When Regina got downstairs, she found Richard and Brian at the kitchen table. Richard was dressed in jeans and an old sweatshirt. Brian was still in his pajamas, staring sleepily into his cereal bowl. He picked up his spoon, then sneezed so hard, Oat O’s and milk flew across the table.
“His cold is worse. And he says his ear hurts.” Richard glanced over at Regina.
“His ear hurts?” That was new. Regina hoped he didn’t have an ear infection.
Brian’s cold had started at least a week ago, but they were on the road and hadn’t had time to stop and find a doctor. Regina had hoped that the usual regimen of extra rest, orange juice, and over-the-counter remedies would cure it. But now she noticed he looked pale and was barely eating.
She reached over and felt Brian’s forehead. “He feels a little warm. I’ll have to find the thermometer and take his temperature.”
“Do I have to eat my cereal?”
“That’s okay. Just drink the juice. If you get back in bed, someone will come in and read you a story.”
“I’ll put him back. Come on, pal.” Richard watched his son finish his juice, then took him by the hand.
Richard’s a good father, she thought. He loves his children with all his heart. He just doesn’t love me anymore.
“Maybe there’s a clinic we can take him to around here,” Richard said as they left the room.
“Yes, I’ll check the phone book,” Regina answered.
They had lost their insurance when Richard lost his job. Buying private insurance was so expensive, it was out of the question right now. They had relied on a free health clinic back in Pennsylvania. The wait was always long and the doctors often harried, but at least it was medical attention. There was always the emergency room, she reminded herself, though Brian didn’t seem sick enough for that.
Regina poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. It looked as though her day was planned. Register Madeline at school, then take Brian to the doctor. By the time they found a clinic, waited for an exam, and got home, it would be time to pick up Madeline again, Regina had no doubt.
And there was so much to do in this house.
No matter. First things first. Her children would always come first. At least that was one thing she and Richard still agreed on.
THE SCHOOL REGISTRATION WENT SMOOTHLY. REGINA DIDN’T HAVE A utility bill, but when she showed her deed to the house and explained their situation, the woman in the school office—a Mrs. Anita Wilkes—was very understanding.
“Warren Oakes handled the estate?” Mrs. Wilkes asked, looking up from one of the documents Regina had offered.
“Yes, Mr. Oakes is the attorney.”
“I see. Well, I’ll give him a call later today to verify all this, Mrs. Rowan. Everything else seems in order. Madeline can start today.”
Mrs. Wilkes smiled over at Madeline, but she barely smiled back. Regina guessed that she had hoped the missing utility bill would give her another day of freedom. No such luck.
Mrs. Wilkes offered to walk Madeline to her new classroom. Regina leaned over and kissed her daughter good-bye.
“Don’t worry, it will be fine, Maddy. I’ll be back at three to pick you up. Have a great day, okay?”
Madeline looked pale and anxious but tried to hide her panic. She took a step forward, then ran back and gave Regina a surprisingly tight hug. Regina hugged her back and quickly let go. Then she turned and walked out of the school.
BY THE TIME REGINA GOT BACK TO THE HOUSE, BRIAN WAS SLEEPING UP in his room and Richard had started painting the kitchen, which they’d agreed yesterday was the priority.
Luckily, there were cans of white paint and some brushes and rollers in the basement, along with a ladder, and he didn’t have to go out and buy any supplies. Not today, anyway. Regina would have preferred a cozier color in the kitchen—a soft shade of yellow, maybe—but at least the room would look clean and fresh.
She stood back, watching him work. “That looks better already,” she said. “Maybe I can stencil a border up near the ceiling.”
“How did it go at school?” Richard asked without turning.
“I couldn’t show anything but the deed as proof of residence. Luckily, the woman in the office was very nice. She seems to know Mr. Oakes and said she’d call and take care of it.”
“How was Madeline?”
“A little nervous. I hope she likes her new teachers and finds some friends. It will take time, I guess.”
“Yes, it will. I hope it’s worth the effort.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Richard shrugged and dipped the brush into the paint can. “You know what we agreed, Regina. We’d fix this place up enough to sell it.”
And then we separate, she added silently. Those had been the terms of their truce: to stay together long enough to flip the house and give the kids one last Christmas as a family.
“I remember,” she said quickly. “But there’s no predicting how long it will all take. I just hope Maddy finds some friends at school quickly. That’s all I meant.”
He glanced at her over his shoulder but didn’t reply.
Regina had been the one to propose their plan. She’d grown tired of arguing with him. It was terrible for the children to be in that toxic atmosphere. Brian would cry and Madeline would try to hide in another room—until they were all living in one crowded, depressing motel room. That was rock bottom.
Regina had never imagined breaking up her family. But she felt worn out, as if there were no hope for them to ever get back on the right track with their relationship.
Richard agreed that he didn’t want to stay together, either. It was too painful and difficult. So they would stay together until they could sell the house.
Richard had worked so hard while the kids were small; for years he supported them all. Regina felt she owed it to him to share the sale. They lost all the money they had invested in their house in Stover when the bank took it over. That had been a dark day. She knew Richard had never gotten over it.
But this house was in worse shape than she’d imagined. It was going to take time and effort to make it salable.
“I guess we’ll just have to see how it works out,” she said finally. “It’s a roof over our heads and more comfortable than a motel; more comfortable than I expected.”
He finally turned around to face her. “Yes, you can say that much for the place.”
She heard Brian sneeze and then call out to her. “Mom? Are you home?”
“I’ll be right there, honey.”
She still had to find a doctor for Brian and, when she got home, tackle a mountain of laundry.
The mere sight of the washer and dryer down in the basement had made her heart sing. She had been dragging the family’s clothes to Laundromats for over a year.
It was even more wonderful to have a real kitchen again, not being forced to make do with a hot plate and microwave in a motel.
As she hurried upstairs to check on her son, Regina wondered again about her husband. Wasn’t he grateful for this second chance to give their family some stability?
All he seemed to see were the downsides. She just didn’t understand him anymore. And that thought made her sad.
“BEN . . . I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. YOU’RE SITTING UP ALREADY? ARE YOU SURE that’s all right?”
Ben smiled proudly at his wife, though his chest and legs hurt something fierce. “The nurse helped me into the chair. She more or less insisted. They get you up here. No malingerers, that’s for sure.”
Carolyn turned to the nurse, who was checking his vital signs. “Is that safe? Just yesterday he had all that surgery. Isn’t it too soon?”
“It’s important for post-surgical patients to sit up and move around as soon as possible,” the nurse explained. “We don’t want him lying flat and risking pneumonia.”
“Oh, right. I think the doctor mentioned that.” Carolyn walked over to him and kissed his cheek. Her hand lingered on his shoulder.
/> “Gee, you look pretty today. That scarf matches your blue eyes,” Ben said brightly. “I’m a lucky man, aren’t I?” he asked the nurse, who smiled in reply.
“Oh, Ben, what a thing to say.” His wife was surprised by his compliment but pleased, he thought. He could see her blushing as she turned to take off her hat and jacket.
Carolyn was such a pretty woman, even now in her sixties. They had grown so used to each other over the years, he didn’t even see it anymore. Or tell her nearly enough.
This morning, he felt himself filled with joy at the mere sight of her . . . He’d come so close to . . . to losing everything.
I should give more compliments. Life is too short to be stingy with praise or a good word.
“More important, how do you feel?” Carolyn asked, turning back to him.
“I’m doing well. That’s what the doctor says. Two of them already came by today. I’m getting plenty of attention.”
“I wish I’d been here in time to talk to them.” Carolyn seemed distressed.
“Oh, they’ll be back. Don’t worry.”
She sat in a chair next to him and stroked his cheek. Except for the bandage covering the cut, his face was smooth, bare of his familiar beard.
“The doctor said that cut should heal quickly and shouldn’t even leave a scar. Not much of one, anyway,” she commented. “Do you miss your beard?” she added, curious.
“A little. I don’t notice, really. Unless I look in the mirror,” he admitted.
“I can’t remember the last time I saw you without a beard. When Rachel was born?”
“That’s right. I shaved it off because I was concerned it would scratch her skin. I really think it was because I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was so nervous about being a father.”
They both laughed a little. It was comforting to relive this memory, he realized, a great comfort after facing his own mortality.
“You look well, Ben. You have more color in your cheeks. You were looking a little pasty the last few days. I thought you were coming down with something.”
“The doctor said I would feel improvement very quickly. I feel as if I have more energy already, honestly,” he told her.
She stared at him with an assessing look. “That’s good. But don’t plan on running any marathons for a while, okay?”
“The nurse says that the next step is getting me up and walking. Then laps around the corridor. I’m content to start with those modest goals for now,” he promised.
“Fine with me. I have to take better care of you.” Her expression changed, looking suddenly regretful. “I feel terrible. I haven’t been a very good wife to let you get sick like this. I should have been watching you more closely, making sure you ate right and got more exercise.”
She was close to tears, and Ben leaned over to give her a hug, though it hurt him to do so.
“Carolyn, how can you say such a thing? What about me? I think you did all you could to rein me in, sweetheart. You would broil fish for dinner, then I’d sneak a cheeseburger at the Clam Box the next day for lunch,” he admitted. “How many times did you invite me to go out walking, or go to the gym? And I always put you off.”
Carolyn tilted her head to one side. “That’s true. But I should have tried harder. I should have been more insistent. I feel very guilty about this, Ben.”
“You shouldn’t. Nobody’s blaming you, believe me. You did all you could, and you’re just not the nagging type. For which I’ve always been grateful,” he added with a smile.
She shook her head, attempting to look stern. “Things are going to be different around our house from now on. I’ve been reading up on heart-healthy cooking on the Internet, and—”
“No more cheeseburgers?”
“Or clam rolls,” she added. “Or a lot of foods you like.”
“Oh boy, I knew this was coming.” He made a face, but wasn’t really disappointed. “I have to change my evil ways. I’m ready to see the light. This was a wake-up call, Carolyn. I know that.”
“Yes, it was. A really loud one,” she replied pointedly.
She was angry at him for ignoring his health, but Ben knew her anger came from her concern, and he knew he deserved it.
“I will do better from here on in, Carolyn. I really mean it,” he promised her, taking her hand in his.
“All right, then. That’s all I ask. I’m sure the doctor will have some instructions about diet and exercise,” she added.
“Oh yes, I’m sure he will, dear.” It hurt a bit to laugh, but Ben couldn’t help it.
Rachel, her husband, Jack, and Mark appeared in the doorway.
“I don’t think we’re all allowed in here at once,” Mark said sheepishly. “But we all wanted to see you, Dad. And we couldn’t choose who would come first.”
“Just for a minute,” Ben encouraged them. “You can stay until the nurse kicks you out.”
The nurse who had helped him into the chair was gone. But she would be back soon, he was sure.
There were hugs all around. It was so good to see his family. The best medicine, he thought.
“Nora and Will made you these cards.” Rachel took out a thick pile of handmade cards and drawings from her purse.
“They’re worried about you, Ben,” Jack added. “I promised to take a picture on the phone and show them that you’re all right.”
“Good idea.” Ben sifted through the greetings from his grandchildren. The simple, heartfelt messages and so many Xs and Os to mark kisses and hugs nearly made him cry.
“I love my cards,” he said quietly. “Let’s hang them up on that bulletin board. We’ll call the children later, and I’ll thank them.”
“They were afraid that you wouldn’t be home from the hospital in time for Christmas,” Rachel reported with a smile. “I told them you’d be home in plenty of time, and that by Christmas, you would almost be back to your old self again.”
As a physical therapist, his daughter knew the course of the recovery for this type of operation. Ben was sure that she would be a great help to him in the days to come.
“The doctor told me this morning it will be about six weeks,” he said. “I’m just worried about the church. Why couldn’t this have happened practically any other time of the year—when there’s nothing that important going on?”
“Now, Ben, don’t get yourself excited. That can’t be good for you.” Carolyn’s voice was firm, her new tough-love policy kicking in, he realized. “There’s always something going on at the church. There’s never a good time to get sick, is there?”
“Mom is right, Dad,” Mark said. “The church will survive without you for a few weeks. You do so much there, it might even be good for the congregation to miss you a little. They’ll appreciate you more when you come back.”
“The congregation appreciates me,” Ben replied. Most of the time, he added silently. “Has anyone told Reverend Boland that I’m in the hospital?”
Reverend Boland was Ben’s superior and the minister at a church in nearby Princeton.
“Yes, dear. I believe Sam Morgan called Reverend Boland at least twice yesterday, and Reverend Boland called me at home last night. He’s very concerned about you. He said not to worry, he’ll put out a call for a temporary minister right away. He promised to call and speak to you later, if you’re up to it.”
“As long as the wheels are in motion. I hope he can find someone soon.” Ben knew he wasn’t supposed to worry about the church right now, but it was second nature. He couldn’t help it.
“I’ll try him at his church later. We have a lot to figure out.” He took a breath and suddenly realized he was very tired again.
“Dad, are you all right?” Rachel leaned toward him with concern.
“I’m fine, sweetie. Just tired from sitting in this chair. Isn’t that something?” He tried to laugh at himself, but couldn’t quite.
“I’ll get a nurse to help you back to bed,” Mark said, and quickly left the room.
“
I’d better go back to the waiting room before she catches me in here,” his son-in-law said. “Take care, Ben. See you soon.”
His guests dispersed in all directions, like a flock of birds taking wing. Ben was suddenly alone with Carolyn again.
“Are you all right, Ben?” she asked quietly.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry. This is all par for the course. The doctor said I would feel very tired. And I’d have some pain.” Which he did indeed, though he didn’t want to worry Carolyn about it. “It’s only the first day.”
“Yes, and you’ve overdone it. Too much visiting and talking.”
“Yes, dear,” he said contritely. He was a talker, a trait that seemed to be part of his job.
But neither of them was willing to acknowledge out loud the plain truth of the matter, he realized. He’d had a near-fatal heart attack and a complicated surgery.
He had to respect what he’d gone through. He had to let go and let God take over the church and all his other responsibilities. For a while, at least. He’d take another nap and call Reverend Boland when he was able.
REGINA WASN’T ABLE TO FIND A LISTING FOR A MEDICAL CLINIC, EXCEPT for one that seemed to be located on a nearby island. She didn’t know any of the roads and decided this wouldn’t be a good time to explore, especially when she found a listing for a family practice in town, a Dr. Harding. The office was located right on Main Street, so little chance of getting lost, she thought.
She dialed the number on her cell phone. It rang a few times before someone finally picked up. “Doctor’s office,” a woman said.
Regina introduced herself, then added, “My son is sick. He’s had a cold for a few days, and now I think he has an ear infection. We’re not regular patients of the doctor; we just moved here. But I wondered if I could bring him in today.”
“I can fit you in this afternoon. We just had a cancellation. Can you come over around one?”
“Yes, of course.” Regina had found her way to the middle school this morning using a map, so she knew the way to the village. It was pretty simple. They weren’t quite as far out of town as she had first thought.
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