Darkest Dreams

by Jennifer St Giles

  “Do you sail naked?” I asked.

  He frowned, puzzled by my question. “Your skin is darkened everywhere,” I said.

  “I swim often in the cove during the summer and occasionally nap on the beach in the warm sand.”

  “Outside without your clothes where just anyone could wander by?”

  “Considering it’s my land, just anyone isn’t apt to wander by, and my servants know to give me privacy. But I daresay there are worse things than spying a naked man on the beach should someone happen to stumble my way.”

  “Worse things? I was thinking that I hadn’t ventured far enough this summer.”

  Alex laughed, and the gleam of desire in his eyes darkened. “For this to work properly we need some pillows,” he said.

  “For what to work?”

  He held up the figurine and I gasped, shaking my head. “That’s impossible.”

  “Trust me,” he said softly.

  “Trust you?” I glared at the little jade carving. “You aren’t the one standing on your head. Just exactly what is the point of being intimate like that? He can’t even kiss her if he wanted to.”

  He laughed and gave me a quick kiss and climbed onto the bed. Then he began stacking pillows up in the center of it. I was gauging how far it was from my clothes to the bathroom, wondering if I could make a quick escape. I had to have picked the least intriguing, most impossibly uncomfortable… Great heavenly day, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to gently seduce me, sweep me off my feet with sweet words and soft music and a laughing smile. But maybe that only happened when a man loved a woman rather than just lusted for her, and Alex had made it very clear there was no place in his life for love. Tears burned in my eyes, and I drew a deep breath. This was what I had decided as well. There was no place in my life for love, for no man could live with my secret. Knowing all of this didn’t take the burn away. The burn of wanting things different, nor the burn of knowing they would never be different.

  “Andrie.” Alex whispered my name as if it were the most sacred of words. “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes,” I said, turning to him. Seven pillows made a huge wedge in the center of the large bed, but Alex wasn’t kneeling or sitting beside them as I expected. He was lying across the bottom of the bed on his back with one hand cupped behind his head. The other hand he held out to me. I knew that by taking his hand, I was committing myself to experience all that I could of his passion before reality would steal everything away. I loved him. I didn’t have a choice.

  I set my hand in his and he drew me closer, pressing my palm to his chest. The solid thud of his heart thrummed beneath hot, rippling muscle.

  “Touch me, feel me, and when you’re ready to explore further we can try the pillows. Intimacy is about pleasure for you and for me, and if something doesn’t fall within those guidelines then it doesn’t belong here and isn’t important. You’re so arousing, so sensual and responsive that I forget all of this is new to you. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with the challenge and the Kama Sutra figures. All I have been able to think about since you left yesterday is making love to you again, and I found the situation extremely arousing. I’ve never let myself be around anyone long enough to even play such a game.”

  Though I still trembled inside as if I were on shaky ground, his words and the loneliness lying starkly beneath them wrapped around me and tugged me impossibly closer to him. I had to be honest as well. “It was arousing. It made my heart beat so hard that I almost became dizzy. I don’t know what happened. If you had marched in and swept me off my feet where I didn’t have to think then I might not have started feeling so strange. Does everyone talk so much when they are being intimate?”

  “Hardly,” he said. “If they did maybe there wouldn’t be as many mistakes made, because talking requires thought and not just feeling.”

  “Are we making a mistake?” I asked, afraid for us both.

  “Maybe, but not like many are made. Both of us appear to have made a choice here, am I wrong?”

  “No.” I slid my finger down the thin path of hair bisecting his stomach. He sucked in air, and his arousal jerked upward. “Did I hurt you?”

  “Quite the opposite.” He moved his hand over mine and brought it to the burgeoning tip of his sex. He was hot and very hard and so surprisingly soft that I circled my fingertip all the way around his sex and then slipped it down the long length of him. He groaned. “You pleasure me greatly,” he said.

  Embolden, I repeated my motions, exploring further. The hard length of his thighs and legs felt so much more powerful than the softness of mine that it was difficult to believe I could make him tremble, but I did. I made him tremble and sweat and grow almost frantically needy when I spread my touch to all of him, then kissed him everywhere too.

  He rolled as he ended the kiss, angling himself above me. “My turn now,” he said, his green eyes gleaming dark with desire. The power I had over him awed me, for I realized that he was just as vulnerable and just as needy as I had been yesterday. Between his kisses and his questing tongue plundering my every curve and secret, my breasts soon ached, and my sex burned with a fire only he could assuage. I arched my hips against him. “Fill me,” I said, writhing with my desire to have him inside me.

  He kissed me long and hard. “Gladly.”

  Scooping me into his arms, he set me on top of the pillows on my back so that my bottom was high and my head low. Blood rushed dizzyingly to my head. I might have protested, but he slid between my legs, leaned down, and kissed my sex thoroughly. My fists gripped the covers, and I cried out from the erotic waves sweeping over me.

  He rose up, sliding my legs along his body until my heels rested on his shoulders. Then he grabbed my hips and drove himself deep inside of me, going farther than before, going so deep that for a moment I thought I would split apart. But he rubbed his thumb directly on my most sensitive spot, pulling my hips higher into the air as he rocked deeper and deeper into me. My shuddering release was so forceful, so intensely pleasurable that my entire body shook. My lungs spasmed for air, and my mind filled with an unbelievable euphoria, obliterating any thoughts but that of the pleasure washing over me in wave after wave.

  Then Alex slid my legs from his shoulders so that my knees hugged his hips. He leaned down and over me, pressing himself slowly deeper until he could kiss me by bracing his hands on the bed beside my head. He made one last thrust of his hips as his tongue mated with mine and his release shuddered through us both. I couldn’t read any of his thoughts. His mind was filled with the feel of his blood rushing to his head and the pleasure claiming him.

  I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close, wondering what other heavens the figurines in the box would lead to. I knew I was closer to Alex at that moment than I would ever be to another ever again, and I knew our time together wasn’t meant to last.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “I’ll race you back to the picnic,” I called as I spurred Delilah past Alex, who was astride Samson. Sand flew and the sea waves lapped at the horses’ legs as we rushed along the shore with the salty wind and the hot sun beating upon our faces.

  “On what wager?” he shouted.

  “I’m still recovering from your last challenge,” I said. “And you’ve yet to pay up from the duel I won the day before.”

  He laughed and reached my side. “Yes, I did. You asked for me and got me. I’ve been meaning to ask where in the devil you learned that trick.”

  I slowed my pace to lead him into a false sense of security. There was no way Delilah could actually beat Samson all the way back down the beach, but if I timed things just right I could spurt ahead and beat Alex at the last minute. “Your brother,” I told him, deciding to give him the truth whether he wanted to hear it or not. “Sean caught me pilfering fencing books from the library, and I had to confess that you were teaching me. He decided to give Cassie and me lessons the next morning and thought I needed an ace up my sleeve if I was going to match s
words with you. You know, he is almost as good as you are, and probably more deadly. The cane he uses to balance on has a secret dagger on the tip.”

  “Stop,” Alex shouted as if in pain, his expression dark. “I don’t want to know or hear any more.” He leaped ahead and went thundering down the beach, going faster than I’d ever seen a person race on a horse.

  “Wait, Alex,” I yelled. “You have to at least listen to me.” I sent Delilah after Samson, realizing too late that I didn’t quite have the skill to properly hold on while galloping that fast through the surf. Frightened, I jerked back on the reins. Delilah squealed in fear and reared up. I went flying into the sea, landing on my back, slightly stunned by the cool water. Before I could catch my breath or stand a huge wave slammed into me, rolling me over and sucking me deeper as it washed back into the sea. Water went up my nose, my eyes stung, and my lungs burned with the need to breathe. I fought for a footing, but my skirts weighed me down, making it almost impossible for me to move. Panic that I could die rushed through me, and I floundered wildly.

  A sense of surreal slowness took over my body. Through my burning vision, I could see the water whoosh around me. I could see my hair floating about me. I could see my arm stretch for the light and my skirts move as I tried to kick my way to it. An inky blackness stole into my mind and I knew that, as impossible as it seemed, I was moments away from death.

  I wasn’t frightened as much as I was angered. I didn’t want to die. I hadn’t loved everyone enough. Hadn’t told them how much they meant to me. I wanted to see Alex laugh again. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I didn’t want him to be so alone that he had nothing to tie him to this world. I wanted to love him longer. Shoving with all my might, I surged upward, but another wave crashed against me. I could feel it twisting me even though my vision had gone. Then something jerked my arm, and I read Alex’s turbulent thoughts of guilt and fear as he pulled me upward. Wrapping his arm around my waist, he surged to the surface. I broke through to the air, and dragged in deep long breaths. The blackness receded, leaving me dizzy.

  “Don’t you dare think that! It’s not your fault,” I said, gasping.

  Alex looked at me strangely, then shook his head. “Come on,” he said, slipping an arm around me and pulling me against him. He swam backward to the shore. I was shocked to realize just how far the sea had dragged me out in so short a time. The moment we hit the beach, he laid me on the sand and kissed me as if the world had really ended.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Good God, I’m sorry.”

  I blinked salt water from my eyes and thought there were tears falling from his. “Shh,” I said. “It’s not your fault, and I am all right. I panicked and jerked on Delilah’s reins so hard I frightened her, and I fell off when she reared back. You didn’t do that, I did, so you can’t blame yourself.” I sighed with relief that he didn’t bring up the fact that I’d chastised him for blaming himself before he’d verbalized it. The fact that he’d looked at me so strangely in such a dire moment told me that I was right to keep my secret. It would change everything between us were he to find out, and I didn’t want that to happen. Not yet. But guilt that I wasn’t being honest with him about who I was swamped me as hard as the sea had. I couldn’t think about that now. Alex had to understand he wasn’t responsible for what had happened.

  “I went rushing off and left you,” he said grimly.

  “Well, you did do that. You should have at least listened to me before you rushed off. But good Lord, Alex. You can’t blame yourself for every mishap. I am an adult, and I could have very easily dismounted and marched down the beach if I hadn’t felt confident enough to ride. And if you remember, I challenged you to a race. So if anyone is to blame it is myself.”

  He bent down and kissed me again. “You make a beautiful liar, Andromeda.”

  “And you make a wonderful Perseus. You do realize that you just saved me from the sea.”

  He shook his head, and I saw the beginnings of a smile curve the grim set of his lips.

  Horses’ hooves thundered along the beach. Neither Alex nor I looked up. I assumed, as he probably did, that Samson and Delilah were approaching.

  “What have we here? Exploring artifacts on the beach, Miss Andrews?” came a cynical drawl.

  Alex rolled to his feet, and I managed to sit up and glare at Sir Warwick and Constable Poole.

  “I don’t like your tone or your insinuation, Warwick. You owe the lady an apology. What we have is a woman who almost drowned when she was thrown from her horse. Since this is my land, perhaps you’d better tell me why you two are running about on it?” Alex had both hands planted on his hips looking like a pirate ready to run the enemy through at the least provocation, and Sir Warwick’s mere presence was just that.

  Alex caught hold of my elbow and helped me to stand. I felt like a miserable drowned rat and probably looked that way too.

  “My apologies then,” said Warwick. Dressed impeccably as always, he wore his habitual expression of boredom and disdain. By the way he studied my face I felt as though he could see right into my thoughts and knew exactly how intimate Alex and I were.

  “We’re here looking for you, Viscount Blackmoor,” replied the constable. His long mustache whipped in the wind, and one hand held his hat while the other clutched the reins of a horse that appeared as if it had three feet in the grave. “The caves have been opened again. Did you give the order for it to be done?”

  “Of course not. It would seem that I’m going to have to put a guard on the cliffs. Any idea who keeps trespassing?”

  “No, but it could be we’ve smugglers about.”

  Alex shook his head. “I would know if something like that was happening at night in my cove.”

  “That’s what I think,” said the constable.

  Alex cocked his head, his stance widening just enough that I knew he took the constable’s remark as a threat. “Are you insinuating that I am involved in such an activity, Constable Poole? I assure you, any goods I transport on my ship are legally exchanged. Do you doubt that?”

  The constable blustered. “Certainly not. I only agree that you would have known if something ill was taking place.”

  “Then Miss Andrews and I will bid you adieu, gentlemen. It is imperative that I get her back to Killdaren’s Castle before she catches a chill. I’ll have the caves attended to.”

  I think my shivering was more from almost drowning than from the cold, though the wind did seem cooler now that I was wet.

  “Then we’ll say goodbye,” said Sir Warwick. “Would you like for us to ride to Killdaren’s Castle and have one of your sisters come?”

  I shook my head, a bit consoled by his consideration. “No, thank you. I’ll be fine.”

  They rode off and Alex turned to me. “Are you sure you aren’t injured?”

  “Only my pride, I think. I know how to swim, but I couldn’t seem to make any headway between the strength of the current and the weight of my skirts.”

  “Dragon’s Cove is known for its treacherous current. Something about the shape of the land pulls everything out to sea even during an incoming tide. It’s even worse now with the tide receding.” He slid his arm around me and pulled me close against him, holding me tight. “When I think of what almost happened…I—”

  “Don’t,” I said, leaning up to brush my lips over his. He kissed me as if I were fragile glass that would break in a soft wind. I wrapped my arms around his neck and demanded more, and he gave me more. Desire flared hotly, making me ache for the feel of him inside me again.

  “Another kiss like that, and you’ll not only be wet, but you will be naked on the beach even if Warwick and the constable are wandering around. We’d better get you back home.” He whistled and received an answering neigh. A moment later Samson and Delilah appeared, coming over the top of a large sand dune. “We’re halfway between Dragon’s Cove and Killdaren’s Castle. Do you want me to carry you back to take a carriage home?”

  “No,”
I said, drawing a deep breath. “I think I can ride home, but just slower than before.”

  “All right. We’ll take the path though the woods. With less wind, it will be warmer than riding along the shore.” He helped me remount Delilah and then joined me once he was on Samson. Riding side by side, we entered into the maritime forest and made our way to Killdaren’s Castle.

  “What upset you before?” I asked after a few minutes. “When I spoke of your brother?”

  “Can’t you just leave this alone? There’re things that you won’t tell me. Do I keep probing you for answers?”

  “No.”

  “I want them though. I hope soon you’ll trust me enough to tell me everything.”

  “It isn’t a matter of trust, Alex. My situation is different than yours. You’re sacrificing your life on an erroneous assumption that Sean’s life was forfeited during your fight and all that is left of him is a shell of a man. You couldn’t be more wrong. How can I not make you hear the truth at least once?

  “He was injured in an accident. He’s made adjustments. He lives a full life. He is not crippled. What if the reverse had happened, Alex? What if you had fallen over the cliff during the fight and not Sean? What if he’d saved your life, like he did when you were eight and the boat capsized? Would you want him to do what you are doing?”