by Ashley Cruse
Now, the kitchen was extremely large, but only a few people had ever been back there. They normally would come this way if they had to use the restroom or if a baby needed a diaper changed. The restroom was off to the side of the kitchen. When he first secured this office, Jerry had a girlfriend who was a painter, and she was dying to transform the space in his office. He allowed her to do over the restroom. She painted it light blue, with dark blue and white flowers along the base of the walls. The restroom was rather small, but it was comfortable. A large mirror had been placed above the sink, and there was enough counter space to lay a baby on. Luckily for me, all three of us were anal about keeping the restroom extremely clean and smelling good. We often took turns maintaining it at least three times a week, if not more.
If you looked in the kitchen, you’d see a door in the far left corner that had an exit sign over it. Any dummy would think that it led to the back alley of the building. But this was the door to the fifth room, which was located in the very back of the office. There used to be a back entrance, but Jerry had that sealed off. They had added a door at the far end of his too-large office, in case we needed to exit due to a fire. This room in the back was where Jerry kept all his files and stored condiments, toiletries, and the safe.
I was required to keep no more than 150 dollars in my desk drawer, and sometimes, if people paid on time, I had to count my drawer down twice a day. There were times when I didn’t even have to worry about counting it down. because nobody made any payments. Jerry had stipulated that the safe could have only 475 dollars, and so I was required to count the safe down on Wednesdays and make a deposit at the bank for anything over that amount. Sometimes, I even found myself having to do it on Fridays.
I unlocked the back room and entered it, filled out the deposit slip, opened the safe, and dropped it down to the required amount. I locked the safe back up, making sure to twist the dial to “lose” the combination, exited the room, and locked the door tight behind me.
I headed back up front and placed my purse and truck keys inside my desk. I grabbed my office keys and let myself out, then bolted the door behind me. I had decided to walk down to the bank since it was right down the sidewalk. It was nice outside. Sometimes it was the little things, like nature and the birds chirping, that kept me sane. Made me appreciate life even more.
But right there on the sidewalk, I grew instantly paranoid. Something told me to check my surroundings. Right when I turned around to take in the scene, I caught sight of a red card sticking out from the window shield of my truck. I looked around me but didn’t see a single soul in sight. I hurriedly grabbed the card and walked down the block to the bank. After I made the deposit, I finally took time out to read the message on the card.
Never let anybody tell you you’re not worth it. You’re a diamond in the rough, and if you were mine, I’d treat you like a queen. It was signed, Secret admirer.
My heart skipped a beat. Is this for real? I hurried up and walked back to the office and quickly unlocked the front door. I stepped inside and turned the CLOSED sign around so that it read OPEN. I immediately sat down and called my cousin Vic.
A grumpy voice filled the phone. “Hello?”
“Vic, you gotta wake up!” I was extremely excited and was unable to prevent that from showing.
A sense of adventure filled me. I mean, it wasn’t every day that somebody left a card on your window. Some people would have been weirded out, but with the bullshit I had just gone through, I need to focus my attention on something else. Anything else, as long as it was worthy of my time.
“What the hell do you want, Doll? This shit better be good,” Victoria whispered.
Ignoring her empty threat, I began to tell her about the card. I couldn’t contain the joy that I was feeling. This card had my heart practically racing. By the time I was finished telling her about the card, I was damn near squealing like a pig.
Victoria sounded wide awake when she spoke again. “That haircut did you some good, after all. Any ideas?”
“No, but I hope he ain’t ugly, and I hope he’s my style,” I said.
“Girl, I hope he ain’t nothing like Corey’s nothing ass.” We both dissolved into a fit of giggles.
“I’m tired of feeling sad and empty.”
“Good, Dollie. I’m going to pray that he is a real man and not half of one.”
We chatted for a little bit before I hurried up and disconnected the phone call. The rest of the day went by smoothly. After work, I rushed across town to meet Rhonda, my Realtor, at this house she had told me was within my budget. The way she had made it sound, the house was to die for. I had called my aunt and given her the news about the house. Before I could even ask her to watch Drake, she offered to bring Drake home for me herself. My uncle Justin was going to meet me at the house Rhonda was showing me.
I turned onto the block the house was found on, and the first thing I noticed was lots of maple trees and honeysuckle bushes. You could tell the neighborhood was discreet and peaceful, and I was drawn to that right away. Altogether the houses on the avenue had an old Victorian look to them. The majority of the houses were well taken care of. They had either ivy vines growing up the sides and the front or maple trees towering gracefully around them. The branches seemed to hug the subdivision just right, adding a beautiful touch to it.
I immediately recognized my uncle’s and Rhonda’s cars parked in front of the house. I pulled into the driveway of my potential home. The house was white, with dark green shutters around the windows. The door was dark green. There was a white fence surrounding the property. The tips of the fence portion that separated my potential yard from the neighbors’ were the same color as the door and shutters. The windows were fancy, and so was the screen door.
The front porch was huge, and it had a white railing going around it, except for where the stairs were. Ivy vines and white flowers covered the railing, making the house look so pretty and decorative.
Rhonda must have seen the look on my face. She walked over to me, with a huge grin spread across her face. She gave me a hug.
“This house is to die for, Dollie. It has your name written all over it.”
My uncle walked around from the back and said the same exact thing that Rhonda had just said. The three of us walked up the porch steps together, and Rhonda opened the door.
As soon as we entered, I immediately fell in love. The living room was a nice size. It had cream-colored carpeting and whitewashed walls. There was a long hallway that stretched from the living room. Once I started to walk down the hall, I noticed the entrance to the kitchen. The kitchen had hardwood floors, and it had a cozy layout reminiscent of a cabin. It had a brand-new stove and refrigerator.
A back door led from the kitchen to a huge backyard, which was surrounded by a privacy fence in the same color as the fence around the front lawn but slightly taller. When you stepped out the back door, you ended up on a nice deck that was covered around the sides. It opened in the front, onto the backyard. The yard itself was huge, with plenty of room for my son to run around and play freely.
I returned to the hallway and toured a large bathroom. The bathroom had a black-tile floor and a big mirror. In front of the mirror was a long cabinet in which two sinks rested. The bathtub was big enough for three people. The toilet looked brand new. I exited the bathroom and continued walking to the end of the hall. There the master bedroom was on one side, and a smaller bedroom was on the other side. Both were nice-sized rooms and had cream-colored carpeting and walk-in closets. In the master bedroom, there was a bathroom that was identical to the first bathroom except for the fact that it also had a stand-alone shower in it. Boy, was I smitten.
“The owner of the house would like to rent it out for now. They are not sure if they want to sell it yet,” Rhonda began. “Is that okay with you?”
“Hell yeah! I don’t mind renting this house.”
With that said, Rhonda and I started the paperwork. My uncle called my aunt to let her
know I was taking the house. Before he got off the phone with her, he handed it to me.
“Auntie?” I said.
“Dollie,” I heard her say. “Remember when I asked you if you believed you were worth more than what you were settling for?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“How do you feel now?”
“I feel like I’m worth a million bucks and then some!” I shouted, unable to contain my happiness.
“That’s my Doll!” She laughed.
Chapter 30
Rhonda delivered my house key to me four days after I filled out the paperwork. That was when I was going to have the deposit and the first month’s rent for her. My aunt and uncle were so happy I had found a house, they gave me money to pay an extra month’s rent as a gift. I had to admit I was on cloud nine. They say when you take out the trash, your blessings start coming down. I was a true testimony of that.
I had agreed to open up my uncle’s bakery since Victoria could not get there until noon. It was a Saturday, so I didn’t mind. Rhonda had agreed to meet me there, since I would be the only one at the shop. After she arrived, I signed the lease agreement, paid her, and proudly put my new key on my key ring. My uncle had baked Rhonda a seven-layer chocolate cake. I helped her get it into her car. This was an appreciation cake. I needed this new start. I wanted this badly, to the point where I was craving a new chapter in my life.
Business was slow. After Rhonda left, the morning kind of dragged by, until about eleven thirty, when some of the local neighborhood kids poured into the shop to get either some fudge or sugar cookies. A couple of moms came into the store to place birthday cake orders. Victoria arrived right after they left.
“Hey, chica pequeña!” my cousin sang out as she tied her apron around her, then clocked in.
“Hey, big cousin,” I said happily.
She congratulated me on my new home. I showed her the pictures I had taken with my cell phone. We oohed and aahed over them together. Right when we both finished scrolling through the pictures, customers started walking in. Soon after their orders had been filled and they had left, even more people started to pour into the bakery. My shift was technically over, but I stayed to help Victoria out. She checked the customers out after I gave them the goodies they wanted.
Forty-five minutes after the rush began, the crowd died down. Victoria talked me into staying a little bit longer while she ran to the back to pop some cinnamon rolls and cookies into the oven. She also wanted to whip up a German chocolate cake since we were down to the last one. I got to work cleaning the countertop, and then I rearranged the display, as we had sold out of certain cookies and cakes. Right when I was done removing the last tray, Bruce and Drew walked in.
I hadn’t seen Drew since I slammed the door in his face. As for Bruce, I wasn’t expecting to run into him, period. I was very upset with him and felt like I hated him. I felt like he was the main culprit who had helped Corey and that fat bitch get together. He’d smiled to my face and laughed at me behind my back. I despised his bitch ass. I demanded to be respected. Therefore, a huge part of me wanted to curse his lame ass out and demand an apology in the process. I was better than that, though. Just as quickly as my face got hot, I plastered a fake grin on it by thinking about my new house. That helped change my attitude from Little Miss Attitude galore to pure joy. I took a deep breath and greeted them.
“Can I get you anything?” I asked.
They both shook their heads as they walked around, looking at the newly arranged display. Bruce got on his phone, probably to call his wife and get clarification about a cake, or at least that was the way it sounded to me. While he talked, Drew walked over to me.
“I like your haircut,” he said, admiring my new do.
“Thanks, Drew,” I replied cheerfully.
He looked a little taken aback by my enthusiasm, which made me want to laugh. I guessed by our last encounter, he was expecting the worst outcome possible. I had to admit, he was courageous to hold a conversation with me now, after the way I had blown up at him.
“Sorry about the other night,” he began to explain. “I didn’t mean to upset you in any way.”
I put my head down in shame. I began to walk over to the cash register. I looked back over at him. “You are okay, Drew. I shouldn’t have directed my anger toward you. I’m sorry too.”
He walked over and shook my hand. We both started laughing. We began to hold a decent conversation. I was surprised how easy it was to have a conversation with him.
“You know I got a new house, right?” I quizzed him.
“Nope. I didn’t hear that. Where is it at?” he asked, curious.
I told him where it was located, with the stipulation that he kept it to himself. He agreed.
“Maybe I’ll come by and see for myself. Just don’t slam the door in my face,” he joked.
“My bad, I said!” I laughed at him.
Bruce motioned to let Drew know that he was ready. He wanted the double-layer carrot cake and some brownies. I immediately got to work putting his order in our specialty boxes and then topping them both off with a ribbon. I rang up the order, Bruce paid for it, and then we all said good-bye. Just then, Victoria emerged from the back.
“I got it from here, Doll,” she said. “I can get some baking done until the next little rush.”
“You sure, cousin?” I asked, unsure about that.
Both of us looked at the display. I helped her stock it back up with more cookies, cakes, and brownies. She had three red velvet cakes baking. I could see that two sheets of raisin cookies, chocolate chips, and sugar cookies had been set off to the side to cool.
“This will be enough to help me get through the next rush. Plus, two more employees will be here shortly. I can handle it from here, cuzzo.”
“Okay, cousin,” I said to her.
I happily clocked out. I removed my apron and went to the back to hang it up. I gave Victoria her keys, which I’d used to open the store. We both hugged. She congratulated me on my new home once again. I reminded her to call me if she needed any more help. I walked out and looked up at the sky. It was time for my son and I to get settled into our new house.
Chapter 31
That weekend, I spent a lot of it buying new furniture to complement our home. I loaded up my truck with our clothes, my son’s toys, my movies, and everything else and moved all of it into our new house. The utilities were already turned on. Rhonda had allowed me to do that before I even signed the lease, under the condition that I didn’t tell anybody she let me do it. I had also arranged for the movers to deliver my furniture between 3:00 and 5:00 p.m. on Monday. My uncle had assured me that either he or Victoria would be there to let them in.
Jazzy, my best friend, was here for the weekend. She helped me pick out rugs and mirrors to hang up in the house. We had just laid down the last sheepskin in my little boy’s room when Jazzy turned around to face me. She rested her tiny frame against the wall. One of her long curls had escaped her ponytail, and it rested gently against her cheek.
“So, what’s next?” she asked.
I looked around. Half of me was in a daze. The other half was proud of me. I felt like pinching myself to make sure I was not dreaming. I opted to sit on my son’s floor instead. Feeling the carpet was surreal enough to me. I was cheesing from the inside out. I rested my chin on my knees. I thought about my friend’s question and shrugged my shoulders as a response.
Good really could come out of something bad. Even after you gave your heart and soul to somebody who clearly didn’t want them—who didn’t cherish you or even know your worth—you could still stand tall, with your head held high, and make shit happen for yourself.
A few things still bothered me about this whole ordeal. I’d be lying if I pretended that they did not. Like how did everybody see what was going on except me? All that time I had wasted on a man who obviously didn’t care, who played me like the strings on a guitar. Somebody who left me for somebody who was less than a wo
man. A broken-down mutt with four kids. Now what the hell was that fool going to do with that?
And what kind of woman would ride around in somebody else’s car? What kind of woman would think it was cute to treat somebody else like that? I would hate for her to go through some bullshit behind him. It would come to her. I said this to myself all the time. The way it begins is the way it will end. I didn’t know if it made me feel better, but the more I told myself this, the more it helped me to be able to face tomorrow.
I did have to admit that it had ruined my heart, like a glass that disintegrated into a mountain of pieces when you threw it against a wall. But the pain that came after it hurt even worse. It didn’t make that much sense for someone to ache like that. Time did mend all wounds. I did have to acknowledge that my spirits weren’t suffering anywhere near as much as they were at first. If anything, this whole ordeal had given me strength and shown me what I was really worth. Like my uncle Justin always said, “When one door closes, God always opens another.”
“You miss him, don’t you?” Jazzy’s piercing question interrupted my thoughts.
I looked at her, startled, and when I realized who “him” was, I shook my head. After you endured that kind of pain, how could you? What woman in her right mind would want to return to somebody who publicly humiliated her the way he had me? That wasn’t love. Only a no-good snake with no heart would play a sick game like that. I had no respect left for him at all.
“I was just thinking about how love is a game. Anybody can play, and the players involved can either make or break your heart, if you let them.”
Jazzy looked off into space and then slowly sank to a sitting position on the floor. She sat Indian-style, resting her back against the wall. She began chewing on her lower lip, contemplating what to say next.
“At least you know what it’s like to be in love. People look high and low for it and never can find it.”
I raised my head up and met Jazzy’s eyes. “The pain I was feeling was no joke. It’s fucked up that some ignorant-ass fool can play with your heart like that.” I sighed and looked away. “To me, Jazzy, that’s not love. Love is not a one-way street at all.”