“All right, guys. Here’s the deal. As you know, Tim and I are married now. That means that inevitably, some things are going to change, but not a lot of things. Tim will be sleeping downstairs in the spare room, helping us out around the house a little, helping with homework, but mostly just helping to get the ranch back in order so we don’t lose it or the house,” Susan explained.
Both boys nodded, but Cody was staring at the wall just past Susan, refusing to make eye-contact with her or Tim, his jaw clenched. Susan wanted to ask him what part of the situation was bothering him, but it wasn’t a conversation that needed to be had in front of Tim.
“Once the ranch is fixed up, is Tim going to leave?” Adin asked.
Susan shook her head. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. Let’s just take this one day at a time.”
Adin furrowed his brow, then looked at Tim. “You already don’t like it here?”
“I love it here,” Tim said. “If it’s up to me, I’ll stay here forever.”
Susan turned and glared at Tim. When she looked back at Adin she could see he was confused. They needed to have a united front, and Tim had spoken about the future without discussing it with her first, which irked her to no end. However, it was clear that the ambiguity of “one day at a time” wasn’t sitting well with Adin. The boys needed more security than that, especially after losing their father.
“I want to make sure that Tim is a good fit for our family before I promise that he’ll always be around, and even then we know the unexpected can happen—”
“Like what happened to Dad,” Adin interrupted.
“Yes, like what happened to Dad,” Susan said. “So, I don’t want to get your hopes up, but until you hear otherwise, Tim will be here.”
Adin’s face relaxed, but Cody’s stayed hard and Susan worried that he was becoming completely unreachable. She shook her head. She wasn’t ready to be a parent all alone, but she also wasn’t ready to hand off those important responsibilities to a stranger. “All right. Now that you know what’s going on, you both need to go get pajamas on and brush your teeth. It’s past your bedtime.”
“But tomorrow’s Sunday,” Cody argued.
“Yes, but you still need your rest. Come Monday morning Tim’s going to be putting you guys to work. I’m afraid summer break isn’t going to be very relaxing for the two of you. We’re going to need everyone’s help to get things on the ranch back in order,” Susan said.
Cody tipped his head back and groaned. “Does this mean I can’t go to football camp? I already told the coach I’d be there.”
Susan bit her lip. Cody would be turning fourteen in a few weeks, and he’d be starting high school in the fall. She knew he’d always wanted to be part of the football team, and if you missed camp it was basically forfeiting your spot on the team, but she wasn’t sure if they could sacrifice his help. While she was trying to decide what to say, Tim chimed in.
“I’ll make sure you get to go to camp,” he promised.
Cody glared at him. “I don’t need your help,” he spat. His fists clenched as he stormed out of the room.
Susan felt as if Cody was squeezing her heart in one of his tight fists. The last thing she needed was a fight with one of her boys on top of everything else. She looked back at Adin, grateful that he was still his sweet, thoughtful self. “I think we’re done discussing this, sweetie. You can go.”
Adin stood and walked across the room to give her a hug. “Good night, Mom.”
“Good night.” She’d miss these hugs when Adin grew into the too-cool-for-mom-hugs stage that Cody was in now.
“Good night, Tim,” Adin said as he walked toward his bedroom.
Tim gave Adin a nod and a pat on the back as he passed. “Night.”
Once the room was empty, Susan exhaled her pent-up breath in one long whoosh, then sat back. She was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. She pulled her legs up onto the sofa. “Well, that was a disaster,” she said.
Tim shook his head. “It wasn’t. These boys are having a hard time right now. That’s not your fault. Cody can go to football camp, though. I was serious. The guys and I will be able to handle the ranch.”
“That’s great. What’s not great is the fact that you didn’t discuss that with me before you contradicted what I had just told my son. It wasn’t your place to chime in and promise him things. You needed to talk to me first,” Susan said.
Tim nodded. “You’re right. I’m sorry. He was just so upset, and there was no reason for him to be. I wanted to clear it up right away, but I understand why that was wrong.”
“I’m glad,” Susan said as she stood up. “I’m going to bed. I’m so tired I can hardly see straight.”
“I guess I’ll head to bed too. I’ll get an early start in the morning. You need anything before I head down?” He asked, following her down the hall toward the stairs.
Susan stopped at her bedroom door, then turned around. He was standing closer to her than she expected, and for the first time since they’d stood at the altar, she took the time to study his face. His skin was tanned from the sun, and his whiskers were starting to poke through on his cheeks and chin. She had no idea if he was normally clean shaven, or if he’d just cleaned up for the wedding. He had deep-set eyes that were the light blue color of the early-morning sky, and full eyebrows.
She could tell his hair used to be light brown, because there was enough of it that was still that shade, but most of it had turned silver. Tim wore a short, neat haircut—so different from the unruly way Clarence let his fine hair grow, but it suited him. Tim was a handsome man, something she hadn’t allowed herself to think until that moment.
“Susan?”
Tim’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts, and she was embarrassed that she’d gotten so lost in studying him. She shouldn’t be curious about another man. “Oh, um, sorry. No, I uh—I don’t need anything.”
Tim rose an eyebrow. “Are you sure? I could rub your feet, or your back. You’ve had a long day.”
Susan stiffened. Both of those things seemed so intimate. Although it would have been nice to have someone rub her aching feet, she couldn’t allow it. “No, thank you. Good night, Tim.”
Tim didn’t move toward the stairs, so Susan opened her bedroom door and slipped through, closing it behind her.
“Good night,” she heard him say as he passed.
Susan closed her eyes and leaned her head up against the wall. Nights were the hardest without Clarence, and there would be nothing good about this one. She’d be lucky to get any sleep at all.
* * *
The next morning, Tim rose before the sun. By the time it was starting to get light out, he was climbing into his truck with the map of the ranch Susan had drawn for him the night before in his hand. It was a beautiful Sunday, and when he drove down by the river there were birds singing in the large cypress trees that lined the banks and encroached past the water’s edge.
He turned the map over and read the list of instructions Susan had written down. He was supposed to toss hay to the horses and check their water troughs, toss feed to the chickens, then start his inspection of the ranch to see what needed to be done first. By the time he was finished feeding, he only had time to explore a fraction of the ranch before he needed to get something in his stomach, but he’d written down enough jobs the guys could be busy for a week, if not longer.
There were fences that needed fixing, several fields of alfalfa that needed to be cut, and all the calves he’d seen weren’t branded yet. He hadn’t even made it to the ranch’s main hub where the barn and other buildings were, and he wondered if his hands would ever manage to get on top of everything.
He couldn’t believe Susan had been feeding every morning and evening by herself in her condition. With only the help of her two boys, just doing the bare minimum around here would be a lot for her to handle. He was so happy he was there to help her now.
It was almost seven when Tim got back to the house, but all
was quiet inside. He decided to try to wake the boys, but to let Susan rest longer. Hopefully he could convince Cody and Adin to help him make breakfast for her.
Tim cracked the door to Adin’s room. “Rise and shine!”
Adin sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I’m awake,” he said in a hoarse whisper as he swung his legs over the side of his bed.
“Good. Get dressed. I’m going to wake up your brother.” Tim closed the boy’s door, then made his way to Cody’s room.
He knocked twice, then yelled, “Up and at ‘em!” through the door.
“Go away.” Cody’s voice sounded faint through the closed door, but that was definitely what he’d said.
Tim clenched his jaw. This kid was going to give him a run for his money, but he wasn’t about to let the boy step all over him. “Cody, wake up. We’re going to make breakfast for your mother.”
“Mom doesn’t eat breakfast,” he said.
Tim put his hands on his hips and shook his head. “Do you eat breakfast?”
“Go away,” Cody grumbled again.
Tim let his head fall back and took a deep breath. The kid was difficult. “Guess he’ll go hungry,” he said quietly to himself as he walked back to the kitchen.
Adin was already sitting at the table dressed and ready for the day. He looked like an excited puppy that was about to be taken on a walk. “What are we doing today?” he asked as soon as he saw Tim.
“Well, first we’re making breakfast for your mother.” Tim opened the fridge. There wasn’t much in it, but there were eggs, milk and butter among a few other staples. “Do you have flour and sugar somewhere?”
Adin stood and pointed to three canisters sitting on top of the kitchen counter. They were labeled flour, sugar, salt.
“Ah, I see.” Tim pulled the eggs, milk and butter out of the fridge and set them by the canisters. “A bowl?”
Adin pointed at the cabinet right above where Tim stood, and when Tim opened it up there were several mixing bowls nested together, along with measuring cups and spoons. He grabbed a bowl he thought would be the right size, and got to work measuring ingredients and dumping them in the bowl.
“What are you making?” Adin asked.
Tim cracked an egg and added it to the batter. “Pancakes. You wanna heat up a pan so we can fry a few of these eggs too? I didn’t see any bacon. We’ll need to fix that.”
“We have this,” Adin said, pulling out a box of Bisquick.
Tim wrinkled his nose, grabbed the box and chucked it into the trash. “I only eat real pancakes.”
Adin scrunched his eyebrows together, but didn’t say anything. After a moment he walked over to a different cabinet and grabbed a frying pan, then clicked the gas stove on. He reached for an egg, but Tim stilled his hand.
“Not so fast. Pancakes first. No one wants to eat cold eggs,” he said.
“Is there food yet?” It was Cody. He had his shirt halfway buttoned as he sauntered into the kitchen, and started to yawn just after he finished asking his question.
“Not yet. You’re not getting any unless you help, though,” Tim said as he started to mix the ingredients in the bowl together.
Cody rolled his eyes. “What can I do?”
“You know where I can find some baking powder?” Tim asked.
Cody looked at him like he’d spoken a different language. “Baking powder?”
Tim stuck his pinky finger in the pancake batter, then sucked it off. “Yes. Baking powder. I’m making pancakes. I need baking powder.”
Cody opened the cabinet where the Bisquick had been.
“It’s gone,” Adin said, looking over at the trash can.
Cody grumbled something under his breath, then opened a different cabinet and pulled out a small can of baking powder. “Here.”
Tim pointed at the measuring spoons. “This needs three-and-a-half teaspoons in it,” he told Cody.
“I’m going to talk to your mom. You two finish this up so we can serve her breakfast as soon as she’s up,” he said.
“I told you, my mom doesn’t eat breakfast,” Cody protested.
Tim held the whisk out to Cody. “Just do what I ask, please?”
Cody stared at Tim; his eyes hard. “Whatever,” he finally said, snatching the mixing tool out of Tim’s hand.
Tim walked down the hall, trying to suppress the butterflies in his stomach. He knocked on Susan’s bedroom door. There had been a moment the night before when they were saying good night when Tim had actually felt some warmth from her, and he hoped it meant that she couldn’t really mean what she’d said about not being in this for love. She had to open her heart back up eventually, right?
Even if it wasn’t in the next week or even month, she couldn’t shut him out forever. At least, that’s what he’d keep telling himself. He wasn’t going to give up on her.
“Susan?” he called through the door, but the only sound he could hear was the sizzling of batter on a hot pan coming from the kitchen.
“Susa—” he started to call again, but he stopped when the door swung open.
“Sorry about that,” Susan said. “What time is it?” Her long red hair had been piled on top of her head the day before, but she’d taken it down and Tim was surprised to see it hit her right at her waist. Her brown eyes were a little heavy with sleep, but she was smiling, and that was something Tim had only seen her do once or twice since they’d met.
“It’s uh—” Tim looked at his watch, “seven-thirty.”
“Wow. That’s great. I haven’t slept that well in months. Are the boys up?” she asked.
Tim nodded. “Yep. I have them busy fixing food. Hope you like pancakes.” Tim turned around and headed back to the kitchen, hoping Cody was wrong about his mom not eating breakfast.
* * *
“These are the best pancakes I’ve ever eaten,” Susan said as she shoveled another big bite into her mouth. For some reason she was ravenous, and felt like she could eat about twenty of the fluffy, golden discs.
Tim looked over at Cody. “Thanks,” he said, turning back to Susan. “Cody helped.”
Cody, who was taking a drink of milk, sputtered.
Susan smiled. “Thanks, Code. I seriously can’t get enough.”
“What’s up with you?” Cody asked after he finished swallowing.
Susan’s smile vanished. “What do you mean?”
Cody let his fork fall onto his plate with a clatter. “Well, for one, you usually don’t even eat breakfast. And you’re all smiley and—and happy.”
Susan set down her fork, and grabbed a napkin, patting at her mouth. “I don’t know. I didn’t realize me being happy would upset you so much. I just finally had a good night’s sleep, and my appetite’s back.” Susan shrugged. “I woke up this morning feeling a little like myself again.”
Cody looked over at Tim and glared. “Is it because he’s here? Huh? Why couldn’t I make you be happy? I’ve been trying to get you to eat breakfast for months. This guy comes in here and makes some stupid pancakes not from a box and it just fixes everything? What about all the things I did for you? Why weren’t those enough?”
By the time Cody was done yelling at her, Susan had tears streaming down her face, and so did Cody. He shoved his chair away from the table, the wooden legs screeching against the hardwood floor. “I hate you!” he screamed at Tim.
“Cody, wait!” Susan cried as he stormed out of the house, letting the screen door slam closed behind him.
She looked over at Adin. He had a pale face and his hazel eyes were as big as silver dollars. Her heart tore in two. Her boys. Her precious babies. She couldn’t shield them from the effects of grief, and she wasn’t prepared for the upheaval it was causing in their lives.
She didn’t know what to say to make Adin feel better, and she didn’t know how to explain Cody’s behavior to Tim, so she pushed her plate to the middle of the table and laid her cheek on the cool wooden surface, crossing her arms over her head. Couldn’t this all just go away? She wonde
red as hot tears slid down her cheeks and pooled on the tabletop.
She should have known how hard this would be for her boys. She should have been strong enough to deal with the ranch so they weren’t in this situation at all. But she wasn’t, and now what was left of her family was falling apart.
Five
“I need to talk to you,” Susan said when Tim got back to the house. He’d gone out to look for Cody, but he obviously hadn’t found him since he’d come back alone.
“All right,” Tim said. “What’s up?”
Susan grabbed Tim’s arm and pulled him back toward her bedroom. “Not here.”
Once they sat down on her bed, the words Susan had been ruminating over the entire time Tim had been out looking for Cody came spilling out, and there was no controlling the speed at which they were delivered.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do with Cody, and I think there’s only one solution,” she said. “I hate to do this so soon after you’ve moved in and gotten settled, but I think it’s best if you move out into the old ranch manager’s house. Cody just can’t handle you living here, and he’s my first priority. As much as I need your help, I need Cody to feel safe. He needs a refuge where he can grieve without feeling threatened. I’m really sorry.”
Tim put his hand over hers. “Susan don’t be. I understand. I can’t imagine how incredibly hard this has been for you, or your boys. Like I said from the beginning. I just want to help, and I’ll do that any way that I can. If that means staying somewhere else, I’ll do it.”
Susan didn’t know what was worse, this mess she’d gotten herself into with Cody, or the fact that when Tim’s warm hand covered hers, she didn’t pull away. Despite the empty hole in her heart that ached for Clarence, she suddenly wished that Tim would cover more of her with his warmth. As she stared into his blue eyes, she wished he would reach up and caress her cheek, or wrap his strong arms around her and pull her into a hug.
Besotted in Branson: An At the Altar Story Page 4