by Harloe Rae
Until she speaks.
“Are you dangerous?”
My gaze snaps up at her quiet words and everything within me tenses painfully. Just the mere thought of her considering me a threat has my soul screaming in agony. Lennon stares back at me with wide eyes, her mouth in the shape of a tiny o, and I want to ask what these expressions mean. Is she worried? Surprised? The need to shout that I’d never hurt her burns my throat but the words don’t form.
I wildly shake my head instead, silently pleading that she comprehends my meaning.
Lennon clears her throat softly. “I didn’t mean to just blurt that out but it’s important to know. You wouldn’t lie, right?” She tilts her head while studying me, quietly assessing the risk level no doubt.
Lucy scoffs but I don’t pay much attention. From under my hood, I watch my beautiful sunshine as her aqua gaze sears into my hidden face. An involuntary shudder rolls down my back before I nod, eager for Lennon to believe me.
“Will you talk to me?” Her request is a soothing melody to my frazzled mind but I can’t do what she’s asking. Not with Lucy around and all these other people passing by. Regardless, desperation slices into me and I want nothing more than to give Lennon all the words spinning through my brain, especially when a small smile tips her lips, as if she’s inviting me to speak . . .
But I can’t shove a single syllable past my clogged windpipe.
I slowly shake my covered head and the encouraging grin falls from her lips.
“Oh, all right.” She pauses for a moment. “But you’re responding so . . . just yes or no questions?” Lennon’s voice is calm and warm, taking the chill from my bones. My heart gallops with hope that she wants to know me.
My chin bobs hesitantly as I wait for what happens next.
When Lennon takes two steps forward, everything else fades away and my system floods with molten lava. She’s still out of reach but within my orbit, and I definitely take notice. I’m always cold so wearing a hoodie in the balmy weather never bothers me, but it does now. The need to strip off my black armor clangs within me but I shove it away. Sweat gathers on my brow as I’m exposed to her direct sunlight. The overwhelming heat sucks all the air from my already starving lungs.
Lennon distracts me when she asks, “Are you following me?”
I contemplate my response for a moment, trying to decide if being honest will scare her away. At this point, there’s no use denying it. I cautiously nod again before holding my breath.
She sucks in sharply and her eyes flutter shut as a delicate hand rests against her neck. My stomach sinks like a boulder without that connection to Lennon, the bright attention she gives me, and my intention to stick around wavers. Her chest shudders with a shaky breath before her bottomless pools open and I’m drowning in those depths once again. I’ll never leave if she keeps looking at me.
“I want to ask why you’re watching me but that isn’t something you’ll answer. Let’s see . . .”
When she bites her lip and a groan rattles from me, Lennon jerks back. Fucking primal shit is going to ruin this for me. My throat spasms with an apology but before I try forcing out words, she steps forward and hovers on the edge of my personal space. Lennon straightens her shoulders and lifts her chin before whispering, “Do you like me?”
Once the words pass her lips, I watch a rosy blush blossom on her cheeks. The bright color lights up her face and I want more. I lick my lips, ready to force the answer from my mouth. Her question deserves a proper response and my jaw ticks open—
“Can we see your face or what?” Rings out from behind Lennon.
My guard slams back down with the blatant reminder of Lucy’s presence. I’d been so wrapped up in sunshine that it appeared we were alone out here. Big mistake.
I grit my teeth as the obscenities begin silently flying for everything happening at once. At Lennon for choosing now to ask something like that. At Lucy for being here and making matters a thousand times worse. At myself for being a shy mute who can’t string a few sentences together when it really matters.
Lennon seems to sense the change and she moves into my personal space. I shift my face to stay hidden while she tries to repair the damage her friend caused. “Hey, don’t listen to her. She only came along because she was worried. But I’m not. I understand if you don’t want to take off your hood. It’s okay. Don’t take off, alright?” Her velvet murmur wraps around me and draws me back into her light.
My fingers strain to write the words my mouth can’t say. I suddenly remember the note in my pocket for later. I was planning to include it with a coffee delivery but now will be better. My hand snatches the small square and I ignore the cramp seizing my muscles. The yellow paper vibrates as I slowly show it to Lennon.
You are my sunshine.
Lennon gasps and covers her mouth with a trembling hand. Her quaking fingers reach out to grab the note.
“It’s you?” Her question is barely there. “Oh my God, I’ve been wondering about you for so long. I can’t believe . . .” Her quivering voice tapers off as her glassy orbs lift to my shadowed features. My heart stalls when a short sob escapes her and the need to provide comfort cascades over me.
But I don’t know how.
A single tear slides down her cheek and without much thought, my thumb brushes it away. Lennon’s breath hitches before a blinding smile stretches her lips. “It’s you,” she says again but as a statement this time. A small grin lifts my mouth automatically, mirroring her joy the best I can. Lennon can’t see all of me and in this moment, I wish she could because my reaction belongs to her. She doesn't know who’s masked by the sweatshirt yet seems to accept my shield. She is standing here with me as happiness leaks from her features.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to hope.
While she stares at my darkened face, I gaze into her sunshine, and we just . . . enjoy the moment, basking in one another.
I hardly notice this time when Lucy pipes up. “All right, guys. This has been super fun and not at all weird but Lenny, we’re going to be late for class.”
My eyes never stray from the light in front of me but she’s leaving. A pinch of panic prickles at me but she’ll be safe, as always.
Lennon smirks and an adorable dimple appears. “Thank you, for everything. I’m so happy we’ve finally met. Well, I talked and you listened but whatever.” She waves a hand in front of her before continuing. “Anyway, this was . . . good. I gotta go but will you find me later?”
I nod while silently saying, “Watch me follow.”
Lennon
Sometimes a whisper feels like an earthquake.
WHY DID I bother coming to class?
As the professor drones on about our seminar presentations, all I can think about is Seek and what happened earlier. Shock continues to creep through me, even hours later. It’s surreal to finally discover who’s responsible for delivering the yellow sticky notes and gifts after all this time. The secret that’s been following me for years has been revealed. Well . . . kind of.
I haven’t seen Seek’s face under the hood but hopefully he’ll show me soon. Maybe there’s a reason he’s been keeping his identity a mystery, but I want him to trust me.
This entire situation is wild and unexpected, yet I’m calm and ready for more. Mostly because receiving his undivided attention is extremely thrilling. I’m not sure my heart rate will ever return to normal. Does this make me naïve and gullible? Maybe, but I’ve never been risky. To me, Seek is worth taking a chance. There’s a gut feeling deep inside that’s telling me he’s special.
My lips lift into a dopey smile as I recall the note he just gave me. As I reach into my pocket to touch the paper, my eyes slide shut.
I want to be his sunshine.
His romantic messages have kept me floating in bliss and I want to know what else he’s capable of. I want to see it all, hear his words, and hopefully Seek will let me.
Why is he holding back?
Goosebumps prickle my ski
n while I stare out the window, getting lost in visions of his mysterious features. His strong, square jaw jutted out from the shadows. The light skin was covered with dark stubble and my fingers twitch at the memory, wanting to feel the texture. Would the hair be soft and silky or scratchy and rough?
Seek’s full lips were also exposed to my hungry eyes. I saw them lift into a barely-there smile when we stood close together. I pictured the rest of his face transforming with the expression and longing shot straight to my core.
Is his nose sloped or straight?
Are his cheekbones high?
Does his forehead crinkle when he’s concentrating?
Every piece of him interests me but the feature that claims most of my attention is the color of his eyes.
No matter how hard I try steering my imagination away, light irises appear like a flash in the night. The unique combination of ice-blue fading into midnight navy always left me transfixed. That stunning shade is impossible to forget.
I blink slowly while getting dragged deeper into the crystal-clear depths, once so familiar to me. His thick lashes would flutter shut, like dark clouds protecting the bright sky. Suddenly the boy from my past forms completely, watching me from the sidewalk. His broad build radiates strength, similar to Seek, but Ryker is my original pillar of wonder.
I’ve tried forgetting him but he’s always in the back of my mind. He’s the only guy I’ve found a connection with, no matter how silent or one sided it was. Four years have trickled by since those ocean eyes sucked me in but my dreams always remind me. Ryker is long gone and I let him get away.
My gaze gets misty and I wipe the moisture away. When I glance back outside, a figure on the sidewalk has a black hood covering his head and the memories of Ryker evaporate. Seek is the one actually here, in the present, and it’s time to move forward.
“Ms. Bennett?
My instructor’s voice startles me from the daydream.
“Um, y-yes?” I stutter quietly as my flickering gaze focuses on her.
“Care to join the class? Or will you be staring out the window all period?”
My cheeks heat with the shame of being caught.
“Sorry,” I mutter before she turns away.
My hand gets busy copying the notes on the board while the professor moves forward with the instructions. She discusses the final project guidelines and I quickly glimpse at the outline she’s scrawling across the board. I write barely-legible notes so my attention can return to the intriguing scenery beyond these stuffy walls.
As I glance back to the sidewalk, Seek’s dark form is gone. Disappointment sinks like a brick in my stomach but his disappearing act is for the best.
This weird fascination is becoming more distracting and my concentration needs to get back on track. Graduation is less than a month away and my priorities can’t take a backseat while I chase this random guy around. My Seek-crazy heart almost convinced my usually levelheaded mind to blow off class altogether and I never do that.
I could have stayed there, staring at his darkened face, all day if Lucy hadn’t pulled me away. She told me one of us needed to be responsible after shoving me in the general direction of my first class. A muted snort escapes me at the thought of her being the dutiful one. That’s hilarious. If anyone enjoys ditching, it’s that girl. Lucy was just uncomfortable with the situation. I appreciate her watching my back and keeping my head screwed on straight.
Being impulsive isn’t my thing—at all.
And yet, regret has been pooling in my chest since leaving him. Even the deeply ingrained devotion to my future career can’t keep my thoughts away from him. What is it about him? I barely know this man aside from his beautifully written words and his peculiar habit of following me, but I’d skip out on my perfectly planned routine for him.
The afternoon drags by but I’ve finally made it to my last class. Without windows, the basement computer lab is like a concrete fortress with no escape. The knot in my stomach tightens as I weigh the options. My leg bounces restlessly as I contemplate leaving early. It’s not like I’m really listening. My focus keeps bouncing between what happened earlier and what might happen later. With a heavy exhale, I settle deeper into the chair as stubborn determination wins.
There’s no hope of catching sight of Seek down here so I’m doing my best to get some work done. My current assignment is to create a logo for a popular brand of Michigan-made kayaks. If my design is chosen, I earn a hefty sum to use for starting my own business, so this could be a huge win. I’ve been layering navy splotches mixed with black swirls until the entire screen looks like a midnight setting. The last thing a lakeshore company wants is a dreary symbol to dull their sparkle. I groan inwardly and rub my eyes before trashing the pitiful picture and starting over.
After choosing powder blue as my backdrop, inspiration strikes and I’m filled with newfound motivation. Soon bursts of yellow, orange, and red blend to create a magnetic image. My gaze gets lost in the rays blasting through the early sky.
The girl next to me leans over and mutters, “Dude. You’re totally going to win. That color scheme is dope.”
I offer her a small smile before returning to the screen and saving my progress. Finding my stride after that doubt is a hefty burden off my shoulders. This design is definitely the beginning of something solid and the final submission isn’t due until next Friday. Having the prize money would make all the difference for me. A real chance to start my own company, Len’s Looks.
When we’re dismissed at the top of the hour I don’t waste time sitting around but when I get into the hallway, my legs lock up without a clear plan of where to go. I’ve been obsessing about finding Seek all afternoon but completely forgetting to consider how.
I usually spend Thursday evenings in the studio since it’s always quiet and abandoned. Other students are more interested in partying, while I see the night as open hours with no one around to bother me. Since the incident with David, I’ve been avoiding being alone down there but Seek will be around. I hope he will.
As I start walking toward the Art Center, my eyes naturally search the hidden nooks and crannies where Seek could be waiting. My mind floods with crazy possibilities as I contemplate what could happen. Everything inside my heart trusts Seek and wants to know everything he’s willing to share. I’m very close to finding out. I can feel it within my bones.
My hand grips the door handle before I take a last look over my shoulder. I don’t see him but that doesn’t mean he’s not there. Considering how long he’s been delivering coffee and bagels without any hint of revealing his identity proves he’s stealthy.
Where is he?
A heavy sigh deflates my chest when the space around me remains Seek-free. I head down the stairs and into the studio while keeping my chin up.
He’ll be here soon.
He seems to know my schedule since he’s conveniently parked in my path more times than not lately. There’s no reason to doubt him now.
I don’t see him but suddenly a scent from earlier floats in the air. With a deep inhale, musk and pine settle into my lungs while my lashes flutter rapidly. There’s nothing artificial about the aroma clinging around me—it’s just him. It speaks of days spent outdoors and nights in the gym. Seek has an organic smell that’s not available in a bottle and after another whiff, my body is hooked.
And he’s here with me.
Nerves squeeze my throat, forming a rock that makes it painful to swallow. My mind is swamped and it’s difficult to concentrate. I focus on the clench in my muscles and take a steady inhale to try loosening the tension. Everything about me screams anxious mess, which probably makes sense. There wasn’t much rational thought going into this meet up in the first place.
Soft footfalls break up my chaotic musings and I’m grateful for the distraction. I’ll drive myself crazy before getting a real chance to speak with this man. My sweaty palm rests on a nearby stool for much needed stability. I slowly twist around to face the guy who’s
been stealing all my brainpower. Air wheezes past my lips while waiting for his next move.
Seek’s head is still covered and a shadow is cast over his face. I stare and remain frozen while he moves farther into the room after shutting the door. Awareness twitches in my limbs with him this close again, as if I’m tuned into his exclusive channel. I could normally watch him for hours and be content but in this moment, I’m ready for more.
My neck strains in effort but I manage to squeak out a quick, “Hello.”
Seek’s steps falter at my greeting and I notice his shoulders bunch up tight. My mouth gains a life of its own and begins spitting out randomness to fill the awkward stillness.
“I wasn’t sure where to go so you’d find me. Then I realized you’d know where to find me, right? I mean, it seems like you’ve been around everywhere lately and this is a common spot for me. Plus, no one else is here. Not sure if you care but being surrounded by a lot of people isn’t my favorite,” I explain in a rush while my fingers fidget nervously.
After a few beats of tense silence, I prattle on. “Okay, so what happens now? Should we, umm, sit down?” My words are jumbled but I couldn’t care less about that.
His trembling hands lift to the sweatshirt hood and slowly lower the black shield.
Holy shit, this is actually happening.
At first all I see is dark buzzed hair, cut close to his scalp. My pulse roars louder as he slowly lifts his face toward me. When the clearest blue eyes I’ve ever seen lock onto me, everything slams to a halt. I'm not prepared for the sight before me.
Could it really be?
“Hello, Lennon.” His voice is raspy and hoarse but the words sear directly into me.
I gasp as the deep timbre vibrates my bones and resonates deep within my spirit. The ocean waves from my dreams crash over me and suddenly I’m drowning all over again.
As my knees give out and I stumble back onto the stool, my lips tremble with a name they’ve been desperate to say. “Ryker?”