by Chloe Walsh
“Hey, Rita.”
“I missed you so much,” she gushed. Her red hair was cut short now in a pixie-style haircut, but she smelled the same as she always did – vanilla beans and lemon zest. “I wanted to stop by to see you, but I wasn’t sure if you were allowed visitors …” I liked the fact that Rita didn’t think about hugging me. She did it because she wanted to.
Wrapping my arms around Rita, I hugged her back fiercely. “I missed you too.”
“Sorry, Kenz,” Ian repeated, when the boys were out of sight. “I didn’t think.”
“It’s okay, Ian.” I told him as I stepped back from Rita and smoothed down my dress. It wasn’t Ian’s fault that I was a fucking head case that dropped to her knees the second she felt a strange man’s touch.
Pretty sunshine …
Block him out …
“Mackenzie,” Emily acknowledged with a slight nod.
“Emily,” I replied coolly, returning her arctic stare.
“Can I have a word?” she bit out. “In private.”
Rita and Ian quickly made themselves scarce and I was left alone with the girl who’d taken my reason for living away from me.
“Stay away from my boyfriend, Mackenzie,” Emily said as soon as the gang was out of earshot. “A lot has changed around here,” she added, folding her arms across her scantily-clad chest. “Your ownership papers for Cade are null and void.”
“My ownership papers?” I tossed the phrase around in my mind for a moment before allowing a smile to creep across my face. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I’m serious,” Emily snapped, red-faced. “Stay. Away. From. Him.”
Despite her smooth, soft and attractive outside, Emily McAllister was as rough and sharp as ridged steel on the inside. I could see straight through her now, and it wasn’t a pretty sight. “That may prove difficult when we live under the same roof,” I replied dryly.
“You can’t have him back, Mackenzie,” Emily warned me. Her voice was shaky and her eyes were filling with tears. “He’s mine. So don’t think you can move on him while I’m visiting my father,” she hissed. “I have eyes and ears everywhere. I will find out.”
“Cade Mathews has been mine for a lot longer than he has ever been yours, Emily, and you know it,” I stated calmly. “Which is why you’re threatening me now. You are threatened by me – by what I mean to Cade.”
“I mean it, you incestuous little slut,” Emily snarled, stepping towards me. “I saw you with Cade earlier.” Her eyes flashed with hatred and fury. “Batting your pretty little eyelashes and flaunting your body like you’ve been trained to, but he’s mine. So keep your hands off my man, you skanky little whore.”
****
Cade
February 27th, 2006
“Let go, Z,” I hissed. We both knew that I could easily knock him on his ass, but Ezra knew that I wouldn’t do that to him – hence the manhandling.
“I’m cool.”
“Really?” Ezra said, releasing me. “You’re sure you wont go back down there and overreact some more?”
My hackles rose. “I didn’t overreact!”
“You completely overreacted,” Ezra countered calmly, fixing me with a level stare. “You can’t do that, dude.”
“What are you guys doing here anyway?” I demanded, feeling irritated and fucking reckless. “Thought you were meeting for a farewell dinner?”
“We were,” Ezra replied uncomfortably. “Until Emily received a call from your mother and decided to change plans.”
I blanched. “For real?”
Ezra nodded.
“Damn it,” I hissed, kicking the earth beneath my feet. Fuck my Mom for being so damn crafty. She must’ve called Emily the minute we left: letting my overly-insecure girlfriend know that her boyfriend was taking another girl for a ride. Of course, in true Emily fashion, she had to follow me with her own personal jury – a jury consisting of Ezra, Ian and Rita.
“Looked pretty intense down at the water between you and Kenzie,” Ezra stated. “Something happen between you two?”
“What?” Jesus … “Christ, Z, nothing happened,” I spat. “She’s my stepsister, damn it.” Running a hand through my hair, I fought the urge to roar “You know I can’t touch her – think of her – like that anymore!”
“I thought the fact that you have a girlfriend would be your main reason for not thinking about Mackenzie like that, Cade,” Ezra replied quietly. “Remember Emily – the girl you’ve been dating for two years?”
“I know who my girlfriend is, Ezra,” I shot back angrily. “But I also know where my responsibilities lie,” I added, with a barely contained snarl. “And Mackenzie is my goddamn responsibility. I’m allowed to care about her, man. I’m entitled to protect her and not feel bad for wanting to do it.”
“So you almost decapitated one of your oldest friends because you care about Mackenzie?” Stepping around me, Ezra leaned against the bark of a tree and sighed. “Cade, you’re about as a discreet as glass. Where’s your head at, dude?”
The same place as my heart …
“I’m so fucking confused, Z,” I admitted. Picking up a stone, I tossed it into the creek and watched as it rippled. “It’s like I’ve spent the past three years forcing myself to believe something that’s not true.”
“You still have feelings for Mackenzie,” Ezra stated.
Of course I had.
“You can’t just turn your feelings on and off like a damn radio, Z,” I told him. When you loved a person it stuck. It fucking stuck, like sand to wet skin. “I can’t help how I feel …”
“Then you need to talk to Emily,” Ezra replied in a passionate tone. “If you don’t care about her …”
“I do care about Emily,” I snapped. “Damn it, I’m not heartless, Ezra. Of course, I care about her. I’ve spent a year and half with her. A part of me loves her too. Damn it, I don’t want to hurt her ...”
“But?”
Sinking to the ground, I wrapped my arms around my legs and dropped my head to rest on my knees.
“It’s like I’m in this perplexing alternate universe, where I’ve been given a window to watch what I want the most in the world, but can’t touch …”
Settling on the ground beside me, Ezra stared straight ahead.
“She’s forbidden fruit to you, man – and damaged beyond repair.”
Clearing his throat, he turned to look at me. His expression was troubled and his brown eyes were full of concern.
“I know you, man. We’ve been best friends our entire lives, so I know what way your mind is working – what you’re thinking about doing. It would work out better for me if I just let you do it, but I’m loyal and dumb as a stack of bricks. So here’s my input, Cade. If you blur the lines with Mackenzie, there’s a very high chance it will end in disaster.”
“What should I do, Z?” I choked out.
Patting my knee with his hand, Ezra said in a hushed voice, “Think it through before you do something rash, bro. You’re related to her now. It would break your mother’s heart. And Mitch would break your neck,” he added. “Things are a hell of a lot different to when you were fifteen.”
Nodding, I dropped my head and let out a pained groan. “I can’t have her,” I admitted in a gruff tone. “She’s broken and fucking fragile and I’m her … I’m related to her now, dude. I don’t even know if this shit’s legal ...”
“Right. So I guess you gotta decide whether or not she’s worth it,” Ezra replied quietly. “And take into account that your actions will have a ripple effect.”
“She’s worth it,” I husked. Climbing to my feet, I stretched my back and twisted my neck from side to side. “Fuck, she’s worth it all, Z. I don’t even have to think about it.” I told my best friend, feeling pumped. “I’ll end things with Emily right now.”
“Damn, Cade,” Ezra hissed as he jumped to his feet and grabbed my arm. “That’s the best way to set the dogs on Kenzie”! “If you’re going to do this, then you ne
ed to do it right and you need to do it slowly. If you walk over there now and end things with Emily, you may as well hand Mackenzie her deportation papers.”
Shit.
“They’ll torture her.”
“Yes, Emily and every other girl under her thumb at school – which is every girl – will target and torment Mackenzie.
“Don’t fuck Emily over like this – that’s the dickhead’s way out and you’re not one of those,” he continued. “Do the right thing by both girls. Give it a month or so, and then break it off with Emily and then give it another month before you touch Mackenzie. That way Emily won’t assume she’s been dumped for Blondie. Don’t rush into this, Cade. Take it slowly – Rome wasn’t built in a day, dude.”
Ezra let out a heavy sigh, and I watched as a reluctant smile spread across his face.
“What are you grinning about?”
“I’m happy you got it back, dude.”
Turning to face him, I mirrored his smile when I asked, “Got what back?”
“The other half of you,” was all he replied.
****
Mackenzie
February 28th, 2006
“How are you feeling, Mickey?” my father asked Sunday night, as he stood in the middle of the bedroom. It didn’t feel like my bedroom, because the girl who used to occupy it didn’t exist any more.
Dad had a look of pure terror etched on his weary, deeply-wrinkled face. And I was to blame, of course. He was worrying about how I was settling in.
Lonely. Isolated. Sad. Distraught. Heartbroken. Disgusted. Tortured. Ill. Agonized. Degraded.
“Alive,” I replied though my voice was thick and raspy. “You?”
“I’m good, sweetie,” Dad replied, continuing to fumble with his cufflinks. “I’m good.”
He walked over to the window, and glanced out for a moment before fixing the curtains. “It’s a beautiful night,” he announced.
“I suppose.”
Wandering over to the closet, Dad inspected some chipped paint on the wall near the vanity table and frowned. “This room could use a lick of paint.” He opened the door of the closet and quickly closed it. “And some new furniture.”
“I guess.” Stretching in bed, I looked around the room that used to be mine. It looked the same as always: a white twin bed and matching nightstand, chest of drawers and wardrobe, and an old oak desk with a matching chair.
Purple and yellow used to be my favorite colors, and the bedroom resembled this, with yellow walls, floral lilac curtains and bed throws. There was a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf secured against the wall opposite the bed, filled with books. Nine hand-carved wooden letters spelling M.A.C.K.E.N.Z.I.E were glued to the wall over the bed.
“We could take a trip into the city on Saturday,” Dad offered, hopefully. His green eyes were tired, but his voice was soft and kind. “Pick out some new stuff for your room.”
“We could,” I replied. Dad wanted to talk about something. It was obvious, and I wished he would just come out with it instead of making small talk. I didn’t like small talk anymore. It was pointless and fucking annoying.
“Did you have a nice time with Cade yesterday?” Dad asked me in a tight tone of voice.
“It was okay.” Until his girlfriend showed up and Cade didn’t come within five feet of me.
“So, I wanted to talk to you about school tomorrow,” Dad informed me, finally getting down to business.
I nodded my head.
Dad smiled tightly before continuing, “You’re absolutely certain this is what you want to do?”
No.
“Yes.”
“I’m not trying to get you to change your mind, Mickey. All I want is for you to be happy, and feel safe again”
Dad shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out a silver cell phone. “I bought this for you. It’s fully charged,” he told me, flustered and red-faced, before placing it at the end of my bed. “I programmed my number into in for you, and Sharon’s – oh, and Dr. Rosetta’s too.”
“I’m going to be okay,” I told my father, because watching him look so out of sorts was making me feel sad. “I can do this, Dad,” I added in a stronger voice. “I can.”
“Are you sure?” Dad asked, and his voice was unsure and full of concern. “Because if you feel like it’s too much, Mickey, you can always talk to me. We could arrange homeschooling .”
“I’m sure,” I replied, and it was complete bullshit. “I know I can talk to you, Dad.”
But I don’t want to. I only want to talk to Cade …
“I know the doctors think returning to school is the best thing for you, but if you can’t manage it I’ll arrange something.”
Sighing heavily, Dad moved towards me with his arms outstretched.
I prepared myself for the hug, but it never came.
“Sorry,” Dad husked, and patted my shoulder instead. “I keep forgetting …”
Keep forgetting what? That I’m dirty?
“That’s okay.”
I watched my father leave the bedroom, taking with him the hug I needed so badly.
Climbing out of bed, I tore off my nightdress and dropped it on the floor, before walking over to my closet. Pulling open the doors of my closet I took out a pair of shorts and a plain white tank top. I dressed quickly and brushed my hair out before heading into the bathroom to brush my teeth.
The heat was fierce tonight and I had no intention of roasting to death inside in one of the many long-sleeved, full-length cotton nightdresses Sharon had bought me. It was obvious why Sharon bought me these clothes. She thought I would feel more comfortable in clothes that hide my body. I wouldn’t, and this was exactly why I thought myself broken.
I didn’t want to hide my skin, and I wasn’t going to.
****
Cade
February 28th, 2006
“Who do you want to be with?” Emily demanded for the fourth fucking time in the same ten-minute phone call, and I had to shove my fist in my mouth to stop myself from losing it. I was going to break it off with her, but not on the phone. This needed to be done face-to-face. I needed to do this slowly – for Kenzie’s sake.
“When we had sex three weeks ago, were you fucking me and thinking of Mackenzie?” Emily demanded.
Yes. And the pretend version of her made me come harder than the real version of you ever has …
“Emily, I haven’t touched any other girl,” I replied dutifully for the fourth time. “Quit stressing.”
“Quit stressing,” Emily screeched, and I had to hold my phone away from my ear. “Cade, she’s sleeping across the hall from you.”
Jesus Christ, don’t remind me …
“How am I not supposed to stress?” she insisted, before adding, “Promise me, Cade. I’m leaving for Dad’s place and I need a guarantee. Promise me she won’t steal you from me while I’m away – like her mother stole my dad. Promise you’ll still be mine when I get back.”
What the fuck …
“Emily,” I said in my most patient tone, as I shook my head and grimaced like a lunatic at the phone. “You need to stop comparing our relationship to your parents’ one – and Mackenzie to her mother.”
“Why?” she shot back heatedly. “It’s the same thing.”
“No,” I argued calmly. “It’s not even close to being in the same vicinity as the same thing.” Rolling my eyes, I rotated my neck from side to side, trying to work out a kink. “For one, we’ve only been dating a few months …”
“Almost two years, Cade!” I heard her snarl, and I flinched. “We’ve been dating exclusively for almost two years!”
“Okay, two years,” I placated. Screw doing this face-to-face. I needed to do this now. “And it’s been great, but I need a—”
“Don’t you dare say the word ‘break’,” Emily screamed. Her voice hit an octave an opera singer would’ve been envious of. “Don’t you dare! Agggghhh! This is because of her. I knew this would happen. You’re with her now, aren’t you?�
�
“No, I’m not,” I replied.
But I want to be …
“Look, Ems, think about it …”
“She’s making you do this, isn’t she?” she screamed. “I can’t believe this!”
A knock sounded on my bedroom door seconds before it opened.
“Cade ...”
The sound of her voice caused my whole body to tingle, and I twisted my head sideways.
Holy shit! Mackenzie was standing in the doorway, and I had no fucking clue of what to say.
“Hey,” I offered lamely, before saying, “I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” into the phone and pressing the ‘End Call’ button.
Dropping the phone onto the duvet, I rested my hands on my bare stomach and remained still, eyes locked on Kenzie. She kind of reminded me of a skittish foal in that moment, and I was afraid to move too quickly or speak too loudly.
I wanted her to know she was safe here.
Safe with me …
“I can’t sleep,” she said finally, and her raspy voice stirred some serious emotions inside of me.
“Do you need me to…?”
I wasn’t sure of what I was offering her, so I let my words trail off.
“I don’t want to sleep on my own,” Kenzie announced. She turned and looked at me with those huge green eyes. “I thought we could sleep together – like old times.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t, Kenz,” I managed to say, and it was a struggle. It felt like Mackenzie had just pushed her hand through my chest and grabbed hold of my damn heart – offering me something I’d spent years craving. But I needed to make sure she was okay. I didn’t want to put her in a situation that brought back … bad memories.
“Please, Cade.”
Our parents would flip if they found her in my bed. Christ, my soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend would have a conniption fit, but Mackenzie looked fucking glorious with her blonde hair wet, loose and flowing down her body. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a vest. No bra. Her nipples were taut and straining against the fabric of her shirt …