“Zach, I would have lived with you anywhere.”
“God, I know that. You have no idea how many times I nearly came back and gave up on it all because I missed you so much.”
“Then why didn’t you?” I turn in his arms, looking up into his face. “You didn’t have to stay away for so long. I looked for you every time a truck pulled in the driveway. I cried myself to sleep every night because I missed you. For years, every time I heard our song on the radio I’d break down. I kept hoping one day you’d come back home.” His thumb wipes my cheek, the tears I didn’t know I was shedding dripping down my face. “Why? Why did you do that to me, Zach?” My voice cracks at the end. I look into his eyes, the shame and self loathing shining through.
“I never ever meant to hurt you. Hurting you is like cutting out my own heart but what I was going through wasn’t something I could put you through.”
“What could have been so bad I couldn’t be there with you?”
“I was living in my truck, Dani. There were days when I didn’t eat or take a shower or have a bathroom to use. No way was I going to let that happen to you.”
“Your mom…”
“Mom didn’t know.”
“Oh, Zach,” I whisper, my heart hurting for him. Crack.
“Look its over and done with. A nice lady took pity on me and gave me a job and barely a roof over my head, but it was better than sleeping in the truck.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have done something!” I slap at his arms. He palms my biceps, pining them close to my body.
“I know that. You would have sacrificed anything for me at whatever cost to yourself. I couldn’t let you abandon all your hopes and dreams for mine.”
“You were my hopes and dreams, you jerk. The life I wanted to build with you would have been worth giving my life here. I loved you enough…” His lips are on mine before I can get a breath. Tasting, owning them like he has the right. Before my brain clicks into gear, my mouth opens and his tongue sweeps in. The taste of him invades hot and sweet. I melt against him and his arm wraps around my back pulling me flush against him, hand threading through my hair. Fireworks go off inside of me as I remember what I have been missing all these years. Hot, heavy, all-consuming passion. The kind that makes you weak in the knees. Everything fading until it’s just the two of you in the world. We break apart as a big boom echoes over the lake. The sky brightens in greens, blues and purples as fireworks explode overhead.
“Wow,” I mutter, watching the sparks reflected in his eyes.
“I always thought we were hotter than the Fourth of July. I think we just proved that right.”
“Never could deny the chemistry we have together,” I murmur in agreement.
“I know it’s not the time or the place for this, but I’ve got to know. Is there any chance in that big heart of yours to take a risk on me again?” he pleads.
“Zach, I don’t know…”
“I don’t deserve it. God knows I don’t but I’m tired of pretending I don’t love you anymore.” He rests his forehead against mine, his warm breath wafting over my face. “You’ve always been a part of me, heart and soul. Every song I’ve written has a part of you in it. You’re in my dreams,” his hands cup my face as he peers down at me. “You are my dream. All of my success leads back to you. I’m nothing without you. Please. I’ll get down on my knees if that’s what it takes.” The earnest tone in his voice, the hope in his eyes turns the crack in my heart into the Grand Canyon. All the love I’ve held for him flows out, beautiful and destructive.
“This is crazy.”
“No, it's not. Maybe we weren’t ready for each other before. Our love was just a tiny little thing that needed time to grow. We needed to find ourselves.” He places a soft kiss on my lips. “I know that you don’t love me like I love you. It’s okay. You moved on and found another man to love. And I’m glad for it. That you haven’t been alone, and someone loved you like you needed to be loved.” My breath hitches, the pain consuming me as this man tells me he’s glad I had James. “I’m sorry that you lost him. Even though I lost you, I knew you were okay. I can’t imagine the pain you went through. I’d give up any chance of ever being with you again if it meant that you wouldn’t have had to go through that.”
“God Zach, you’re killing me.” Can I risk my heart again? My head says yes but my heart is on the fence.
“Look just think about it okay? I’m not going anywhere. Sleep on it and we can sit down and talk it out, over, whatever. Just don’t say no. Not right now.”
“Hey!” A little voice yells from beside us. “Whatcha doin’ to my momma?”
Nothing like your daughter sneaking up on you to sober you up.
“Momma, who’s he?”
“This is Zach, Lila. Aunt Verlene’s other son.” I pick her up and she peers at Zach with wide eyes. “Zach, this is my daughter, Lila.” My breath catches as I wait on pins and needles for his reaction. In my gut I know that he knows that I have a daughter but meeting her in person differs from just the thought of her.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Lila.” He holds out his hand toward her. Her gaze narrows on it before she places a hand on her hip.
“Why you kissin’ my momma?” He puts his hand down awkwardly and looks at me, gray eyes beseeching, as if I have the right answer. I’m at a loss for words myself and give him a shrug and an apologetic smile.
“Um…” he rubs the back of his neck as he contemplates his answer. “I kissed your mom because I wanted to,” he answers truthfully. Lila seems to mull it over before nodding her head in acceptance. “You look just like your mom.”
“Like a princess?”
“Lila Grace, we do not fish for compliments, young lady,” I admonish.
“Even prettier than a princess.” Zach takes her hand and places a smacking kiss on the back. Lila’s delighted giggle draws a smile from Zach. He looks up at me, a dimple flashing in the stubble covering his cheeks, and winks. Always the charmer. Some things never change. “How would you feel about me taking you and your mom out for dinner one night this week?”
“Zach,” I warn.
“All’s fair in love and war, Dani. I’ll use any method to get what I want.”
“Pizza?” Lila squeaks. Give the child pizza and you’ll win her over for life. She asks for it at least once a week.
“If that’s what you want, sweetheart, that’s what you’ll get.”
“What night is good for you? I know you probably have to be up super early. We can have an early dinner.”
“Tuesday,” Lila blurts out with a cheeky grin.
“Tuesday it is,” he agrees before I can say anything. “Five thirty? I don’t want to get back too late for her bedtime.”
“That’ll be fine,” I accept. “Since this one is on your side,” I give Lila a tickle. “I’m outnumbered. We live above the bakery. Just come around the back and up the staircase. My door’s on the right.” His smile is wide enough to make me worry that his face is gonna crack.
“You will not regret this. I promise.” He has a decided swagger to his walk as he turns and walks away.
Chapter Sixteen
Zach
She said yes. I can’t keep this stupid grin off my face as I stare up at the ceiling fan spinning lazily overhead. I should have gone to sleep hours ago but my mind won’t shut off. Okay maybe she didn’t necessarily say yes but her daughter did. Do I feel guilty trying to win her over to get to her mom? I probably should but it got my foot in the door for another chance. Am I crazy for even attempting this? Our lives are in different states. I’m on the road most of the year. That’s not a stable environment to foster a relationship. Kids need stability. The smile slides from my face. Dani and Lila are a package deal. Am I ready to be a dad? Be responsible for a tiny person? Thinking of her bouncing curls and looking up at me with Dani’s eyes, I could easily fall in love with her too. No, I’m here for a reason. It’s fate, it has to be.
What if I
fuck this up?
My heart pounds with trepidation. My brain fires up with all the ways I can screw this up. I can’t lose her again. My heart won’t be able to take it. It’ll shatter into so many pieces they’ll be like Humpty Dumpty. No one will be able to put them all together again. What am I going to do?
Mom! That’s it. For once in my life, I’ll listen and take her advice on how to proceed. Peace settles over me knowing she’ll have the answers. My eyes drift close, Dani’s face sending me off to dreamland.
* * *
“You’re up early, Zachary.” Mom looks at me suspiciously when she walks into the kitchen.
“Couldn’t sleep. Too much on my mind. Coffee?”
“Sure. Want to talk about it?” she asks as I fill up a mug before adding sugar. I slide it toward her, not spilling a drop as it slides across the granite.
“Actually, I do,” I put down my cup and lean my back against the counter. “I need your advice.” She looks over the rim at me, eyebrow arched in question.
“My advice? Not your dad’s?”
“No, I need a woman’s perspective.”
“All right, let's hear it.”
“I got Dani to agree to go out to dinner with me on Tuesday.” The other brow rises to match the other. “Well, Dani and Lila.”
“Okkayy,” she draws out knowing there’s more to the story. Never could get a damn thing by her.
“I, uh,” I rub my hand on the back of my neck. “I may have recruited Lila’s help with getting Dani to say yes,” I finish with a wince at how bad it sounds.
“You didn’t,” Mom blurts out in disbelief. “Oh, Zach…”
“It was necessary. I was afraid she would say no,” I rush out.
“I guess it was a good strategy. But don’t try using Lila to weasel back into Dani’s life.” She wags her finger at me.
“I’m not. Not exactly.” There goes that damn eyebrow again. “Okay, maybe a little. I need to win them both over,” I hedge.
“All it does is make it harder, Zach. You’re putting Dani between a rock and a hard place.”
“I didn’t think of it that way.” Shit, I didn’t mean to make things hard on her. “If Tuesday works out all right, I’ll ask when Lila isn’t around to hear.”
“That’s a good idea.” She winks at me. “Where are you going?”
“Lila has requested a pizza.”
“That doesn’t surprise me at all. That girl is all about the pizza. Okay, you can go eat in Langston or you can eat at the Italian place across the street from her apartment,” she taps her chin with a finger, something she’s always done when she is contemplating. “That might be better. Dani has to get up before the sun rises. She can’t stay out too late.”
“She mentioned something about early bedtimes,” I mumble before taking a sip of coffee.
“Lila is still young enough to have an early one too. Be respectful of that when you go out.”
“I’ll let them decide. We planned for five thirty and that should give us plenty of time to do either and get them back before it’s too late.”
“Are you nervous?”
“God yes,” I breathe out.
“You’ll be just fine. Just turn on that Marshall charm and everything will turn out fine.” She smiles at me.
* * *
Putting the truck in park, I take one last look in the visor mirror and fuss a little more with my hair. I open the door and the afternoon heat smacks me in the face. Damn, I hope I look decent. I smooth down my navy shirt. Is this too casual? Glancing down at my Sanuk shoes, I figure it's too late now to worry about it. Not a great impression to be late for our first date. I take the stairs two at a time. My heart pounding inside my chest I reach the top. My arm trembles as I reach for the door, my knuckles white. My arm drops.
God, please give me strength.
Deep breath in and then I slowly release. My hand rises. I knock on the door, my stomach in knots. What if I screw this up? What if Lila doesn’t like me? I won’t get another shot in hell if I blow this tonight.
“I got it!” a small voice yells through the door.
“Young lady, you better wait before you open that door!” Something hits the door with a thud.
“Who is it?” Lila’s voice sing songs out.
“It’s Zach.”
“Zach who?” She giggles and I can’t help but smile.
“Zachary Wade Marshall.”
“Lila, you can open the door but remember never open the doors to strangers.” Is it bad that Dani’s mom voice gets me hot? Makes me want to be naughty. The door creaks open slowly, and a little blonde head appears.
“Hi,” she whispers.
“Hello, princess.” She grins and swings the door open wide.
“Please come in.” She swipes her arm dramatically into the apartment.
“Thank you, your majesty.” I bow with a flourish before walking in. Dani is trying hard to contain her laughter at our antics.
“Good grief, you two. Is this how it will be all night?”
“Could be,” I laugh at the way she rolls her eyes.
“All right, let’s head out. Bedtime comes early for us.”
“Mom said there’s a good Italian place across the street or we can drive to Langston.”
“Mario’s!” Lila whoops out.
“I guess we're going across the street,” I smile down at the little girl twirling around like a ballerina. Her purple skirt thing is flouncing all around her. Dani hesitates when I extend my hand towards her. “Is that okay? We can go out of town if you’d rather do that.”
“No. Mario’s is okay.” She turns, grabbing her purse off the bar top. “It’s not like we will get to keep this a secret for very long. Might as well get the rumor mill churning right off the bat.”
“Dani, if you’re not comfortable with this…”
“No, Zach, it’s fine. I’m sorry,” she gives me a weak smile. “Just a rough day at work.”
“We can do this another time,” I tell her hesitantly, not that I want to give up any time with her, but if it’ll make her feel better I’m all for it.
“Lila, are you ready to go?” She walks past me before reaching for Lila’s hand. “Lock the door behind you.” I stare after her as they descend the stairs. At the bottom, both of them look up at me.
“Coming?” Dani smirks up at me. With a flounce of their hair, they turn toward the outside door.
“Right behind ya,” I reply following behind them.
The restaurant is what you’d expect for a family place. Red and white checkered table clothes. Candles stuck in wine bottles, the wax dripping down the sides. The smell of garlic in the air makes my stomach rumble.
“Are we just getting a pizza?” I ask looking over the menu. Everything sounds delicious.
“No, they have a kid-size pizza. Feel free to order whatever. All of it’s delicious and you’ll be taking home leftovers.”
“You’ll never leave here hungry if I can help it,” a robust voice sounds behind me. “What can I get you folks to drink?” We all order a round of iced tea and some bruschetta. Lila kindly informs the man she would like a cheese pizza, and he promised to get right on it.
“What are you going to get?” There are too many options and I can’t decide.
“Either the manicotti or the chicken fettuccine Alfredo.”
“How about you get one and I’ll get the other and we can share?” She looks at me thoughtfully before agreeing. The man returns with the drinks and takes our order. A few minutes later, Lila’s pizza and the bruschetta along with our salads is brought to the table. The conversation flows as if we’ve never been parted, only occasionally interrupted by a nosey little girl. I try to avoid any topics that would relate to me leaving her behind.
“Do you remember the look on that guy’s face the next day at school when he laid eyes on Jess?” Dani laughs. “I thought he would pass out when she marched up to him and said she’d kick his butt again if he lied about w
hat happened at that party.”
“Too bad it was too late. A…,” My eyes slide to Lila as she eats her slice. “A-hole had already run his big mouth to his friends.”
“Yeah. He was such a jerk.”
“How is Jess? Do you talk to her much?”
“Since she owns the coffee shop next to my bakery and is my neighbor, you could say that I talk to her on the regular.”
“Seriously?”
“Sure. When Nathan decided that he would revitalize Main Street and help with loans, she moved back. She’d been managing a coffee shop in Dallas for a few years.”
“I’m surprised she wanted to move back after the way the town treated her and her mom.”
“It was hard at first but there’s a lot of new blood in town that don’t know her history firsthand. You still get some older ones who give her a wide berth or won’t step into her shop.”
“Old habits die hard.”
“The old biddies need to die harder. It’s mostly the older folks who give her a hard time,” a smile lights her face. “Except for the Silver Squad.”
“The Silver Squad?”
“Yeah, it’s the same gentlemen who come in at opening time every morning for coffee. Plus, she gets the tourist crowd. They’re the biggest moneymaker for all of us.”
“Everybody loves coffee. Is your bakery tourist driven?”
“No, but it doesn’t hurt. I get more business from the other businesses in town during the tourist season.”
“What do you mean?”
“I bake bread that the grocery store and the sandwich shop carries. My pastries go to the coffee shop, wedding cakes for the lodge,” she shrugs. “I stay pretty busy. Winter is the only slower time until the holiday rush hits.”
“What made you want to open a bakery?”
“I’ve always loved baking. It just seemed natural when I moved back. I needed something to focus on.”
“Well, I’m damn proud of you. It can’t be easy doing it on your own.”
Pieces of a Broken Heart: Whiskey Bend Series Book One Page 12