A Girl Called Blue

by Marita Conlon-McKenna

  The Punishment

  They had just gone upstairs that night and were about to get ready for bed when Sister Carmel called them.

  ‘Sister Regina wants the two of you in her office immediately.’

  Lil looked scared and Blue got a sinking feeling in her stomach. They walked down the big stairs slowly, too frightened to say a word to each other, Blue terrified that her friend would blurt out what she had done.

  She knocked on the door.

  ‘Enter.’ Sister Regina was sitting at her desk, a fire blazing in the grate of her study.

  ‘Do you know why I have called the two of you here tonight?’ she asked.

  They both shook their heads.

  ‘I think you both know why already.’ Her mouth turned up, in a pretend smile, her small teeth like sharp fangs.

  Lil gave a gasp.

  ‘Some thieves broke into my study today.’ The nun raised her voice. ‘Trespassed in my room, and hoped I wouldn’t discover it.’

  Blue swallowed hard. Perhaps she was just fishing, trying to push them to tell her something she didn’t really know. She prayed that Lil would keep quiet and not say a word.

  ‘Look what I found on the floor!’ She pushed a piece of paper across the desk.

  Lil stared at it blankly, but Blue let out a shuddering breath. It was the photo from the newspaper of the Garda sergeant. It must have fallen out of her file.

  ‘Lil has nothing to do with it,’ she owned up, her voice saying the words. ‘I was the one who came into your study, not her. She had absolutely nothing to do with it.’

  Lil cast Blue a look of utter gratitude as the nun sent her out of the room.

  Blue stood there, fear like a huge wave washing over her as Sister Regina took the long leather strap from her sleeve. ‘Always in trouble! Any time there is boldness or mischief, you are involved. Always the rule breaker! What did you try to steal this time?’

  ‘I’m not a thief,’ Blue protested. ‘I didn’t steal anything, I swear, Sister.’

  The nun wouldn’t listen, didn’t believe her.

  ‘I didn’t take anything from your office. I just looked at my file, that’s all,’ she pleaded. ‘It’s my file.’

  ‘Hold out your hands!’ the nun ordered.

  Blue’s arms and hands and fingers began to quiver and shake, no matter how hard she tried to control them and keep them steady.

  ‘Keep still!’

  Blue was determined not to break down or cry or beg like some of the girls did. She wasn’t going to give the nun the satisfaction of that. She looked down at the floor, trying to get her breath, as Sister Regina lifted the heavy leather strap and brought it down on the open palms of her hands. She almost cried out with shock but gritted her teeth as the stinging pain began.

  One, two, three …

  She counted the first few strokes of the leather but as the pain began to wash over her she lost track. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine she was someplace else and that her hands were not connected to her body. The magic wouldn’t work, and she could feel her fingers, wrists, knuckles and skin burn as the strap kept coming down on her flesh. She opened her eyes and looked at the nun, her features twisted with temper, her normally pale cheeks flushed with the effort of using the strap. Blue caught at her arm and tried to push her away. She wasn’t a thief and she wasn’t going to take any more of this.

  ‘Let go of me!’ she said, shoving as hard as she could. But the nun, angrier now, grabbed hold of Blue’s shoulder and thrust her forward, forcing her to bend over. Feeling dizzy, Blue stumbled towards the roasting fire and the burning grate, her skin sticking to the hot black metal; the screams came from somewhere deep inside her.

  ‘Get up! Get up!’ the nun ordered.

  She stood up automatically. The pain was so bad she could barely speak. It felt like her knee was on fire. The tips of her fingers and palms of her hand were so sore she couldn’t bend them.

  The nun pushed her down into an armchair as Sister Carmel rushed in.

  ‘My God, what’s happened?’ asked Sister Carmel.

  ‘She’s all right. She just fell.’

  ‘Sister, I think we should call an ambulance,’ urged Sister Carmel, who had bent down to look at Blue’s knee.

  ‘That won’t be necessary,’ replied Sister Regina icily. ‘The child isn’t that badly injured.’

  ‘She has a burn,’ insisted the other nun, her cheeks flaring. ‘It could be second- or third-degree. The wounds will get infected. She needs to be seen at a hospital.’

  Blue felt shaky and sick as the two women in black argued about her.

  ‘I don’t believe her injuries are that serious,’ said the older nun.

  ‘She is a child in our care, our responsibility. If it’s a bad burn she may well be scarred. I urge you to send her for proper medical treatment.’

  Blue wanted to crawl into bed and get away from both of them. She wanted to escape the pain and the strange feeling of weakness that was overwhelming her and the fear that she might throw up all over the good carpet.

  ‘Look at her!’ shouted Sister Carmel.

  ‘Oh, very well,’ the head nun gave in. ‘I will phone for a taxicab to take her.’

  ‘I’ll go with her,’ volunteered the younger nun, concern in her voice.

  ‘No, Sister. You are needed here. Sister Agnes will escort her,’ insisted the head nun as she began to dial a phone number.

  Sister Carmel passed Blue a look of pity. They all knew that Sister Agnes, the dour-faced, middle-aged nun, was Sister Regina’s lackey. She had no feeling for the children in her care and spent most of her time in chapel praying for their souls.

  Blue could scarcely remember the journey. She sat, slumped, in the back seat in the darkness, as the driver took them to the busy children’s hospital. Sister Carmel had put a warm blanket around her, for no matter what Blue did she couldn’t stop her teeth chattering and her body shaking. Sister Agnes remained silent and when they stepped inside the door of the brightly lit hospital went up and spoke to the porter on duty at the desk in low tones. The bench where they waited was hard and uncomfortable. Blue just wanted to lie down and sleep.

  ‘Bernadette O’Malley,’ called a voice and when Blue lifted her head, a young nurse with light blond hair and blue eyes came towards her.

  Blue tried to stand up.

  ‘Don’t you move, chicken, I’ll fetch a wheelchair,’ said the nurse warmly.

  Sister Agnes offered to accompany her but was firmly rejected by the young nurse.

  ‘You just sit there and wait, Sister. I’ll come back in a while and let you know how Bernadette is doing.’ The nurse smiled as she helped Blue into the wheelchair.

  Blue found herself being wheeled into a long room with lots of narrow beds divided by curtains, where doctors and nurses examined their young patients. The nurse helped her up on to the tall bed and unwrapped the blanket.

  ‘Oh, you poor thing!’ she gasped when she saw her leg and her hands. ‘How in heaven’s name did this happen?’

  Blue said nothing, She just stared at the ceiling, feeling sick just remembering it. As if reading her mind, the nurse immediately passed her a metal bowl.

  The nurse took her temperature and felt her pulse, then settled her with a few pillows and a pink towelling hospital blanket, talking to her all the time.

  ‘You are in shock, pet, that’s why you’re shaky and sick. It’s only normal. You’ve had a bad burn and the doctor needs to see it and decide on your treatment.’

  Blue just nodded, not trusting herself to speak lest she broke down and cried.

  ‘Would you like me to send in your friend, that nun that was with you, to sit and wait with you?’

  Blue shook her head vigorously. The nurse stared at her.

  ‘No!’ Blue said finally, the word jumping out of her shaking lips.

  ‘I see. Have you someone – family – a relation you’d like me to contact?’

  Blue swallowed hard. ‘I live at
Larch Hill, the children’s home. ’

  The nurse’s face filled with pity. ‘Then I’ll sit with you and keep you company till the doctor’s ready to examine you.’

  Blue sat with the nurse, wishing the pain would go away and thinking that the nurse was the prettiest girl she’d ever seen in her life; with her blond hair and blue eyes and soft lips, she looked just like a doll.

  ‘Bernadette!’

  The nurse was calling her awake. The doctor was tall and slim, with a thin black moustache. He wore a white coat and dark, horn-rimmed glasses.

  ‘Now, let me see what we have here,’ he said, gently lifting up the blanket from her legs. Blue winced.

  The doctor peered down at the swollen red skin. Bits of it were already peeling away. It hurt like hell.

  ‘Bernadette, I’ll try not to hurt you but you have a very bad burn in the area around your knee joint and upper leg. The tissue is still burning deep down and we need to irrigate it, then clean and dress it.’

  Blue drew back, not wanting anyone to touch it.

  ‘Nurse Ryan will give you an injection for the pain. Now, let me see your fingers and hands.’

  Slowly she lifted her hands and opened them for him to see. Her fingers looked like swollen sausages cooking in the pan and the palms of her hands were raw and weeping.

  ‘I see,’ he said studying her hands closely. ‘How in God’s name did you manage to do this? Did you fall into a fire or an oven or something? What kind of accident was this?’

  Blue shut her lips, too afraid to say anything. She could see Nurse Ryan shaking her head.

  ‘Where are Bernadette’s parents? I want to speak to them!’ he demanded.

  Blue sat on the bed, miserable and scared.

  ‘Excuse me, sir, the child is from Larch Hill.’

  A look of sympathy crossed the doctor’s face. He told the nurse to give Blue something for the pain and promised he’d be back in a few minutes.

  Blue closed her eyes as Nurse Ryan prepared the injection.

  ‘Bernadette, you don’t have to be scared. Honest you don’t. No one is going to get cross or blame you here. We see lots of kids with scalds and burns. Kids will be kids. Were you just messing, was that it?’

  Blue felt like she was going to cry with the kindness and gentleness of the voice.

  ‘How did you burn yourself?’ the nurse continued. ‘We need to know. I have to fill in this big form here. That’s how we learn about things that are dangerous or cause accidents. It’s part of our job here in the hospital.’

  Blue couldn’t say it, wouldn’t say it. She was too afraid.

  ‘It was an accident? Wasn’t it?’

  Blue stayed silent.

  ‘Did someone hurt you, or harm you, Bernadette?’ asked the nurse softly.

  Blue could feel her throat swell up. She wanted to say how scared she’d been, to tell the truth of what really happened, but she knew in her heart she didn’t dare.

  The doctor came back in and pulled a chair right up close to the bed and sat down on it. Nurse Ryan fetched a trolley with bowls and basins and metal instruments.

  ‘You look at me, Bernadette, and I’ll keep hold of your hand while Doctor Lynch deals with your burns.’ Her smile disappeared when she looked at the red stripes and marks of the leather strap on Blue’s hands. She stroked the girl’s head instead, gently brushing her hair back from her face with her fingers.

  ‘I’ll try not to hurt,’ Doctor Lynch promised.

  The injection was beginning to take effect and the awful pain began to recede. The doctor and nurse worked for what seemed like hours. They put creams and dressings on her leg and knee and her hands. She was kind of numb now, the pain far away.

  ‘I’d like to admit you to a ward so we can keep an eye on you tonight,’ said the doctor. ‘Would that be all right?’

  Blue felt a sense of panic despite Nurse Ryan’s assurances that they had a space upstairs ready and waiting for her, and would give her something to make her sleep.

  ‘I’ll talk to that nun outside,’ said the doctor firmly. ‘Anyway, there are one or two things I want to ask her about.’

  Blue wanted to jump off the bed and run away, but she felt too weak and shivery to do it. Tears welled in her eyes as he closed the curtains and left.

  ‘Don’t cry, Bernadette,’ Nurse Ryan said. ‘It’s not your fault. You’ll feel much better tomorrow when you’ve had a sleep and got over the shock. I promise the night nurses in the ward upstairs will take good care of you. Just ring the bell if you’re in pain.’

  Tears ran down Blue’s face and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Sister Regina would kill her, torture her, banish her from all the friends she cared about if she told these people about her. She began to shake, wanting to tell Nurse Ryan all about what had happened, have the kind nurse hold her and protect her.

  Suddenly the curtains drew back. Sister Agnes was standing there. ‘I came to check on the child.’

  ‘Bernadette is being admitted tonight, Sister. I believe Doctor Lynch explained it all to you,’ said the nurse, standing up tall and looking straight at the nun.

  ‘She’s a troublesome child, clumsy and awkward,’ said the old nun. ‘It would be much better for everyone if I took her back to the home with me tonight. We can look after her in St Brigid’s. We have an infirmary there, and the nursing assistant will be on duty tomorrow.’

  ‘Sister, I have to follow Doctor Lynch’s orders,’ the girl replied firmly. ‘Bernadette is his patient. She might need to be put up on fluids during the night and require more pain medication. He will want to check her during rounds tomorrow morning. I assure you she will be well taken care of in Saint Raphael’s ward.’

  Blue could see the warning glint in the nun’s eyes. She didn’t take defeat easily, but there was absolutely nothing she could do. A porter arrived to move Blue’s bed upstairs.

  ‘I’m sorry, Sister, but I have to move my patient,’ said Nurse Ryan. ‘I’m afraid I can’t let you up to the ward as some of the children will already be asleep but you are welcome to check on Bernadette tomorrow when she will probably be discharged.’

  The nun fussed and delayed for a minute or two. ‘Remember, child, Sister Regina and I will see you tomorrow,’ she finally said to Blue.

  Blue understood the threat in her voice, and lay back on the bed, silent. She had absolutely nothing to say. Nothing.

  The porter talked to her the whole way up in the lift and along the corridor, as Blue tried to take in the strange surroundings. There were boys and girls of all ages here, some in small rooms behind glass panels, others in long wards. She wondered how they had all found themselves here in the hospital. Nurses moved around getting drinks, taking temperatures and making sure everyone was settled for the night. Some of the children were already asleep. Blue was exhausted. Too tired to talk. The nurse brought her a jug of water and a glass, and helped her change into a hospital nightgown. She was really embarrassed when she asked to go to the toilet and the nurse brought a metal bed-pan. But the nurse just laughed and pulled the curtains around the bed. When she lay back on the soft pillows Blue fell fast asleep.

  The next morning she forgot where she was, and couldn’t believe she didn’t have to jump up and wash and get ready for early-morning mass. A nurse brought her breakfast on a tray – a boiled egg and toast and a cup of milky tea. Her leg felt sore and her hands were so stiff and painful the nurse had to help her cut up her food and eat.

  ‘Well, you sure were in the wars!’ joked the nurse, helping her to get the egg out of the shell. The girl in the bed beside her looked over with curiosity. But Blue didn’t bother to speak to her.

  An hour or two passed and Blue drifted in and out of sleep, trying not to think of the events of the night before which, like a nightmare, kept replaying in her head. She felt safe here.

  Mid-morning, Doctor Lynch arrived and Blue could hardly believe he remembered her. There were about five young doctors with him and two nurses and a he
avy-set nun in a white habit, who made notes as Doctor Lynch showed them her leg and hands.

  ‘We’ll put on a clean dressing again, Bernadette, and I’ve prescribed some more medicine for you,’ he explained. ‘It will keep the pain away.’

  The other doctors moved on to the bed across from her, but Doctor Lynch stayed sitting where he was.

  ‘Bernadette, is there anything you want to tell me about your accident last night?’ he urged. ‘Was there anyone else involved – another girl perhaps? An adult, even?’

  Blue studied the pattern on the bedspread, not knowing what to say or do.

  ‘I can protect you only if you tell me. I am a doctor and you are my patient. What you say or tell me is confidential.’

  She could see a nun in black clothes arriving at the door of the ward. How could she trust this stranger, this man, promising to protect and help her? If she said anything, Sister Regina would hear about it and have her transferred to that terrible place in Donegal. She’d never see Lil or Mary or any of her friends again. She couldn’t bear it.

  ‘You have second-degree burns, and I’m worried about the movement in your knee and fingers as the skin tightens and scars. You will have to have the dressings done every day. Your head nun has already been on to my office, reassuring me that they will take good care of you at Larch Hill, but maybe that is something I should be worried about?’

  Blue glanced up. He seemed a nice man, tired but kindly. He had a smudge on his glasses and his tie was all crooked. He’d never believe her.

  ‘Unless there is something you want to tell me, Bernadette, I’m afraid I will have to discharge you to the care of the children’s home. They are your guardians.’

  Blue blinked, trying not to let the tears fall, wishing she could stay here safe and cared for with the rest of the sick kids in the ward.

  Doctor Lynch patted her gently and told her he’d see her downstairs in the clinic in a few days’ time, when she came back for her check-up.

  A nurse helped her to get washed and dressed while Sister Agnes waited.

  ‘He’s a lovely man, that Doctor Lynch,’ the nurse chattered. ‘He looks kind of cross, but when you get to know him he’s a real pet. Both the children and the nurses here adore him. He’s married with six children. Imagine!’