by E. Davies
The universe had somehow brought them together, and he was so damn grateful.
Suddenly, they both seemed to have so many questions to ask.
“Did you first see me on Grindr at the gym, then?”
“Yes! I wondered if you were a member,” Cas told him. “Didn’t you recognize me from the photos?”
“No! My work brain just kicked in when I saw you in person!” Matt covered his face again. He really should have at least guessed before now. “And you were flirting with me.”
“From the very start,” Cas laughed. He lowered his voice and leaned in. “So, you’re not out at work…? But, um, you own the place?”
“Fuck it.” Matt waved his hand. “I’ve never been on a date with a guy before, though. What about you? You haven’t dated in… God, it feels weird to suddenly know so much about you! You haven’t dated in a while, huh?”
And to have someone know so much about him. He might not have had the courage to share those personal details about himself if he’d known Swishy—Cas—would ever be sitting across from him. His cheeks were hot.
Cas blushed, too. “Wait, wait. Back up. You’ve never been… right! I guess that makes sense from what you told me.”
Breathless and dizzy with everything he wanted to know and say, Matt clutched his mug near his chest. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“I do,” Cas said, his eye glinting as he grinned and leaned in. Suddenly, Cas wasn’t the shy guy he’d hugged a moment ago. He was a little more confident. “Why didn’t you ask me out as Swishy?” Okay, a lot more confident.
“Um.” Matt was on the spot now, blushing hard. He felt safe telling Cas the truth, but it took him a minute to figure out what that even was. Cas waited patiently, though, and he finally relaxed enough to think straight. “I was kind of afraid of seeing you in person, after all the days—a couple weeks now?—we’ve been texting.”
“Like the real thing wouldn’t be as good?” Cas said quietly. His own insecurity was on full display, but he was gracefully owning it and not trying to cover it up with a joke or a distraction.
“No.” Matt reached over the table to take Cas’s hand, squeezing tightly. “Not that. Like it would be weird to be me, warts and all. Like, who would want to date me after hearing—”
Cas didn’t even let him finish the sentence before he interrupted. “Me.”
Matt’s embarrassment turned to bashfulness. His gaze was fixed on the mug, but he snuck a quick peek up at Cas. “Really?”
Cas caught his gaze and held it. Something about him was just magnetic. “Yes. I liked how honest you were through text. I know that’s something you said you struggled with, but we can work on that.” He cleared his throat and straightened up, like he was trying to act more confident than he was.
Matt didn’t miss that sudden burst of confidence, and he certainly didn’t miss the use of we. “Really? It wasn’t a turnoff?”
“I told you how shitty I am at dating too,” Cas reminded him with a grin. “Was that a turnoff?”
“Well, no.” Matt scratched his head. “I guess I’m used to having to pretend to be the confident one. Which comes back to this whole… not knowing what I’m doing with guys thing.”
“Bi Unicorn,” Cas murmured under his breath and chuckled. “I never asked about that.”
Matt grinned. “Well, a lot of people think we don’t exist—both gay and straight people think we’re secretly one of them. Like we’re goddamn unicorns.”
Cas laughed. He sipped his coffee, his gaze open and curious. “You seem really confident.”
“Yeah. I’ve had a long time to figure it out. And trust me, it’s pretty easy when you sit down and work it out. Sure, society does a shitty job of showing you examples, but as soon as you figure out that it’s not just one or the other, it all makes sense.” Matt shrugged. “I was in high school when I figured that out. I never really acted on it, and I never really tried to fit in with the other gay kids. I just did my own thing. It wasn’t like I was cutting off a piece of myself. Not at first. And then…” he trailed off.
It was hard to find words to describe the slowly stifling experience of wanting more, but not knowing how to go about getting it. For a while, it had felt like he’d missed the window of opportunity. Experiment in college? By the time he’d realized that he wanted to seriously try dating guys, he’d graduated. And he didn’t want it to come off as a phase.
“Experimenting has a bad name,” he finally said, looking up at Cas again.
“Oh?” Cas was still watching, waiting patiently for him to put together the words for how he felt. It was strangely similar to their experiences texting, even though face-to-face was a very different medium.
Matt rushed to explain, putting down his coffee so he could gesture. “People think that means it’s a phase. Even when it’s not, when you know that’s another side of you… if you get too used to one thing, it’s hard to break out and do something else. I guess that’s true for everything in life, right?”
“Boy, don’t I know it.” Cas gave him a little smile. “Dating instead of Grindr, for example. I deleted Grindr after I met you.”
He did? A beat passed where they looked at each other before Cas caught his breath.
“N-Not that, uh—not that—I mean—I’m not proposing we date or anything,” Cas quickly said, stammering in his haste to explain.
Matt grinned. “No, I’ll take the compliment. Why, then?”
“I didn’t want to keep meeting the same guys over and over. I was going to try meeting people in real life instead. I realized from talking to you that I like getting to know someone before I fuck them.” Cas shrugged. “It’s not necessary, but it’s nice.”
“Before?” Matt teased, heat tickling his stomach at the word Cas had casually dropped.
Cas blushed again. “Oh, shut up.”
“But would you?” Matt nudged Cas’s foot with his own, not letting him get away.
Cas squirmed and laughed. “God, shut up. You know I would.”
That made Matt stop and look at him. He would? Suddenly, it shifted from a “friends getting coffee” vibe to something different. Something he hadn’t expected.
He liked the guy, damn it. And he wanted sex, but he also wanted to lick the coffee foam off his lips, and… maybe just hold hands.
Oh, fuck. This was a crush. It had been so long, between working all the time and giving up on dating, that he barely recognized it.
“Right,” Matt almost squeaked. Now was the part where he had to try not to screw up, and he was pretty sure he was about to.
“I hate to interrupt this soap opera, but I’m going to close early today,” Doris told them. She was holding a broom, looking like she was about to start shooing them out with it. “I’ve got to get my hair done. I have a very important date of my own.”
Cas laughed and stood up as he finished his coffee. “Wanna walk around and continue this?”
“Yeah,” Matt said, his breath rushing out with relief. He hadn’t scared Swishy—Cas—off yet.
As they left the coffee shop, Doris winked at him. “Go get him, cowboy.” Matt knew he’d turned bright red from the cackle she added as he turned tail and fled after Cas.
Hopefully they were headed somewhere with fewer people—especially people with keen ears and a love for gossip.
“Moore Wood?”
“Perfect.”
They left their cars there and walked, staying just close enough on the sidewalk that they clearly weren’t your average guys strolling around, afraid to touch each other.
But Matt also didn’t want to presume anything, so he didn’t touch Cas.
At least, not until Cas brushed his hand down Matt’s arm. “If you want to hold hands, it’s pretty safe here,” he told him quietly. “I’ve never had trouble in Hidden Creek for it. Everyone minds their own business.”
Matt’s heart pounded as he slipped his fingers between Cas’s. Warm, a little sweaty, but somehow not gr
oss. He found Cas’s nervousness endearing… and kind of a relief, knowing he wasn’t the only one who wanted to make a good impression.
The pressure against his fingers felt surprisingly nice. Cas’s fingers fit well between his own—calluses, slim fingers, and all.
“Good?” Cas asked, offering a smile.
Matt’s smile in return was instinctive and so wide his cheeks nearly hurt. “Real good.”
14
Caspian
Caspian had never had a first date where it was so easy to just be himself.
It helped that they already knew so much about each other. He didn’t have the underwear thing to worry about. The satin in his pants brushed gently, holding him surprisingly comfortably as they walked around. He wore it every day, and it just heightened his sensitivity. But he was still being treated like a normal guy, like Matt didn’t know his secret already.
Yet that wasn’t the only thing. He’d always thought that was the biggest, scariest thing about himself he could tell someone. Now that he’d told someone that he didn’t have confidence, and he was afraid he’d never find someone who looked at him like he was sexy, and he’d always be the one chasing, never the one being chased…
Well, Matt had shared his own deepest thoughts in return, and Cas remembered perfectly well that Matt had said he was afraid of asking guys out.
And here they were, walking around the duck pond hand-in-hand, and it wasn’t even weird.
The moment he’d found out that Matt was Unicorn, it had been a shock, sure… but he’d gotten over it almost immediately. He was too damn happy that he didn’t have to choose between guys like some weird dating show.
He wanted one guy to focus his attention on, and all signs pointed to Matt.
“Those ducks are well-fed.” Matt shook his head. “Look at them, acting like they aren’t.”
Cas squeezed Matt’s hand and laughed. “We should have brought seed.”
“Or bread.”
“No,” Cas gasped. “There are signs!”
Matt blinked and furrowed his brow as Cas led him over to one.
Please don’t feed the ducks. Bread bloats their tummies and makes them very sick. You can get duck seed from JJ’s, just a ten-minute walk straight ahead!
“I didn’t know that.” Matt frowned, then exchanged looks with him.
“Can we?” Cas grinned.
“Ah, what the hell. Why not.”
They’d already shared little bits of themselves on the way to the park—their jobs, where their families were from, what they thought of the weather. Standard first-date stuff.
Matt seemed a little awkward and eager to impress, but Cas stayed cool for once. He was normally more impulsive and high-strung when he got a new idea in his head, but he sensed that Matt needed someone to ground him.
And he was flattered as hell that Matt had chosen him for his first gay date. They were moving fast for a first date, but it felt so right. This wasn’t just getting to know each other. It was more getting to see the sides of each other that they hadn’t seen in the gym or through text.
Especially all the cute little mannerisms that showed Matt’s nervousness, and no doubt Cas’s, as confident as he tried to be. He knew Matt wanted a confident guy.
“So, if it had worked out with Cas, what were you going to tell Swishy?” he teased as they headed for JJ’s.
“I don’t know,” Matt admitted, laughing. “I really liked you, but I thought… well, you mentioned that hot asshole you wanted to impress. Matt, was it? God, I was jealous.”
“Me too! Of your date.” Cas grinned. “It felt dumb to be jealous, though.” He held Matt’s hand tightly as they waited to cross the road. “You know?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I thought you deserved a guy who could… you know…” Matt swung their hands gently. “Hold your hand in public.”
“Aw,” Cas whispered, smiling over at him. “I don’t mind showing you everything you need to know. I’ll be your gay…” BFF, he’d been about to tease, but that word didn’t feel right. He wanted to be something else. Not friends, but…
“My gay? Do all bis get assigned a gay?” Matt winked. “I like this town.”
Cas blushed and laughed. “Shut up. Green man.” He tugged Matt across the crosswalk to JJ’s.
Thank God Chase wasn’t working, since his daughter was out of school over the weekend. He at least wouldn’t get that teasing.
Instead, he and Matt grabbed bird seed and headed for the counter. Matt insisted on paying, even when Cas tried.
“No, I’m going to atone for my bread sins,” Matt told him, swatting his money away to hand over his own.
Cas frowned and squeezed his shoulder. “Oh, you didn’t know any better. Don’t beat yourself up.” As they thanked the cashier and headed out, he took Matt’s hand again. “We don’t all have to be perfect. We just need to do our best, and be the best people we can at any given time.”
“I wish more people thought like you,” Matt said with a little smile.
“Why?”
“Oh, just work stress.” Matt waved the hand that carried a bag of seed. “I’d rather spend the evening thinking about literally anything else.”
Cas laughed, even if his curiosity was ignited, and nodded. “Of course. I don’t talk a lot about my own job, but I do love it.”
“So, do you sell online? Or just through markets?”
Cas explained as they walked, but he tried not to let conversation focus on work. It was nice to get away from all the Christmas planning by talking about anything else he could think of.
“So,” Cas said to change the subject as soon as they got to the duck pond. “You said you’ve been back in town for a couple years? You went to Houston for college?”
“Yeah. It’s nice to be back. All these spots are just… home. There’s nowhere like it.” Matt gave a fond smile around at the little duck pond. He handed over the bag of duck food and sat on the bench. “Go ahead.”
Already, the ducks had spotted them and were furiously racing each other to paddle closer.
“You might need to rescue me. I think I’m about to get shaken down for my seed.”
“I don’t blame them. I’d shake you for your seed.”
Cas gasped, his cheeks flushing, and laughed. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Oh, God.” Matt covered his face. “That wasn’t a first-date joke, was it?”
“I’ll let you get away with that one.” Cas was still laughing as he finished sprinkling handfuls of seed around, then joined Matt on the bench to watch them squabble over the remainder.
“My jokes will be better next time,” Matt promised.
Cas covered his mouth with both hands. Matt already wanted a second date? He cleared his throat quickly when he realized Matt was looking at him, and he took Matt’s hand again. “Um. Yes, if that’s an invitation.”
Matt grinned. “Phew. I wasn’t sure if it was too soon to settle a second date. But I’m free tomorrow… is that too soon? I don’t remember how any of this works!”
“I think you’re supposed to wait two days to call or something? I dunno. That never made sense to me,” Cas admitted. He loved that Matt was eager, and he was making it clear that he was interested. “If you call, I might answer. That’s a high compliment.”
“For a millennial, it sure is,” Matt grinned. “Hell, I don’t answer the phone to my parents sometimes. Mind you, it’s more when my mom calls. Usually, I’m at work…”
“I don’t have that excuse. Mine says I’m always at work,” Cas clicked his tongue and smiled. “She’s not wrong.” She’d like Matt.
God, it had been ages since he’d introduced a boyfriend to his parents. Not that he wanted to show off a man like Matt on his arm, but… okay, he did.
Slow down there, he reminded himself.
“So, tomorrow?” Matt prompted, grinning. “I don’t know exactly when I’ll be free. Depends on Rory’s schedule, but—“
Cas nearly squeake
d, “Yeah!” He cleared his throat. “Yes. Yep. Tomorrow’s cool.” Shit. Not very twunk of me. He tried to straighten up and butch up. “We can do tomorrow.”
Matt squeezed his hand. “I admire you for your real self, not for being… I don’t know, fake-confident. I like seeing your excitement. Don’t tone that down.”
“Oh.” Cas blushed furiously. If Matt had noticed, he must be pretty damn obvious. “I just think I should be more… I don’t know. Or less…”
“Like being more manly makes you less ditchable?” Matt shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that, baby. I don’t think any less of you for what other guys have thought or said or done. You didn’t deserve that shit.”
Relief flooded Cas’s whole body, and suddenly he felt like he could breathe again. This was the guy he’d been texting for these past few weeks—but somehow, he hadn’t expected to hear him say those words out loud.
Moving in to kiss Matt felt as natural as breathing.
His stubble scraped Cas’s cheek as they pressed their lips together, tilting their heads so their noses brushed. Matt’s lips were soft, warm, and just right.
By the time they pulled apart, he was blushing even harder as he glanced around. Matt rested a hand on his knee and gave him a giddy smile, then offered his hand. “Wanna grab burgers?”
Cas just nodded, unable to form words. He took Matt’s hand and stood up to follow wherever he led.
The first date bliss lasted for a few hours longer as they grabbed burgers from Rocket. Cas tried to pretend he hadn’t just been in that morning for brunch, jealous of his paired-up friends.
What a lot could change in a day.
“It’s a shame about the fire,” Matt finally said, unknowingly a parallel to his thoughts back to brunch that morning. “Or we could go for a drink.”
“We could have a drink at home,” Cas suggested.
Matt smiled and thought about it for a minute before shaking his head. “If I do that, I might fall into old habits. And I’d rather leave it until… well, at least tomorrow.” He laughed, running his hand along Cas’s knee under the table.