You stupid, stupid girl. You stupid, idiot girl. What did you expect?
As I sat there, leaning against the wall, still wet from sweat and sex, I could feel tears streaming down my face. I felt completely exposed and totally vulnerable. In disbelief, but at the same time fully aware that this was exactly what was always going to happen. He wasn’t special, he wasn’t different. He was just another pig looking to get his. Maybe he was something worse. Or better. I didn’t know. I was left there wondering more than ever, who and what Hunter was, and what exactly it was that he wanted with me.
Why did I always screw up with men? Why was I so stupid?
All I wanted was what every girl wants. I wanted what Elle had gotten with Forrester when he’d appeared in the diner. I’d wanted someone to come into my life who would care about me, who would commit to me, who would step up to the plate and give me the love I so desperately knew I deserved.
Why was that so impossibly beyond my reach?
I stood up and felt all the blood rush to my head. I stumbled and caught myself on the fridge, leaning against it’s cold, hard surface with my hands and face. My fingertips told my brain it was Hunter’s chest and I beat my fist against it as I wept. It didn’t budge, and instead sent pain firing through my wrist and up my arm. It hurt, but that was better than the aching in my heart and the sickness in my stomach.
As I walked to the sink, I felt a sharp pain in my core, every step reminding me of where Hunter had stretched me open. It hurt from what he’d done to me, but it hurt even more now that he was gone. It was the only proof I had that he’d been there at all, and that it hadn’t all been in my imagination. It showed me it was real, that what he’d done was real, and most of all, that he was real. I picked up my underwear off the floor and slipped them back on. I didn’t want to be exposed anymore. I wanted to cover myself up and forget everything that had just happened. The diner, the beating, the feelings I had for him, and most of all, him being inside my house and me.
I moved back toward the sink and let the water run over the dishes. I had to keep moving. I wanted to keep weeping, I needed that release, but I had to keep moving. Anything to distract my mind.
It was no use. I could still feel him coursing through my body. I could smell his scent on me. I could taste his tongue in my mouth. I kept looking over my shoulder, expecting to see him there ready to pounce like he had before.
As I stood there washing, all I could think of was him lifting me onto the sink and putting his mouth on me. The hot water pouring over my hands felt like a dull version of the sensation that had spread over my entire body as he’d run his tongue across me, opening me up just enough to slide his fingers into my wetness.
I slammed the tap off and pounded my fists on the counter.
Enough. Enough of this silliness.
Are you really going to let him get to you? Are you really going to stand here and run the whole thing over and over in your mind? Girl, get a grip.
I did want to move on, but I couldn’t. Everywhere I looked in the room, all I saw was his massive body moving about at will. I was thrown back into the moment every time I pictured his hand in my hair, pulling my head back to look into his eyes. I could feel myself getting wet thinking about his chiseled and naked body standing over me, making me wait for him. My breathing got heavy again as I imagined his thick, throbbing cock going deep inside me, hitting places I never even knew existed. I felt sick as I thought of him walking out the door, as if he hadn’t just given me the most intense experience of my life. I hated the idea that I was just another girl, and he was just another guy, and that what we’d done didn’t mean anything. It meant something to me. I didn’t want it to, I hated that it did, but that was the truth.
It meant everything to me.
But to him, it was nothing. He’d walked out the door like we’d done nothing more than shared a cup of coffee. Less than that even. I knew in my heart, my soul, and by my aching body, that what had just happened was not nothing. That it was something.
Had he really not felt it?
Was that really just something he did, like eat dinner or nearly put his fist through someone’s face when they crossed him?
But the two jerks earlier hadn’t crossed him, they’d crossed me.
Why would he do that for me if he didn’t feel something too? Why would he come here if he was just going to use me and walk out of my life?
I’d felt the electricity between us like I was connected to a power company generator. He had to have felt it as well, didn’t he?
Damn it, Kelly.
I was left with nothing but questions. More than I had when he was just some mysterious stranger in the diner, drinking his coffee.
Then it dawned on me.
What if he didn’t feel anything?
What if he didn’t feel anything for me, just like he didn’t feel anything for the two guys he almost killed in the diner? Maybe we were the same to him. There were people in the world like that. People who went from place to place, person to person, and never let them in close enough to affect them. Was that the kind of man I’d just let come inside me?
Was I just a convenient happening that let him release whatever beast lived inside of him, just like those two men at the diner had been?
He’d forgotten his wallet at the diner and saw an opportunity to unleash himself on the two perverts trying to hurt me. He’d wanted a beer and found a vulnerable girl leaving herself open to him and his carnal desires. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He didn’t care about me, them, or anything at all. He did what he wanted, when he wanted, and paid no attention to who got in his way or what it did to them as he ripped through their lives like a tornado. He came crashing in, destroyed everything in his path, and then was gone in the blink of an eye without rhyme or reason.
And he couldn’t care less.
I didn’t feel stupid anymore. No, now I was more embarrassed that I had let myself be fooled for a minute. It wouldn’t happen again, though. I’d figured him out. Sometimes there weren’t answers and sometimes there was no explanation for the awful things that happened in life. Parents died in car crashes, boyfriends left with other women, and apparently, whatever Hunter is, strolled into town and took what he needed.
The only problem with that theory was that, when I pictured Hunter’s face, when I remembered the look in his eyes as he held me by the hair, it didn’t add up. Hunter wasn’t something awful to me, even after he left me aching on the floor, dazed and confused. When I was around him, I didn’t feel sick, I didn’t feel tired, and I didn’t feel alone. He made me feel better than I had in years, and in just a matter of hours, he’d succeeded in making it seem like I wasn’t just going through the motions of my life.
He was unexpected and chaotic, powerful and pure. All I hoped for was to see him walk through that door and take me back into his arms.
I glanced up at the clock above the sink. Two forty-five in the afternoon. I needed to get in the shower and clean myself up, collect my thoughts, and get back to reality. Lucas would be home from school any minute now.
Chapter 13
Kelly
I let the scalding water run in the shower while I undressed in front of the mirror. I couldn’t wait to wash off all of the day’s pain and all of its pleasure. I just wanted to be me again. I wanted to erase Hunter from my memory. I thought about what my day would have been like without him and I felt calm. Then I felt panicked.
Kelly, damn it, he’s gone. It doesn’t matter if he was here, he’s gone now. Get in the shower.
As I took off my top, unzipped my skirt, and let them fall to the floor, I saw evidence of Hunter. The bite mark on my collarbone, and the massive hand shaped red marks he left on my thighs where he had gripped me as he threw himself inside me. I could still smell his sweat and, as the bathroom filled with steam, the smell only grew stronger. For a moment, I thought he was in there with me and I could feel my body start to tremble.
But he wasn’t.
<
br /> He had left me, and all that remained were the marks he put on me to remind me he had been there. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears, but quickly gathered myself. I pulled back the shower curtain and got in, letting the water cascade over my body.
I grabbed the bar of soap that smelled like me and began to move it up and down my arms, across my neck, and down my body, trying to cover every spot he might have touched. I washed between my legs and my thighs, scrubbing any trace of him away as best I could. I let the water pour over my hair and squeezed out all the sweat and filth. As I lathered shampoo through it, I could smell the fragrances listed on the bottle. No more cigarette smoke, no more gas and oil, no more Hunter. I let the scents from the soaps fill up the bathroom and hang in the steam. I let them cradle me like a warm and familiar hug.
I turned off the water and climbed over the ledge of the bath, grabbing my towel from the rack next to me and wrapping it around my body. Steam had fogged up the mirror and the scent of me filled the room. I couldn’t see or smell any trace of Hunter and I felt refreshed.
Then I heard the front door open and close and boots go flying against the wall.
A panic and excitement rushed through me and I noticed my hand was shaking. Any second now he would realize where I was and come charging into the room after me, claiming my naked body once again as his.
Suddenly, there was a very light knock on the door.
“Kelly? Kelly, are you in there? I’m starving.”
Lucas. Of course it was Lucas. I had washed Hunter off the outside of me, but he was still buried deep in my mind and my body.
Pull yourself together, Kelly. Time to get back to real life.
“Lucas, baby, hold on. I’m just getting out of the shower. Give me a second and I’ll make you a snack, okay?” I called out to him as I put on underwear and then my house coat.
“Don’t call me baby. Mom used to call me that. It’s weird.”
“Well, I’m your big sister so I can call you whatever I want,” I said as I opened the door. “Maybe I’ll call you nerd, how do you like that? Nerd.”
I reached out and gave him a playful shove. He was only ten, and a little string bean. Feisty though.
“I’m no nerd. I’ve had like five girlfriends this year,” he declared as he fought back against my push.
“Oh, five whole girlfriends in one year? Well, I hate to break it to you, nerd, but five girlfriends doesn’t make you cool. Having one and treating her right does.”
“I was nice to all of them, Kelly. I swear it.” He stared at the floor. “It just didn’t work out with us is all.”
His sincerity and sadness over his failed relationships made me smile and brought a tear to my eye. I pulled him in close and hugged him, so he wouldn’t see my face until I had composed myself.
“I’m sure you were, Luke. You’re the biggest gentleman I know. I was only teasing you. Part of my big sister job description, you know? How was school?”
I started to lead him down the hall and toward the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks.
“What? Kelly, I’m starving. Please, let’s get a snack.”
I didn’t want him in that kitchen. Not yet. I barely wanted to go back in myself.
“It’s such a nice day outside, Luke. Why don’t you go start your homework on the porch and I’ll bring something out. Peanut butter and crackers? Some lemonade?”
“There’s pie in the fridge. How about that?”
“Pie is for little nerds that finish their homework,” I said with a smirk.
“Ugh,” he said. He picked up his backpack and jokingly stomped his way out to the front porch.
“Let me get dressed and I’ll be right out. Get started on that homework.”
“Fine. Why are you showering in the middle of the day anyway? It’s basically dinner.”
I turned away and started to walk to my room to put some proper clothes on.
“Just a busy day. Had to kind of hit the reset button.”
“Good busy or bad busy?” he asked with his head tilted to one side.
He liked to think he looked out for me as much as I looked out for him. I guess in a way he did.
“Just busy is all. Go outside and I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
I heard the screen door slam behind him and I went into my room, shut the door, and began to cry. I was responsible for raising a person, it was the most important role in my life, and I had spent the day living out a schoolgirl fantasy with some sort of psychopath.
What was wrong with me? How did I lose myself so badly? And for what?
Goddamn you, Hunter. Please, please just leave me alone.
Chapter 14
Kelly
I flicked my cigarette into the middle of the road and caught a disapproving look from some white haired woman across the way.
Fucking relax yourself, lady. Don’t want to work up a heart attack. I’m a bigger stain on this place than one goddamn butt on the road.
The room I was crashing in was a shit hole, but it did the trick. Denny had hooked me up after I got the job. It sat above one of the few bars in this goddamn town and he was in with the owner. Shit breakfast and shit beer were his two vices and that’s where he sank any money he made from the auto shop. Suited me just fine.
As I climbed the stairs I could hear the same shitty music blaring from the jukebox on the other side of the wall. These were barely people and I couldn’t fucking stand them. They did the same shit everyday with the same people and would until the day they checked out of their useless lives. How the fuck did they do it without sticking their head in the oven? I would be impressed if it wasn’t so pathetic.
I unlocked the door and walked into my one room palace.
Shower or whiskey, motherfucker?
As was usually the case in my life, whiskey won. I walked over to the cot that I was pretending was a bed, sat down, and grabbed the bottle of Jack from the table next to me. I unscrewed the cap and took a long pull. I could feel the booze warm my entire body as it poured down my throat and settled in my stomach. I needed that fucking drink.
I swung my legs up on the cot, rested my back against the wall as if it was a headboard, and felt the whole thing slide forward and fall to the ground.
Fuck you. Can’t even let me relax with a drink, you uncomfortable piece of shit.
I sat up on the side of the mattress, took another strong pull from the bottle, and stood back up, making my way across the room to the old and broken fridge holding nothing but stale, lukewarm air. Ripping the cord out of the wall, I kicked it on its side and it cracked the hardwood when it fell.
Who gives a fuck?
I pushed the toppled hunk of metal that was supposed to be a fridge across the room, stuck it in front of the cot, and pushed it all against the wall.
Now stay put and let me fucking drink.
Crashing down on the mattress with my hand wrapped around the neck of the bottle, I slid back up against the wall and nothing moved.
Much better, asshole.
I took a drink and rested the pint on my knee. I could feel everything settle, my stomach, my head, the air. Everything was still and calm.
Mr. Daniels, you make a fine product.
I grabbed my cigarettes and lit one up, watching the cherry grow as I breathed in. I looked out the window to my right and listened to the godawful music from the bar below echo through the floorboards. It was about as relaxing a life as I could imagine and I tried to enjoy it for what it was worth. No fucking people around me, save the yahoos drinking their paychecks away downstairs. No bullshit conversations. No pretending to be interested in whatever was happening around me.
Most importantly, no Kelly, fucking with my head and waving her tight little body in my face.
That girl had me through a loop. She’d made me forget what the fuck it was I was doing there. I wasn’t there to babysit, and sure as shit wasn’t there to rescue her from whatever boring existence she called a life. I was there t
o lay low for a couple weeks and then move on. I forgot that for a few hours and really fucked this whole thing up, but that was over. I was going to empty this bottle into me, pour myself into my ride, and find another place to wait out this storm.
Fucking girl. Fucking good little girl, got to me with her pretty eyes and sweet pussy.
What are you, some kind of rookie, Hunter? Fucking amateur hour today is what you were, letting some cute piece of ass take you over. Was it worth it?
I took a drag of my smoke and chased it with a swig from the pint. It was worth it, and I fucking knew it.
I didn’t want to admit it, but it was the goddamn truth. As I sat there staring at the busted up door and alternating between smoke and bottle, all I could think about was Kelly. The whiskey was doing nothing to calm my head or my cock. All it did was make me want to fly down the street, storm her door, and rip off that cute little outfit she was wearing. I wanted to see her face as she sat that tight pussy on my cock, watch her eyes widen as I bounced her up and down and made her perky tits jump.
Fucking hell. You’ve got to get out of town, pal. You’re fucking slipping.
Hell of a day.
As I put the nearly drained bottle down on the table next to me, the song ended downstairs and there was quiet.
What shit are we going to listen to next, boys?
I couldn’t hear anything and thought for a moment they were about to drink in silence, like real men. Then I heard a slow pounding start up, but it wasn’t a drum beat. It was the door outside swinging shut and the sound of footsteps climbing my stairs. Two sets.
No one knew I was here. No one needed to be here except me. No one was leaving here except me.
I slid open the drawer on my bedside table and had a decision to make. Pistol or steel?
I settled on steel. I figured if I was going to waste the two motherfuckers climbing my steps there was no need to frighten the civilians anymore than I already had. Make it quiet, make it quick. Stash the bodies in this shit heap of an apartment and be on my way. The last order of business for Hunter Donnelly in Stone Peak, Montana.
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