by Ashley Cruse
I had begun to watch one of my favorite childhood movies Crooklyn, when I heard a knock at the door. At first I didn’t want to get up and answer the door. I was focused on healing myself. I’d been wallowing in my own misery privately, by myself, and this person had the nerve to disrupt it. The knocking sounds persisted.
Who is this? I thought to myself.
I went to the window and peeped out. Drew was standing there, looking fresh to death in his blue-and-white Gucci shirt and fresh Robin’s jeans. He even had on all white Air Force Ones. Shaking the image of Drew’s freshly shaven face and faded haircut, I was determined to be as rude as I possibly could be. It was going to be hard to do because he was so damn fine.
I stomped to the front door, swung it open, and placed my hands firmly on my hips. It wasn’t hard to be mad. I was embarrassed, hurt, and angry. I had so many fucking questions going through my head. I looked like a fuckin’ crash dummy because that idiot had played me like a fiddle. The whole damn neighborhood had known about this shit and had taken turns pulling on my strings. I was fucked up about it all.
“How are you, Dollie?” he asked me. The expression on his face was soothing.
“I’m fine, Drew,” I said.
I positioned my body in front of the door so he couldn’t enter the house. Seeing the stance I had taken, he stepped back. He began to look uncomfortable and uncertain.
“I just wanted to stop by and check on you and your son,” he said. “I haven’t seen you guys around anywhere. I thought I’d come by and see how you were doing.”
I rolled my eyes at him. Is this fool for real right now? “Drake is good. I’m good,” I replied dryly.
Drew looked at me as if he was going to say something else. Instead he nodded his head and then waved good-bye as he headed across the porch.
“Drew!” I called out to him.
He turned around and faced me.
“Why would you see me anywhere after the way your sister and your newfound brother-in-law disrespected me?”
Drew looked at me in surprise.
Before he could answer, I continued. “I was your friend. At least, I thought I was, and you let that shit happen. You might as well have played me for a fool too. I’d appreciate it if you never came by here again.” I slammed the door in his face.
What the fuck, man? This was beginning to get the best of me, yet at the same time, it felt good to say that shit. True enough, I had said that shit to the wrong person. His ho-ass friend should have been man enough to let me say those things to his face, but that would never happen. I also felt like a negative reaction was what these people wanted out of me. I was going to do the total opposite. It was time for me to do me.
I paced back and forth in the living room as my thoughts scrambled together. Me trying to get back at them would be too childish. Plus, if I did that, she would know she had won. But what did this bitch win besides a convicted felon? He really wasn’t a prize. No, not at all.
I chewed on my bottom lip as I felt a new sense of myself rush through me. First off, I could cut my hair off and turn over a new leaf. I could go to see my beautician, and then I could get that bob haircut I’d been wanting. A huge smile was spreading across my face.
What else could I do? I sat down on the couch and began absentmindedly flipping through the newspapers. I went to the classified section, and I stopped to look through the ads. It was nice staying with my aunt and uncle, but I wanted my own place again. Then it hit me. I didn’t have that extra burden anymore. The dead weight had been released from my shoulders. What could Corey do for me? Not a damn thang, but give me a fuckin’ migraine, and I was tired of them. I was going to do this for me and my child, and for my own peace of mind. The only place I could go from here was up.
Ecstatic about the new decisions I had made, I called my cousin at the bakery. When Victoria answered the phone, I didn’t even say hello. I just rushed into what I was going to do.
“Whoa, whoa. Slow down, girl,” Vic commanded. “Now, tell me this. You are going to cut your hair?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I said proudly. “It’s a meaningful cut. It’ll symbolize letting go of dead weight.”
“You cutting your hair is a symbol?” I heard her say. “Go to sleep, child. You’ll forget about it in the morning.”
I rolled my eyes. She thought I was playing, but I was dead serious. “I really want to do this, Vic. I have to do something for me.”
Victoria placed me on hold for a few minutes, and when she came back on the line, she stated, “I think it’s a great idea. I’m proud of you for making changes for yourself, and not in the favor of a loser who never deserved anybody like you to begin with. I’m glad you’re back, Doll. Knock them trashy hoes and sorry-ass niggas dead!”
Chapter 25
Tenosha
As the day finally slowed down and the licks stopped coming in, Corey, the boys, and I headed back to the house. Majesta had left, but my sister was at the house with my kids. Corey, Bruce, Drew, and Young Soljah went into the kitchen to count up the money.
Justine and I sat on the couch and told each other about our day. Right when we were finishing up, Corey came over and sat beside me.
“I’m going to take Drew to get his girl’s car. Then I’m gonna drop Young Soljah off in the hood. Me and Bruce will be back,” he announced.
“Let’s take the rental we got and leave y’all car here,” Bruce said as he took the keys from Justine. He kissed his young wife on the forehead.
Corey handed the keys over to me. “I got my phone with me. I took some dope too. Go on ahead and clean that kitchen up from earlier,” he instructed.
“I will, babe,” I said. I got up and headed to the kitchen.
As I cleaned up in there, Justine hooked my living room up for me. Once I was done, I got my two youngest ready for bed. My sister helped Hanson with his homework. She gave him and Marie a bath after they were through looking over his work. After she finished with them, I put them to bed.
Justine and I posted up outside, on the front porch, and I began to tell her about the phone call from Dollie and how I went off on her.
“Damn!” She chuckled to herself, raising her hand to her lips as she laughed. “The whole damn situation is fucked up, though.”
I nodded in agreement. “But, shit, Corey is mine now, and nobody else’s. She better quit playin’ and stop callin’ his phone.”
“Why would she think they were together, though?” Justine wondered aloud.
“Who gives a damn?” I replied.
I then pulled out my cell to hit my nigga up. He told me he was on his way back. I hung up and looked over at my sister.
One day down and many more to come, I thought.
* * *
A couple of days later, Corey and I were back on the highway. We had begun to run low on cocaine, and we were on our way to meet another connect in Eastland, once again.
I had arranged for one of our customers to come over to the house and get the kids off to school so I could ride with my man. At 4:30 a.m. sharp, the dope fiend had arrived at the house, and Corey and I had headed out. We had just gotten a rental car from Avis the night before. It had become too much of a hassle to use some lady’s car. We had planned to go this early in the morning because Corey had to report to his parole officer at 9:00 a.m. I was also going to start looking for a job this morning, like we had discussed the night before.
As we drove to Eastland, Corey talked to me about his sister and brother. They were both coming down here to see him this weekend. I was excited to meet them.
“I haven’t seen Tiger in a long time,” Corey said as he twisted up a sweet. “Tiger and his girl have two little girls together. Cola and Candace. I remember Cola, but I have never met Candace before.”
I listened to my man as he spoke graciously. His deep baritone voice was even lower when he spoke about his family. The deepness of his voice was soothing enough to put a baby to sleep. I wished right then that we were
at home in bed, talking about it, so I could feel the vibrations of his voice as I rested my head against his chest. But we weren’t at home, and I was driving, so I had to keep my focus and concentrate.
I also loved the way his forehead moved when he smiled. That was my baby. He finished rolling up his sweet and placed it under the visor for later.
“You’ll love Naomi. That’s my nigga,” he said as he faced me. “She has a two-year-old daughter named Nestle. My mom ain’t coming down this time, but I will take you to meet her later.” He turned on the radio and leaned back in his seat as I focused my attention on the road.
Thirty minutes later, we pulled into the Taco Bell parking lot. Goose arrived ten minutes later. He was an older white male, very clean cut, but he had a slick-ass mouth. You could tell he was a hustler, if you were in that field of work, when he opened his mouth to talk. He was smart as hell, though. From what I understood, that man had been hustling for years and ain’t been caught yet! At least, that was the way he told it.
Goose approached our car, sporting a badass Vikings jersey and some white shoes. I couldn’t tell what brand he had on, because his pants hung so low over them. His sandy-blond hair was pulled back into a tight, neatly combed ponytail that reached halfway down his back. His black shades hid his eyes and stood out against his pale white skin. He was pretty fly for a white guy.
He hopped out of his Cadillac truck and slid into the backseat of our Camry. I handed him the money, and he quickly counted it all to himself. He handed Corey a big-ass ziplock bag full of Ecstasy pills, a bottle of Tussionex, and a big Crown Royal bag full of cocaine. Then Goose got out of the car and headed toward the Taco Bell entrance. We pulled out of the parking lot and headed back toward Abilene.
“I smell money!” Corey sang as he lit up his sweet.
Shit. I did too.
Chapter 26
By Thursday night, we had sold out of everything we had. Corey had to go and re-up a little bit with one of his big homies until we could meet Goose again the next morning. Corey decided we would go after we took the oldest two to school and dropped the other two off at their dad’s parents.
When we left this time, Bruce and Justine rode along. We had the same rental car, and when we got back, I was going to call the rental car agency and have them extend our lease for another week.
“Man, those XOs were on point,” Corey said to Bruce as I drove along.
Bruce agreed with him.
“I hope he has the same ones. Everybody ate them hoes up,” Justine said, chiming in.
Justine and Bruce were looking to get a couple of pounds of Reggie and a bag of Ecstasy themselves. This time, we were getting two bags of pills, and our connect was giving us a good deal on an ounce of coke.
“I gotta get ready for my brother and sister to come in this weekend,” Corey said.
“Naomi and Tiger?” Bruce asked. Bruce began telling Justine about Corey’s brother and sister.
“You want some new Js?” Corey asked me.
I nodded my head yes, trying to contain my excitement.
“You know, I’m going to be looking all right. I need baby to be on point too,” Corey said.
We pulled up to a McDonald’s, which was the meeting spot this time. Goose pulled up ten minutes later. Justine got out of the car and went inside the restaurant to order some drinks. While she was inside, Goose slid into the backseat, a blunt in his hand. I could smell a mixture of Sean John’s I Am King cologne and marijuana coming from him. He took a hit of his blunt and passed it to Bruce. They all made the exchange as they passed the blunt around. Goose got out of the car once the blunt was completely gone and headed inside the McDonald’s. A minute later, Justine came out with four drinks in a cup holder.
We drove back to the house. When we arrived back home, we all got out of the car. Bruce and Corey immediately headed into the kitchen, and a half hour later they left in the rental to hit the block. Justine was taking me to a job interview, so she stayed behind. I had a job interview at Jack in the Box at 1:45 p.m. It was already 11:30 a.m., so I began to get ready.
After I got dressed, flatironed my hair, and braided it neatly into one long French braid, Majesta arrived at my house. She had agreed to pick up Hanson and Marie from school for me today and to care for them until I got home. Later I would take them to their daddy’s.
When I walked out of my bedroom, Majesta took a picture of me. “You are so beautiful!” she cooed at me. “I love it when you flatiron your hair.”
Soon Justine and I left the house. We arrived at the Jack in the Box at 1:30 p.m. I went inside, while my sister waited for me in the car. I was finished with my interview at 2:15 p.m. When I walked out, I knew that I had been hired for the position they needed to fill.
Justine took me by the HUD and food stamp office so I could report that I had a job. Then we headed to my house, and when we pulled up, I saw that my man had already made it back with some of the homies.
I went inside and slipped into something comfortable. I put on my black capris, a white T-shirt, and my black-and-white Air Maxs. I heard Corey telling Justine that Majesta was keeping my older kids overnight at her grandma’s house for us. My baby daddy’s parents were still looking after the youngest two.
Corey ushered me into the kitchen, and we both started cooking the dope up. He had already sold a little bit of the dope, and the pills were going fast. Goose was coming through Abilene tomorrow and had already agreed to meet us so we could re-up on that. We stayed in the kitchen for damn near an hour, cooking the dope. By the time we were finished, my sister and her husband had already left, but the homies were still at the house. Before we got ready to go do some work, I told Corey about my new job. He gave me the biggest hug and the longest kiss.
“I’m proud of you,” he whispered in my ear. “Baby, we need that. Real talk. Now the police won’t be looking at us so much.”
As we got ready to depart, Corey cleared the house out and paid the next-door neighbor forty dollars to clean up the kitchen, bathroom, and living room. I could get used to this.
Chapter 27
Saturday finally rolled around. My kids were still with Majesta and my baby daddy’s parents. Corey had given Majesta a hundred dollars to keep the oldest two through Sunday. I was glad he had done that. Hell, I was even happier that she had agreed to do this for us. She was what I called the true definition of a real friend. She was always there to help and to ride for us when we needed her to. I was feeling even more grateful for her because we had ended up having a big-ass party the night before at the house. I needed all the sleep I could get after that.
When I finally woke up, I lay around in bed. I was really afraid to see how bad the house looked. Plus, all that Keystone Light and UV Vodka I had drunk was kicking my ass. I rolled over onto my left side. Corey was sound asleep and was snoring loudly. All that X he had taken and all those drinks he had sipped on had him knocked out on his ass. I covered up his naked body and got out of bed. I covered up my own body with an oversize flannel shirt and walked out into the hallway.
I silently closed the bedroom door behind me and inspected the hallway. It looked decent to me. I peeped into my kids’ rooms. A few weeks ago, I had rearranged the rooms so that the girls now shared a room and the boys did too. When I peeped into Hanson and Ty’s room, you could tell it hadn’t been disturbed at all. But Karen and Marie’s room was a different story. Their room had the faint smell of cigarette, Black & Mild, and weed smoke, so I knew people had been chillin’ in there. Karen’s bed was all messed up, so I knew somebody had had sex on her bed.
I closed their door and examined the bathroom that was across the hall from their room. People had been in there as well. There was powder residue on the countertop. The toilet paper was all gone, and there were beer bottles, food, and a couple of condom wrappers all over the floor. I closed that door and headed toward the living room.
My big bros Blue and Jorge were passed out on the floor in front of the TV. Al
l night long they must have played the Nintendo Wii that Corey had got from a dope fiend two days ago. The TV was still on. Both of them had a controller clutched tightly in their hands. I shook my head in amusement. I tiptoed silently over to the television and turned it off.
I continued to inspect the living room. A bottle of rum was sitting on the coffee table. Blunts and ashes completely covered it, along with some empty bottles of codeine and Tuss. My little brother, Drew, was asleep on the couch. I shook my head at him as well. Koa and my brother had been arguing a lot lately. This was for sure going to spark another fight between the two of them.
I just hoped her ass didn’t come over here with that unnecessary drama. I couldn’t help but think this. My poor little brother was not happy with that psycho girl. I saw his phone on the floor, and I crept up to it to take a look at it. Eighteen missed calls, ten voice messages, and I knew all of them were from his crazy-ass girlfriend. At that moment his phone lit up again. I decided to take one for the team and answer. I prepared myself to defend my brother as I quickly walked into the hallway, away from the sleeping boys.
“Hello?”
“Who the fuck is this? Where the fuck is Drew at? Bitch, you fucking my man?” I shook my head in disgust as this crazy-ass female kept barking questions and making dry-ass threats. I knew Koa’s ass was not about to bust a muthafuckin’ grape. I tolerated my headache, which was beginning to grow by the minute, as she continued on with her bitching.
“Koa, it’s me, Tenosha. Drew is over here at my house, sound asleep.”
“Oh! I didn’t recognize your voice. Can you wake him up for me?”
I was not about to disturb my brother so she could yell at him and give him the third degree. I couldn’t stand this girl. I loathed the fact that she had made it her mission to make his life miserable. I just wished he would leave that ho alone.