. "What... what are you doing here?"
"I was gonna ask you the same thing," he said, approaching me rapidly. His arms reached out to embrace me, the most obvious first gesture after so much time apart. Yet, I was terrified of his hug, terrified of touching him.
When his arms were around me, I lost it, wrapping him up with my own, pulling him close. I could smell him; it was a combination of musk and light cologne. I breathed it in as I clutched him, totally intoxicated in a new way.
For a brief moment, I felt completely sober—and then freshly drunk again.
"Oh, God," I whispered, still in the embrace. "I never thought I'd see you again."
"I thought the exact same thing," he said hopelessly.
After what felt like an eternity of standing there with him in the lobby—a perfect sort of eternity, to be honest—someone spoke. "Jesse, are you coming, man?"
It jarred me back into reality. What the hell was I doing?
"You guys go ahead," he said. "I'll be there in a minute." He returned his gaze to me. "God, Naomi, I couldn't believe it when I saw you. I really couldn't believe it."
"Me either," I said.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Well other than also suffering from jet lag."
I laughed. "Just visiting Amy over there." I pointed casually. "She's Arielle Walker's cousin."
"Wow, really?" he asked. He broke our embrace and faced her.
"Amy, this is Jesse, an old friend. Jesse, this is Amy."
They shook hands in a perfunctory way. And then Jesse was right back to me, like Amy never existed at all. "So what have you been up to? It's been such a long time."
Again, that feeling of nervousness hit me like a tsunami. I didn't really have anything to say. "Not a whole lot, I guess. What are you up to?"
"I started a company with those other guys, and we're here meeting with some investors. I'm still blown away by all that's going on." His enthusiasm was plentiful, but there was still a considerable hint of humility.
"That's amazing," I said. "What sort of company?"
"Kind of a tech thing. We're designing apps for business. I mean, it's kind of a long story, but I'd love to tell you sometime." He cleared his throat. "I mean, if you're interested."
There was a long, drawn out pause, a moment in which a thousand thoughts probably raced through both of our heads.
"Awesome," I finally said. "Yeah, I'd love to hear it."
"Do you... want to join us?" Jesse asked, a warm grin on his face.
I felt my own smile forming, but I fought to keep my real feelings subdued. I really wanted to talk to him, even with everything from the past. This was like an incredible rendezvous, one so unlikely it made my head spin.
"I mean, I just ate, but... I could..." I glanced over at Amy—on her face was that same look of disappointment I had seen when she talked about Arielle disappearing on her.
As rare as this encounter was, I just couldn't do that to her. My heart fluttered, my stomach doing cartwheels. "I can't tonight," I muttered, staring down at the floor. "I'm totally exhausted. We were out dancing all night. How long are you here, though? Can we meet up some other time?"
"Until Wednesday," he said.
"Cool. I'm here until Thursday."
/> He nodded. "So let's meet up for coffee or something. I'll give you my new number."
We exchanged numbers; hitting the save button felt like something far more permanent and serious than it normally did. This wasn't a casual exchange of numbers.
"Well, I've got to get going," he said finally. "They're waiting for me in there. Impatiently."
"Yeah, okay," I said. I hadn't even noticed them leave. There was a moment of silence. The last time we had spoken, it had been nightmarish. So what happened now?
We awkwardly hugged goodbye, and despite the fact that it was shorter than the hug that came before it, I still felt it. "It was... nice to see you, Jesse," I said as I pulled away.
"Hey," he said, looking down at his shoes and then back up to me. "I'm sorry about what happened... last time. I just wanna say that I still think about it a lot."
I nervously bit my lip. "Uh, yeah, I mean, it's been a long time. It's okay, I guess."
Again silence. "I mean, it's not okay, but I don't mean to dump all of this on you right now. It's just—"
"No, no, don't worry," I said, cutting him off.
"I should go, though," he said, pointing to the restaurant. "We'll talk soon, okay?"
"Yeah," I said, nodding. "Send me a text or something."
"It was nice meeting you, Amy." I had actually forgotten that she was there.
"You too," Amy called. "You ready?" she asked.
"Yeah." I turned away as Jesse walked into Duck and Waffle. He disappeared as he rounded a corner. That was it; the incredible chance meeting was over.
Amy pressed the elevator button, and thankfully, it was right there waiting for us because it instantly dinged and opened. We stepped inside and she hit the lobby button.
"You've got a major crush on that guy, huh?"
"What?" I said incredulously. "A crush on Jesse?" Although my initial response was that she was wrong, I couldn't deny those bizarre feelings of lust that had surfaced inside of me. Feelings of pulsing hunger and want.
"It was so obvious," she said. "I mean, he's cute, so I can see why. But I could definitely tell something was up."
I felt my cheeks getting hot. "Jesse? He's just an old friend. We grew up together."
"That doesn't mean anything," she said. "You're a girl and he's a guy—guys and girls get together. Well, sometimes guys and guys and girls and girls get together too, but—"
I swallowed uncomfortably and cut her off. "I don't know," I said. "I was just shocked to see him. That's all."
She seemed to pick up on my tension. "I'm just joking," she said. "But he is cute. I hope it's okay to say that."
I nodded. "I guess so." I didn't want to battle her. I blankly stared forward as the elevator door opened. The rest of the way home, I was on autopilot, taciturn, yet still responsive. Mostly yes and no answers. I had a lot on my mind. For some reason, I actually felt alive again, like I had been a walking corpse until that very moment.
I had sobered up in more ways than I could count.
After we got back to Amy's place, she fetched me a heap of blankets and pillows out of the closet, and quickly retreated to her room.
I laid them across the couch and settled in, just as the sun was starting to rise. I couldn't stop thinking about Jesse. I couldn't stop feeling those strange and unfamiliar feelings.
I felt like I had witnessed a murder and was finally getting over the shock and realizing what I actually saw. Whatever this was, it felt big.
After close to an hour of tossing and turning, I finally fell asleep.
27
When I woke the next morning, I felt like the previous night was a dream. I went with Amy to the breakfast place down the street, but I wasn't all that hungry. After picking at my omelet for over ten minutes, she finally turned up the heat.
"What's up, Naomi?" she asked. For a brief flash, I thought she was Arielle and we were back at Tanner's Coffee from our high school days. But the moment passed.
I didn't even pause. "Did that really happen last night? Did I really run into him?"
To my dismay, her phone trilled suddenly, interrupting my deliberate attempt to find clarity. "Oh, it's Arielle. She's going to be back at my place in a while."
I nodded, hit by a surge of annoyance as she tapped in a response.
"Sorry, what were you saying?" I was thrilled to see her phone disappear into her purse.
I felt unnerved and lost. "I'm struggling to come to terms with what happened last night. I never thought I'd ever see him again."
"Well, you're lucky you did since he's such a hottie." After her remark, she quickly sensed that I wasn't in any mood to play around and abruptly purged the smile from her face. "I'm sorry. Is there more to this story than you're telling me? Most people don't get this worked up about merely running into an old friend."
I took a deep breath. "Okay."
Between forced nibbles of omelet and tiny sips of coffee, I gave her an abbreviated summary of my tumultuous high school experience. I told her everything. It was the first time I had shared the full story in years, and it was tough.
"That's really crazy," she said during one of my pauses. "So he was your best friend, huh?"
"Until our sophomore year, yeah."
"But you were both kids then," she said. "People grow apart sometimes. It's natural."
"It didn't feel natural," I contested. "I don't know."
"Well, I mean, it's terrible what happened to Mason, like super depressing. And I'm sorry about everything with Jesse. That all really sucks, and I understand why you're still upset." She took a quick sip of coffee. "I would still be upset too."
"Yeah," I said. "It's tough."
"But you've got to move forward at some point, Naomi. You can't keep clinging to the past. It's been a long time since high school, right? Maybe... this is your chance."
I digested her words carefully for a moment. "But if I go talk to him, isn't that like the same thing I'm supposed to get over? I feel like I'll just be re-opening old wounds or something."
"It's all up to you," she said. "Maybe he'd like to make peace, to finally say the words he never had the balls to say. I don't know. It's been years; he's probably changed. But you don't have to meet him if you don't want to."
"Yeah." I finished my coffee and set the mug down.
"But it sounds like you want to do this. Like you're super curious. So go meet him and see what he says. And don't worry about Arielle and me or feel guilty because of my complaining last night. I was just drunk and overly emotional. We can definitely entertain ourselves."
"Sure," I said. I fidgeted in the booth. Jesse was only here for a few more days, just like us. And then he was off to somewhere else. "Yeah, I guess I'll give it a shot."
About an hour after our conversation, Arielle met back up with us and apologized profusely to Amy. Amy promptly accepted the apology without any resistance at all. They settled their disagreements quickly, and it was impressive to watch.
After another lighthearted hour passed, Jesse texted me to ask if I wanted to get coffee the next day. Urged on by the both of them, I said yes. He gave me the name and the address of the place, and told me to be there around one.
Whoa.
***
So it was the night before I'd finally get reacquainted with my long lost friend, and predictably, we were out drinking—but I was just having water.
I felt like Arielle's Mai Tai that was being shaken into oblivion at the bar in front of me. Around and around the drink went, the ice cubes clicking loudly, blending until it was a dark and creamy orange color. And when the concoction was finished, the bartender robotically dumped it all into another glass and shoved it toward Arielle.
My emotions were that same sort of mixed color after also being forcefully blended until I didn't recognize them anymore.
Arielle frowned. "You're not going to drink with us?"
"I feel too... emotional," I said. "I think alcohol would only exacerbate it. I'm confused enough alrea
dy."
"But Naomi, we're on vacat—"
Amy cut her off. "She said she didn't want to drink, Arielle. Just let it go."
"Okay, fine. So, Jesse Evans. I kind of remember him."
"You probably walked past him sometimes in the hall," I said.
"Huh," she said. "I can kinda picture him. Jesse Evans." She smirked suddenly. "Wait, is he the one who had sex in the girls' locker room?"
"God," I whined. "Please don't remind me."
"Shit, okay, sorry," she said, stopping to sip her drink. "Yeah, I remember him. And then you got into a fight on your porch."
I nodded. "Yeah, him."
"He's cute," Amy said. "Really cute. But he sounds like a player if he's taking girls into the—"
"Okay, guys," I said, grimacing. "I get it."
"Sorry," they said, both of them obviously a bit drunk.
She kept mentioning how attractive he was throughout the night, and despite the fact that I felt like I might actually agree, I wasn't going to admit it.
"It's gonna be fine, dude," Arielle added suddenly. "I know you're worked up, but what's the worst that could happen? It might be awkward? So what? It'll just continue like it already was. Nothing will change."
"Yeah." I took a drink of the water and chewed on a couple of ice cubes, crunching until they were chilly slush in my mouth. I swallowed the cold with a gulp of water.
"Maybe it'll go well," Amy said. "And you'll have a renewed friendship. Or more than friendship."
There it was again. Why did they always have to bring that up? It's like the second that you became an adult you couldn't be just friends with the opposite sex anymore. I hated that. "Maybe," I muttered quietly, unenthused.
"Listen," Arielle said, "drunk or not, we're going to karaoke. Are you in, Naomi? Have a little fun—it'll make the waiting easier."
I stared back at the two of them, their faces lit with excitement, their gleeful grins seriously contagious. I couldn't help but feel like they actually knew what was best for me.