by Carly White
“I like my women a little more free-thinking and less worried about what I can do for them. I have a feeling your sister would try to get me married off and her knocked up on the first date.”
I had to giggle. It was actually exactly what she would try to do. I could see the way her eyes glinted when he had talked about his contract. All she could see was money when she looked at Curt. “She just might and you would no doubt fall for it hook, line and sinker. Jessa has a way with the fellas. I have always been jealous of her for that.”
“Maybe I would have fallen for it, if I didn’t have my eye on someone else. You have absolutely nothing to be jealous about Lana.”
When he leaned in, I panicked and sat up, nearly knocking into him as I got up. I was still a little unsteady on my feet, the alcohol making my senses less than they should have been. He stood up suddenly with me to help steady me with a hard grip around my waist. I pushed his hands away from my hips, the feel too familiar between us and me not able to handle the way he made me feel. “Thanks but I got it.”
He let me go and for a moment I wished that I hadn’t said anything and I had allowed the moment to happen. He had wanted to kiss me and as much as I wanted him to, there was something holding me back. A man like Curt was no good for me. My mother had always told me that if there was a man that made it hard to think, run. I was always supposed to be looking for the man that made me feel safe. I didn’t feel very safe in that moment or around him. Curt had the ability to leave me practically catatonic, so that couldn’t be good.
I took another step towards the door, half-expecting him to try and stop me but he didn’t. Instead he let me go and I was left to wonder why. He was interested, that much was clear, though he must not have wanted me too much if he was so quick to give up.
“What are you doing out here Lana?”
My dad was standing in the doorway and I closed my mouth. “Just enjoying the night. You told me to get lost.”
His eyes narrowed and Steve looked back at the quarterback that seemed to be doing the same thing. I had a feeling that Curt had seen him before me. Maybe he did want me, but couldn’t say such a thing in front of my father. This gave me new hope, but I still couldn’t have him. Even though I couldn’t, I still wanted him to want me.
I bade the two of them a good night and went back into my parent’s house while the coach and player talked. My sister Jessa was telling my mom how much she liked Curt and I just kind of smiled when she said something to me about it. She was so sure that no one could turn her down. “Good luck with that sis. I am going to go lay down for a bit.”
She looked at me strange, but didn’t say much of anything else. I would be happy when she found another boyfriend to go off with. She liked them rich or moving around. There was no middle ground with Jessa, her last boyfriend being some kind of nomad.
I tried to ignore the look that Curt had given me or the one from father when he had seen us out on the porch. I was supposed to go to a party later, but the vodka on the porch was kicking in and I decided I was better off staying in. It didn’t matter if I went then. None of the men would live up to Curt, so there was no point. I was always so focused on what I couldn’t have that I spent the next hour thinking about that very thing before sleep finally took over.
Chapter 3
Lana
Going back to school was a bummer in some ways, the weekend never long enough. But it was good to get out from underneath my older sister’s watchful gaze. She was always in a mood and if nothing else, at least there was peace when I got back to the dorms. My roommate was out when I got back, so there was nothing to do but enjoy the few moments of quiet after the chaotic weekend.
I didn’t see Curt again after leaving him on the porch. There was some talk when I was going in the house, but he never came back to court Jessa while I was there and she seemed genuinely surprised that she didn’t get what she wanted. I left wondering what would happen between them, but it wasn’t for me to know. He wasn’t for me to be around and the best thing I could do was try to forget about him.
Getting back into the school routine, I found myself thinking less and less about the football star Curt. Exams were coming up and there was always something to do and keep me occupied. I did hear that Jessa had run off with a new beau, but the thought of it being Curt never crossed my mind. I liked the idea that he had turned her down, even though it did nothing for me. It was nice to know that she couldn’t have him.
It was almost a month until I seen dad again. Between the two of us, we just didn’t have time. While mom would come up and see me on campus, dad was a little trickier to pin down and I had to resort to tracking him down at work again. I would have been lying to myself if I didn’t admit that I wanted to see Curt, but I was too late and practice was already over.
He was on his way out when I came into his office and with both of us in there it was cramped and I was thankful that he wanted to get a bite to eat. I don’t know how he worked in there, but he was content with his job.
“So how is school going?”
“Good I guess. I am just ready for the break. It’s only a couple of weeks away.”
“Where are you going to go?”
I didn’t know, but I wasn’t going to go down to Myrtle Beach again. I did that for my senior year in high school with an older friend and after a week had to call my parents and beg for bus money home. I wasn’t going to let it happen like that again, but it was hard not to see the smug look on his face.
“Well I think that is a good decision Lana.”
I walked a little faster to keep up with his long strides. “I was thinking of coming home. I don’t have much of a stipend left anyways and I was thinking I might pick up a couple of shifts at Maryanne’s greenhouse in town. She always has a big rush when the spring plants come in.”
“I know that your mother would like to have one of you around. Ever since your sister left, she has been moping and I just don’t have the strength to keep up with her.”
I laughed a little. Mom liked to talk and dad was the quiet stoic one of the two. It had always worked out because the three girls helped buffer for him. Now that we were all growing up and moving out, poor dad was going to have to find another way to silence his wife. “Fine dad, but you owe me.”
“I will help you with your short fall, just please come home for break.”
I will. There was nowhere else I could go on little to nothing for cash, so it was the best of both worlds. I had this silly need to ask about Curt, but I didn’t want dad to know that I was still thinking about him. We had only met once and though it was enough for me to think about him nonstop, I didn’t think that I could explain how I felt to dad. He wouldn’t get it, I know it.
“Anything else exciting going on since I have been gone?”
“Our boys went to the championship. You remember Curt?”
I nodded my head slowly as if I just barely did.
“Well he has been playing better than ever. It was a good way for him to go out like that. He tried really hard to make a good impression and he did. Now that he is graduating, it feels almost like one of you are graduating.”
“You have always wanted a son.”
“Yes and if you three would marry, I would have one. But it wasn’t like that. He lost his dad a couple years back when he was playing his freshmen year. Curt has had it rough and I think both of us looked at each other as if we were more. I always saw him as a son.”
“I know. I didn’t realize he had lost his own father. That must suck because he didn’t get to see him achieve everything he wanted.”
“That’s what he said.”
“Then you have to be there for him.”
“Do you think I should go to the graduation?”
I shook my head that he should. “He looks up to you, it was obvious. There is nothing wrong with going to support one of the students. That’s why you got into coaching in the first place right? To make a difference.”
&
nbsp; “You’re right. Your mother says that I am just over thinking it too much and I should just relax.”
“Well…”
“I know, but easier said than done. I think you are right though. I don’t know why I am thinking about this so much. Of course I should go and see my guys graduate.”
He seemed more relaxed when we got to the restaurant. I hadn’t seen him so on edge before and I wondered why. I wanted to ask more questions, say something clever, but I couldn’t think of any way to ask what I wanted to without getting him suspicious as to why I am asking it in the first place.
“So what else is going on with you dad? I haven’t seen you in over a month and mom doesn’t tell me anything.”
“No I guess she is too excited to be planning your sister’s wedding.”
“Which one?”
“Jessa of course.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t expecting that. “I thought she took off with some singer?”
“She did, but apparently she found the love of her life when she was on the road with him.”
“Why do I get a feeling that it wasn’t the singer that she fell in love with?”
He smiled and shrugged. We both knew Jessa and though it was hard to imagine what she was going to do from day to day, it was clear that she was up to her old tricks again. “Yeah I guess she fell in love with a roadie that helped take the equipment from place to place. The marriage just came up out of nowhere and your mother thinks that there is a reason for the rush.”
I couldn’t help smiling back. It sounded about right and the fact that she didn’t care was funny to me. It also meant that maybe there would be less pressure now for me. With Jessa pregnant and about to be married, that gave me some breathing room.
“So she is happy about it?”
“Of course. She has wanted a grandchild for a long time now. As soon as Jessa went off to college, she started to plan her grandchildren.”
We sat down at a corner booth and ordered drinks. He kept giving me this look that I wasn’t all too comfortable with. Dad had something to say and he wasn’t sure how he was going to say it. I waited for him to say something, but the drinks and food had come before he said anything of real consequence.
“So about Curt…”
My ears perked up. He was bringing up the very person I wanted to talk about but couldn’t ask about. I looked over at him and then back down like I was not that interested. “Yeah, what about him?”
“I think he has a bit of a crush on you Lana.”
He just stopped and I was left holding my breath. For one it was the last thing that I would think that he would talk about and for two, I couldn’t believe my ears. Surely I had heard it wrong.
“What do you mean?”
“Come on Lana. I don’t know what you guys talked about on the porch that one evening, but I could tell there was something there.”
I felt my cheeks growing red. “Dad, I can’t talk to you about this.” I was becoming mortified to be honest and I wanted him to stop talking immediately. I had never talked to him about boys and now that I was an adult, the reality of it was even worse than the fiction I had created in my head.
“I am not trying to talk to you about it, just to say that if you are going to be in town, you should go say hi. I gave him your cell number. He has honestly driven me crazy asking about you.”
“Okay.”
There was nothing else to say and the rest of the meal was as awkward as those two minutes were. I don’t know why he said anything to me about it, but I couldn’t help but have a little hope. What had I said to him to make me so unforgettable to a guy like Curt?
Chapter 4
Curt
“Curt are you ready?”
I was back home for the afternoon to go to the graduation with mom. She was excited and Nick was there as well. His parents were vacationing and couldn’t be bothered to come home. So he was riding with us and then we planned to go to a huge party in town later that evening.
“Yeah, just give me a minute.”
The tie was not a clip on like I asked for. I still do not remember how they tie and after another few minutes of staring at myself in the mirror and getting no closer to anything resembling what I wanted for a knot, I pulled it off and went into the other room.
“Your coach just pulled up. Is he coming too?”
I looked out to see Coach Steve walking up the steps. I had mentioned something about it to him a couple of weeks ago, but he hadn’t said one way or another if he was going to come or not. I figured that he wouldn’t. I had messed up and asked about his daughter one time too many. I didn’t mean to, but I just had to see her and talk to her. The last time I had talked to him, he had given me a number to call her, though I still hadn’t called her yet.
“I asked him a couple of weeks ago, but he didn’t tell me one way or another.”
“Well I guess he is coming. Go answer the door while I put my earrings in.”
I went to the door and opened it before he could hit the doorbell. “Hey Curt. Looking good. I am glad they went without the robes this year. Suit and tie is always a better choice.”
“You think so? I was hoping for the robes, but either way it doesn’t matter. As long as I get the degree and don’t have to go back.”
“You did good Curt. You should be proud of yourself. I am proud of you.”
“Thanks Coach.”
I moved back to let him in and shut the door after him. He saw the tie in my hand and offered to help. There was a moment, a second that I wished it was my dad asking, but it was gone and I was left thankful for the offer. I was ready to just go without.
“I was just coming by to make sure you were going. I will be riding in with my daughter, so I will see you there.”
I tried to hide the glimmer of hope. It was so not like me. If I wanted a girl, she always wanted me just as bad and I could just take it. Half the time it was offered to me, but ever since I had finally met Lana, she was all I could think about. It was her father though, so I just shrugged and told him I would see him there.
“I thought your coach was here?”
“He was. Just letting me know that he was coming and to wish me luck.”
“That was nice of him. He has always been good to you. Ever since…”
I couldn’t talk about it. “I know. Let’s just get going before we are late mom.”
She took the cue and I followed her out to the car. She insisted on driving with me, so I was forced to listen to her country music the whole way. I wasn’t thinking about her or the radio or even graduation, I was thinking about the soft-spoken Lana that had caught my attention months before. I had admired her from afar and was better off than when I met her. Now all I could do was think about her and since no one else compared, that left me a long time to miss the physical aspects of women. They were all a waste of time though and I hadn’t even tried.
Nick noticed, but after a time, I think he knew. He knew me too well and we had talked about her once or twice. Nick thought I was crazy to talk to the coach about her, thinking that giving me the number was a set up. The piece of paper was in my pocket, had been for a week, still unused.
“You are awfully quiet Curt. Are you sure you are okay?”
“Yeah, just thinking. A lot is going to change. The draft is in a month and then who knows.”
“That is what is exciting about it. I thought you wanted to play football?”
“I do. Of course I do, what else is there? But I don’t know where I am going to go and it just seems like a big change.”
She looked over at me with those sad eyes. “It will be good for you to have a change. I will be doing some traveling and you will be living your dream. I think we should be thankful son, not so stressed. It is all going to be okay.”
It was what mothers said. I knew that, but I really wanted to believe her optimism. I really wanted to believe that is was all going to be okay and work out somehow. I should have been excited, she was right.
My life was spelled out for me already. I had a job and salary that was going to be more than anyone else in my town, as well as most of the country. I should have been happy, but there was something holding me back. There was something missing and though I didn’t even say her name in my mind, there was one part of my life that was not where I wanted it to be. What was the point of having everything if I didn’t have anyone else to share it with?
I just nodded to her, lost in my own thoughts and what was going to happen the rest of the day. We arrived on time, which was pretty surprising and even though the outside area was packed with people, my eyes scanned for one girl in particular. When I saw the coach and then Lana, my heart skipped a beat. I got bumped from behind and Nick just shook his head. “Let’s get through this Curt and then you can go over there and embarrass yourself.
“Am I that obvious?”
“To me you are and it wasn’t like you were hiding it when you were asking the coach about his daughter all the time. He gave you her number and brought her here. Looks like a good chance that he is okay with it.”
I agreed, but I was still hesitant of it being a trap. What man would want their daughter with someone like me? The last couple of years I had really lost my way and if it wasn’t for Steve, I probably wouldn’t have even made it to graduation. He had seen my anger for what it was, a cry for help or more specifically, pain seeping out of every part of my being. Now I was feeling better, not just because of him, but his daughter as well.
“Let’s hope so, because I was hoping to ask her out after the ceremony. See if she wants to go with me to the party.”
“I don’t know why you would bring a date. There will be plenty of girls at the party to choose from.”