‘Deal with it,’ Androssoff said to me. ‘We’ve got to be out by eight-thirty if you want to make check in. I’ve got a meeting at half past ten.’
I opened the glass door: ‘Come on, Nicky. Your den will still be here when we come for New Year. What about the friends you made at Kindergarten? They’ll be starting school with you on Monday. I can call Mrs Adewole and ask if Ena wants to come and play.’
‘I don’t like her. I want to go to school in London.’
‘London is very dirty and very noisy.’
‘It isn’t noisy in the park. I want to go on the Hill. I want my kite.’
‘But I can’t fit it in my case. Daddy will bring it on Friday. It’s time to get your things, the taxi will be here in a minute. There’s a lot of traffic in London this time in the morning.’
‘No, I’m not getting my things.’
‘Man up, Nick,’ Androssoff commanded. ‘Don’t give your mother a hard time.’
But he kept it up in the taxi all the way to the airport: I’m not going. I want to stay with Daddy.
‘Be quiet,’ I said. The partition was open, the driver could hear every word. Androssoff just looked through the window. At last we came to the City. There were demonstrators outside the Bank of England and an encampment outside St Paul’s.
‘Look,’ I said. ‘Tents like the ones in Devon.’
At the departures gate, he lay down on the floor and howled. Androssoff had a job getting him up.
‘Look, Nick,’ he said. ‘You get on the plane and I’ll see you on Friday. If you don’t stop this right now, I won’t be coming at all.’
‘Don’t say that,’ I cried. ‘You’ll make him worse.’
‘OK, OK. When I come on Friday evening, I’m going to ask your mother if you’ve behaved yourself. If you haven’t, then it’s no football, no kite, and no ice-cream. Total withdrawal of privileges – got it?’
‘You promise you won’t move out of the flat, Dad? Promise.’
‘We’re getting a new house, with a garden. It’ll be great.’
‘I don’t like it. It’s spooky. I want us all to live in the flat.’
‘We don’t always get what we want, Nick.’
‘You did,’ I told him. ‘You got your house.’
Nicky was sulky on the flight, but the tears had dried: he was distracted by his Game-Boy.
‘We can look for a new game in Geneva tomorrow,’ I suggested. He carried on jabbing at the console, blanking me out. I had to take him clothes shopping for the new term and I was dreading him playing up in the sober Swiss department stores. He had never played up like this before. He was always such a mild child. He never went through the terrible-twos stage. Perhaps he was making up for lost time.
‘We had a nice time together, you and me, and daddy. We had a nice time, didn’t we? - Didn’t we? There’ll be more fun times like that, plenty of times.’
‘I want us to live with Daddy. Why can’t we live in the flat?’
‘I’ve told you why. You’re nearly six. You can understand why. Even if daddy gets the house, it will need to be cleaned and painted before anyone can live in it, and that will take a very long time. So in the meantime, your home is with me in Geneva.’
‘I want Daddy.’
He kept up his mantra all the way through arrivals. I was anxious in case the border control started asking awkward questions. The taxi driver gave me a dirty look when he pulled up outside the villa. I didn’t tip him. I was struggling with Nicky who wouldn’t get out of the taxi.
‘Look, there’s Rodolfo,’ I said, pointing up to the first floor balcony. ‘Perhaps he’ll come to the park with us to get an ice-cream.’
‘I want Daddy.’
I gestured helplessly to Rodolfo and manoeuvred Nicky into our apartment, holding him firmly by the shoulders. I pushed him into the hall and went back to get the trolley case. He was in the salon, banging on the television. I had unplugged it before I went away and he had been told, on pain of death, not to touch plugs.
‘You can watch for an hour while I make a cup of tea and think about what we’re going to eat tonight.’ I said. ‘I’ll have to see what’s in the freezer. Are you listening?’
He threw his Game-Boy at me; it bounced off my arm onto the parquet. God forbid it should scratch Rodolfo’s hardwood floor. ‘I’m confiscating this,’ I told him as picked it up. ‘I’m keeping it in my room until you can behave yourself. And I’m going to tell daddy. He wouldn’t put up with this behaviour for a single minute and I don’t see why I should put up with it. You are spoilt and you are rude and I am very disappointed in you. We’ve had a lovely holiday and you are ruining it now. Just go to your room.’
‘I want Daddy,’ he shouted as he rushed past me. ‘I hate you!’
Shaken, I went to boil the water. There was no sign of him snapping out of it. For the first time ever, I wished I had given birth to a baby girl.
He kept up the sulking until I put him to bed. The tantrum had worn him out. I went to sit on the terrace with a large glass of wine. I was ready to drink the whole bottle, but Rodolfo came around the corner of the house and saluted me. We embraced, formally, and I went to fetch another glass.
‘I don’t know what to do with Nicky,’ I said. ‘He’s seen a bit of London, now he wants to go and live there. He’s unsettled. It’s Chas’s fault. He’s in the process of buying a house.’
Rodolfo lit a cheroot and exhaled an open-speech mark: ‘I hope this does not mean you will leave Geneva.’
‘Not at all. We came here, as you know, for Nicky’s education.’
‘But I can see your husband’s point of view. He is frustrated. He does not want to be a part-time father, or a part-time husband.’
‘He’s always been a part-time father, even when we all lived together in New Zealand, especially then.’
‘You have not resolved your problems?’
‘You mean that business with Naomi?’
‘I was striving to be diplomatic.’ He fanned another comma away from my face. ‘Really, I should break this bad habit. I have been smoking for fifty seven years.’
‘That’s some habit to break.’
‘Yes indeed, I am completely addicted. Forgive me for asking, but I saw you had a guest the night before you went to London. I hope I didn’t disturb you.’
I felt myself blushing. ‘He was just passing by.’
‘Passing by, passing by ... is he a friend of yours?’
‘Not exactly. Not yet. I haven’t known him long. He’s rather a tragic character.’
I told him Drew’s story, or as much as I knew of it. Rodolfo finished his cheroot and threw the stub into a rose bush. The punctuation smoke still hung in the air. At length he said: ‘You should be careful who you let into your apartment.’
‘Drew wasn’t a stranger.’
‘But he was never presented to you. You were not introduced. He took your letter – maybe he took your car. I am not surprised to hear he asked you for money. That type always does.’
‘He didn’t steal the car. I told you what happened. He’s in distress, Rodolfo. He tried to take his own life.’
‘He is unstable. And unsuitable, I think, to be a guest here.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I gasped, ‘but where does it say in my lease that I can’t have people to come and see me?’
Rodolfo lit another cheroot. ‘Too much,’ he said, making a face. ‘Too much but completely addictive. – Of course you can receive guests, your friends, people of your own social standing. But this man was a stranger, he came to you at night when there was no one else at home. It was fortunate that I returned home sooner than I had intended. I am worried about your safety, Louise, and that of little Nicky ...’
‘Nicky wasn’t here. He was in London with Chas.’
‘What does your husband think about it?’
‘He didn’t say.’
‘Doesn’t he know?’
‘Of course he knows. I told him.’
&n
bsp; ‘Wasn’t he worried?’
‘I don’t think so.’
Rodolfo shook his head in disbelief. ‘I was troubled when I saw you with this man. He was not the sort of man I thought you would associate with … he was not convenable.’
‘You told me once that you were planning to use an assisted-suicide clinic should the situation arise, God forbid, that you became terminally ill and couldn’t look after yourself.’
‘But this man isn’t terminally ill. You said he was better. He asked you for money to go to Paris. Paris!’
‘He has no home.’
‘So he told you. But he can’t stay here. I say this out of my complete respect and concern for you and little Nicky. There are many valuable objects here.’
‘I understand. But I’d like to be clear about the sort of people I can invite here. The lease doesn’t specify.’
‘Of course, established people.’
‘I don’t know any established people, apart from you. People aren’t always what they seem. My husband goes around looking like a hell’s angel. In fact, he looks a lot like Drew.’
‘Forgive me, but this fellow looked to me like one of those rough men who live in the woods beyond the Perle du Lac. There are criminals living there.’
‘Can you imagine how I felt when the police told me what he tried to do in our car? You’re a Catholic, aren’t you? I don’t know any priests but I’ve read the Gospel: Love thy neighbour.’
‘This man is not in extremis. He is a beggar. He asked you for money. You are naïve about this man. He will take advantage of you.’
‘I don’t think he’ll come again. But if he does come again to ask me for help, I can’t just turn him away.’
‘E basta. I do not want you to ask him in to your apartment. -Full stop-’
I looked at him in astonishment. ‘Thank you, Rodolfo. You’ve made yourself quite clear.’
After he had taken himself off to his grand salon where he could stink out the ransacked walls with his cheroots, I went into the kitchen and tried to get hold of Androssoff. I used the signal for the mobile but on the second ring it went to voice-mail, as did the land-line number in the flat. I had no idea where he could be at this time. When the cat’s away. I kicked the cupboard door.
‘What’s the matter, Mummy?’ Nicky had come out at last.
‘Rodolfo made me cross. I wanted to tell your daddy about it but, as usual, he’s not available. You know, Nicky, he has absolutely no time for you and me. He’s only interested in his work, and now that stupid house. He doesn’t care about us.’
Silence. Consternation. Hurt.
‘Nicky, I’m sorry.’ I went over to him and squatted, putting my face on a level with his. ‘When I said your daddy doesn’t care about us, I didn’t mean he doesn’t care at all. I just meant that sometimes, when I especially want to speak to him, he isn’t there.’
‘Can we get another kite?’
‘Of course we can. We’ll go and look for one tomorrow. We could take some sandwiches and eat them by the lake.’
‘Can I feed the ducks?’
‘Yes, if we save the crusts. You must be careful of the swans, though.’
‘I want peanut butter, not cheese spread.’
‘Of course, sweetheart. I’ll eat the cheese ones.’ I reached out my arms and we tumbled back on the tiles together. We had broken the ice.
23
On Friday we caught a boat to Yvoire, just over the border with France. The municipal boats were painted yellow and known as seagulls – mouettes. I had never seen a yellow seagull. Maybe they were lake gulls, if such a thing existed.
I didn’t care for Yvoire. It was always heaving with tourists and trippers – like us, I suppose, but Nicky loved souvenir shops. He hoped to find his new kite there. We hadn’t seen one in Geneva.
There was a kiosk selling paper flags and balloons. I asked him if he wanted a balloon but he said they weren’t as good as the other balloon man’s.
‘Did he talk to you when you were lost?’ I asked. ‘Did he speak English?’
Silence. He just wouldn’t be drawn on the subject. Maybe I made too much of stranger-danger. I didn’t want him to grow up paranoid, judging people on sight and pigeonholing them as Rodolfo did. That aloofness was really very alienating, established people being so few on the ground these days. I wanted Nicky to have many friends.
Back in Geneva, we got ice-creams at the kiosk near the boat station and licked them as we walked along the Promenade des Alpes on our way home. Androssoff and Rodolfo were sitting out on our terrace, drinking wine.
‘Dad-eeeeee.’ Nicky raced down the drive towards his father. ‘Dad-ee, Dad-ee.’ There was no movement from Androssoff.
Rodolfo got up. He ruffled Nicky’s hair, saluted me, and disappeared around the corner.
‘This is a surprise, Chas. We weren’t expecting you till eight o clock.’
‘I got an earlier flight. I’m allowed to change my plans, aren’t I?’ He fended Nicky off. ‘Not now, Nick. Go and see what I’ve brought. It’s in the duty-free bag.’
I reached for Rodolfo’s empty glass and poured myself some wine. ‘You’re not working on Monday, are you?’ It was the August Bank Holiday in the UK. ‘You’ll be able to come with us when he starts infants.’
‘Where’s my kite, Dad?’ Nicky was by the french windows.
‘I didn’t have time to go home and get it. I’ll bring it next time. Did you find the bag?’
‘I don’t want a watch. I want my kite.’
‘Go and fetch the bag out here. There’s a present for your mother.’
He went indoors, came out again and tossed the duty-free carrier to me before rushing off to his room. We heard the door slam.
‘He needs taking in hand,’ Androssoff said. I could see he was in a foul mood.
In the bag was a fold-away hold-all, by Longchamps.
‘I thought it would come in useful if we got stranded again.’
‘Thanks. I’ve always wanted one of these. What’s all this in aid of? Don’t tell me. You’ve pushed the house deal through, your shit-hot builder has performed a miracle, and you want us to pack up and leave with you on Monday. I hope you weren’t giving Rodolfo notice because I’m not moving anywhere. Nicky’s all set to start school now.’
‘I didn’t get the house.’
‘Ah.’ I searched for words that wouldn’t be interpreted as I told you so or Thank God for that. I wasn’t going to say I was sorry because I wasn’t. I was sorry for Androssoff, though. He looked as though the wind had gone out of his sails. He was morose.
‘Did they get a better offer?’ I said at last.
‘It was that bastard, Horse. Can you believe that? It’s like something out of Macbeth.’
‘Julius Caesar maybe ...’
‘He knew what I’d offered. He knew the Council wanted a quick sale, so the sly dog offered them an extra two hundred grand to make sure he got it. I’d told him I wouldn’t go higher than seven hundred K because of the restoration costs. He must have planned it when he went to view the place. That was why I couldn’t get hold of him. The bastard was lying low.’
‘When did you find out?’
‘The agent called me yesterday to say another buyer had come in and the Council had accepted his cash offer. They didn’t bother to contact me to ask if I would top it. I didn’t understand it at first – they’d taken it off the market. I saw the board had been taken down on Tuesday when I got back from work. Then I worked it out.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I didn’t think you’d be interested. You didn’t like the house.’
‘I’m sorry, Chas. I know how much you wanted it, but it just wasn’t practical. You’d have been camping out in it for months, no heating, builder mess. You’d have been paying Horse’s arse from now to kingdom come, mortgaged up to your armpits. I didn’t take to him at all with his stupid ear-ring and his wuzzy little beard. He looks like a shyster.’
‘He’s got a brain like a fucking cash machine. I asked him to look it over. I gave it to him on a plate.’
‘You didn’t pay him to do a survey?’ I asked.
‘I said I’d stand him a pint, and I’ll pour it over his fucking head when I catch up with him. I asked him up to meet my family.’
‘It’s dog eat dog. That’s how it works. It’s not personal.’ But I didn’t know that. I didn’t know Horse personally.
‘Do you know for sure it was him?’
‘Of course it was him, Louise. I worked it out when he didn’t return my calls. I went round to rip his fucking face off but he wouldn’t let me in. I knew he was there because his van was parked outside. He lives above a kebab shop in Kentish Town, a filthy place. He rented it when he was a student and then he bought it when he made a pile of money in the building trade. He was too fucking mean to buy a decent place, like I did when I qualified. That’s how he is. He doesn’t even enjoy the money. He’s got no family, no girlfriend.’
‘He’s the loser, then, not you. I’m surprised you contacted him in the first place if you knew he was like that.’
‘I was just using him to get the house done up. Now he’s one up. He used me.’
‘What about East London, near the hospital?’
‘There’s nothing round there for us.’
‘What about the Barbican, or Dalston? Dalston is up and coming and it’s not that far from Charity’s.’
‘I don’t want Nick growing up in Dalston.’
‘Nicky is growing up in Geneva. He’s just got settled back here now. Please don’t unsettle him again with any more talk about moving to London. We’ll come over more often. We could come once a month, say, to share the commute, and we’ll be coming for New Year, that’s half the Christmas holidays. We were fine in the flat for those few days.’
‘We should all live together.’
‘But we’re making a home in Geneva. I know Rodolfo has his quirks, but it’s safe here and it’s quiet and near the kindergarten and school. I don’t think we’ve given it a chance yet. There’s plenty for us in Switzerland – for all of us. Nicky asked me why you couldn’t work at the hospital here.’
Fatal Choices Page 12