by Leddy Harper
“I honestly don’t think we’d be together right now had I not admitted my feelings first. When he accused me of giving up my dreams for him, I told him he was my dream. I took a big chance, because for all I knew, he didn’t think about me the same way. I put myself on the line, and it turned out to be the best decision.”
“So you’re saying I should tell him how I feel first? And if I do that, we’ll ride off into the sunset together?”
“Don’t be dramatic. All I’m saying is you can’t possibly know how he feels without admitting your own level of interest. All you’ve done is analyze everything and make assumptions—both of you. It’s annoying. But this will be good. You said he’s asked you to move here…that’s at least a step, right? Stop asking him why, and just do it.”
“Just move here? Without asking a single question?”
She waved me off and began to clean off the counter, talking to me over her shoulder. “Don’t be so melodramatic. You won’t have to ask questions if you’re honest with him. He’s offered you a good job, and no matter what happens between you two, you know you’ll have a place to live. The amount of money Carter’s paying you will more than help you afford a new place if you decide not to shack up with him.”
“That won’t work, Danni. Until the time comes when I can afford it, I can’t live in his house, in his spare room, and pretend to be his friend. I think that’ll kill me more than admitting I want more and be rejected.” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t pretend I was okay with only his friendship when I longed for so much more.
She slid the car keys across the counter and waited until I met her stare. “Go to him. Tell him what you want, what’s holding you back, and how you see this playing out. There’s only one way to know just how friendly his feelings are for you…”
I rolled my eyes and took the keys. “You kicking me out?”
“Sure am, buttercup. You have things to do and a man to claim. Stop coming to me every time you guys have a misunderstanding. If you talked to him about it as much as you talked to me, you’d save so much time.” She gave me a hug before shooing me outside.
I spent the whole ten-minute drive to Carter’s house thinking of how this conversation would go. Danni was right, I couldn’t wait for him to open up to me if I wasn’t willing to make the first move. I thought I had it all figured out until I walked through his front door.
“I already asked her. What more do you want from me?” I overheard his booming voice coming from the kitchen. It made me pause in the doorway. With the humid Florida heat at my back, I stood still and listened to his conversation. I shouldn’t have. It was intrusive, but I did it just the same.
“You told her you didn’t want her to leave? Because, you see, from what I gather, you offered her solutions for the predicament she’s in. One she’s in because of you.”
“I told her she could live with me.”
“But in what capacity, son? Because I didn’t hear the part where you told her you wanted her to be with you. Living with you can mean something different. Being roommates is unlikely to appeal to her.” His mom sighed loud enough for me to hear from around the corner. “You’re just like your father. Did you know he never outright asked me to marry him?”
“No. I didn’t know that, Mom. But it doesn’t matter. We’re not talking about Dad or how the two of you got together. This is about me and Kara…and how she’s gonna leave me.”
“She’s going to leave because you can’t get your act together and tell her you want her here in a greater capacity than friendship.” She sounded flabbergasted, exactly how Danni had sounded with me. “She’s upset because she thinks she’s given everything up for a boy who only wants to be her friend. Keep this up and not only will she leave, she’ll resent you.”
When I closed the door and stepped into the entryway, their voices stopped. Susan came around the corner with wide eyes and a smile. “Oh, you’re home. Just in time, too. Carter’s been feeling itchy; I think he needs more ointment on.” She patted me on the arm in some sort of soothing motherly fashion.
“Uh, yeah…sure.” I stepped farther in the house, but everything seemed so surreal. Maybe it was the shock of his admission, or the convoluted thoughts it gave me, but for some reason, I felt as if I were in a dream.
When I made it around the corner to the kitchen, Carter’s gaze struck me, stifling my breath. His eyes were fierce and halted my steps. His hesitation as he stood from the table mimicked a worried man, although he continued to harness his control. I didn’t say another word. Instead, I headed to the bedroom. He stalked behind me and shut the door after we both passed over the threshold.
I retrieved the ointment from the en suite bathroom. When I came back to the room, he stood in front of me bare-chested, his eyes glued to mine.
“You haven’t been scratching, have you?” I made sure to focus on my task instead of his expression—or his naked upper body—knowing I’d never make it through if I didn’t. The words I’d overhead played on repeat in my mind, but I couldn’t find a way to bring any of it up.
“No. The new skin is still too sensitive. When I accidentally scratch, it hurts like a motherfucker.” He sucked in, his breath hitching, as I carefully took the washcloth soaked in liquid silver to the dead skin around his burns.
When I did this exact thing the night before, he winced, yet I didn’t stop. But this time, for whatever reason, I pulled my hand away and turned my attention to his face. “Here, sit down on the bed. It’ll be easier.”
He did as I instructed, not bothering to argue with me. But as soon as I started it up again, he flinched and held his breath. “Fuck, Kara. You could be easier.”
I kept the wet rag against his side, but used my free hand to lightly touch his face until he looked at me. “I’m sorry. I’m trying, but I have to use pressure to get it all off. Did you take your meds this morning? Is that why you’re feeling this more than last night?”
“You know I hate taking that shit.”
Without moving my fingers away from his cheek, I went back to carefully cleaning his wounds. I wasn’t looking at his face, although I could feel his stare burning holes through me. When his hand found my hip and he pulled me to stand between his open legs, I stopped moving. When he cupped my face and brought my mouth to his, I stopped breathing. And when he kissed me, I quit thinking.
It was slow and soft. He poured every hope and dream I’d ever had about us into that kiss. Every desire I’d longed for, every unsaid word, every feeling I’d ever wanted him to confess to. His lips directed mine; his tongue led the way until he’d freed me from all my inhibitions. The cloth fell from my hand, giving me the opportunity to lace my fingers through his hair and hold him to me.
“Don’t leave…” he muttered between kisses.
It was enough to force me back, to break the spell.
Carter stared longingly into my eyes, his breath beating against my face like angry waves. “I want you to move here. Not as my roommate, but as someone I’m dating. Someone I want to share my life with. I meant everything I said last night. I know I can’t offer you a teaching position, but I can offer you everything else.”
“What made you change your mind?”
His pupils dilated and his eyebrows pulled down in confusion. “I didn’t change my mind. This is how I’ve always felt. When I went to the airport, it wasn’t to say bye to you, Kara. It was to see if I could convince you to not get on that plane.”
My heart rate kicked up a notch. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“Because you blurted out that you’d started your period. I didn’t know what to say to that. And then you told me bye. I realized I had no right to ask you to walk away from your life for me. So I didn’t say anything.”
“What about after I came back?”
“I told you I wanted you to stay.”
“Yeah…to take care of you until you were better.”
He shook his head and took my hands in his. “No. Those were your
words. Yes, I asked you to help me, but I never said I wanted you to leave. I said it again last night.”
I bowed my head and closed my eyes, trying to fit all these pieces into their rightful place in my mind. “Carter…why didn’t you say anything before? I asked you about the sticky note. I gave you so many opportunities to admit how you feel, and you didn’t say anything.” I wanted to believe what he was saying, I needed the words to be true, but my brain kept me from allowing them to penetrate as reality.
He huffed, his shoulders deflating. “I saved the fucking note. Okay? I kept it, but I couldn’t tell you why. I didn’t know why. I just wanted to have it—a piece of you. And when you asked me about it, I didn’t wanna talk about it. We were in the middle of a good conversation, and I didn’t feel like saying something I couldn’t take back. And then after that, you just got cold. It pissed me off, because you made it clear you didn’t wanna be with me, and all I wanted was for you to stay.” He paused before dipping his head and whispering, “Stay with me.”
“I acted that way because you made me feel like I’d done all these things for you, and you only saw me as a friend. It hurt, Carter. I’ve done nothing but think about how you treated me before I went home, and how I’ve only seen glimpses of that since I came back. I so desperately wanted more, but you weren’t giving me anything. Not even the slightest hint we were on the same page.”
He pulled me toward him again and locked his lips with mine. “I’ll give you more.”
“What are we doing?” I rested my forehead on his and stared into his eyes.
“We’re making this work. We’re figuring it out.”
“I never said I’d stay…”
His smirk shone in his eyes. “I don’t care. I’m not giving you a choice.” There was a lilt to his voice that mimicked his grin.
“Is that how this is going to be? You tell me to jump and I ask how high?”
“No, baby,” he mumbled as he pulled my shirt over my head. “I tell you to jump and you better start jumping.” His fingers fidgeted with the hook on my bra, but he was unsuccessful at unfastening it.
Feeling his frustrations mount, I unclasped it and let it fall to the floor. “Is that how this is going to go? You think you can just tell me what to do and I’ll do it?”
His mouth closed around one nipple and flicked it with his tongue. “When you’re mine, you’re mine. No questions about it.” He moved his attention to the other breast, taking that nipple between his teeth and making me gasp in pleasure. “And, Kara…” He pulled away to make eye contact, emphasizing his next words. “You are mine.”
“Oh, am I?” My words were nothing but lust-filled air.
It took him a little bit to get my button unhooked on my shorts. I knew it’d caused him pain because his hands were still so sensitive. The skin on his palms was fresh and new, not yet hardened enough to protect him. But once he had my shorts and panties down around my ankles, he went back to my pebbled nipples. “Yes, babe…you are. And right now, I’m telling you to touch yourself. I wanna watch you get yourself off.”
I froze, unable to move until he growled against my skin. It was enough to spur me into action until my fingers circled my clit, my hips bucking toward him. I would’ve rather him touch me, but I knew why he couldn’t, so I didn’t argue and did as he told me to.
He ran his fingertips up and down my outer thighs, kindling a fire inside I couldn’t put out. “Carter…” I panted with my eyes closed and my face close to his. “I can’t.”
“Yes you can. Imagine they’re my fingers. My tongue. Imagine me fucking you.”
I stopped what I was doing and knelt between his legs. I pulled down the front of his shorts enough to free his raging erection. Not once did he make any attempt to stop me, and when I glanced up to meet his gaze, I wrapped my fingers around his dick and saw unshakable need shining in his eyes. I didn’t give him the chance to say anything, but instead licked the tip, tasting the pre-come beading at the top. The saltiness melted on my tongue and made me hungry for more.
“Keep touching yourself,” he grinded out with his hand on my head, guiding me down his cock.
I swirled my tongue around his shaft and cupped his heavy balls. When I took him all the way again, I pushed past the gagging point, felt him touch the back of my throat, and then I slowly retreated.
“Fuck, Kara…” His voice was hard and strained, and I knew he was about to come.
With a few more bobs of my head and swirls of my tongue, he came hard. His body went rigid and his hand fisted in my hair, tugging on the roots. As soon as he finished, he yanked me up and tossed me onto the mattress. His deep growl filled the room, but this time, I could tell it was out of pain. However, he didn’t stop. Carter dropped to the floor and spread my legs wide. The lines on his face creased heavily, marred with physical agony. I was seconds away from telling him to stop, but his guttural tone silenced me.
“You’re gonna live with me, we’re gonna be together—not just friends—and I’m gonna feast on your cunt every fucking day.” He licked me slowly and then flicked my aching clit. “I can’t get enough of this pussy.”
It only took a few swipes of his tongue before I had his pillow over my face to muffle my screams. As soon as my body was done convulsing from the powerful orgasm he’d ripped from me, I realized I couldn’t feel him. I pushed the pillow away and sat up, finding him on his knees in front of me.
He held his bare side, no longer covered in the protective skins since we’d gotten carried away in the middle of me cleaning him. I slid off the bed until I was crouched on the floor next to him, his face in my hands. The way he clenched his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut left me breathless and heartbroken. No longer feeling the effects of lust, I pulled my lips to the corner of his mouth and blew against him like I’d done so many times in the hospital.
“Just breathe, Carter. Focus. Don’t hold your breath; it’ll only trap in the pain. Blow it out.” With each word I whispered to him, he calmed. “That’s it, babe. Just let it go.”
“You’ve never called me that before,” he gritted out with a snarl.
“Do you not want me to call you babe?”
His lips brushed against mine and he nipped me gently with his teeth, but his eyes remained closed. “You’re gonna stay, right?”
“Yeah…I’m your problem now.”
He huffed out a chuckle and said, “Then call me whatever you want.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Deep, agonizing groans roused me. My eyes popped open and quickly adjusted to the dark room. Carter lay to my left, buried beneath blankets, fidgeting in his sleep. He moaned with his jaw clenched tight, and the sight caused me to fly into action.
I pressed my hand to his chest and leaned closer to his ear. “What’s wrong? What do you need? Are you in pain? Are you having a nightmare?” It was silly to ask him anything, considering he couldn’t hear me, but I tried anyway, desperate for him to settle down.
He calmed at the sound of my voice and rolled onto his right side. His eyes fluttered open and his gaze found mine. “Kara…” he murmured groggily.
“What is it, Carter? What do you need?”
He shifted again until he was almost on top of me. “You,” he growled into my mouth when his lips covered mine in a hasty kiss. “Just you. Don’t leave me.”
I smoothed my hand over his face. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
He mumbled something I couldn’t comprehend, and then said, “No.” When he drew away enough to look me in the eyes, I noticed his unfocused gaze. It worried me, because I wasn’t sure if he was even fully awake. He ran his hand down my side, desperately pulling down my panties. The nylon material of the glove felt odd against my skin as he clawed his way beneath my clothes.
He settled himself between my legs, and I was too shocked to stop him before he entered me. It was rough, not at all with the care he’d taken with me before. I was dry and unprepared, so his forceful entry made me gasp
as he stretched me open.
“Stop…stop!” I pushed against his chest, both of us panting wildly. His rough attention worried me until I peered into the dark pools glistening with the subtle moonlight shining in through the window. He seemed as stunned as I was. “What’s going on with you?”
He let his forehead fall to mine. His eyes closed while he mumbled, “I want a baby with you.”
I was convinced I’d heard him wrong. His sleepy voice made it hard to discern his words.
But then he spoke again, his raspy, desperate tone rumbled past his lips. “If we had one, you wouldn’t’ve left me.”
I pushed him completely off me until he fell onto the mattress at my side. “Carter…what the fuck? That’s not something you say to someone when you’re balls deep in them. Unless, you know…you’re trying to make a baby. Which we’re not. Because you only admitted to me two days ago how you feel about me.”
He slung his arm over my waist, closed his eyes, and hummed. It was only a few seconds later I heard his deep breaths and felt the mattress absorb his dead weight, leaving me utterly confused. I wanted to wake him up and make him answer me, but I decided against it when I figured I wouldn’t get real answers until morning.
He’d fallen asleep so easily, while I did nothing but stare at the ceiling, wondering what it all meant. When I realized I couldn’t relax enough to sleep, I carefully slipped out from beneath his arm and left him alone in the room.
The cool sand covered my toes while the sun turned the sky from night to morning, bringing with it the colors of a new day. However, I was unable to enjoy the scenery in front of me. My mind had been stuck back in Carter’s bed, replaying his words until nothing made sense.
“Good morning,” Susan said with a little too much glee in her voice when I walked in from the beach. “Would you like some breakfast?”
“No, thank you.” I offered her a smile but kept my determined pace toward Carter’s closed bedroom door. “I appreciate it, though.”
When I entered the room, I found him sitting up in bed, flexing his hand and holding his side. “I think I moved around too much last night. I woke up with my side screaming at me.” He winced as he shifted to sit at the edge of the mattress.