Maybe she wasn’t as emotionally deficient as she’d thought.
She forced herself to stop analyzing and worrying and once she weeded away those negative confusing feelings she realized she’d changed by coming on this mission trip. The experience had moved her deeply, she felt happy, and it had fed her creative muse in a way she hadn’t experienced since college. It also made her determined to prove her father wrong. She could hold her head high and be both an ocularist and an artist, and she didn’t need to run a department to prove her worth.
Now all she had to do was figure out how to make every single day longer. She’d have to get up earlier and put in time in her studio before work. She’d also have to stay late at the hospital to do the pro bono projects she’d agreed to for the people in the village. They deserved no less. She’d have to cut back on time spent with Sam and Dani, which pained her, but if she wanted to do it all, and she really did, there had to be sacrifices. A sick feeling dashed around her stomach and circled her heart. Sam would understand, but would Dani?
“How’re you feeling?” Sam asked, taking her hand in his.
“Exhausted. Elated. Overwhelmed.” She glanced at him through newly wise eyes and he still looked gorgeous. “Surprisingly, pretty good.”
“Are you glad you came?”
“You know I am. Seeing you with the children, especially with Fernando, made me realize what a gift you have. It made me realize how lucky Dani is to have you as his father. But it also made me face myself. Your childhood turned you into the person you are and so did mine. But, unlike you, I don’t think I’ll ever have what it takes to be a parent.”
“What are you talking about? You’re great with Dani.”
“Because I’m not his parent. I’m not responsible for him. You are.”
Sam gave her a skeptical glance. “Something tells me there’s more going on than meets the eye here. Are you okay?”
“To be honest, no. I’m not okay. This weekend I realized how messed up I am. You can open your heart and reach out to help people when I want to run scared. Loving others means something totally different to you than it does to me. My mother loves my father and it has nearly destroyed her.”
“You talk as though your father is a monster.”
“Not obviously so, but you saw how he was with me in the cafeteria. He still talks to me like I’m ten. He has zero respect for me or my mother. He was the kind of dad who’d demand I get straight As in school, then not bother to show up at the awards assembly. I’d be the only kid there without a parent in the room, because my mother was too timid to ever learn how to drive.”
Andrea hated sounding so lost and needy, but she and Sam had been raised completely differently. He had the confidence to do whatever he felt he should, completely independent, interestingly enough, not needing anyone. Or anyone’s approval. Sam needed to know why she was mistrusting and hesitant.
“My dad would holler and carry on if things weren’t perfect at home, then rarely ever be there. I never felt love from him. All I ever felt was lonely and miserable, and I’m afraid I don’t know how to feel or show love because of him.”
Sam drew her near and snuggled her close. “You’re not anything like your father. Don’t try to fool yourself.”
Bitter thoughts and intense sadness made her eyes prickle. Sam believed in her. He saw something worthwhile in her. He wanted to encourage her to branch out and experience a different kind of life. A different kind of love?
He put his arm around her on the van bench and pulled her near. “This probably isn’t the ideal time to say it, but I thought you should know—” he kissed her cheek “—that I love you.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
SAM HELD ANDREA close in the hospital parking lot. He cupped her face and kissed her as if they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, even though they’d just spent two full days together. She let him kiss her, not caring what anyone thought. The man had already taken her breath away when he’d told her he loved her a few short moments ago, and she wanted to make sure he knew how happy that’d made her.
Especially after she’d just confessed how messed up her family was, and how it had affected her, and the man had still said it. She kissed him hard. Everyone was busy unloading the vans; they’d probably never even notice what she and Sam were up to.
Was she really worth loving? In Sam’s world, yes. He had the capacity to love as she’d never experienced.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into his kiss with everything she had, and had never felt more beautiful in her life. Except for the fact they were both fairly grungy after a weekend of hard work without a shower, and her short hair, except for a few spikes, was nearly matted flat to her head. Yet she still felt beautiful...because Sam had said he loved her.
They’d made it back to St. Francis of the Valley Hospital parking lot by 8:00 p.m. There was much to be done, but his lips and the cascade of thrills they caused were the center of her world at the moment. She’d never been kissed by a man who loved her before. Wow, even her toes inside her practical cross-trainers curled from this most special of all kisses.
“Can we get a hand here, lovebirds?” said Anthony, the shaggy-haired, bearded resident who’d initiated the medical mission, standing over by one of the vans.
Nearly dizzy from the kiss, Andrea parted her lips from Sam’s and looked into his eyes. She’d never seen such a dreamy gaze from him before and she savored the moment. Could she really do that to him? Well, it was a big deal when a guy told a woman he loved her. It had to be the honest-to-God truth or it meant nothing. Everything seemed surreal and it took a couple of seconds to check back in with the real world. She crawled out from the lingering love-hazed moment with him, not wanting it to end but knowing she needed to help with the unpacking.
“Welcome home,” Sam said, sending a million possibilities through her brain for a meaning to that phrase.
“Thank you for inviting me,” she said, heartfelt. The weekend had been inspiring on a dozen levels. Now that she realized how emotionally mixed up she was, she could work on fixing it. She could change if she tried. Sam would help her.
Sam tossed a look over his shoulder. “Theoretically, Anthony’s the one who invited you.”
“Yeah,” Anthony broke in, “and I’m the one who needs your help unpacking now. Please, guys?”
Grinning, they got busy chipping in with the business of emptying and cleaning out the vans. Before long, when everything had been completed, Sam was at her side again.
“I’ve got to take off to pick up Dani. I promised him he’d sleep in his own bed tonight.”
“I understand. Give him a hug for me.”
“You’re not coming over?” Surprise tented his eyebrows.
“We’ve just spent nearly forty-eight hours together. I love you, Sam Marcus, but right now I really need a shower and a good night’s sleep.”
She’d driven her own car over and had—despite the novelty of having a man tell her he loved her and her believing him—decided to go home tonight, leaving Dani and Sam time together. They needed father-son time, having been parted the whole weekend. Besides, she needed to get serious about a new routine, painting early in the morning before going to work. That special picture was fighting to get put on canvas.
He kissed her again, more a peck of understanding than a real kiss. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, then.”
“Lunch?”
“You’re on.”
She stood for a few moments, watching the man she loved walk away, wondering over the sudden change in her relationship status. She looked down at her feet to make sure they were still touching the ground. Maybe happiness was finally within her reach. The thought started a whole new tumble of chills.
Then she saw the text from her father.
We need to talk. AS
AP. Come for dinner tomorrow night.
It wasn’t an invitation so much as a summons.
The thought about falling in love and walking on air dissolved. Look what falling in love and marrying the man of her dreams had done for her mother. She’d often tried to make up for their being alone by telling Andrea about the wonderfully amazing man he’d been when they’d dated. Her mother’s love for her father had turned out to be a deeply destructive emotion that had escorted her mother into a dark chamber, left her alone, moody and often withdrawn. Love had eaten her alive.
If she wasn’t careful, could the same happen to her?
* * *
Andrea asked Sam and Dani to accompany her to her parents’ house on Monday night as backup, but not before checking with her mother to see if it would be okay. Plus she needed to feel Mom out, see how her new meds were working. Was her depression under control? Was she really up for a dinner party, no matter how casual? They’d had a great time a couple of weeks ago, eating, talking, but that had been just the two of them. Adding Dad into the mix was always a gamble.
Barbara had promised she was in good spirits and would love to meet Sam and Dani, so Andrea had invited them along. It wasn’t fair to use Sam as a buffer, but Andrea had something on her mind she wanted to be firm about, and having Sam there would give her more confidence.
Rather than knock on the door at the huge Rimmer family home in the heart of the Los Feliz hills above Los Angeles, she used her old house key and let them all in.
“Hello? We’re here! Mom?”
“Come on in,” Mom said, appearing at the kitchen door, wiping her hands on her half apron.
Andrea rushed to her mother and gave her a hug, grateful she had a spark of life in her brown eyes today. “Mom, this is Sam and Dani.”
Perhaps overreacting a tad, Barbara put her hands on her cheeks and beamed. “It’s so wonderful to meet you,” she said to Sam, taking his hand and shaking it enthusiastically. Then she bent forward to greet Dani. “Well, hello, young man. Aren’t you a handsome boy.”
Dani blushed and hid behind Sam’s leg. “Sorry, he’s a bit shy,” Sam stepped in.
“We’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other, won’t we, young man?”
Still hiding, Dani peeked around Sam’s leg to take another look at the new woman.
Barbara’s voice actually sounded cheery, but Andrea didn’t trust it. She’d had too much experience with her mother’s mood swings over the years. She tensed, hoping for the best, but part of her was waiting cautiously.
Her mother twisted her wedding ring round and round her finger, a sign that underneath the cheery exterior she was nervous. “Why don’t we go into the other room.”
The Rimmer house was a grand old 1920s-style home with every room fairly small and neatly partitioned off, with a tendency toward being dark and dreary because of it. A perfect setting for her depressed mother. Andrea had forgotten how claustrophobic the house could feel at times. They walked through the living room section, with furniture that probably hadn’t been sat on for months, and into the wood-paneled den that connected to the dining room.
“Can we help with anything, Mom?”
“You can get everyone drinks and set the table if you’d like.”
Andrea and Sam pitched in and got everything ready at the table, letting Dani have a glass of lemonade while they did so.
In the dining room, Sam reached for Andrea’s arm and squeezed it. “Everything will be okay.” She’d filled Sam in on her mother’s condition on the ride over, and he already knew firsthand the blustery personality of her father. “I’m here for you.”
“Thanks.” She believed him and it reassured her.
The front door opened and a cool draft entered the house, traveling all the way to the den. Her father was home, and the loose knot that had been forming in her stomach over the family dinner tightened.
“Good evening,” Jerome said, making his appearance wearing a dark blue work suit and still acting all business.
Dani went back into hiding behind Sam’s leg. Barbara appeared from the kitchen, still twisting the ring on her finger but this time even faster, a new anxious expression on her face. Jerome went to her and kissed her cheek. “Barbara, something smells good.”
Poof, tension disappeared from her eyes, and the ring-twisting stopped. “It’s your favorite, Jerry, Santa Barbara–styled tri tip with onions and bell peppers.”
Turning his attention to Andrea, Jerome ignored Barbara’s reply. “I have a bone to pick with you, young lady.” He said it as if she’d been truant from school.
Andrea squared her shoulders. “If it’s about the job application for department administrator, I’m going to be honest. I don’t want the job.”
“You don’t want the job? Do you know how many people would die for that job? The benefits, the stability, the future?”
“I like the job I have.”
His jaw clamped down and his eyes went steely. Rather than wither, as she might have as a child, Andrea stood her ground.
“Do you honestly think I got you that apprenticeship so you could settle for working part-time?”
“Frankly, Father, I don’t care why you forced me to take the apprenticeship. I’ve done what you wanted, will get my credential within the year, and after that I can do anything I want with it.”
If steam could come out of a person’s ears, it would have right then and there from Jerome.
“Why don’t we all take a break from this conversation and have dinner,” Barbara spoke up, sounding firmer than Andrea expected, which surprised and pleased her. Since when had Mom become a mediator? Out of respect for her mother, and little Dani, she’d bite back all the words she’d truly love to sling at her father right then.
As everyone prepared to sit at the dining table, Jerome cast a sideways glance at Andrea. “We’re not through with this conversation.”
Andrea pressed her lips together and passed her father an oh-yes-we-are stare, just long enough to get her point across.
The new medications for depression seemed to be doing wonders for Barbara. She sat at the dining table, head held high, making light conversation with Sam and teasing Dani to coax him to eat. Surprisingly, even Jerome settled in to a more welcoming mood as the family and guests enjoyed the grilled beef, fingerling potatoes and a vegetable medley casserole. Maybe he’d finally understood that his daughter could be as strong-willed as he was.
With Sam at her side, ready to back her up, Andrea had found confidence enough to make her point. It was her life. She’d make all the decisions from here on. Thank you very much, Daddy.
* * *
Things were going great for the next couple of weeks. Andrea kept to her schedule of painting every morning before work and only spending the weekends with Sam and Dani. They might say they loved each other, but she still longed for independence, and he needed special father-son time. Plus not going over to his house during the week made Sam all the happier to see her when she spent Friday nights through Sunday evenings with him and Dani. Even then, Sam respected her need to paint in the mornings. And after the boy went to bed they definitely made up for those lost nights together.
With this schedule, the picture that had been impatiently waiting inside her head seemed to pour out onto the canvas, as if it had commandeered the brushes and all she had to do was let her arms do the grunt work. She hadn’t been this inspired in ages, and whether it was from being in a solid relationship with a good man whom she loved or from going to Mexico and helping out people in need, she figured her life had definitely taken a turn for the better.
Soon that painting would be done, and she’d already finished a couple of the prosthetics she’d promised to the children in Mexico, too. And, as if her positive message was circulating in the universe, a long-ago friend from art s
chool had contacted her about a few of her earlier paintings. A new café wanted to display art on their walls in the Gas Light District of San Diego. It would be a huge help in getting her noticed, and Andrea was so excited she wanted to personally deliver the paintings and spend a weekend catching up with her old friend. Sam understood and completely supported her going.
It seemed amazing what a woman could accomplish when she was in love.
Even more amazing, Sam had found a second babysitter. The teenager of one of his colleagues from the hospital needed extra money for a big school trip in the fall. Ally was more than willing to babysit on weeknights if or whenever Sam needed her, and, most important, Dani liked her. Yes, all seemed right with the world.
On the eve of her trip to San Diego, a full two weeks from the night she’d lost sleep making her decision to take Sam and the young resident up on their offer to go along on the medical mission, she found herself in a very different situation. She was definitely losing sleep, but this time for a far more exciting reason.
Sam held her hips as she straddled him and rocked his world, doing a fantastic job of rocking her world, too. Quite sure there was no way her breasts could get any tighter or more tingly, he surprised her by rising up on an elbow and taking one into his mouth. She stopped briefly to savor the thrumming throughout her body, but soon craving more she lifted and curved over his length, with him solid and bucking up into her. The benefits of being on top and positioning him just so fanned the heat building between her thighs to a near inferno.
With early signs that there’d be no turning back, tension coiled behind her navel, knotting and threading down, spiraling deeper into her core. The small of her back buzzed with sensations. Every cell seemed awake and vibrating thanks to him. Sam’s mouth soon found her other breast as she leaned over him, and he held her hips in place when he drove up into her again and again. Nearly helpless against his thrusts, all she could do was hold steady, willing her arms not to give out.
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