by Leddy Harper
I had a text from Danni. She’d found me a flight that would get me there later today. All I had to do was book it. I didn’t remember asking her to look it up for me, and knowing my sister, I probably didn’t. She’d always been this kind of person—this kind of friend. She wanted what was best for me, but above it all, she wanted me to be happy. Somewhere along the way, she must’ve made the decision that Carter made me happy. And this was her way of showing me support, letting me know about his accident, doing what was needed in order to get me there, and taking some of the stress off my plate.
“I have to get to the airport. A flight leaves in four hours, and I need to be on that plane.”
“Don’t be irrational about this. I didn’t even know you’d met someone, let alone it being serious enough for you to stop everything and rush to his side. You have so many responsibilities here. Leaving it all without a plan is too risky. What about your job? How do you plan to get an apartment if you get fired?”
I zipped up my suitcase and grabbed my overnight bag to fill with the items I’d left scattered in the bathroom. I paused in the doorway and faced her. My tears had been dried and my body no longer trembled. “I wasn’t there when Lo needed me. I made a decision that I’ll never be able to take back, and in the end, he was taken from me. I won’t do that again. I won’t make the same mistake.”
“I don’t understand, Kara. What does Lo have anything to do with this boy?”
“You wouldn’t get it.” I shook my head and took a deep breath. “Lo needed help, and I knew it. He trusted me with a secret, and even though I knew I should’ve done something about it, I kept it to myself. Because he’d asked me to.”
“Did this boy ask you to keep a secret?”
“No.” She was right. The two situations weren’t really the same at all, other than the way they both made me feel. “Back then, instead of listening to my heart, rather than going with my gut instinct, I allowed everything else to factor into my decision to keep my mouth closed about Lo. I worried about school, about his friends, what others would think. Now, my heart is telling me to go. My gut is telling me to be there for Carter. Everything else is telling me to stay—you think I’m being irrational, work starts in a week, I need to find an apartment. The list goes on and on. But at what point do I ignore it all and follow my heart?”
“Sweetheart, that’s not a good enough reason to risk everything.”
I thought about Lo, about the day he came to me and told me he loved me. About the letter in my mailbox where he told me he was sorry. I thought about the panic in his eyes when he ran away from me, moments before we were about to give ourselves to each other. I was young. He was young. We were supposed to have our whole lives ahead of us, but it didn’t happen that way. He was taken too soon, and I’d suffered that loss every day since. I wasn’t about to let someone else be ripped away. I wasn’t about to ignore the demands of my heart telling me to go to Carter. Had I listened to those feelings eight, nine, ten years ago, maybe Lo could’ve been saved. Maybe not. But I’d never know that answer, because I’d allowed “life” to silence me. This time, I wouldn’t.
“I know what I’m doing, Mom. Everything will work out. Please, just trust me on this.”
Her trembling lips curled up into a sad, relenting smile. “Okay. You’re absolutely right. You’re a big girl who can handle herself. And I do trust you. But could you do me one favor? Could you please take a second and think about this and how this one decision could impact the rest of your life?”
“You act like I’m never coming back. As if Carter called and said he wanted me to move there. That’s not what’s happening, Mom. He’s my friend. I care about him, and he cares about me, and right now, he needs me. I’m not giving up anything other than the last week before I go back to work. Which, by the way, should make you happy. It means when I come back, I won’t have time to find an apartment. I’ll get to stay here a little while longer.”
“But you will be back in time to start work, correct?”
“Yes. I won’t lose my job.”
She nodded, and I used her silence to leave the room and fill my bag with the bathroom products scattered about the floor. Once again, I didn’t care what I’d grabbed, what I’d forgotten about, or even what I needed. All I could think about was getting to Carter.
He’d been there for me after Logan got hurt.
I wouldn’t make him suffer alone.
* * *
For two and a half hours, I had to listen to my mother ramble on about how much she disagreed with my decision. I eventually tuned her out and stared out the window at the passing traffic and blurred green of the trees on the side of the interstate. I’d planned on driving myself, but my mom insisted she take me to save money on parking. I had no energy to argue with her and accepted her offer.
After five minutes, I regretted that decision.
“Let me know when your flight gets in and I’ll be here to pick you up. You said you’ll be back in a week, correct?”
“Yeah,” I answered absentmindedly while pulling my suitcase from the trunk. “I’ll give you all the information when I get it. Thanks for the ride. I’ll call you soon and let you know what’s going on.”
Even her curbside hug seemed forced.
My mom was a wonderful person. Her heart was two sizes too big, but her biggest flaw was not accepting other people’s decisions when they went against her opinion. If she thought you should wear purple, and you chose to wear yellow, everyone in the neighborhood would hear about how you looked like a banana, or how the color washed you out. She believed she knew what was best, no matter the subject, and if you disagreed, you were wrong. She thought my choice to head back to Florida for a week was thoughtless, so therefore, my reasons, my justifications, my desires were reckless and stupid. I loved her for caring enough about me to have an opinion, but I really wished she’d accept the fact I was an adult and capable of making up my own mind.
I managed to make it through the ticket counter and security line in record time. I sat down at my gate with twenty minutes to spare, and decided to call Danni. I hadn’t had chance to fill her in on my plans yet, other than shooting her a quick text that I’d booked my flight.
“What time do you think you’ll get here?”
I checked the screen in front of me. “It says we should land at six twenty-one. Will you be able to pick me up or should I rent a car?”
“No, I’ll be there to get you. The visiting hours on that floor end at seven, but I’ll talk to my friend and see if she can get you in. I don’t think there’ll be a problem with it. The nurses were excited when I told them you were coming. Apparently, they’re all expecting some sweet romance story.”
“Why? What kinds of things has he said?” For the first time since I got the call this morning, my heart didn’t ache with grief. It pumped wildly with anticipation.
“Oh, I don’t know. All she told me was that he asks for you anytime someone comes in the room. They all think it’s really sweet.” Danni talked to me for a little bit longer before I had to board my flight, soothing me with her hopeful words and calming voice.
“I’ll see you soon, sis.”
“Fly safe. And don’t forget to do—”
“My business before I get on the plane. Yes, I know.” I finished her sentence with a laugh and then disconnected the call. I stood up from my seat, held the ticket in my hand, and took a deep breath.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Danni dropped me off at the hospital at a few minutes after seven. She had Logan with her and didn’t want to take him inside, but she told me where to go and who to ask for. Amanda, her friend, had informed the nurses I’d be there and instructed them to let me in.
My chest constricted with fear the closer I got to his floor, and nervousness took over once I approached the nurses’ station. Two women stood behind the counter as I walked up, both silently working. The one closest to me turned her attention away from the computer screen in front of her a
nd smiled.
“Hi, I’m…um, my name is Kara Stevens, and I’m here to see—”
“Carter Hastings,” she finished with a gasp. Her thin fingers covered her red lips and her bright eyes enlarged with surprise. “Jenny! She’s here! Carter’s mystery girl is here!”
I didn’t care about the attention. I didn’t want it. All I cared about was seeing Carter and making sure he was all right. “Am I allowed to see him?”
“Of course.” She directed me around the counter to a wooden door. On the wall next to it hung a dispenser of sanitizer, which she pointed to and asked me to use it on my hands and arms. “As far as you know, you’re not sick are you? Not even what could possibly be the beginning or ending stages of the common cold?”
“No.”
“Okay, good. Burn patients have lowered immune systems, so it’s imperative he doesn’t come in contact with anyone who might be sick.”
“What happened to him?”
Her head tilted to the side, a tight smile on her lips. “I’m afraid for privacy’s sake, I can’t give you much medical information on him. What I can tell you is he was burned on more than twenty percent of his body, and he’s made it past the first forty-eight hours. That doesn’t mean he’s out of the woods. Infections are still a risk, but we’re all doing everything we can to make sure he gets better. His wounds are covered, so aside from a few spots, you won’t see much. His mother has been here. She should be able to offer you more information if you’d like.”
I nodded and waited for her to lead me through the secure door. Her words jumbled together in my head, none of it registering to me. All I could think about was what he looked like, what had happened to him, how bad his injuries were. I tried to imagine it all while the nurse took me to his room.
“Are you ready?”
Without looking at her, I nodded. Suddenly, I became laser focused on everything happening around me. The way her shoes squeaked on the tile as she moved forward to open the door. The scratchy sound of the metal handle when she pressed it down, the hitch when it became unlatched, the creak of the hinges. Then a whole new set of noises drifted into the hallway. Beeps, high and low, on the machines behind the bed. Even his breaths were crystal clear as they caught in the back of his throat before being expelled past his lips. A light hummed from the bathroom, and somewhere, a sink dripped steady drops.
“He’s sleeping, so please don’t try to wake him up. He’ll wake up on his own, but expect him to be disoriented from the meds. If you need anyone, the call button is on the handrail, and we’ll be right out front at the desk.” Her voice was soft, reminding me of a gentle breeze gliding across my skin. Calming. Sincere.
I nodded again and stepped inside. The door closed behind me, but I never heard it latch. My feet were frozen on the hard floor while I stared at Carter in the bed, the sheets and blanket pulled up to his neck. A light was on behind his bed, but it didn’t offer much to see him clearly. A shadow covered most of his face. It wasn’t until I was halfway across the room before noticing his facial hair was gone. And when I found myself standing next to him, what I saw made me gasp and cover my mouth.
The skin on the left side of his face glowed an angry red. It went from his neck up to his ear. Most of his eyebrow was gone, as well as his lashes. I thought I’d prepared myself for what I’d see, but nothing could’ve equipped me to handle this. Tears welled in my eyes and quickly rolled down my cheeks before falling from my chin. Shock kept me rooted in place, stole my ability to move.
My vision had blurred so much I couldn’t see him, but I heard him.
“You came…”
I wiped my eyes and found his gaze set on me, unfocused and lazy.
“I didn’t think they’d let you see me.” His speech was slurred and his voice huskier than I’d ever heard before. But I could make out what he was saying.
With his body covered by the blanket, I didn’t know where his injuries were. I was too afraid to touch anything, so I held my hands to my chest and stood as close to him as I could. “Of course they did. I just found out this morning, otherwise I would’ve been here sooner.”
“Did they hurt you?”
I waited for him to say more, to elaborate on what he meant, but he never did. “Did who hurt me, Carter? No one hurt me. I just got here. The nurses were very nice. I don’t think I’m supposed to be in here, but they let me. It’s after visiting hours.”
Without another word, his eyes closed and his breathing grew deep.
Light from the hallway behind me drifted into the room and bathed me in its glow. I thought it might’ve been a nurse, but when I turned around, a tall, thin woman stood before me. She froze when she glanced up and noticed me, but then quickly shook it off and came farther into the room.
“Hi, I’m Susan Hastings.” She crossed the room and extended her hand toward me. As soon as the light from behind the bed lit up her face, I noticed the resemblance. Her eyes were a light blue, almost translucent, but the shape of them were identical to Carter’s. I’d stared into his so many times I’d recognize those downturned, almond-shaped eyes anywhere. And her nose—straight, slender, and perfectly sized—was a feminine version of his. She offered me a simple smile, and I could’ve sworn I saw a hint of his dimple just below the corner of her eye.
“I’m sorry. I’m Kara.”
She didn’t bother to shake my hand when I fit mine against the soft skin of her palm. Instead, she held it for a moment before letting it go. Her eyes glistened in the light, and had I known her better, I would’ve thought I saw relief burn behind them.
“I only wanted to see him, but he’s sleeping. I’ll get out of your way.”
Susan cupped her hand around my elbow to keep me from walking away. “Please, Kara, stay. He’d want you here. And if I’m being honest, it’s rather lonely sitting in this room all by myself, watching my son sleep.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I shrugged and offered her the best smile I could give. It was forced and probably weak, but I didn’t have enough energy for more. “How is he? The nurse who brought me back couldn’t tell me anything.”
She walked over to the couch and sat down, gesturing for me to sit next to her. When she first walked in, I’d noticed her slight frame, but it wasn’t until the hospital couch nearly swallowed her whole that I realized how fragile she really looked.
“He has second-degree burns on his arm, leg, and both hands, and third-degree burns on his side.” She glanced at the floor and shook her head, as though the thought crippled her. “He was out with a couple buddies of his, clearing a field and burning trash. I haven’t been able to get the whole story, but from my understanding, one of his friends poured gasoline on the pile. We’re not sure if he knew it was gas or if he thought it was lighter fluid. The friend was transported to a burn unit intensive care center a few hours away. Carter wasn’t as close to the fire, so his injuries weren’t as bad as they could’ve been.”
“How do you know all of this? Has he been awake?”
She met my gaze again, and utter sadness filled her eyes. “He comes and goes, but they have him on morphine right now, so even when he’s awake, he’s not very lucid. They’re keeping him sedated as much as possible because his body is in shock. Although, they’re slowly trying to wean him off it. We were able to find out some of what happened from another friend who was at the field, but not with them when the fire exploded.”
Her hands twisted in her lap and a single tear fell down her cheek.
“Thank God he was there,” she whispered, and then cleared her throat as if to regain her composure. “He heard it and ran to the boys. Somehow, he managed to get them both in the bed of the truck and drove to the nearest house. He screamed for help until the man who lives there came out and brought a garden hose over. His wife called for an ambulance.”
“H–how bad is he? I mean…will he need skin grafts?”
She shook her head and sniffled. “They don’t believe so. His third-degree burns
aren’t too terribly bad considering. They believe he was far enough away and was hit with the blast. But they’re keeping an eye on him…” Her quivering voice trailed off, leaving us in silence.
With courage I didn’t know I had, I reached over and covered her hands with mine. The way her voice quaked as she told me the story struck pain into the center of my chest. “He’s okay. He got help when he needed it, and he’s fine.”
Her smile deepened, and I could tell it was genuine. “He’s been talking about you, you know. It’s only been hallucinations, but he talks about you. It’s the only thing he says. When the staff come in to change his dressings or check his vitals, he always gives them a hard time for not letting you in here to see him.”
My heart ripped in two. Part of me felt the joy she spoke with. Having her son mention a woman, and then having that woman here with her, pleased her. I knew that much by the lightness of her tone. But then the other part of me felt sad for the hopes her words crushed. I’d been under the impression he’d actually asked for me. Now I knew they were nothing more than hallucinations caused by heavy drugs and overwhelming pain.
“Sometimes he’d yell at them for keeping you away, and other times he’d beg for them to let you in. A few times he asked for you and the baby.” It was a statement, but the lilt at the end let me know it was more of a question. Coupled with the slight tilt of her head, I knew she was looking for information.
“Baby? Maybe he meant my nephew? I was here for the summer—in fact, I just left a little over a week ago. I came down to help my sister out with her son. He’s three. Logan and Carter developed a bond over the time we were together. I can only assume he was asking about him.”
“Then that would explain it.” She covered her chest and blew out a slow exhale while smiling to herself. “He had me worried for a bit, wondering what baby he was talking about. I was just here a few weeks ago and he hadn’t mentioned one.”