“But somehow getting the girl pregnant falls by the wayside.” We laugh. It isn’t conventional, but none of us would trade anything to take that little one away.
“Shit.” I look over his shoulder.
“What?” He turns and squints his eyes. “Want me to handle it?”
“No, I’ve got it.” My dad appears, and it’s awkward. I’m trying the balance thing Brody suggested, but I feel I take two steps forward and three back. My dad does to. It’s odd. He knows he did wrong, but didn’t see the error of his ways until too much time passed.
“Can I have this dance, Emberlee?” His posture screams uncertainty. I feel bad for him, but a small part of me celebrates in delight. He’s understanding what I’ve been through. I can tell him until I’m blue in the face— experiencing it makes it real.
His arms droop and loosely hold me, and I step in, letting him embrace me. “Your mom and I were talking about taking a vacation this summer. You up for it?”
“No. I’m helping Brecklynn get settled this summer, and Brody’s taking courses so his schedule is pretty hectic.” And I’m that girl. They don’t necessarily need me under foot, but I don’t want to leave him. I’m insecure with myself and working through it, but being separated from him isn’t an option for me at this time.
“I understand. Maybe you could bring them by for a few cookouts. All of you.” He sweeps his gaze over to my friends standing and talking, keeping an eye out for trouble brewing with my dad and me.
“I’m going to tell them when Saylor and Deacon get back from their honeymoon.” I don’t need to elaborate what ‘it’ is— it’s the elephant in the room.
“You haven’t?” He’s taken back.
“No. I’m still processing and being with Brody and stuff.” Things were still raw with my mistakes, and I didn’t want to bring Adriane up. I haven’t heard from her in months, and I haven’t tried to reach her.
“I’m happy for you. He loves you.” I know he does. When he isn’t saying it, he’s showing me.
“I love him.”
“I’m going to impart some fatherly advice, even if I don’t have the right.” He stops moving to the music and pulls me off the dance floor. “You’re young in years, but you’re wise. I trust you to know what your heart wants, but I don’t want you to sacrifice your dreams for anyone.”
I tilt my head and level him with a stare. “Do you know what my dreams are?”
His mouth droops, and he shakes his head in embarrassment. “I don’t have huge career aspirations, Dad. I’m pretty organized, so maybe I can be a party planner, help with events— but more than anything I want to have a family. I want to be a wife. A mom. That’s what brings me joy when I picture it.”
“You’re only twenty.” No shit, Sherlock.
“I’m aware. I didn’t say tomorrow. I’m going to finish school— get my degree. I haven’t declared a major and don’t know if I will.”
I’m expecting an argument. A list of pros and cons. I’m waiting for his iron fist parenting method to rear its head. “You’ll be a damn fine wife. An excellent mom. If that’s what you want, baby girl, I’m supporting you. Just give me some time to get my father status where it needs to be before you add the grandfather title.” My heart warms a bit. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked.
“It isn’t a cop out, Dad. I’ve dreamed of this.”
“Emberlee, you’ve just told me you want to take the hardest job in the world; I know it isn’t you copping out or being lazy. I’m saying you’ll be wonderful at it because you have the strength to lead your family and hold them together. You have the heart to love through adversity and strife. You have it all.” His arms hug me, and he turns me to my friends. “Go, have fun. We’ll catch up with you before we leave. Us stuffy adults need to catch up.” I glance to the table he’s referring to and Mason, Caden’s, Avery’s, Deacons, and Saylor’s parents are all sitting at the table laughing and watching the room.
“Behave.” I wink. It’s weird to see Saylor’s parents sitting where Sophie and Mark did, but it’s a nice fit. A definite upgrade. Funny, they’ve discarded their granddaughter like they did their daughter. Times like this I start to feel sorry for Adriane, but I stop myself. She had choices. She had the means to make different decisions, and she sure as shit isn’t suffering. Some of us are wired differently, and she’s on her own where I’m concerned.
Making my way over to everyone, Brody snags me. “You good?” I smile at his concern.
Brushing my lips against his, “Yeah, I’m good.” And I am.
“Let’s hit the floor, ladies.” Brecklynn is pushing us all in the middle, and we leave the men folk on the sidelines.
‘The Wobble’ begins and our skirts get hiked up, shoes kicked off . . . and hips moving. Our laughter spurs us, and the guys’ eyes studying us cause us to be a bit more risqué in shaking what our mommas gave us.
Deacon is the first to cave, picking up Saylor amid our laughter and teasing. Brody tries to act nonchalant, but his hands rest on my hips before Saylor’s feet hit the ground.
“Holy shit, both of you are a disgrace to the dick race,” Mason says with disgust.
“Why are you so worried about where everyone else is sticking their dick?” Brecklynn asks as she shimmies to the floor and back up, keeping Mason’s attention.
“Because his is so small he has to focus on everybody else’s,” Saylor answers for him.
“That’s not what the girls say. Isn’t that right, Lee Lee?” As soon as the words leave his mouth, he realizes his mistake.
I laugh along with the rest of us. But Brody— he isn’t amused if his growl and glare are any indication. Brecklynn looks quizzically and shit, she doesn’t know the history there.
“Can’t wait to get your ass back in the weight room.” Brody snarls, storming off to the bar.
“Fuck, Lee Lee. I didn’t mean it.” Mason’s worried.
“It’s fine. It was a joke, and if he can’t handle it, I need to know. Don’t worry.” I hug him, fixing to go search for my wounded Neanderthal.
“Why’s he pissed?” Brecklynn inserts herself, and I don’t want to have this conversation with her.
“History.” That’s all I can offer. My boyfriend is downing whiskey like he’s the taste tester for Wild Turkey.
Her eyes are huge as she sputters. “You slept with him.”
I nod. “I’ll explain later.” I see her eyes flash hurt, and she turns and leaves the dance floor. “This is going fucking great.”
“I’ll fix it, Lee Lee.” Mason starts to the bar.
“No, Mace. I’ll handle him. You didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong. We weren’t together.” That startling fact fuels my fire. I scurry through a few people and walk up, pulling the glass from his hand. “That was uncalled for.”
“His comment was uncalled for.” His tone is one he hasn’t used on me. He’s barking, pissed, sad— most of all he’s unjustified in his actions.
“It was a joke, Brody. A harmless humorless joke. It’s what we do. If Mason and I were ever serious, do you think all of us could joke like that?” I get it can be awkward for him, but we each have a past; we aren’t entering this relationship squeaky clean. Wait, I did. “And you were my first. I can say that. I can offer you that platitude. You have a past. I didn’t treat Melody with disrespect when she came spewing your lies to hurt me. That was done with a purpose. What happened back there,” I sweep my hand over the dance floor, “was a mistake. A joke. A laughable moment.”
“It didn’t feel that way. He reminded everyone he’s fucked you. Including the current guy you’re fucking.” My palm itches to meet his face, but somehow I refrain.
“Wow. That’s nice, Brody. Yep, we fucked. He didn’t need to remind everyone because they all fucking knew. I’m sorry your feelings are hurt. I’m sorry I didn’t pine for you and wear a chastity belt for three years while you fucked yourself through the pain you inflicted. I’m sorry for it f
ucking all.” I leave him there with his amber liquid and go back to my friends.
Brecklynn is in the mix, dancing and laughing, oblivious to her earlier irritation. “You okay?” Avery pushes next to me.
“Not really, but I can’t control his reactions or feelings.” I brush it off, but I’m bothered. I have to stop measuring my worth by how others perceive me.
I laugh doing the ‘Cupid Shuffle’ and watch the way Deacon cradles Julie, dancing with her. Saylor’s eyes are glued to them, and I hate myself for trying to break it up.
“It’s fine. They’re fine. We’re fine.” Avery bumps me with her hip. “Enjoy tonight.”
“Oh, Brecklynn said she was gonna come home with you and stay if that’s okay.” I almost forgot and that would have been bad. “But I’ll probably end up there, too.”
“I have plans.” She grins and looks down. “I’ll give her my key and make sure she has a way there. I started moving my stuff in the master since Saylor moved and you’re never home.” She winks at me.
“That’s fine. She can take my room, and I’ll sleep on the couch.” I shrug.
“No. My bed is still in my old room. I was just letting you know so you weren’t shocked.” She pushes my shoulder and directs me back to dancing.
“So your plans include you being gone all night?” I tease.
“Maybe. Batteries get expensive. Sometimes a girl needs the real thing.”
I laugh and all of a sudden our parents join us. They’re whooping and laughing. ‘Blurred Lines’ by Robin Thicke plays, and our parents start dancing. A glorified electric slide but still . . . when did this happen? My dad is gyrating— as well as the others— there couldn’t be enough bleach to erase this nightmare. Mason and Caden start molesting all the moms, dirty dancing with them so Avery and I join in and take the dads. Saylor covers Julie’s eyes and Deacon’s eyes are locked on his girls.
Saying our goodbyes to everyone, I still haven’t seen Brody since the bar encounter. Caden comes and drops his arm over my shoulder. “Need a ride home?” I search the area and don’t see anyone else. “Everyone else is square.”
“Sounds good.” I lean against him as he guides me to his car.
“Brody’s apartment or you spending the night in your own bed?” He’s teasing, but I burst into tears. I don’t know if I’ll ever spend another night in his bed. All over something stupid. “Hey, Lee Lee. Calm down. It’ll be fine.”
“You don’t know that. Hell, I don’t know that. I can’t change the fact Mason and I slept together. I don’t want to. It’s part of my history, and I had my reasons.” Mason and I were friends first. And we always would be.
“Guys’ perspective . . . it ain’t cool.” I scoff at his defense of Brody’s actions. “No, really. We know if y’all aren’t a virgin. But being face to face with someone else who’s been up in you— not cool. Saying that, if he loves you or wants this, he finds a way to get over it.”
“You’re contradicting yourself. He shouldn’t have to face someone that used to fuck me, but he has to so we can be together. What everyone is forgetting is this would be a moot point if he hadn’t pussied out and bailed without an explanation.”
We’re at a red light, so he throws his hands up. “Whoa. Don’t shoot the messenger. It’s weird all around. Mace has to be leery of what he says— which isn’t easy because we’ve never censored our conversations. Brody, I guarantee it, is constantly looking at every surface wondering if you’ve been defiled on it.” I laugh, in spite of my nerves. “You have to decide what you can deal with or what your bottom line is.”
“I love him.” I face Caden. “I love Mace. I put someone before my friends once, and I won’t do it again.”
It’s a mind fuck. Either way I may lose something. “No, Lee Lee. I’m not telling you to make a choice. Mason would never make you, and I don’t think Brody would either. What I meant was you have to make a decision. We’re growing up. If you separate yourself from the group, it’s understandable. It’d hurt like hell, but if you love him, isn’t it about sacrifice? Putting the other first.” His words claw at my skin. “Have you told him the truth? I know he knows it was a friend’s thing, but does he know it wasn’t a constant thing for three years? That it didn’t change your friendship? Does he know you love him?”
“No. I won’t make a choice. We’ve said we’ll always be together. Deacon and Saylor are married with a kid, and they still live two doors down from me. Saylor’s able to be around us knowing we’ve all seen Deacon with other girls. Hell, we were friends with the baby momma. If I put him first shouldn’t he do the same— if he did, this would be a moot point.” I’m freaking over an issue, and I don’t know if there’s cause for concern.
“Calm down.” He takes my hand to calm me. “Have you explained to him what it was you and Mason were doing?” I nod. “I knew this was gonna fuck something up. We tried to warn y’all.” I giggle.
“I don’t know. It may be a non-issue. Brody seemed intent on entering a committed relationship with his glass of alcohol tonight. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.” I open the door to head inside.
“Want some company?” He’s such a great guy, but he’s also a dog. He may be quiet with what he does, but I know he’s getting laid tonight, and I won’t fuck his plans up.
“Nah. Brecklynn is supposed to stay here, but she may have gone with Brody.”
He gives me a confused look. “Nah. Mason said he was giving her a ride.” Seems like he wants to say more, but he won’t. I know better than to push.
“Okay. See ya.” I kiss his cheek and unlock the door. It’s quiet. And dark. Lonely. Stripping off my dress, cleaning my face, and finding some comfortable sleep clothes, I tuck myself into bed and replay the night in my head. I don’t know where I went wrong. I don’t know how to reassure Brody or fix his feelings.
A tear threatens to fall, but I fight it. I’m tired and emotional, and I have a problem with jumping to conclusions without the facts. Except, the facts seem pretty clear tonight.
Loud banging a few hours later startles me from sleep. Avery must have forgotten to give Brecklynn a key. Sighing, I throw the covers off and make my way to the door.
Letting her leave without me was a mistake— one I realize too late. My ego was hurt with no good reason. It bothers me, and I can’t pinpoint why. I’ve slept with other people . . . is it something I want to rehash and have thrown in her face? No.
Mason is her friend. He’s in her life. If I plan to be a part of it, I need to make peace or figure how to deal. That’s all there is to it. Grabbing an Uber, I hurry to her house. I’m not drunk but don’t need to be driving when I spent most of the night trying to befriend Wild Turkey.
I rush up the driveway and pound on the door. The house is pitch black, and I remember my sister was supposed to be here. I hope she sleeps through us sorting our shit out.
Her eyes squint from the porch light shocking her system, but she recovers. “What are you doing here?” She steps back and gives me space to enter. That’s a good sign; she didn’t slam the door in my face.
“To apologize. Beg for forgiveness. Tell you what an idiot I am.” I rush, fighting every instinct to pull her close and hold tight.
“Okay. Go ahead.” I stare, mouth open, and run her tone through my head. Go ahead. With what? “I hope you telling me what you were going to do isn’t your version of doing them. I’m waiting for an epic apology . . . don’t disappoint.” Her smile is fighting to hide, and I release a pent-up breath.
Taking the steps to put us chest to chest, I hold her face in my hands. “I’m sorry.” A kiss to her forehead. “I’m sorry.” A kiss to her nose. “I’m so sorry.” A brush of our lips. Bending, I sweep her in my arms, holding her cradle style. “Please forgive me.” I start the kissing sequence over. “Please forgive me.” Starting the trek to her room, I hoist her higher. “I’m an idiot. A bonehead. A nitwit.” I drop her to the bed. “I’m sorry, babe.”
She pulls my head to h
ers and gives me a kiss, tongue sweeping in my mouth, mine following suit. Breaking our connection too soon, her hands push me up. “That was epic, but it doesn’t fix things. Is it always going to be like this with Mason?”
I sigh and collapse next to her. “I want to tell you I won’t behave like this again . . .but I’d be lying because I don’t know if I will. I understand he’s one of your best friends, but there are times it grates on my nerves and lights me up when I remember or I’m reminded of the time he got with you when I didn’t.”
Sitting up, she punches me in the arm. It doesn’t hurt, but it gains my attention. “First.” I roll my eyes because she’s going to give me a list, and that’s bad. “We agreed to leave the past in the past. But if you’re going to punish me and Mason for this, place the blame where it goes. With you. You left. You ended things— or you had someone do your dirty work. That’s the last time I’m bringing that shit up and I’d advise you to do the same.” Her cheeks tinge red, and she’s beautiful— but she’s far from done. “Second, do you fully grasp the relationship I had with him?” I roll over and she stops me. “No. You have some warped idea what we were, what we did. In three years we had sex maybe twenty times. You and I have topped that in a weekend. We weren’t in a committed relationship. We used each other, and we were okay with it. It’s been a joke with us, all of us, because we knew what it was. I’ve tried to explain it to you, but you don’t listen. Or you hear some convoluted shit in your head. We had sex. It’s weird for you. He’ll always be in my life, so you make the choice— are you?” I’m trying to process her words. I know it in the recesses of my mind she’s made her point, but it’s weird. Yet, I get it. She has the habit of hiding from shit by forging another issue— in this case sex. She uses it to hide feelings. But with us, I make her feel things other than pleasure with sex. She feels the connection, the passion, the love— the commitment.
“I get it. I’m working on it.” I want to stop this conversation.
“I love you, Brody. You. I can’t do this unhealthy back and forth shit. You promised me safety, and I know it’s hard, but I can’t be with someone who is going to break his promises to me. I’m still dealing with that issue on the home front.” Her eyes are clear, and she sounds strong. Stronger than I’ve heard her in a long time.
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