by Soraya Lane
Brett started walking again, because if he was going to talk then he needed to keep moving, needed something else to focus on to help him say the words. He’d thought she wanted to know about his experience, what he’d been through, but she wanted to know about Sam and he could hardly hold that back from her. She deserved to know.
“When we were working that day, it was just like usual,” he began, wondering how the hell he was going to say what he needed to say, but continuing anyway. It wasn’t something he’d ever talked about, but it was a scene that had run though his head constantly ever since it had happened. He could see it as if it were yesterday—shut his eyes and pretend like it was that day all over again. “We were with a unit of SAS guys, providing support, and I was working with Sam. We both got our dogs out and started doing our drill, but we knew there was something off almost immediately.”
He was staring straight ahead when Jamie slipped her hand into his, and he didn’t resist. Because talking about that day was beyond hard, and it was something he’d never done before. Brett needed her strength.
“His dog identified the explosive immediately,” he continued, ignoring her because now he’d started talking he needed to get it all out. “His dog went dead still, and for a split second we looked at one another, because we knew it was bad, that we were in a hot spot, that Bear had only frozen like that for one reason. We called out to the guys not to move, and then Teddy indicated another one.” He paused. “You have to understand that sometimes, most of the time, our dogs just raise their tails slightly, move differently, in a way that only their handler would ever notice. But we all knew what Bear had detected that day, and we all knew how badly things could end. That we might never see another day.”
Brett swallowed down the lump of emotion choking his throat and blinked to force the tears back. He didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to feel again, but the memories were crashing into him like they’d only just happened.
Jamie was squeezing his hand tight, like she wanted to take some of the pain for him, but he knew she already had enough pain of her own to deal with. He just wanted to tell her like it was, explain to her what had happened so they could both move forward and never have to talk about it again.
“From that moment, it was like everything moved in slow motion, before becoming such a fast blur that I don’t even remember the details.” He looked at her, saw that Jamie’s eyes were filled with tears, just like his were from going back in time to that day. “All I know is that I was blown back so far my body was slammed down close to the 4x4, and Sam was gone. So was Teddy. To this day, no one can understand how Bear managed to survive the blast, or how either of us didn’t lose limbs. But it was fast, so fast that I don’t know how or why I ended up so far from the bomb.”
Jamie’s hand in his stopped him from moving as she pulled him to a halt. She had the leash in her other hand, and she let go of Brett’s hand for a second so she could loop her arm around his neck and draw him into an embrace so warm, so loving, that he was powerless to pull away. And he didn’t want to pull away. Because no matter how guilty he felt, this felt so right, too. He needed Jamie as much as she needed him. He liked that he could be honest with her when he needed to be, that they understood what the other had gone through, on some level at least.
“Thank you for telling me,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, for being honest with me when no one else could.”
Brett shut his eyes. Sam’s blood covered him, bits of his best friend burning and blasted all around them. There were so many pieces of him, so much flesh that when Brett had woken up, he’d vomited until there was nothing left in his stomach. And his dog, his beautiful dog had been killed on impact, too.
But they weren’t memories he was ever going to share with her. If he ever needed to get them off his chest, he could tell Logan, a fellow soldier who’d seen enough on his tours to cope with what he’d hear. He’d never let Jamie suffer through those particular memories with him, the blatant truth of that day. There were some things she needed to be protected from, and that was top of the list.
Jamie pulled back then, looked into his eyes and didn’t break contact even as she kissed him.
“I need you to know that I want you here, Brett. It might be weird, that we’re together and all that, but all I know is that this is right. That having you in my life seems right and I don’t want to lose you.”
He nodded, but he still wasn’t convinced that what they were doing was any part of okay or right. It wasn’t that he didn’t have feelings for Jamie, because he did. His problem was that he felt too much for her, and he knew that he’d never, ever want to walk away. That this wasn’t just about comfort or friendship.
“When you say you want me here, do you mean that we keep this just between us, or…?”
She ran her hand down his arm before looping it through so they could walk arm in arm. “I think we should tell Logan. I mean, I don’t want to lie to him and I don’t want to come between your friendship. We need to be honest with him.”
Brett blew out a breath. “Logan is not going to be okay with this.”
“I know, but we need to tell him. I’ll tell him. I just don’t want this to be any more awkward than it needs to be, and the longer this goes on, the harder telling him will become, because he’ll think we’ve been lying to him all along if we don’t come clean.”
“Maybe we should text him, tell him to meet us for lunch or something after our walk tomorrow?” Brett suggested. “He might take it better if there’s a lot of people around. You know, so he can’t knock out every tooth in my mouth.” After the way Logan had warned him off the other night…it wasn’t going to be pleasant, no matter how or where they did it. Logan was going to be furious, not with her, but with him.
Jamie laughed but he shook his head.
“What?” she asked.
“I don’t think you know Logan like I do,” he said. “There is nothing about this that’s going to be easy. He’s like a teddy bear around you, acts like he wouldn’t hurt a fly, but the Logan I know isn’t going to deal with this well.”
“I lost my husband, Brett, and now something has happened between us. I’m not intending on acting like you’ve taken advantage of me, if that’s what you’re worried he’ll think.”
Logan was going to kill him. Actually kill him.
* * *
Jamie couldn’t stop laughing as Bear ran after the stick she’d just thrown like his life depended on it. Having fun with him had changed the dynamic between them, and she was pretty sure her dog was enjoying it as much as she was.
“I told you, he made the squad based on his determination with balls and sticks,” Brett said, grinning straight back at her.
“Why did I never realize how much fun he was before?”
Brett came up and put his arm around her. “Because you were both trying to figure the other out, and everything had become too serious. It was like a child living with you who wasn’t allowed to have fun, so he was bored and didn’t understand what was being asked of him.”
Jamie gave Bear a hearty pat when he dropped the stick at her feet for the umpteenth time. “Good boy,” she praised, before throwing it again.
“We used to call Bear the branch manager and my dog the deputy branch manager,” Brett said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “The two of them used to have a blast when we let them play.”
Jamie leaned into Brett, enjoying his arm around her and the sun beating down on her shoulders. She moved only when he had to reach into his back pocket to retrieve his mobile.
“Is it Logan?” she asked.
Brett tapped a message into his phone before turning his attention back to her. “Yeah. He’s said yes to lunch tomorrow.”
“What do you say we just grab something to take away this morning?” she asked him, shaking her head at Bear as he faithfully retrieved the stick again. He looked disappointed that their game was over, but it wasn’t like they hadn’t let him hav
e a heap of fun. “I know a place nearby where they do a mean bacon-and-egg sandwich, and we can sit in the sun and relax.”
Brett’s gaze met hers. “That’s exactly what I need to take my mind off things.”
“You mean Logan?” she asked, tucking under his arm and pulling him along with an arm around his waist.
“Yeah.” He hugged her back as they walked. “So where is this amazing food place?”
“Ah, it’s more like a food shack, but I promise you it’s good. They do great coffee, too.”
“So it’ll kind of be like our first actual date?” he asked, raising an eyebrow when she looked at him.
“Yeah, I guess it will be. That okay with you?”
“Sure is. But I’m guessing we might have to buy for Bear, too. I doubt he’s going to tolerate us eating greasy food in front of him without sharing.”
* * *
Brett knew he needed to just shut his mind off, but it was easier said than done. Meeting Logan was seriously playing with his head, and he knew better than Jamie how tomorrow was going to go down. But there was nothing he could do about it right now, so he needed to shake off his worries.
“My shout. Want the same as me?”
Brett returned her smile, not wanting to ruin her happiness. “Whatever’s good, but order me two.”
“Typical boy,” she muttered, spinning around to go in and order.
He watched as she disappeared then came back with a number on a piece of brown paper.
“Oh, this is a really classy place, isn’t it? I was thinking of taking you somewhere nice for our first date, not to a takeaway joint.”
She giggled. Jamie actually giggled, and the noise was infectious enough to make him laugh straight back at her.
“Trust me, it’s worth overlooking the surroundings for the food. And the coffee. Did I mention the coffee?”
“I think you’re being paid to do PR for this place,” he said to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her in against his body. “I don’t believe you for a second.”
“Well, you should,” she whispered, tipping her chin up and brushing her lips against his.
She jumped away when their number was called. Brett couldn’t take his eyes off her as she walked away—and he couldn’t have forgotten her smile even if he walked away and never returned. Jamie was getting under his skin, and there was nothing he didn’t like about it.
“Here you go,” Jamie announced as she emerged once again. “Coffee for you, and the food is wrapped up in here. Let’s go find a spot somewhere nice.”
They walked the five minutes back to the park and sat on the grass, Bear sprawling out beside them. Jamie reached into the bag and pulled out massive sandwiches wrapped in paper, passed one to him, then unwrapped one for Bear and put it on the ground, before taking one for herself.
“Well, it at least smells good,” he told her, taking his first bite.
She did the same, watching him, like she was expecting a reaction. He took another bite, and ketchup and sauce oozed out down his hand, along with runny egg yolk that tasted incredible.
“Amazing or what?” she asked, eyebrows raised as she kept eating hers, hands tilted up to keep the sauce from running onto her skin.
“You win, it’s amazing,” he told her, mouth full as he tried to talk. He kept eating, not able to stop for the juice running out of it.
When they’d both finished and cleaned up as best they could, using only paper napkins, Brett lay back on the grass beside Jamie, his elbow propping him up. He looked at Jamie, and she at him, both nursing their coffees.
“Thanks for this,” he said, reaching out to run his hand down her hair, tucking a few loose strands behind her ear.
“For greasy food and damn good coffee?” she teased.
“No, for showing me that we can just hang out and enjoy being together. That it’s simple things like this that are important, just…” He didn’t even know what he was trying to tell her. “I guess what I’m really badly attempting to say is that being with you isn’t easy for me, but it’s worth it. It’s worth the pain just to have you with me.”
Jamie brushed the back of her fingers against her eyes, and it was only then he realized that she was trying to disguise her tears.
“Don’t cry, Jamie. Please don’t cry,” he murmured, taking her hand and squeezing it tight.
“Just ignore me, I’m all emotional,” she said, smiling and squeezing his hand back. “I’m happy, Brett, I promise you I’m happy.”
“Good. If you’re happy, then I’m happy.”
And it was true. He might be finding being with Jamie hard to wrap his head around, to deal with, but her being happy was what was important.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THE SUN SHONE brightly through the window and onto Jamie’s face as she struggled to open her eyes. She reached out a hand and found an empty space beside her again, which was the only reason she forced herself to sit up, to see if Brett was sitting across the room in the chair again.
He wasn’t. But when she glanced toward the door, he was standing there watching her.
“What are you doing up so early?” she mumbled, dropping back down into the pillows but not taking her eyes off of him.
He laughed, crossing the room and carrying a large tray. “First of all, it’s almost nine o’clock, so it’s not early, and second, I was getting you breakfast.”
She pushed herself back up again and flattened the bedding out so he could put the tray down.
“Did you make this?”
Brett chuckled again. “No, I took Bear for a run and picked it all up at that place down the road. Turns out they do fresh fruit salads and muffins for people like me. All I had to do was put them on a plate and walk them upstairs for you.”
She leaned in for a kiss. “Well, it’s the thought that counts. And I’m starving.”
Brett carefully settled himself across from Jamie, obviously trying not to tip the tray, and reached for a bowl of fruit. “It scares me to even say it, but I could get used to this. Being with you, the whole domestic bliss routine.”
When she smiled he grinned straight back at her. “Me, too,” she said. “But maybe you’ll feel differently when you realize I’m not that domestic.”
“When I say domestic, I wasn’t exactly referring to housekeeping.”
Now it was Jamie laughing at him, waving a piece of fruit on a fork in his direction. “So you mean you like bedding me and dining with me?”
Brett shrugged. “Well, when you put it like that…”
She grinned and settled back against the pillows to devour her fruit, before reaching for the coffee and muffin he’d brought for her.
“So we still on to meet Logan today?” she asked.
Brett wished they could have just stayed in their nice little bubble without involving Logan, but he knew there was little he could do to get out of it now. Trouble was, it wasn’t so much how Logan would react that was troubling him, it was that he knew what he would say. And Brett knew that every word that came out of his friend’s mouth would be the truth, exactly what he’d already struggled with, and he didn’t want to second-guess what he was doing with Jamie when it already felt so fragile.
“How about we finish breakfast, you get yourself ready, then we take a walk before we meet him.”
Jamie took a sip of her coffee. “Deal.”
* * *
Jamie looked at Brett. He was staring into the distance.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
He turned to meet her gaze and smiled, but she could tell he had something on his mind. The kiss he dropped to her lips told her the problem wasn’t her, but she still wanted to know. She was pleased they’d decided to walk Bear before meeting Logan for lunch—it gave them time to relax and just enjoy being together.
“It’s Logan, isn’t it? You’re worried about telling him,” Jamie stated as soon as he pulled away.
“It’s not that I don’t want to tell him, I can just see how t
his is going to go,” he said, his hand stroking her hair as he looked into her eyes. “Part of me thinks we should just pretend like everything is normal, then go back to this when we return to your place.”
Jamie sighed. On some level she agreed with him, but she didn’t want to lie to Logan, and she didn’t believe he was going to take it that badly. Not if they were honest about how everything had happened between them, that it wasn’t something they’d ever have acted upon if the circumstances had been different.
“Let’s just see how it goes. Maybe we’re overthinking it.”
He didn’t look like he agreed, but he took her hand and tugged her in the direction they needed to head in. “For my sake, I hope you’re right.”
“Your sake?” she queried.
“Yeah, my sake. Because he’ll never believe you could do any wrong, which means that I’ll be the villain. He’ll hate me and he’ll feel sorry for you.”
Jamie hoped he was being dramatic, even as her heart started to race at the thought of things going bad. Was she being naive to think Logan would behave like an adult and hear them out?
“Come on, Bear. Let’s go,” she ordered, giving him a hand signal to run on ahead. He bounded off, cheerful and content, just like she’d been before they’d started talking about Logan.
“Why don’t you take my mind off everything by telling me about your book project,” he said.
Jamie giggled. “I thought you were going to suggest something else entirely.”
He pretended to look horrified. “We’re in the middle of a public park, Jamie. Shame on you.”
She just kept laughing and he wrapped his arm around her so she could loop hers around his waist. “I’m writing about happy things. Fairies and flying ponies, and little girls who can achieve whatever they dream.”
“Sounds good.”