by Chloe Walsh
“I’m not fucking happy right now, Kenzie.” He turned his head towards to the sky and shivered. “Fuck, you wreck me. You tie me up in so many knots I can’t breathe.”
“But you still want me, don’t you?” I purred, stretching my hand around to cup his cock. Just as I imagined he would be, Cade was hard as a rock. This boy, this fucking man, was the only one who would ever have permission to have me. I needed him. I needed him inside me. Grinding inside me. Cleansing me. Making me better. Taking it all away.
“You like being inside me, Cade.”
“Of course, I want you,” he groaned. I felt the muscles in his back shift and tighten. “I love you.”
“Don’t say it,” I warned him quickly.
I couldn’t hear this.
I didn’t want to hear it.
All I wanted was Cade to fuck me and use me; to take me the way I was supposed to be taken; supposed to be used.
I wasn’t lovable.
I was a body – an object.
Cade just needed to own me.
I needed to be owned, and Cade needed to be fucked.
Love didn’t come into this arrangement any more, and Cade needed to stop getting my hopes up.
“Is this all you want from me, Kenz?” he asked in a calm voice, even though I knew he was about to explode. Good.
Climbing off his bike, Cade grabbed my hips and hoisted me into his arms before roughly shoving me against our front door. ““Do you enjoy messing with my head?”“
“Yes,” I replied, because it was the truth. I wanted him to feel the burn like I did. The fucking agony.
“I want you to crawl on your knees at my feet.”
“Kenz,” Cade muttered through kisses, as he unlocked the front door and carried me up the staircase of our home. “This is so messed up,” he hissed, as he filled my mouth with deep, harsh thrusts of his tongue. “I hate this.”
When Cade touched me, every nerve ending in my body ignited. He knew just how I liked it, and how much I could take.
“I know,” I panted, as I clawed at his neck and tightened my legs around his waist. “I hate me too.”
“I don’t hate you,” he whispered against my lips. “I hate this. There’s a massive difference, Kenz. I fucking love you—”
“Shut up,” I snapped, as I grinded myself against him. “Don’t say that word to me, Cade.”
“Let me love you,” he begged, unraveling me with his touch, as he carried me into his room and laid me on his bed. Leaning over me, Cade husked, “I know the girl I spent most of my life adoring is inside this fucking creature you’ve become.”
He only wanted me for my body, my flesh.
He didn’t love me, not really, not enough.
Emily McAllister would always come between us.
All I’m good for are the holes in my body …
Ignoring Cade’s words, I stripped bare, and then when I was lying on his bed, I spread my legs open and rubbed my clit, giving him a perfect view of my bare pussy.
“Are you going to fuck me now, Cade?” I whispered, as I plunged my finger into my pussy, writhing on the bed, loving his eyes on me.
I watched as his eyes darkened.
A vein in his neck ticked.
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered, stopping when he saw my face cloud over. “This is so fucked-up,” he husked. “But, yeah, Kenzie, I'm going to fuck you until you can’t stand. I’m going to rub you raw. And then, when you’re a broken mess on my bed, I’m going to do it again.”
“I’m going to fuck you harder than anyone else,” he warned as he unzipped his jeans. “You’re going to think of nothing, but my cock inside you all fucking night.”
I wanted him with a hunger that was close to infatuation. He was like a drug to me.
“I need you to own me and fuck me and hit me and do all kinds of wicked, dirty, evil things to my body.”
Dropping to his knees, Cade spread me open with fingers and used his tongue to lick and suckle my clit. His hands gripped my thighs and spread them further apart. He ran his tongue up my slit.
“Do I taste good, Cade?”
“The taste of your pussy is all I can fucking think about,” he snarled. “Do you know how good your pussy tastes?”
“Cade …” I moaned, and he nipped my clit with his teeth.
“Is this what you want from me, Kenzie?” Cade demanded, and his breath blew against my clit, sending rippling shockwaves of pleasure straight to my groin. “Is this how you want me to treat you – like you’re a fucking toy for my pleasure?”
Cade’s voice broke, and I had to force myself to say “yes”, as I clawed at his bed sheets.
“It’s killing me,” he admitted.
It was killing me too – knowing this was all I could have. Knowing that I wasn’t worth anything else. Cade staying with Emily had proved that to me. I was just a vessel –an object.
“I need to be fucked raw, Cade. If you don’t want to do it, I can find someone else,” I lied.
I would never have another man inside of my body for the remainder of my life, but Cade didn’t know that and his response was to toss me onto my stomach and flex his hips against me.
His fingers dug into my hips so hard I knew I would bruise.
Good.
I wanted his marks.
I felt Cade’s hard cock slide along the apex of my thighs seconds before he plunged into my wet pussy.
“Uh…” I moaned, pushing myself onto his erection. “Yes.”
Cade was rough and hard and making me sore, and I loved every second of it.
I needed to be punished.
I wanted him to rip me open with his cock – fuck me until I couldn’t feel.
“You fuck me up, Kenzie,” he whispered as he held my hips and fucked me fast and hard.
Cade took me so hard that my knees gave out and we simultaneously came together. Breathless, I collapsed on my stomach with Cade’s hard body weighing down on mine.
He kissed my neck, and I flinched.
“Don’t be gentle,” I begged.
“Goddamn it, baby…”
Pulling out of me, Cade let out a strained groan. When he climbed off the bed, and his weight was removed from me, I started to cry.
I didn’t stop crying until Cade returned with a spare shirt. He remained stoically silent as he dressed me in one of his shirts and placed me under his blankets. Then he slipped on a pair of boxers and grabbed his phone off his bedside locker.
“What are you doing?” I whispered with tears in my eyes.
“What I should have done the moment I got you back,” he said in a heated tone, as he held his phone to his ear. “Put you first.”
****
Cade
I couldn’t take another minute of this. I felt like I was fucking dying inside. Never in my life had I ever wanted to hurt Mackenzie Moore, but I’d done it – I was still doing it.
Ezra’s words of wisdom kept repeating in my brain. End in disaster. He’d been right. I was going to go down in the flames with her, because I sure as hell wasn’t leaving her side again. It was all coming to the boil in my heart and I couldn’t deny it another damn second.
Without another word, I grabbed my phone from my nightstand and dialed Emily’s number. With my eyes locked on Mackenzie, I waited for Emily to answer.
“Cade,” Emily finally answered on the fifth ring. Sniffling, she asked, “Are you okay? It’s like four in the morning …”
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I told Emily, as I kept my eyes on Mackenzie. “I’m in love with her.”
“Cade,” Emily cried down the line. “No, Cade, no. Please don’t do this to me …”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out. “But I’ve been in love with her since I was ten years old, and I’m pretty sure I’m gonna love her until I die.”
Hanging up, I dropped my phone on the floor and walked over to the where Mackenzie was curled up on my bed. Dropping to my knees beside her, I lea
ned forward and wiped a tear from her cheek.
“I love you,” I told her. “I love you. Now I get that people say those three words because they can, Kenzie – because they think that’s what a person wants to hear ….” My words caught in my throat, and I had to inhale a deep breath before I could speak. “My world isn’t colored, Kenzie – it’s black and white. I see only one woman. I have only ever seen one woman. I pray for one woman’s soul, and I would fucking die for one woman. You. My woman. And I’m telling you that I love you because the emotions I’m feeling for you are goddamn choking me. I’m fucking burning to express myself. I loved you when you were ten years old, I love you now, and I will keep on loving you until you find your way back to me.” My hand shook as I cradled her cheek. “With the whole of my heart, Kenzie. Every damn piece.”
“Cade,” Kenzie sobbed, as she drew herself onto her knees. “I love you too.”
“I’m not ashamed of you, baby girl,” I vowed, clearing my throat. “I have never been ashamed of you.” Jerking to my feet, I pointed to the five words that were vertically engraved on the right side of my stomach in black ink. “Nár lagaí Dia do lámh,” I whispered.
“May God not weaken your hand,” she replied.
Nodding, I dropped to knees, leaned forward and pressed my forehead to hers.
“I got this a few months after you were taken from me.” I paused to press my lips to hers. “To remind myself that no matter what happened.” I had to kiss her again. “Or how long it took me to get you back, if God couldn’t weaken my love for you, then neither could time, distance or those bastards.” Clutching her face between my hands, I whispered, “I’m in love with you, Mackenzie Moore. It’s always been you …”
“CADE!”
I didn’t bother turning when I heard my mother screaming out my name. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on Mackenzie and did what I should have done that night in the shower – claimed her.
“I love you,” I whispered before covering her mouth with mine. “No matter what.”
“Cade, stop that – oh my God, Mitchell!”
“I love you too,” Kenzie breathed against my lips, as she clutched my neck with her small hands.
I kept my mouth on her lips and my hands on her face until I was physically dragged away from her body.
“You little shit,” I heard Mitch roar seconds before a sharp pain ricocheted through my eye socket. “How could you do this to her?” he demanded, clutching my throat in his viselike grip. “I trusted you, Cade.”
“Dad, stop, let him go…!” I heard Mackenzie scream from somewhere close by, but all I could see was Mitch’s purple face as he held me down by the throat and repeatedly punched me in the face.
“Stop it,” I heard my mother scream. “Mitch, you’re going to kill him.”
“I … love … her,” I managed to squeeze out, as I pulled at the hand Mitch was using to choking me.
One minute Mitch was choking the life out of me, and the next he was lying face down on the floor beside me.
Rolling onto my stomach, I dragged myself onto my knees and gasped for air. It was only then I that I noticed Mackenzie standing over her father with my old baseball bat held loosely in her trembling hands.
“Mitch,” my mother screamed, as she dropped to her knees beside Kenzie’s father. “Look what you’ve done,” Mom screamed, eyes locked on Kenzie. “He’s knocked out cold. You could’ve killed him, you stupid whore.”
“Shut up,” I snarled. Climbing to my feet, I staggered over to Kenzie and wrapped my arm around her trembling frame. “Don’t you dare call her that.”
“He was going to choke you – kill you,” Kenzie mumbled as tears poured down her cheeks. “I had to … I didn’t mean to … oh, God …”
“Shh...” Cupping her face with my hands, I pressed my forehead to hers. “This is not your fault, baby.”
“This is all her fault,” my mother spat. “That girl is a walking disaster. Everything she touches turns to crap.” Turning her attention on Mackenzie, Mom sneered, “Do us all a favor and give your doctor a call, tell her that you’ve decided to go to that school for screwed-up little girls, and leave my son alone.”
“Mom,” I snarled. “Jesus Christ, stop it. If she goes I go.”
“You can’t go.”
“I will,” I shot back, furious. “Mackenzie’s my world. Where she goes I go. I love her.”
“Will loving her pay for diapers,” my mother roared. “Or for your share of child support?”
“I … what?” Running my hand through my hair, I gaped at my mother before turning to look at Kenzie. “Are you … baby, are you pregnant?”
Kenzie’s eyes filled with tears.
She opened her mouth to answer me, but my mother got in there first.
“Not her, you stupid boy,” she sneered. “Emily!”
Staggering backwards, I held my hand against my chest as I tried to digest what my mother had just told me. I couldn’t.
“You’re lying,” I choked out.
Mom shook her head sadly. “Why do you think I’ve been trying to keep you two apart?”
“Because you’re married to her father,” I whispered, shaking my head, rejecting this whole fucking conversation. “Because she’s my stepsister …”
“No, Cade. Because your girlfriend came to me the day before Mackenzie came home from hospital and told me she skipped her period,” Mom corrected in a weary tone. “Emily’s pregnant. It’s your baby, Cade. Now you know– be a man and deal with it.”
“This has to be some sort of sick joke,” Kenzie sobbed.
“Then why didn’t she tell me?” I demanded, frantic, as I paced the room. “Why you?”
“Why do you think?” Mom shouted, gesturing towards where Mackenzie was standing. “She’s not blind, Cade. Emily was terrified something like this would happen. She’s a petrified eighteen-year-old girl who’s had her entire world tipped upside down.”
“This can’t be happening,” I croaked out. Slapping the palm of my hand against my forehead, I tried to calm myself down and think this through rationally, but I couldn’t. This was too much and all rationality had fucking vanished.
“This can’t be fucking real …”
“It’s real, Cade,” my mother said with a sob as she helped Mitch, who had come around, into a sitting position. “And in a little more than five months, you’re going to be a father.”
Sinking to the ground, I wrapped my around my knees and bowed my head.
A father.
Me.
Fuck …
****
Mackenzie
“Emily’s pregnant. It’s your baby, Cade. Now you know – be a man and deal with it.”
Emily’s pregnant …
Two words had brought my world down around me.
It’s your baby, Cade …
Four more words that annihilated every hope and dream I had dared to allowed myself to covet.
Emily was having his baby.
Cade was going to be a father.
A baby changed everything.
A new life Cade had created with Emily …
This was bigger than us – bigger than what we wanted.
“Oh, God,” I whispered when I found my voice. I gasped for air, but couldn’t get enough into my lungs. I felt winded. I couldn’t look at them. I had to get away from here.
Cade was incredibly crucial to my heart, and I felt so bound to him that even contemplating leaving now was causing me physical pain, but what else could I do? Emily was pregnant. He wouldn’t leave her now, he couldn’t, and I didn’t want to make him choose; not now there was a baby involved. I wouldn’t do that to him …
Turning around, I stumbled through the doorway and back to my bedroom, desperate to get away from this. The feeling of suffocation was urging me to move faster and further away from this place, yet there was another feeling even more unbearable: as though I was tearing my body in half, literally ripping myself, by leaving Cade.
Dressing quickly, I grabbed my phone and sent a text message to the one person in this world who I knew who help me – would know what to do – to come and pick me up and then I packed a bag.
I waited in my room until I heard the sound of a car horn honking and then I made my move. I could hear our parents speaking to Cade, as I slipped past his doorway and I sagged in relief.
My father was okay …
With my bag on my back, tears trickling down my cheeks and an aching pain in my chest, I silently crept down the staircase and opened the front door.
Taking one last glance at the hallway of my father’s house, knowing in my heart that I would never see it again, I closed the front door behind me and let out a choking sob as I stumbled towards the car parked outside my house.
“Mackenzie, wait,” I heard Cade roar, and the pain in his voice made it hard for me to move my legs towards the car.
But I knew I couldn’t afford to stay here.
Staying here would kill me …
I heard the front door slam behind me seconds before he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me to a stop just as I reached the car. The familiar electric shock surged through my body from Cade’s touch, and the part of me that longed to stay with him almost won.
I would always want him …
“Where the hell are you going?” Cade noticed Anna in the driver’s seat of the car and his shoulders slumped.
“No,” he whispered brokenly, as awareness dawned on him. “You can’t go …”
“I can’t stay,” I choked out. “I should have never come back here …”
“Don’t do this,” he begged, he stroking my cheeks with the backs of his thumbs. “I’ll fix this, Kenz,” he hissed, grabbing the back of his neck, his blue eyes locked on mine. “Don’t leave me...”
“I’ve ruined your life, Cade,” I cried. “Can’t you see that?” Cupping his face, I reached up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re going to do the right thing, and I, for once in my life, am not going to blur the lines for you …”
“No,” he snarled, with tears in his eyes. “You saved my life … I need you, Kenzie, I need your blurred lines. Goddamn it, don’t leave me now. I’m yours, Kenzie, I am, I swear ... Oh, Jesus Christ, baby girl, just stay with me …”