by E. Davies
After about eight, Matt finally answered.
bi unicorn: Hey! After closing, sure. Where?
He was on his second beer by then, and the last thing he wanted was to go back outside into that heat. He’d do it for Matt, but if Matt was heading home from work anyway…
swishy like wine: My place? It’s my turn to host. If you don’t mind a mess.
bi unicorn: I figured we’d be making a mess anyway ;)
swishy like wine: You’re the one who has to deal with the boner in public. Two can play this game.
bi unicorn: White flag! White flag!
Caspian laughed and debated sending him a naughty photo of the not-very-white flag in his pants. In the end, he decided against it.
swishy like wine: So I heard you’re having biz problems?
bi unicorn: If you know any angel investors who aren’t control freaks, send them my way!
That wasn’t exactly what he meant. Was Matt trying to hide this protest from him? What the hell was it about, anyway?
He switched to Google and searched for Lift’s name.
It only took him a few moments to figure out what Cora was talking about. Some website with a petition… and his eyes landed on a few key phrases.
This MALE gym owner chose to mix the sexes in a sinful setup that gives men the chance to prey on unsuspecting female members!
There was more, about the collective social good of being naked together with strangers of your own “kind,” whatever that meant, and homosexuals using single stalls to do dirty things while kids were in the gym—not that kids were allowed in the gym.
It read like someone really wanted to have a problem with him, and had stretched for every possible reason his gym was a den of iniquity, even when those reasons contradicted each other.
“Oh, lord.”
He sent a screenshot of the page to him and captioned it with a question mark.
bi unicorn: Ah, fuck. Where did you hear about this??
swishy like wine: Cora told me someone told her. She thought we’re cute together ;)
bi unicorn: Good. It’s not the paper lol. I’ll tell you later. See you in a bit.
His closing was more abrupt than usual, which told Cas he must be stressed—or else there was something else going on.
But surely he wasn’t getting freaked out and backing out now. They’d had too nice a date for that.
19
Matt
It was the end of another long day, but for the first time in a long time, Matt had someone to look forward to.
Sure, it wasn’t exactly like coming home to a husband waiting for him with a kiss and a casserole, but Matt had hope that they might get there… sometime. If Cas invited him over, he was gonna take him up on the offer, however tired he was.
Matt barely remembered the drive to Cas’s place. At least he lived just a few minutes away, making it easy to navigate there even half-asleep.
By the time he arrived, the light on the front porch was on. He smiled as he walked up to it, but before he could even knock, Cas was pulling the door open.
“Hey,” Caspian greeted him with that adorably sweet smile. And, just like that, Matt remembered why his life felt a little easier when Cas was by his side.
Something about holding him, stroking his hair and listening to his breathing, made Matt’s worries suddenly manageable. It cut them down to size, and reminded him what really mattered.
“Hey,” Matt answered, kissing his cheek. “Can I come in, or are we gonna hump on the doorstep?”
“Some of my neighbors might be into that.” Cas grinned and let them inside, then nudged the door shut. He twisted his hands together in that nervous way he had on their first date. “How was your day?”
“Oh, bleh. A day.” Matt didn’t really want to think about the damage control he’d done and the phone calls he’d fielded. Most of them had been supportive as the news traveled quickly through the church, but he’d gotten a weird one from a Florida phone number telling him to choose the right path in life or else.
Whatever. The worst they could do was throw shade online, and Rory was skilled with the delete button. She still didn’t seem to mind the job, since she got to block the assholes, too.
“That sounds promising,” Cas said drily. “Beer?”
“Just water for me, thanks.” Matt hadn’t been drinking enough that day, too absorbed in talking to people about the whole weird thing. “I’ll be fine. Just gotta keep my head down for a while.”
He sure as hell wasn’t going to give in, but he’d asked for a quote for a dividing wall, just so he could have a number to throw in their faces if they kept pressing him.
Fifteen grand, plus permission from his landlord? Yeah, right. And those were just starting costs, as anyone who dealt with the construction industry knew. Maybe he could get it cheaper, but then he’d need a whole new row of bathroom stalls and sinks and that meant plumbing, and more lockers, and contingency costs.
“Keep your head down?” Cas echoed, bringing water over to the couch. He cuddled into Matt’s side. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Just a bunch of busybodies who have nothing better to do. There must be a million Starbucks between here and there with single stalls. But no, they have to pick on a little business, because… who knows why, really.” He sighed and banged his head on the wall behind the couch.
Cas rubbed his hand along Matt’s shoulders. “You didn’t tell me what was going on.”
“I don’t want to drag you into that shit.” The idea made Matt all tense and anxious. Already, his shoulders seized up as his heart raced.
“How come? Are you afraid they’ll come after me for being… I don’t know, gay with you?”
Matt shrugged. “I don’t know. I just want to ignore it until it all blows over.”
Though Cas gave him another skeptical look, mercifully, he let it drop. Instead, Cas sipped his water and hummed. “Ignore the mess everywhere. It’s been a day.”
Now that he was letting go of his work stress, Matt was finally clearheaded enough for a look around. God, he wasn’t observant when he was wound up in his own head. “Oh, wow.” Piles of corks lay on the table, glued circles of wood or glue guns on every flat surface, paint streaked the kitchen table, and even the kitchen counter had what looked like a bunch of leaves drying.
“This is my house between now and Christmas.” Cas sighed. “Which is why I didn’t think I had time to date.”
Matt looked over at him quickly. “Oh yeah? Do you still think that?”
“I probably should,” Cas said with a shrug. “But I want to try it, for you. Anyway, if we’re not talking about your work crap, we’re not talking about mine. You look beat.”
Matt had to concede that point. He nodded. “Yeah, but I figured we should talk about things. If Cora knows, so does the whole town.”
“Doris. I bet it was Doris.”
“Of course it was Doris.” Matt laughed and shrugged. “Now everyone’s gonna think we’re together.” He wasn’t ashamed of that fact—having Cas on his arm would be an honor.
But it just wasn’t true, was it?
“Is this going to put pressure on you?” Cas asked.
That made Matt blink. “What do you mean, pressure?”
“To, you know… figure this out. Or yourself. Or, I don’t know, come out.” Cas was stumbling over his words. “I mean, you already know yourself, but it means explaining bi to everyone else, or just accepting that they’ll think you’re gay…”
Matt sighed. He knew that much, at least. “I guess so. And I don’t feel… equipped to date you yet. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend.”
“You’ve dated women, haven’t you?” Cas asked.
Matt frowned. It was hard to explain what he meant, which probably meant he wasn’t clear on it himself. “Yeah, but… two or three, and it didn’t last long. And I haven’t dated a man.”
“I haven’t dated anyone but men,” Cas said slowly, rubbing Ma
tt’s shoulder. “So take this with a grain of salt. But is it really any different? You’re still you.”
“But I felt like when I dated women, I was expected—if not by her, by everyone around us—to take charge,” Matt said. He was speaking at about the same rate he was figuring it out himself, and he just hoped he didn’t say anything stupid. He lit up a little more as every thought occurred to him. “I think that’s what it is. I was supposed to have a game plan, to ask her out each time, to be the one chasing her.”
“And you want a turn being chased,” Cas surmised, which said a lot about how Cas was feeling right now.
Matt took his hand and squeezed it. “No. I think you deserve to feel like a catch. But I want to feel like I deserve you.”
The words hung in the air between them for a few moments as Cas caught his breath and met his eyes. “You do,” Cas finally murmured, frowning as he kissed him. Against his lips, he murmured, “You so do. Where’s this coming from?”
Matt had no idea. He shrugged, struggling to hold it together. “I just… stress. Sorry.”
“About the protestors? Talk to me,” Cas urged.
But it felt like if he put their thoughts into words, a part of him would start to believe them and doubt himself. “Am I doing the right thing by not granting their demands? I mean, set aside whether they have the right to hold my business hostage over their agenda, but what if my gym isn’t doing what I wanted? What if that’s why I don’t have many members? Because nobody feels safe there?”
Fuck. He hadn’t expected to think of that possibility, and now that he had, it hurt.
Caspian flicked his shoulder a few times. “Hey. Matt.” He kissed his cheek. “I felt safe there, like I haven’t anywhere with a changing room since I realized I was gay. I was always the guy in the corner of the gym trying not to look for too long at anyone else.”
Matt had heard that story before, but he wasn’t completely convinced. “Sure, but then… what if something does happen? I don’t want to be the guy who proved them right.”
“You don’t trust people,” Cas murmured quietly. “You clearly have, but you don’t right now. Do you want to talk about that?”
Matt flinched. “No.”
“Okay. I can’t talk to you about this if you don’t want to talk.” Cas rubbed his back. “But try to figure out where that fear is coming from.”
A small part of Matt knew, because it felt like he was back in middle school being laughed at by all the girls.
How dare he try to have anything nice? Anything good in his life? Hell, anyone pretty on his arm?
That was why he felt like he didn’t deserve it—because he hadn’t really changed since being the loner kid in the corner all those years ago. Even now, he vaguely recognized and was recognized by most people his own age around town, but he’d never formed solid friendships.
He hadn’t even had Myspace, because he’d had nobody to friend. He was one of those pieces of furniture or wall ornaments that everyone sort of noticed out of the corner of their eye, but nobody really knew.
It was like he’d wasted his chance, and now… try as he might to build community… he was on the outside, looking in.
He wrapped his arms tightly around Caspian. Cas was one of the few people to stop and look at him, and listen—and he had since the beginning. I’m not letting this one go, he thought to himself. Whatever I have to do to keep him around, I’ll do it.
“You okay?” Cas murmured breathlessly as Matt squeezed him.
“I will be. With a friend like you,” Matt added, trying to express his gratitude.
“Friend?” Cas repeated softly, and Matt’s first reaction was to flinch, his hold loosening. When Cas didn’t let go, though, Matt realized that it wasn’t the attack he’d perceived.
Of course he’s not saying you’re not friends, dumbass, he lectured himself a moment later. He’s saying he wants something other than friendship. “Um… or…?”
“If you’re not ready to date, then that’s cool,” Cas said softly. “But I haven’t hooked up with anyone else since we’ve been talking, and I haven’t even wanted to. Which is, hah, weird for me.”
“Me neither.” Matt rubbed his cheek against Cas’s shoulder. “And?”
“And I don’t think we could be just friends. Not when we’re so obviously into each other.” Cas gave him a sly grin. “Even by text, I can’t keep my hands to myself.”
It only took that one smile before Matt felt heat burning his cheeks and the itch in his fingers to let them wander under the collar of Cas’s shirt. “Agreed. So, I guess… we’re an item of some kind?”
Cas thought for a second before he hummed and looked at Matt. “You know how they used to say going steady if you were exclusive, but you weren’t yet using the labels like boyfriend?”
“So, more serious than dating—that is, going on dates—but less serious than boyfriends?” Matt grinned. “Like relationship training wheels?”
Cas smiled. “If it helps you take the pressure off, then yes. We can even celebrate it with an old-fashioned date at Rocket. Fountain sodas for all.”
Despite reassuring Cas he didn’t need to be chased, Matt felt a smile blossom across his face and warm his heart when Cas took a turn asking him out. “Yes. Yeah, I’d like that.”
“And you can stay the night some more and experience life on a comfy mattress,” Cas said, smirking.
Matt groaned. “Okay, but I’m opening the gym tomorrow. I’ll need to stop by home tonight.”
Cas paused and then chuckled. “Probably just as well. This place is a disaster zone. The bedroom’s the only clear place. You’d trip over stray wood going to the bathroom at night.”
“I’m not that big, but thanks,” Matt countered with a smirk.
Cas snorted and kissed him. “You had to make it dirty.”
“It was just begging for it.”
“I’ll make you beg for it.”
Boom. Like that, Matt was suddenly interested in touring the bedroom. “You could show me that clear bedroom now. If you wanted.”
Cas grinned. “I thought you might say that.” He grabbed Matt and towed him to the bedroom, steering him around boxes, a label printer, and several binders with papers spilling out.
God, the mess in here made Matt positively itchy. He was kind of glad to be escaping into the bedroom already.
It was a little sanctuary in here, with clear furniture tops, no piles of crafting materials, and light, cool colors. He could definitely relax in here for hours.
If he had hours to spare in his own work life. Ah, young adulthood.
“I really liked sucking you off,” Matt confessed. “I wanna do that again.” If their relationship was founded on good sex, he was going to do much more of that until he was certain he was getting it right.
Cas peeled off his shirt in slow motion, turning on the spot to let Matt get a good view of him as he did so. “How about sixty-nining?”
“A man with great ideas. And a great…” Matt gestured, suddenly losing the word to describe what he was doing. “Motion?”
“I’m full of great motions,” Cas agreed, his eyes sparkling. He shoved Matt to sit on the bed and straddled his lap, leaning in to kiss him a few times. “How did I find my perfect unicorn?”
Matt burst out laughing. “You’re gonna hold that over me forever, aren’t you, Swishy?”
“I don’t plan to hold it over you. More in you,” Cas winked. “Scoot up. Come on.”
Matt wriggled up the bed, and he had to admit already that Caspian’s place was just more comfortable. He’d kept his own apartment as cheap as possible, which meant bringing the bargain-basement furniture from the old place in Houston. It was nice and bright, but he wasn’t sure it would impress anyone. Least of all Cas.
On the other hand, Caspian knew what it was like to be a small business owner. A few grand could pay for pinpad security on the gym door. He couldn’t go dropping it on a new mattress.
God, he needed
to turn his brain off. The guy of his dreams was getting naked over him and he was thinking about business? Matt let his dick do the talking as he squirmed out of his clothes, running his hand up Caspian’s thigh. A gentle touch did best to turn Cas on, he’d noticed.
Sure enough, as he grazed bare skin, Cas gasped. “Matt… Let me know if I go too hard.”
“You can fuck my mouth however hard you want,” Matt answered, smirking. He hadn’t put long years of work into overcoming his gag reflex for nothing, after all. “Go to town, baby.”
The stifled whimper from Cas, and the way his cock twitched against Matt’s chin, told him all he needed to know about where Caspian’s brain was.
They worked on instinct to slide into one another’s mouths, shimmying until their cocks were at just the right angle.
And then it was perfect. Matt groaned around the thick, warm weight of Caspian in his mouth. He let his tongue circle the head whenever Cas drew his hips up, and tightened his throat around it whenever Cas pushed down.
For the most part it was Cas in charge, and Matt was fine with that. Cas was too effectively taking apart his ability to think via his cock. That wet mouth knew exactly what it was doing as Caspian let the suction slide all the way to the base—sometimes in a quick, shallow rhythm, and sometimes slowly but deep.
Caspian’s hand teased at his balls, sending prickles of adrenaline-tinged delight through his lower belly.
Matt grunted around Cas’s cock and pulled back enough to catch his breath as he kissed the tip. “I’m gonna bite if you keep doing th—ahh!” Cas had figured out that teasing the slit with his tongue made fireworks burst somewhere in Matt’s primal animal brain.
He squirmed against the bed and closed his eyes, barely noticing when Cas turned the other way to crouch between his legs. Only when he peeked at Cas again did he realize how hot that scene looked, too. “Fuck, I’m gonna—I’ll try to warn you, but it might not happen,” he admitted with a breathless laugh.