Heartfelt

by Lynn Crandall

  He felt the memory of what he’d done crawl up his insides with claws. He’d never get past the guilt. He’d been eighteen, just beginning to express his were-bobcat traits and special abilities. He hadn’t yet gotten control of them when he’d played a prank on his younger brother Kendall that had involved nudging him. He dared Kendall to race him on their dirt bikes. Kendall was an easy nudge, and at first it had been fun riding around the hills behind their house, racing each other to the designated finish line. But Kendall didn’t have the strength and agility that had been natural for Asher. The image of his brother careening down a steep incline and landing at the bottom with his leg bent awkwardly sent shivers trailing through him.

  The accident had left his brother disabled. The break had affected growth plates in his leg, and it wouldn’t continue to gain length, the doctor had told them. He’d said it was possible surgery could improve his chances for near-complete healing, but in Kendall’s situation, even surgery and follow-up treatment had been unsuccessful.

  Even though Asher’s parents were were-cats, they’d never understood him. He was always getting in trouble and causing attention. The kind of thing his parents feared would bring them trouble from humans. That nudge had been the last straw. They’d continued to support him financially until he finished college and turned twenty-one, but then they’d told him to leave home and never return. They’d paid the bills for him and kept him fed, but eventually they’d moved away and left no contact information. That’s when his sister got in a terrible fight with them over cutting him out. She took him under her wing, and they went it alone for a while. Neither of them had any further contact with their family. Then Casey’s colony had found them near Laurelwood and invited them to join.

  No one, except maybe Lara, knew how much that one incident had affected him. He’d never forgive himself. And he’d forever be grateful to Casey for taking him in. But the rejection from his family shaped his self-image and his attitude toward others. He kept himself aloof, knowing he could lose control and hurt someone else.

  He shook his head to settle his thoughts on the present. The noises and scents of the newspaper’s offices enveloped him in familiar and comfortable.

  A cup of coffee in hand from the break room, and Asher settled in at his desk in front of his computer. He scanned the wire for any stories about Carter Enterprises. Having just recently lost its CEO, the powerful but sinister William Carter, the company probably was going through reorganization.

  The father of one of the colony’s friends, Jackson Carter, William had a reputation for harming people. His death had felt like a form of justice. Everyone in the colony had sympathized with Jackson’s loss, but Asher knew as well as Casey, Jackson’s longtime friend, that with his father’s death, Jackson had been relieved. Though the company ownership now passed to Jackson and his brother, Graham, Jackson continued his work with his investigations firm, for which Casey worked, too.

  The Carter effect had exerted an impact not only on Jackson, but also on Lacey, Jackson’s wife, when she had uncovered one of William’s initial illegal drug projects. Throughout Carter’s lifetime, he’d done more than his share of creating chaos for good people, including Michelle Slade, Casey’s fiancée, office manager for Aegar Investigations and cat rescue owner. It was the colony’s attempts to deter Carter’s land grab of Michelle’s house that led them to discover the project that Kennedy had been a part of. It was during that rescue that Asher had made friends with Aegar investigators, sisters Sterling and Lacey, and they’d all learned more about The Nexus Group.

  His eyes on the screen, Asher sipped his coffee, remembering the night the colony had freed the cats that had been kidnapped by Carter’s employees and subjected to illegal drug testing. Sadly, not all the cats had made it. He would probably never forget watching Adrian, a were-lynx subject the colony had rescued, lie on the ground and slowly die. That night they’d found Kennedy in captivity, also, and brought her with them.

  The sounds of reporters chatting and copy editors conferring mingling with the click-clicking of keyboarding and the brisk scent of coffee was like white noise for Asher. He’d been a reporter here at the Gazette since he’d graduated from college a year ago. As was his way with any human group, he kept his distance. The colony’s rules forbade revealing the presence of were-lynxes among a human population. That rule had always been upheld, until, that is, Casey was elected leader about a year ago. Casey wanted the colony to evolve in ways that not only kept every member safe, but also allowed them all to form meaningful relationships and attachments with each other as well as any human who could be trusted.

  At first, Casey’s leadership style had ruffled some members of the colony, even though he’d been voted in. He was a moggie, a were-cat born from parents who were not pure. Pures were born from two, full-blooded were-cats. Historically, pures had always run the colony. Casey’s father was pure, but his mother was human. Casey’s leadership drew criticism easily. It was hard to legislate change of ancient traditions. But the colony was learning to think more than blindly follow outdated rules.

  But beyond those species rules, Asher kept himself detached for his own personal reasons. Those reasons were based on the real experiences with his family, and they were ever present in his mind.

  He rolled his head to relax his muscles and allowed the sounds of the sports department to embrace him. The easy camaraderie among the reporters gave him a tiny sense of belonging, while at the same time they reminded him that hope for any strong emotional bond had been shattered the day he’d nudged his brother too far. He’d been eighteen at the time and wild. What he’d done was wrong; he knew that now. But it had hurt like hell when they’d rejected him and cut him out of their lives. And every day since, the cut went deeper. But he never showed that pain, never let it occupy his mind for very long. Exposing weakness was not his way.

  The colony knew him as an audacious, easygoing were-bobcat. What they didn’t know was that he was more than just those things and he longed for more, too. He truly cared about others, and deep inside, cravings for acceptance and acknowledgement of him as a worthy individual ate him up.

  Drawn from his introspection by what he saw on the screen, Asher stopped scrolling. He read a small piece about a privately owned research company making a major contribution to a politician’s election campaign. A quick search of the company, Phoenix Biosciences, came up with a description of its areas of research. Asher swallowed hard. According to the company’s website, it specialized in exploring genomic and nanotechnological approaches to curing major diseases. That bothered him. Suspicion immediately raised the small hairs on the back of his neck. The politician was known to run in the same circles William Carter had. Asher made a mental note to check into the company and the politician, Daren Sage.

  “Hey, Asher, you look serious.” A coworker, Doug Henry, slapped him on the shoulder. The atmosphere in the sports department was typically jovial and laid back—except when the local sports teams weren’t playing well. “You got media day at the basketball stadium on campus? I know how you love all that craziness.” The man’s voice was heavy with sarcasm.

  “Ah, yeah. I’ve got that this afternoon.”

  “Any predictions on the game?” The man took the chair beside Asher’s desk and waited.

  As Asher’s mind caught up with thoughts of what he’d just read and a possible connection to The Nexus Group, Asher reached into his center, the place where he felt the flow of life energy, and directed it gently toward his coworker. From his mind he added thoughts to the flowing energy, suggestions to end this boring conversation and step away.

  “Well, I guess you haven’t pinned down the predicted winner yet.” He stood and smiled. “I’ll let you get back to work,” he muttered, then walked back to his own desk.

  Asher sighed, a combination of relief and guilt. Sure, he could have just told the guy to get lost. Offer up some nice excuses for ending the conversation. But it was so much easier to simply
nudge, and in this case there was no harm done. In fact, it was better to end the pointless conversation and focus on this drug company he’d read about. If it were in some way connected to The Nexus Group, he was better not to waste his time in mindless chitchat and instead spend it on digging for the truth. Kennedy’s life and those of his fellow colony cats could be at stake.

  To purchase this ebook and learn more about the author, click here.

  Praise for Cravings:

  “I found myself with my heart on my sleeve throughout, with my fingers crossed for these two … definitely well worth reading for those who enjoy shifters. I absolutely love it!”—Pure Jonel

  For more books by Lynn Crandall, check out:

  Secrets

  “The characters in this novel were off the charts. I love how each of them was just a little quirky, but in their own way.”—Pure Jonel

  In the mood for more Crimson Romance?

  Check out Naturally Enchanted by Christy Newton at CrimsonRomance.com.