by Nicole James
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Jessie. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Please, Cary.”
“Alright, honey. You can come over to my place and help me put some ice on my hand.” He grinned at her and drove past the big house, through the gravel yard, and down the drive to his house. He pulled around and parked in the back, where no one would see her climbing out of his truck. He got out and came around the truck. Opening her door, he helped her down. Rocky came trotting over from where he’d been lying on the porch.
Jessie extended her hand to him, giving him a gentle pat on the head. “Hey, boy.”
Cary guided her to the back door and opened it. They walked into the kitchen, Rocky pushing past their legs.
“Sit down, babe.” He nodded toward the kitchen table.
She sat in one of the chairs.
Dropping his keys on the table, Cary walked over to the cabinet over the stove, and got down a bottle of tequila and a shot glass. He brought them back over to the table and sat down. He poured a shot and downed it.
Jessie watched him.
He looked up and saw her staring at him. Pouring another shot, he pushed it across the table. “You look like you could use this,” he explained.
She picked it up and trying to show him she was an adult, she downed it and immediately started coughing.
Cary smiled, reached for the shot glass, and poured himself another.
When she reached for the shot glass again, he stopped her. “Uh-uh, princess. I’m not taking you home to Daddy drunk.” He got up and put the bottle back in the cabinet. Then he went to the sink and turned on the cold water, putting his right hand under the stream, his knuckles bruised and scraped.
“Here, Cary, let me get you some ice,” Jessie offered, getting up. She got a bowl and a tray of ice cubes, dumped them into the bowl, and then she ran some water into the bowl. Grabbing a dishtowel, she moved to the table.
Cary followed, sitting down next to her.
She took his hand and set it in the ice water.
“Damn, that’s cold,” he said, grimacing, his eyes on her. Jessie dipped the towel into the bowl, dabbed at his split lip, and wiped the blood away, her touch gentle on his face. He watched her pretty blue eyes as she concentrated on her task, and then his gaze fell to her mouth as her teeth came out to bite softly on her lower lip.
When she was satisfied, she smiled. “There, that’s better.”
Their eyes met, and her smile faltered. Cary watched as she started to pull away, but his hand came up and tilted her chin up. His thumb gently brushing across her cheekbone, still slightly red from when Doug backhanded her. “You okay, Jess?” he whispered.
She nodded.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, still whispering
She shook her head.
“You don’t deserve to be treated like that. You know that don’t you?”
She shrugged her shoulders.
“You deserve better. A lot better.” He held her face, his eyes holding her gaze, searching her eyes, and then his gaze strayed back down to her lips. And he couldn’t stop himself from leaning close and softly brushing her mouth with a kiss. “You didn’t even make it to the dance.”
She fiddled with the washcloth and shrugged her shoulders again.
Cary looked at her a long time and then he reached across the table to a small radio sitting against the wall. She watched as he flipped it on, then turned the dial until he found a slow song. Then he turned to look at her and he stood up. Taking her hand, he pulled her up as well. “Come here.”
He took her in his arms and swayed with the music. She stared up him. He tightened the hand on her waist and pulled her closer until her body was flush against his. And then she lay her head on his shoulder and let him hold her. He rubbed her back through the soft flannel of the shirt he’d given her. They stayed that way for a long time and he could feel the tension slowly leaving her body. He kissed the top of her head and held her tighter.
She lifted her head and looked at him. His gaze traveled over her face and then strayed down to her mouth. He bent and softly brushed her lips with a kiss.
When the song ended and he pulled back, Jessie got shy and stepped out of his arms.
“Let me get you some more ice,” she blurted. Cary saw through the excuse she was using to put some space between them. She went over to the freezer and had her hand on the handle, when suddenly he was there behind her with his hand reaching around her to hold the freezer door closed.
“I don’t need any more ice,” he whispered in her ear, his body close behind her. Then he was pulling her around. “Look at me, Jessie.” She looked up into his eyes, her breathing coming faster. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?” she asked, knowing damn well he was talking about the electricity flying between them.
If she wanted him to lay it out, he would. “I can’t pretend there’s nothing happening between us.”
She took a deep breath, and he watched her gather the courage, he hoped, to be honest. “I don’t want to pretend anymore either.” His eyes widened as she reached up, took his face in her hands, then she rose up on her toes and touched her mouth to his. It was a long, slow kiss filled with things he knew she didn’t know how to express.
Cary pulled back from the kiss and looked down into her eyes, his chin pulling to the side as his eyes bore into hers. “This is a dangerous game we’re playing, Jessie.”
“It’s not a game for me.”
“Isn’t it, Jess? I’ve always been a safe way for you to satisfy your curiosity about men, and I let you get away with it because I figured it’d be better for you to experiment with your kisses and flirting on me, than to satisfy your curiosity with some immature son-of-a-bitch who would only want one thing. You were safe with me to do that, because I’d always stop it before it went anywhere. You knew that.”
“Are you saying you just ‘played along’ with me, that none of it meant anything to you?” She stared up at him with a stricken look on her face. My God, if he told her that, she’d melt through the floor, mortified.
He stared into her eyes a long time, and then shook his head. There was no way he could let her think it had meant nothing. It’d be the easy way out, but he couldn’t do it.
“Then please, stop pushing me away,” she begged softly.
“Jessie, you’re only eighteen. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do.” She laid her hand on his chest, her fingers clenching the fabric of his tee shirt.
He covered her hands with his. “It’s not that easy, Jess. Things would be a hell of a lot more complicated for us.”
“Why? Why do they have to be, Cary?”
“Why?” Cary asked, stunned. “Because I’m twenty-six, and you’re eighteen, damn it!”
“But it doesn’t matter to me!” she insisted, and then continued in a whisper, “Cary, I lie awake at night, thinking about you, about us, about what it would be like with you.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Don’t, Jess. Please, don’t say anymore,” he pleaded. Turning away from her, he stood facing the sink, his hands clenching the rim, his shoulders hunched, and his whole being fighting for control. “Please, Jessie. I’m trying to do what’s right.”
Her hand slid up his back, between his shoulder blades. “Cary, please. Don’t shut me out.”
He turned to look at her. She watched the tick in his jaw as he struggled with this. He shook his head, his eyes searching hers. “Don’t you realize that once we crossed that line things would never be the same again?”
“Cary, I don’t want them to be the same anymore. I want to be with you, right now, more than anything I’ve ever wanted.” She looked at him imploringly. “Please don’t send me away.”
“God, Jessie. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do, Cary. I swear to God, I do. There’s something between us. You know it’s true. Why can’t you tell
me how you feel?”
“You want to know how I feel? Alright, I’ll tell you.” He slowly came toward her. He could see the intensity of the look in his eyes shook her resolve and yes, scared her a little. She backed up as he followed until her back was up against the wall, and he was right in front of her. “Do you know what it did to me to see you leaving with that kid tonight, and then later to see what he almost did to you? I wanted to kill him, Jessie. Do you understand?” he asked, his face just inches from hers. “I’ve never felt this way about any woman, ever, and I’ve had my share.” He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “I hate myself for feeling this way about you, for what I want to do with you. I’m angry with you for making me feel this way, damn you, for making me have to choose between what I feel for you and the friendship I have with your father.”
At his words, she looked down and he watched the wave of guilt washing over her at the mention of her father.
“No. Look at me,” Cary demanded, taking her head in both his hands and forcing her to look up at him. His eyes blazed down into hers. “You asked for this, now you’re going to damn well look at me while I spill my guts out for you.”
Jessie stared up at him, wide-eyed, her heart in her throat, feeling like her whole life depended on what his next words would be.
He paused a moment, his eyes searching hers intently. “Do I want you? Yes, sweetheart, I want you. Right or wrong, there it is.” Her mouth parted. His eyes fell to it, but his words carried on. “I want to feel you naked under me. I want to feel your nails raking down my back when you climax.” He took her hand and jerked it down to the bulge in the front of his pants. “I want to feel this inside you.” He watched the reaction in her eyes. “Am I frightening you, Jessie? I hope so. You should be frightened. Everything about this should scare the hell out of you. So if you know what’s good for you, you’ll walk out that door, now, while there’s still time. Because if you don’t, swear to Christ, Jess, I’m going to take you in the bedroom and make love to you, right or wrong be damned, and that’s the God’s honest truth.”
It took every last shred of will power he had to release her, step back, giving her some room to breathe, room to step around him toward the door, and save them both from this no-win situation. The moment stretched for an eternity, as he waited to see what her choice would be, and he realized just how much of his heart hung on her decision.
He didn’t realize he had been holding his breath, until he released it as she came into his arms.
Looking down into her eyes, he saw her heart shining there for him to see, and his eyes answered hers. He dropped his head, his forehead coming up against hers, and he whispered her name. His hands close over her jaw, his fingers sliding into the hair behind her ears as he cupped her face and pulled her up, his mouth closing over hers. Her arms slid around him, and she tilted her head back, letting him drink his fill.
And then suddenly he was releasing her, stepping back to reach down and take her hand, and then he was pulling her behind him, leading her to his bedroom. He pulled her down the hall and through the doorway. The room was dark. He let go of her hand, stepping a few feet into the room, and then a soft, muted light filled the room. He was standing next to a pine nightstand, which held a Victorian lamp that he’d just switched on. Her gaze moved to the wrought iron bed covered with a patchwork quilt.
Cary looked back at her. She looked scared and unsure of herself. “Having second thoughts, Jess? Where’s all that courage now?”
Her eyes moved from the bed to him, and she swallowed. “No, I’m not having second thoughts. I’m just…”
He watched her, waiting for her to go on. When she didn’t, he asked softly, “What baby-doll?”
“Nervous,” she admitted.
“Don’t be, Jess. All you gotta do is walk over here to me, and I’ll take it from there.”
She moved to him without hesitation, complete trust in her eyes. That surprised the fuck out of him and made his heart fill at the same time. Jessie was a precious gift, one maybe he didn’t deserve, but one he fully intended to accept and to cherish. He took her face in his hands and brushed his mouth softly against her lips. “Open for me, baby.”
When she did, his tongue delved inside, and he pulled her head up closer. He groaned, angling his head to deepen the kiss.
Jessie lost herself in the kiss. Nothing else existed except Cary’s mouth on hers, the way it felt, the way he tasted. She couldn’t get enough, and then he was breaking away, his mouth trailing across her jaw, down to her ear. His hands left her face, and he pulled her up against him. She felt his mouth trailing along her neck, as his hands roamed over her back and ass.
“Cary, wait,” Jessie panted, a breathy quality to her voice, as he kissed his way down her neck.
“If you’re changing your mind now, baby…” he said, bringing his head up to look at her.
“No, no. It’s not that. I just…I want you to know that…I mean…well, I know you think I’ve been running wild and all, but…well, I’ve never done this.”
He ran his thumb over her lower lip as he took in what she was telling him. Her words touching him deeper than he was expecting. That meant something to him. It meant a lot. More than he was ready for, maybe. “So, I’ll be your first, then?”
She nodded.
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Jessie, you give me your trust, I promise I’ll take care of it.”
Her mouth parted and she breathed the words. “You will?”
“Swear to God, Jess.”
He watched her swallow and then murmur, “But, I mean, well, I don’t want to disappoint you. I’m sure I won’t be very good. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do, or…”
“Jessie?”
“Yes?” She looked up at him with wide innocent blue eyes.
A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “Just shut up and kiss me, and leave the rest to me, okay, baby?”
“O-okay,” she whispered as his mouth descended on hers once more.
He kissed her until she was breathless and weak, pulling her close in his arms. His right hand went to her throat, where her pulse beat in the hollow of her neck. He raised his head slightly, looking down at it, and then he was pushing the flannel shirt back off her shoulders.
It fell to the floor with a soft whoosh.
He pulled her close again and kissed her. His hand moved to her back, working on the fastenings of her gown. A moment later, it too fell to the floor, and she was standing before him in her lacy, strapless bra and panties, and a pair of high-heeled sandals.
“God, sweetheart, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, his eyes trailing down her body. “Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” His eyes lifted to her face, and he watched a radiant smile bloom. Beautiful. Drop dead, knockout gorgeous. No fucking doubt about it. He grinned back, took her in his arms again, and kissed her.
He felt her hands slide up under his tee shirt, and he broke off the kiss just long enough to rip the tee over his head and drop it to the floor. Jessie ran her hands over the muscles of his chest, up to his strong shoulders and down over his biceps, her gaze roaming all over his body. Cary swallowed at her gentle touch. Her hands gliding softly over him were setting him ablaze, but he knew he had to take his time with her and treat her gently. He didn’t want to hurt her or rush her.
He moved her backwards to the side of the bed and laid her back on it, following her down slowly. His mouth closed over hers, and he kissed her softly, running his hand along her hip and thigh. He stroked his fingers along her bare skin tenderly.
Jessie threaded her fingers through his hair and kissed him back. After a few minutes, she felt him pull back. She watched as he sat up at the edge of the bed, took her foot in his hand, and slowly removed her sandal. She lay there, watching him, watching his strong hands.
He turned to watch her face as he massaged her foot, and then repeated the process with her other foot. When he was through, his hand
s slid up her calves and massaged them as well.
She watched him, mesmerized.
“Turn over for me, sweetheart.”
She did as he asked and rolled onto her stomach, wondering what he was going to do next. With her head turned to the side, she watched him. His arm reached out to the lamp, switching it off, and the room was bathed in silvery moonlight. And still he didn’t touch her. She felt the bed move, saw his shadowed form stand up, and a moment later she heard his jeans fall to the floor.
She sucked in a breath. The anticipation stretching her nerves taught. She felt the bed shift again, and then his hands were sliding up her calves to the back of her thighs. He massaged them as well. Slowly, slowly his hands went higher and higher, and then he was massaging her bottom. A moment later, his hands hooked in her lace panty, and he slid them down her legs and off her body.
His hands came back to continue his massaging. He worked her lower back, relaxing the tense muscles. She felt his large, warm palms smooth up her back, and then she felt him unclasp her bra. He massaged her entire back, her shoulders, and her neck. Jessie could feel the nervous tension melting away, and she relaxed into the mattress.
His hands came alongside her head, on either side as he leaned down, supporting himself on his elbows, and he kissed her behind her ear. Then he rolled her over slowly, bent his head, and kissed his way down her body.
By the time he worked his way back up, she was coming apart with need. “Cary,” his name came out as a breathy moan.
His mouth brushed against hers, and then worked its way to her ear as his palm settled between her breasts and slid slowly down over her belly. “What baby-doll? What do you want?”
“You,” she whispered.
He took one of her hands in his, placing it on his chest. “Touch me, Jess. I want to feel your hands on me.”
She slid her hands over his chest, up his shoulders, and back down, marveling at his all-male body. Then she slid them down over his muscled stomach and watched as he sucked in his breath. She started to pull her hands away, thinking he didn’t like to be touched there, but he growled, “No, don’t stop.”